I feel somewhat out of a place in my ward :(

[sshannonbb]

Hi thanks for reading!! here is my story i 'm Thai and my family are Buddhist ! i'm the only Mormon. I live an hour away from my friends and family and my job is an hour away so basically i am here in my area right now alone well i moved out here because my ex wanted to live out here but now we're no longer together so i feel alone and i know i'm trying to move but my house is still not yet sold. i want to make new friends in my ward but i'm too old well 33 to be in a YSA branch and i'm divorced and feel out of place in a family ward. People are nice and all but i'm always sitting alone at sacrament meeting and i went to relief society once and no one spoke to me or even acknowledge me at all. I didn't feel comfortable since i'm new to relief society. I have been inactive for a while and being alone is the reason why i've been inactive .i just feel like i don't fit in . I don't have family to go to church with and it's tough. It's really tough. I have been somewhat active for the last 6 months. I go whenever i can but lately i'm just feeling really weird about going to church. I don't really talk to the missionaries now either and they are the only people i know. I love being Mormon and i do have faith in the church but it's so tough for me because i don't know anyone and i'm always alone and there is no one my age that i can really talk to either. Deep down i really want to go to church and be active again but I am just uncomfortable. What should i do? and yes i don't have the missionaries over anymore for at least a week and half now and i guess they are too busy to call or texts me since i am not an investigator. I'm already a member .. I don't know what to do.. I feel very discouraged right now.

[Backroads]

Be friendly. Let people in the ward know you are around. Friendships will happen.

Other than that, don't consider the ward for your only place of companionship. There are likely some mid-singles activities going on around your stake--look those up. Also, join other events in the community.

[sshannonbb]

yea i would do all of that if i have a friend with me to those places or activities . It's kind of awkward to be alone while everyone elses in the room are with their family. i'm shy as well i don't see people during the days due to my work schedule. i'm from New Jersey and a mid single ward is kinda far from me.

Edited October 10, 2012 by sshannonbb

[classylady]

Hey, I'm married with children/grandchildren, and I still feel like I don't always fit in at Relief Society. No one comes to sit by me either. I also don't really have friends in my Ward. I'm acquainted with most of them, but I'm not really close friends with any of them. I'm not really outgoing, and I haven't fostered friendships like I should, so it's probably my own fault that I don't have friends in the Ward. But, I do know that there are some wonderful women in my Ward. Probably, if I said "I need a friend", there would be a number of them who would welcome me into their friendship circles. I also know, that friendship knows no age. It doesn't matter what age a person is, you can become friends.

Next time you go to your meetings, look for someone who is sitting alone. Or look for someone who might be new in the Ward. Sit next to them and try starting up a conversation. Listen to them. Keep doing this. Eventually, you'll feel like you know some people in your Ward. And who knows, a great friendship might be started.

There have been many Wards that I've lived in. I always felt like an outsider at first. But, as I've gotten involved with Ward activities, and tried to get to know people, soon I feel like I fit in (somewhat). I just kept/keep going to church.

Edited October 10, 2012 by classylady

[sshannonbb]

im actually new to the ward like i stated i was inactive for a while and i'm trying go back to be active but its really tough.

[Anddenex]

I can understand how difficult this must be. The gospels focus is families and those, at this moment, who may be single for whatever reason has a tendency to weigh upon ones soul.

My first thoughts, although we are social by nature, remember the reason why we go to church is not for a social gathering, but it is to worship Heavenly Father and through Jesus Christ. We go because we love God and our Savior, no matter how difficult it may be, or uncomfortable.

My second thought is I agree with Backroads. Make sure you befriend people also, and let others know you are there. We had a couple who moved into our ward once who said we had a very unfriendly ward, and yet another couple who moved in at the same time, said this was one of the best wards they have attended. The one couple, never ventured to befriend anyone, just complained. The other couple befriended as many people as they could.

My third thought, I was also very reserved, but over a period of time I forced myself to get to know people. Now, what used to make me sweat doesn't bother me much anymore.

My forth thought, get lost in service and magnify callings. Step up to the Bishop and ask for a calling, no matter what you are called to, serve well and magnify. It helps out a lot, at least for me.

Best of peace and hope.

