This is a bit of a ramble...

[LilyBelle00]

Please don't feel obligated to read all of this. I'm not even sure that it will make much sense when it's finished... I just need to ramble and vent a little and I wanted to find a safe place for it. :)

This is my first post, so I'll give a bit of an introduction.

I'm 29 years old and live in Missouri. I've been a member my whole life but my family went through inactive spurts. Mostly though, we were active and I experienced primary, young womens, and a tiny bit of relief society. I've been married to my husband for nearly 10 years and we have two small children (4 years old and almost 2 years old). My husband was baptised when we were dating... I think mostly just because he loved me and knew that it would make me happy. I made him wait until he was sure and he said that he really felt the spirit and wanted to be baptised.

Then we got married and moved in together. I'm not sure what happened after that. It was just so easy to stay home. I feel like I really let my husband down because I was supposed to be the "strong" one. He was new and unsure. Who knows where he could be right now if I would have kept us in church?

So we became inactive. Didn't go to church for years. Every once in awhile we would get a letter from visiting teachers and I'd feel guilty and we'd talk about going back but never did. Years later we had our son and I felt awful that he wasn't blessed in the church. When he was a few months old we started going back. It lasted for a few months. We never really made any personal relationships in the ward. We didn't have friends that we could talk to. Plus, I feel like somehow in all the years that I was inactive I lost my strong testimony. I still believed in the church but I also didn't think some things were that big of a deal. I didn't care about going to the temple (because I didn't want to have to wear garments! Lol) and I wasn't reading my scriptures or praying. Just kind of going because I knew we should. Our ward was also a 30 minute drive so it was hard to go to the "extra" activities that would have helped us make friends and get to know people.

So of course, back to inactive we went. We never stopped following the WoW but I know that we distanced ourselves from God without even realizing it.

Fast forward to now. We had a baby girl and felt again that we really should go back to church. I kept telling myself "if only we had a closer ward".

Then suddenly the missionaries stopped by and told us that our town was getting it's very own little branch. We had one years ago (before our time) and still had the building. It's been reopened now for about 2 months and we've been going every Sunday. :)

I feel different this time. I want this. I want to be an active strong member. I want to see my son go on a mission and I want to see my daughter in young women. I want to go to camp with her. I want my son in scouts. I want to wear the ugly garments!!

Most of all, I want my husband to have a strong testimony and grow in the church.

Ok... now for a mini rant.

Our little branch is so tiny. That's fine, it's no one's fault and I'm happy to have it. There is one other couple our age. We are friends and I credit her with helping me want to come back. They are moving out of state in a couple of weeks. I know that I can't rely on other people to keep me in the church and that I have to do it on my own, but this is going to make it harder. Not to mention that primary consists of 1 class because there's not enough kids and the couple leaving had two children. So now I think there might be 3 kids in primary... Still no one's fault. It's just another thing that makes it hard on a family trying to feel comfortable.

I've got my first calling.... as nursery secretary or something like that. So much for making friends in relief society. Honestly, I can't complain too much about that either. There are only 3 kids in the nursery and one of them is mine. She's kind of clingy too so I might have been stuck there either way. I'm not really sure what one does as the nursery secretary... just babysit? I was actually excited about the calling until I went last Sunday and met the nursery leader. She spent the whole time showing another mother pictures and videos on her phone while I sat on the floor with the kids. I imagined this fun little lesson that I could help with and was very disappointed.

We also do not feel like our home teacher is a good fit. He's kind of pushy and that's scary for us. He showed up last night with no warning (messy house, kids in the middle of dinner) and it was stressful for me. He told us that next month we are going to give him a lesson on faith and he wants us to get three things about faith ready for when he comes back. It was a bit intimidating.

I don't know. I feel like this time last week I was feeling great and ready to face the world... and this week I'm back to feeling shaky.

I know that I need to pray more. Hopefully that will help me.

[annewandering]

One thing is for sure. Your branch needs you. There is supposed to be a lesson in the nursery. Not a big one but a lesson still. Last I heard anyway.

Primary is as good a place to get to know some of the sisters in the church as anywhere. . For sure you are going to get to know the moms of the nursery. Take the time to chat with them about the kids and well carry on from there.

Your area is growing and that is exciting! You are in the base building time! Make sure they take photos and you will be known in later times as a founder of the ward to be!

As far as the home teacher goes well you feel you need to work on your testimony and he is giving you a learning experience about faith. Grab it! And be grateful yours come to visit. You are more lucky than many of us. Are you called to visit teach yet? If not ask your relief society pres. That is the single best way to get to know the sisters in the branch.

[LilyBelle00]

Thank you. You are right. I guess I just felt like our home teacher was pushing too hard and rushing us. It made me uncomfortable but maybe we need the push.

I do know that our branch needs us. I have no thought of not going or going anywhere else. I wanted this branch and it was the biggest reason we went back. There were no more excuses to not go since it's now a 5 minute drive. :) I want our little branch to grow and I know that we need to support it. I also really like our branch president.

There is only one other mother with kids in the nursery and she's not a very active member. I need to just make friends and get over it. If I was a stronger member myself then I could try to help her...but I don't feel strong enough to help anyone else.

I know this is mostly just my own issues and insecurities.

[Vort]

anne is right. Remember, Primary is by far the largest organization in most wards. Literally half of the ward callings, or thereabouts, might be in the Primary. So you can still get to know people, and those you get to know will be those with active callings who are working to build the kingdom.

You should ask your Primary president what your duties are as nursery secretary (which I admit I have never heard of before) (and be careful of ending parenthetical expressions with consecutive prepositions).

[annewandering]

Thank you. You are right. I guess I just felt like our home teacher was pushing too hard and rushing us. It made me uncomfortable but maybe we need the push.

I do know that our branch needs us. I have no thought of not going or going anywhere else. I wanted this branch and it was the biggest reason we went back. There were no more excuses to not go since it's now a 5 minute drive. :) I want our little branch to grow and I know that we need to support it. I also really like our branch president.

There is only one other mother with kids in the nursery and she's not a very active member. I need to just make friends and get over it. If I was a stronger member myself then I could try to help her...but I don't feel strong enough to help anyone else.

I know this is mostly just my own issues and insecurities.

You are there. That is a help to anyone. You are not alone with those issues. I think they are almost universal even among these who attend and always have attended.

[LilyBelle00]

Primary is super tiny in this branch. There is one class... no sunbeams, ctr, nothing. One class with two 4 year olds and one 7 year old. Sometimes there will be a guest or visitor and another couple of kids in the class.

It really is mostly just older adults.

Sorry that I'm sounding like such a complainer. I did warn that it was a venting post. :)

I know that we need to support our branch and help it grow... I just wish I didn't have to be the one to do it! I wish that I could fast forward the time and have it be a big established ward and know that my children are getting what they need to out of it. I know I can't do that and that someone has to start it up from scratch. Oh well!

[annewandering]

Hey this is a good place to vent! Just remember you are not alone and you are needed. Those are two wonderful things!