How to properly pray in private?

[lydie15]

I was always taught how to say my personal prayers while growing up as talking privately with Heavenly Father and thanking him for all the blessings in your life, and asking in faith for help in anything you really need.

Since I was in my early teens and started saying personal prayers every night, I would somehow get stuck in a pattern of what I'd say in my prayers. I have OCD as well, and every time I pray I feel that I should repeat the same prayer every night and not miss out any parts, as they all feel important to be included in a prayer. The problem is, it turns out feeling like a routine and I don't feel like the spirit is there as much as if it weren't the same prayer every night.

It is really starting to frustrate me as I feel that my lack of proper praying is stopping me from becoming closer to Heavenly Father. I really want to learn how to get out of this routine and to be able to pray with real gratitude, without feeling as if I have to repeat the same prayer every night.

Does anyone have any ideas on how I can help make my personal prayers better?

[Dravin]

Some thoughts:

1) Repetition isn't bad, it's vain repetition that is bad. If you feel it's a repetition without significance then yes, that's not good. But don't mistake using similar phrases or format as being in itself a problem, it's intent that really matters here.

2) I find one way that is helpful for breaking out of a 'rut' in saying my prayers is to decide that I am going to say a prayer of pure gratitude. I will, for that night, or time, put aside asking in faith and simply recount all I am thankful for. It's a good way to break out of the Open + Gratitude + Ask + Amen format, and as it breaks the format it helps break the other components of what can turn into a formula.

3) Also, I find when I take the time to think through what is most important in my life right and to ponder on what I should pray about (both in gratitude and asking in faith) that my prayers are less, "Dear Heavenly Father + Phrase X + Phrase Y + Phrase Z + In Jesus' Name, Amen." A big part of this is giving yourself time to pray. If you stumble into bed when exhausted, for instance, it is hard to put in any effort in your prayer and you tend to just reach for off the shelf.

Edited May 10, 2012 by Dravin

[skalenfehl]

Each new day is different and comes with a new set of errands, chores, activities, etc. Express yourself in prayer accordingly. Rather than say, please bless that I'll have a good day, share what you'll be dong that day with Him. Ask him to guide you to anyone who might need help along the way. Pray to be a blessing to those you meet. When you pray before meals, do you eat the same thing every day? No? Then thank him for your potatoes today and your green beans tomorrow. It may sound silly, but this can also lead to being more thoughtful and it will show up in all your other prayers.

When I'm alone at home or have the night off and I'm involved with my scripture study, I can pray for two or three hours or more, sharing my thoughts on a particular subject or concern. If I have a specific question, I study it out and ask and wait and ask and wait and ponder, etc. You become much closer with Father in Heaven and you begin to look forward to such sessions of supplication, especially when you are rewarded with that sweet burning in the bosom and an answer is finally given.

[applepansy]

I agree with skalenfehl. Each day is different and each day's challenges are different. Being specific helps to keep my personal prayers from becoming repetitive, but it also has spiritual benefits.

Most days my personal prayers are a running conversation all day long.

[Guest]

Make a list. It sounds silly to pray off of a list, especially since it's so entrenched in us to pray with our eyes closed, but I've found it effective before. I carried a little notebook, and throughout the day I'd think of all the things I was thankful for, take note of the things and people that worried me, and use the list later in my prayer to not forget any of it. The exercise of writing it down alone was helpful, and I think my prayers were more meaningful. In fact I'd like to start doing it again now and then.

[Guest NewJerseyMormon]

I found that saying many smaller prayers throughout the day has helped me break up the repetition. It sort of frees me up for my prayer at the end of the day. If I pray for the things I'm thankful for, during that day, as each one comes up, then, by the end of the day, I've already said I was thankful for those things, and it seem to open up my heart and mind to many other things that I might not have though of. It also helps me to think about the things I want to ask for, as far as forgiveness and blessings go.

I realized, when I spend a long time saying thank you at the end of the day, I wouldn't end up asking for things that I really needed. So, I would tray, the next day, to do heavier tasks, without the Lord's help. But that's a whole other story all together.

Anyway, if any of the other great suggestions on here haven't worked as of yet, I would just try saying more short prayers throughout the day, about something different each time, and then at night, I think you'll find your mind a lot more clear and open for new things to say.

[HEthePrimate]

I'm going to go all Oprah on you and recommend keeping a "gratitude journal." During the day, write down things you notice, big or small, that you are thankful for. Then when you say your prayers, it'll be easier to remember what you're grateful for so you can thank Heavenly Father for them. That should help keep things "fresh" and make every prayer different.