Edited October 10, 2012 by Anddenex

[sshannonbb]

im actually new to the ward like i stated i was inactive for a while and i'm trying go back to be active but its really tough..

Classylady and u were alone ?? or with ur family?? if i have family or friends with me i would be more comfortable around other people.

[Anddenex]

I can understand how difficult this must be. The gospels focus is families and those, at this moment, who may be single for whatever reason has a tendency to weigh upon ones soul.

My first thoughts, although we are social by nature, remember the reason why we go to church is not for a social gathering, but it is to worship Heavenly Father and through Jesus Christ. We go because we love God and our Savior, no matter how difficult it may be, or uncomfortable.

My second thought is I agree with Backroads. Make sure you befriend people also, and let others know you are there. We had a couple who moved into our ward once who said we had a very unfriendly ward, and yet another couple who moved in at the same time, said this was one of the best wards they have attended. The one couple, never ventured to befriend anyone, just complained. The other couple befriended as many people as they could.

My third thought, I was also very reserved, but over a period of time I forced myself to get to know people. Now, what you to make me sweat doesn't bother me much anymore.

My forth thought, get lost in service and magnify callings. Step up to the Bishop and ask for a calling, no matter what you are called to, serve well and magnify. It helps out a lot, at least for me.

Best of peace and hope.

[classylady]

  sshannonbb said:

im actually new to the ward like i stated i was inactive for a while and i'm trying go back to be active but its really tough..

Classylady and u were alone ?? or with ur family?? if i have family or friends with me i would be more comfortable around other people.

Before being married I was in a Singles Ward. I still felt uncomfortable, but I put myself out there and got involved and then was able to make friends.

After being married, I had someone to sit by in Sacrament meeting, usually. But Sunday School and Relief Society meetings I was on my own. DH usually had a church assignment that meant that he couldn't attend Sunday School with me.

I didn't mind sitting in Sacrament Meeting by myself so much, it is Sunday School and Relief Society that was difficult for me, because the setting is so much more intimate--in a class room, with everyone grouped together.

I have a daughter-in-law, that no matter where she and my son move to, she seems to make friends effortlessly. I've wondered how she does it. What I noticed is that she gets involved with all the activities. She goes to book group, attends the monthly Relief Society meetings, she has joined sports teams for the women, etc. She acts like she is always having fun, and laughs and smiles a lot. (I wish I could be more like that). People just seem to gravitate towards her. But, when I've talked to her about how she seems to fit in wherever she goes, she mentioned that she doesn't always feel comfortable, but forces herself to be outgoing. Eventually, she says, she feels like she fits in.

My advice is to continue to attend church. There are many who are alone. You're not the only one. There are those who are married, and still feel alone. Go to be spiritually fed. You'll feel the Spirit, and isn't that what's important?

[Leah]

  sshannonbb said:

im actually new to the ward like i stated i was inactive for a while and i'm trying go back to be active but its really tough..

Classylady and u were alone ?? or with ur family?? if i have family or friends with me i would be more comfortable around other people.

Lots of people go alone. It's just a fact of life. The ones who seem to do best are the ones who simply make the best of it, and don't wait for people to approach them, but make the first move themselves by greeting people and making an effort to be outgoing. It might be intimidating at first, but will get easier over time.

[sshannonbb]

lots of people go alone at a single ward not a family ward though..

[sshannonbb]

thanks everyone for ur advice i will try to be a lil more outgoing..

[EarlJibbs]

Good luck Shannon. I think the advice to ask for a calling is a good one. Then you will not have to rely on you simply wanting to talk to others, but you will be somewhat forced to.

[rameumptom]

See if there is a Mid-Singles group in your area. This is a group for those age 31-44 years of age. They have FHE, conferences, dances, etc in my area. Really is a good place for people of similar ages (esp those who are divorced) to meet and fellowship.

[JosephP]

  sshannonbb said:

thanks everyone for ur advice i will try to be a lil more outgoing..

Hi Shannon,

I really understand and empathise with your situation. I started a reply to you but by the time it was done I decided to make it a new thread in the general discussion area. I hope you will read it there. Topic is "Single adults in family wards"

Good luck

[Penstress]

I feel awkward too. And I'm cool!! Do your visiting teaching, no better way to make friends.