No Point...

[Star_]

Huh. Have you thought about talking to a professional about these recent things? I know you used to be on anti-depressants. Maybe you could go back to whoever prescribed them to you and tell them what is going on now. Have you ever talked to a therapist? It might help you out a lot. Do you know what makes you feel bleh at home? Maybe you can figure it out yourself. If you live alone at home and are lonely, maybe spending time with family and friends more and/or getting a pet would help. I am sorry you are having a hard time.

[Chrissy3818]

Huh. Have you thought about talking to a professional about these recent things? I know you used to be on anti-depressants. Maybe you could go back to whoever prescribed them to you and tell them what is going on now. Have you ever talked to a therapist? It might help you out a lot. Do you know what makes you feel bleh at home? Maybe you can figure it out yourself. If you live alone at home and are lonely, maybe spending time with family and friends more and/or getting a pet would help. I am sorry you are having a hard time.

I am seeing a counsellor and thinking about stopping because I can go in feeling all happy and coming out feeling like crap. lol. It didn't use to be like this. I use to love talking to my counsellor but now she just bugs me.

The atmosphere at my house, I don't know... I feel like its changed because my mom has fallen away from the church so I am just trying to gain my testimony and endure the rest of 9 to 10 months I have at home.

[C_T_R]

I think he is honestly. At times it is so hard to separate the two. I feel as if it's true but I don't believe it's true. I read my scriptures every day (in the morning both book of Mormon and NW) and pray like... I don't know 2-5 times a day and i fast around 2-5 days a week (when ever I feel I need to fast and even sometimes then I don't do it). I go to church, and I watch the LDS youth videos on youtube (those videos make me want to cry, which I assume is the spirit). No matter what I do I feel like I'm going no where. Maybe I am improving a little bit I just can't see it yet.

I don't know if you're doing this, but hear me out. Just from this post it sounds like you're going through the motions but it isn't affecting you like you're looking for. Truth be told I've heard of people going to every single meeting and every activity and just not getting into it spiritually. Maybe it's overload? Maybe you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself? It shouldn't be like that. Like this shouldn't be a stressful thing for you.. or anybody. God loves you.. He knows you.. and He's all about you taking your time to find out what works for you.

From the bible dictionary under Holiness:

The Law of Holiness (Lev. 17–26) shows how the attempt was made by means of ceremonial observances to secure this holiness of character. The attempt failed because the later Jews observed the letter and neglected the spirit; they attached more importance to the ceremonial than to the moral; and the result was a lapse into formalism. But in the writings of the Prophets it is clearly laid down that the value of worship in the eyes of God depends upon the personal character of the worshipper.

That lapse into formalism (again, I'm not saying you're doing this) is so opposite of what it's about.

Other than that, in all seriousness, (and you don't have to answer this, just think about it if it applies) how was/is your relationship with your earthly parents? That can have a _profound_ effect on how you feel about God, how you feel about talking to Him, and how you're able to understand answers. I know this one from personal experience. All I can say with that one is to, like one poster said, separate the church from the Gospel, go inside yourself and talk to God like He's your best friend. Tell Him your anxieties! Tell Him what parts of the church don't resonate or make sense to you. Talk to Him and don't worry about being formal!!!! Get real with Him, because He is real and He isn't snooty :) and that sounds like in jest or something but it's so not. If nothing else, find out that there is a God and that He *loves* you and *wants* with everything that He is to help you and to bless you and to make things easier. That doesn't always mean sunshine and rainbows.. but it can mean sunshine and rainbows even during tornados and hurricanes so to speak.

If you're not ready to talk to the missionaries, don't! I'm sorry if that seems wrong to people here. But this should be comfortable for you! Yeah, we have to push ourselves but it sounds to me like you're trying to force it when it doesn't need to be and really it doesn't even work that way. Satan comes at both angles. He's black and white; he's all or nothing and he's been successful in driving people away by loading on the things they feel they *must* do to gain a testimony or to do God's will or what have you. Yuck! That scripture that's been quoted about God doesn't give us the spirit of fear? That is so good.. and so TRUE!

I'm not sure what you mean by you don't think it's true but you feel it's true. But the fact is God speaks to our mind and our hearts. His Gospel is logical, and it's also spiritual. But it isn't logical to the world necessarily.. I mean I don't see how it isn't actually but whatev. It makes sense. Having said that, you need to worship God the way you feel right. Find what feels comfortable and right to you. Do I believe in the ordinances of the temple and of going to church? Yes I do. But I also feel like if you can't know and feel in your heart that this is real.. then those things are of little benefit. Just take it easy on yourself and study it out.. I mean really study it out. Don't just go through the motions.

Oh, last thing I can think of -- are you doing anything that would block your mind from receiving light and truth? Or deaden your senses spiritually in any way? (Again not one you have to answer, just think about it)

((hugs))

Edited November 5, 2012 by C_T_R

[Chrissy3818]

Maybe it's overload? Maybe you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself? ((hugs))

I don't know I guess I could be, because I feel like that my bishop won't give me my ecclesiastical recommendation if I tell him I don't have a testimony or I won't be able to get married to some great mormon guy if one comes a long (I keep myself locked up and away from dating because I don't want to break his heart or fall in love with him, when I say "I am not sure if I fully believe in temple marriage yet, or even in the church).

how was/is your relationship with your earthly parents?

I love them! I can talk to my mom about anything and know she won't judge me. It just pains me to see her falling away from the church and I think it is affecting me to. She's been falling more and more away ever since she met my step father and married him (great man, but no mormon). I guess this will just be her process of coming back.

I'm not sure what you mean by you don't think it's true but you feel it's true. But the fact is God speaks to our mind and our hearts. His Gospel is logical, and it's also spiritual.

Like you said it's logically true. I can't find any faults with the church it makes me a better person and everyone else who tries to follow it earnestly, but I just don't believe its true.

Oh, last thing I can think of -- are you doing anything that would block your mind from receiving light and truth? Or deaden your senses spiritually in any way? (Again not one you have to answer, just think about it)

I don't think so, I think I am a little depressed and stressed a lot. And yes I'll admit sometimes I do work on sundays, but I am trying to figure out a way not too. And then the little things like getting to angry at my brother or parents, but nothing else I can think of.

[Chrissy3818]

I've been having trouble with the church for almost three years and it's progressively gotten worse. Part of it is because my family fell away and part of it is because I just don't know. But now... recently I've thought about giving up. I am tired of going to seminary, I am tired of young women's and I am tired of church. I don't feel like I really belong and I feel like everyone is judging me without realizing it. (maybe not everyone, but enough to make me not want to go). Sure they don't realize what their doing, but it's just what they say that affects me. I just feel completely done with everything. I don't even know what to do anymore.

I can't fast too much (almost not at all) because even skipping one meal or going with out some type of food or drink for more than two hours makes me go dizzy. I've been trying to read my scriptures, but I can't focus on them and when I do it doesn't help.

[Chrissy3818]

Here me out... I have been going through this trial for 3 years as I have explained in some of my other posts. Its gotten bad, I am sad to say I have become negative towards the church and am not sure what to think about it. I see nothing wrong with it I just can't be in it at this point in my life and I have talked to a few people that said a break from the church would do me some good. I won't leave the church forever I just have to find my ground in life and figure out what is going on with me and why I can't stand it. The only thing that doesn't absolutely bug my is praying. But I am not sure what to do. Each day I go to church or seminary I get worse. I don't know what is wrong with me and I feel like crying. I feel like if I leave the church (even if it is for a while) God would never speak to me again. I already feel like he's left be. But then I think if I stay I'll end up going crazy and rebelling. I am so lost and confused.