IMHO, expressing gratitude is the most important part of praying. And just talking with God about questions, problems, things that go well, and thoughts you have. It's okay to ask for things when you really need help, but sometimes I think we ask for too much in our prayers. As a rule, I think God wants us to work out our own problems, as part of the growing process. But of course there are legitimate times to turn to a "higher power," so don't hesitate to do that if you need to!

Anyway, think of praying like talking to your parent or friend, only you can trust God more than anybody else.

Good luck! :)

Edited May 10, 2012 by HEthePrimate

[bluedreams]

Lydie,

Though I also pray in the way you mentioned (ie. talking about what I'm grateful for and blessings, etc) I also pray like I was just talking to Him like anybody else. I tell Him why this or that is bothering me, tell Him about my day, tell Him what I felt went well, etc. Once I had a prayer that was closer to yelling (I was very angry at Him at the moment, he calmed me down by pointing out the obvious). When I was younger, my favorite way to pray was to take a walk and talk. Sometimes my prayers are repetitious (just like my conversations can be with my friends), but they're usually heart felt.

With luv,

BD

[Guest]

There's no "magic formulaic pattern" to prayer. It only needs to be humble, reverent, and heartfelt.

Have you ever tried praying without words? I do it sometimes. Just let my mind go and try to feel Heavenly Father through the Spirit. It's like meditation.

My very first non-Catholic-sounding prayer was simply 3 words. "God, help me!". That was one of my conversion steps. Amazingly, less than 5 minutes after I uttered those words, the missionaries knocked on my door. I didn't go out to meet them. We asked them before that they need to call before they show up on the door. But I heard one of them say, they weren't planning on visiting but he just felt that he had to stop by for some reason. That was quite something.

[lydie15]

Wow, thanks everyone for the awesome advice! I think that the one thing that I'm struggling with when trying to improve my prayers is patience. I'll try and feel the spirit and feel like I'm talking to Heavenly Father, but sometimes my mind is still racing and I feel that I'm also rushing them too much. I think that I really need to try and be more patient while saying my prayers and I'll definitely try asking less in my prayers and focusing on being more gracious. '

Writing down during the day what I'm thankful for is a great idea, but I'm afraid I might forget to do it during the day. Although, if I think of something during the day, I'm going to write it down so that I can remember it for my prayer at night. :)

[Dravin]

Writing down during the day what I'm thankful for is a great idea, but I'm afraid I might forget to do it during the day. Although, if I think of something during the day, I'm going to write it down so that I can remember it for my prayer at night. :)

Making a journal at the end of the day works too. More tends to slip through the cracks (there are lots of little things that we are thankful for but tend to completely forget 15 minutes later, at least in my experience), but it kinda combines HE's idea with my idea of taking the time to ponder. Besides, journals are good all on their own.

[HEthePrimate]

[Double post]

[HEthePrimate]

It can be difficult writing things down during the day. Maybe late in the day or in the evening you can sit down, think back over your day, and write down some things you are thankful for. Might be a little easier that way. (?)

[Mikhail]

Hi Lydie, I would suggsest that you think of new things every day to thank for. I hope this helps you.

[uniderth]

I guess it must be a bit different for me. I find prayer most effective when I give up my desires and pray what Heavenly Father wants me to pray. I'm not trying to talk down the advice of others, but for me personally prayer is much more than a chance for a buddy chat or to repeat our wishlist(the terms "buddy chat" and "wishlist" are not references to any particular reply on this thread). Rather for me prayer is a time to bring our will inline with God's. It is a time to become one and commune with God. We shouldn't approach with the question, "What should I prayer for?" instead we should ask, "What does God want me to pray for?" We should be vocalizing the Will of God with our prayers.

The scriptures teach that what we pray for will come to pass only if we ask not amiss. Asking amiss means asking for something that is not in line with God's will. So we can be as verbose and thankful as we want, but unless the thing we are praying for is inline with His will, it will not come to pass.

So again we see that the scriptures demonstrate that those things we pray for must be in harmony with God's will.

I know that some people might want to call me on the carpet and say that we need to be having the friendly conversations with God and thing like that. And we get these warm fuzzies. But for me it seems much more sacred and special to have a time of unity with God, where the will of man comes in sync with the will of God and then that will is made manifest in reality through vocalization. Which is more special? A friendly chat or the complete union of two separate beings?

Again I hope this doesn't sound like I am belittling anyone else. I'm just trying to relate my own personal experience.

