Enthusiasm Boost Needed :)

[Destination_moon]

Hello, I was wondering if I could borrow some advice :) And I promise if it pays off I will give some back!!!!

Ok, my Husband is Bishop, has been for nearly a year. We have three small children.........life's hectic! This year child number two was diagnosed with Autism :'(

I adore child number two like no other, he's beautiful and has a wonderful way of interpreting the world around him. However things are a little difficult with him, social settings on any kind have always been a trial. I avoided going to the doctors as I don't want to be loaded up with drugs >:-/ but I'm pretty sure I may have been battling depression these last few months.

My husband has been amazing and has literally kicked me out of bed three mornings a week to go for a jog, and made it possible for me to have more 'break' times. Which has really helped during the week. I feel I have a little system going that works.

However it always seems to come to an abrupt halt come Sunday. In short I dislike Sundays very much. Sacrament is stressful, I always end up taking the children out and making a scene, that's if we even make it to the beginning! I normally will end up taking them to nursery where they can play and I can try and catch bits of the talks through the noise! I really want to give scarement a shot every week as the oldest child needs to learn to be there. Not that Sacrament=playtime.

I've also been feeling like there is utterly no point in being there, I feel like I get nothing out of church bar stress, and the oldest child could just go with Dad and sit and play nicely, to put it bluntly I've lost all enthusiasm when it comes to the church

Please don't misunderstand me, I do believe it's true and I know what I should be doing, I just feel tired!

I'm sure I am not the first member who has felt this way, so PLEASE if anyone has any advice to kick start my Gospel self it would be gratefully apprieciated! I need to start gettings a little positive thought going rather than the negative dread I feel as Sunday approaches! More than anything, for my children to see their mother being a good example I need to be better about how I feel about my beliefs.

Thankyou in advance for any advice :)

XXXX

[applepansy]

I feel your pain. I lived it a little bit. My husband wasn't sitting with us in Sacrament meeting either, but not because he was Bishop. My husband was at work. I made the wrong choice and didn't attend with the children every week. I taught my children the gospel at home but that's not the same thing. We attended our meetings but not regularly. I'm paying for that now.

If I had asked, or if I had known to ask, there would have been help.

So my advice is ask for help. Talk with your husband, then talk with the RS President. Let her take the lead in helping you be with your children in Sacrament Meeting. I'm sure there is someone or more than one someone, who would be willing to sit with you and your children during meetings.

How old is your Autistic son? Someone called to be his helper will go a long way to help you feel the peace at church you need to feel.

[Guest]

When my 2nd child was a baby, he would cry a lot and it usually is at Sacrament meetings. My husband would sometimes have to work on Sundays, so what I did was have my older child (he was 2 years old at the time) sit with the missionaries (I even got him a "Future Missionary" name tag for his black suit!) while I attend sacrament from the hallway. It's amazing how well-behaved my older kid was when he's sitting with the missionaries!

[Misshalfway]

My nieces and a nephews are on the autism spectrum. The early years are really hard.

Could thinking out of the box help? Is there a way to sit next to trusted friends....like an older couple that love kids or a family with older teen aged kids? I know my kids are so good with their cuzzins. Are there any friends like that you'd feel comfortable involving that could sit with some while you go out or who could take your son to give you a break to hear the speakers?

[Jennarator]

I have a difficult son. He has something close to Autism. ANd I have a step son that can sit still or whisper. So I know how you feel. I need suggestions, too. For now the only thing that works is knowing that my children might not seem to get much out of it, but that they need it as much as I do. Then I endure.....

In fact sometimes I wonder if it would be easier for my son's teachers if I don't take him. But I know he needs to be there....

[classylady]

My grandson, who has Asperger's, (that's within the Autism Spectrum) was assigned a special helper. She would attend Primary with him. He would often sit by her and her family during Sacrament Meeting. She was a wonderful help. My grandson is now 9 years old and doesn't need a special helper any longer, but church can still be hard for him. Sacrament Meeting can still be a struggle for us because of his issues, but it has gotten somewhat better as he has gotten older. We have just persevered through it all. My husband and I are the ones that take my grandson to church. Plus, my husband has been wonderful with this. He's the one that had to get the kids to church every Sunday, because I had a job for the last ten years that required me to work most Sundays.

[Destination_moon]

Thankyou very much for all the advice :) I think I've been relutant to ask for help for two reasons, one being, I'm worried people can't handle my son (and the baby is very clingy so very unlikely to go to anyone else) and two, being Bishops wife, always seems to me, that you need to 'appear' to cope with whatever scenarios are presented you (Sounds daft I know!). But I do think your all right, if I ask for help more maybe I'll start to feel more connextions to people in my ward (as I feel like I have become a little shut off in the last year). And my little boy is only three, so still in those difficult years (I guess most three year olds can be monkeys at the best of times ). Again a big thankyou for your advice, I promise to put it into practice!

xxx

[Guest]

If anyone ought to be entitled to help, it's the bishop's wife. I believe that yours is a calling as much as his. . . that is, being the bishop's wife. You are called on to handle more of the load, and to support your husband as he serves the ward. It's not an easy life, especially with 3 kids and especially with one being special needs.

Ask him as your bishop to consider calling someone to be your son's helper on Sundays. There is a severely delayed boy in our ward who has had a helper during the other meetings, so that the parents can get a much-needed break and lift from attending Sunday school and PH/RS. Ask if there is a young woman who would be willing to sit with you in Sacrament to help with your children. I've seen this in my ward as well, with a women whose husband was not a member of the Church. She was bringing her children every week and trying to deal with them alone, so the YW pres assigned her daughter to sit with her and help.

If you are struggling yourself, by all means, get help. You don't have to fake the part of Superwoman just because your husband has a hard calling. I bet there are more women in your ward than you know who are getting some kind of help. If antidepressants support you in all of your many roles, then take them. You know the old thing about getting oxygen to yourself first?