Baptized a week ago - How to tell family?

[JosephP]

Quickly on brainwashing, the examples you give are classical conditioning, which causes one to respond favorably to receive a desired reward. Brainwashing is suppose to change a person's moral compass, rewrite their mental map. That is a fantasy. The supposed success the North Koreans had in the 1950's with brainwashing proved to be nothing more then very successful and sustained torture responses. Sadly the fantasy of success has remained with us.

Now on to the real issue, your lack of faith in your conversion, and the desire to tell your wife. First off, are you willing to talk about this loss of faith at all? Are your doubts something you are willing to discuss here? Have you made a decision on this or are you still uncertain?

Sorry if I'm prying. You know old men, we ain't got the time or patience for a lot of beating around the bush.

[pam]

You know old men, we ain't got the time or patience for a lot of beating around the bush.

Heyyy don't even go there. I'm right behind you.

[NightSG]

The supposed success the North Koreans had in the 1950's with brainwashing proved to be nothing more then very successful and sustained torture responses.

So how do you explain everything else about North Koreans?

Now on to the real issue, your lack of faith in your conversion, and the desire to tell your wife.

Huh? I'm divorced, and my ex wife is playing at being Methodist. I was presenting a hypothetical situation about the OP's boyfriend that happens with others just about weekly on this board.

[JosephP]

Sorry, I thought you were personal checking license plate. I could not be more Greatly relieved. I have nothing to offer concerning the original question and boyfriend. I was in a similar experience, my conversion was real. Other than fully exploring his doubts, and emotions, I'm not sure what distinction there could be between his motives and other people's motives for coming to the Gospel.

As for the North Koreans, I learned about this decades ago. From what I remember their success was based mostly upon the use of new psychotropic drugs, combined with brutal acts of torture. There was an initial surprise among the American forces of how strongly turned the captured Americans seemed, and the new term brainwashing grew out of it. Upon recovering their health the effects were more obviously simply that of torture. Because of the influence of the Cold War, and the need to demonize the communist, the Americans Popularized the idea of brainwashing to show what a great danger communism was to democracy. At least that's what I remember of it from having learned about it many years back.

[bythelake]

fsharp,

I'm sorry you are having to deal with the things you are.

My observation and experience with parents unhappy with their children joining the church is that their reaction tends nearly always to mellow or change with time.

When I first decided to join the Church, my parents told me " You have to do what you feel is right." But I was 17 1/2, and they told me if I wanted to join, I could wait until I was 18. (They thought by then, I would no longer be interested.) After I had been a member for about four years, Dad told me that he and Mom were not very happy about it when I first joined. But he said that I seemed happy with it, and he thought it was a good thing.

I know someone else (a friend of a friend) who had a more difficult time. Her family were very opposed when she joined. There were strained family relationships, her mom may have even threatened to disown her. But her mom eventually joined the Church.

It seems like that is sometimes true. Though my parents never openly opposed my joining the Church, and eventually came to see it as a positive thing, they were never interested for themselves. It seems like sometimes in families where there is more opposition, one or more family members may eventually join the Church. That isn't always true; but it's interesting that it sometimes seems to work that way.

I'm sorry you are also having to worry about what your boyfriend may choose to do. It's great news that he is planning to read the Book of Mormon before he decides. I encourage you to pray for Heavenly Father to soften his heart as he reads it. If you have favorite passages in the Book of Mormon, you can also tell him what they are, so he can read them.

You didn't say why it was that you believe your mom will be so upset about your joining that it could jeopardize your relationship with her, or why she would deny you being able to continue your education.

I tend to side with those who suggest not mentioning it unless she asks, or delaying telling her for a time. But you know her better than we do, and you mentioned you felt it would be worse if you waited. Maybe you also don't want that "hanging over your head" (the suspense of not knowing for sure what she will do).

However you handle it, and whatever you have to deal with, I wish you the best.

One more thing. You do need support. When I first joined, I was going to a community college. For all but the first semester there, I was the only member. But at church, I was in a small branch (what there are when there aren't enough members for a ward), and they were very close and friendly.

I would pray that you will be able to make one or more friends at church. We can pray that for you, too. It's preferred when others are making the effort to get to know you, but I encourage you to make the effort to get to know them, too.

Hopefully, it will turn out such that your relationships with your mom and boyfriend will still be o.k..

But even if you go through a difficult time, I know that whatever you have to deal with will be no comparison with what you have and what you will gain. And even a loss of relationships, if that were to happen, is no comparison with losing the blessings that come with the fullness of the gospel.

Hugs,

Cathy