[lydie15]

I agree with what you say, but I seem to have trouble trying to get that feeling that I'm uniting with Heavenly Father. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough, but when I do pray I try to wait and invite the spirit but I end up giving up as I don't feel it. It really upsets me too, as I know I'm not praying as wholeheartedly as I could be... and I sometimes feel that my prayers have never been completely right or as wholehearted as they could be.

[skalenfehl]

I like uniderth's response. Our entire purpose is to come unto Christ, to return to the Father's presence. That is the end goal. We literally begin as little children. Fast and pray to know what Father in Heaven wants to teach you next. We learn line upon line, precept upon precept. May I suggest you incorporate a serious study of the Book of Mormon with your prayers? I can tell you of a certainty that every chapter, every paragraph, every line has a purpose and was written specifically for you and for me. As the words begin to sink into your heart, you will begin to ask questions. These are what you can take to the Lord. The Book of Mormon will give you this power. The Lord designed it this way. I promise.

[lydie15]

I've been needing to read more of the Book of Mormon, I tried challenging myself to read the whole book by the end of the year but I've been VERY slow with it and am only 3/4 of the way through 1st Nephi. But I do really enjoy reading it, I just need to make the time for it, which I should do. I'm going to start reading it more often as I have it on my phone too so I can read it during the day instead of only when I'm at home. That's really good advice though, thank you :)

[CarstenNorgaard]

The Bible Dictionary mentions attitudes of prayer---our physical position when we do it. It mentions standing with your arms raised towards the sky, kneeling and prostrate. I have tried praying all three ways and more.

Some prayers have been open-mouthed conversations with the Lord while walking around. I like it. I would pause if there were other people in the street, but I like walking and talking with him. It could include a testimony meeting with him, bearing my testimony to him and feeling the Spirit.

Personal prayers are more personal. You can simply do more things. It's one person to another, you to God. That's the most important part. Remember faith, hope, virtue, stay positive, ask for help. Remind Him of the blessings He has promised you already. He expects that reminder sometimes, he sees it as an act of faith. (The Bible Dictionary mentions this principle.)

President Kimball also recommended to be quiet for a while and just listen to him. Maybe it could be done after saying your part, or whenever. I have enjoyed this immensely. After a while, surprising things may come. He does speak, and more powerfully when I let out all the noise and sit down and listen to the quietness until the Spirit comes :)

Prayer rocks. I love it. It works!

PS: The Book of Mormon is freaking addicting once you get into it it can be hard finding the time, but I'd easily pick that book over a movie or concert if it felt like it had been too long since having those really deep moments where you get your portion of light and revelation.

[ClickyClack]

You probably wouldn't have rote, repeated conversations with your friends (unless your OCD is quite severe), because that's just not how you talk to people.

So, imagine that Heavenly Father is right there in the room with you, having a conversation with you, and speak as if He were.

The part of our brain that turns on all of the circuitry having to deal with interactions with other people is quite dependent upon seeing a face in order to get it running. But, you can learn to override that and get it running without seeing a face, just as you have (probably) learned to override it and get it running when you're talking on a telephone.

[Misshalfway]

I prefer to focus on my relationship with God. When I do, it stretches my faith because that kind of broader/deeper communication demands more out of me.

I think the faith is important because sometimes God is clear in his communications and other times he fades out to allow effectual struggles. Faith helps me in both the feast and famine parts of the journey.

And I love adding the scriptures to the conversation too. Fun to talk with God about doctrine. :)

[Hala401]

I was always taught how to say my personal prayers while growing up as talking privately with Heavenly Father and thanking him for all the blessings in your life, and asking in faith for help in anything you really need.

Since I was in my early teens and started saying personal prayers every night, I would somehow get stuck in a pattern of what I'd say in my prayers. I have OCD as well, and every time I pray I feel that I should repeat the same prayer every night and not miss out any parts, as they all feel important to be included in a prayer. The problem is, it turns out feeling like a routine and I don't feel like the spirit is there as much as if it weren't the same prayer every night.

It is really starting to frustrate me as I feel that my lack of proper praying is stopping me from becoming closer to Heavenly Father. I really want to learn how to get out of this routine and to be able to pray with real gratitude, without feeling as if I have to repeat the same prayer every night.

Does anyone have any ideas on how I can help make my personal prayers better?

Matthew 6 KJV - Take heed that ye do not your alms - Bible Gateway

We actually pray five times a day; when we get up, at meals and when we go to bed.

Psalms 23  Is good also.