1st marriage to man's 2nd- help!

[classylady]

The most important trial of this life for those that prepare for the Celestial Kingdom concerns the New and Everlasting Covenant of Marriage. I am convinced that salvation in the Celestial Kingdom is not a matter of individual worthiness but an “oneness” obtained and shared through the covenant. A oneness that can only be obtained by a willingness to sacrifice one’s self (as Christ did) for our partner. If we are not willing to sacrifice ourselves for the short comings of our covenant spouse - I do not believe we are “one” or capable of establishing a Celestial Kingdom.

The Traveler

I think salvation in the Celestial Kingdom can be both a matter of individual worthiness and "oneness". And there is progression beyond the veil. I also believe that there is more than just this life where the Holy Spirit of Promise can bind the marriage. If not, then those who did not have the opportunity in this life to have a Temple marriage, would not have the promise that all blessings may be theirs. There is much that we don't know or fully understand. We need to live our lives and keep our covenants to the best of our abilities, and then have faith that all will be well.

[SisterGraceLDS]

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful answers.

I've decided to enter a civil marriage as I do not want to be sealed to him, as he is already sealed to someone else.

[garryw]

I do not want to be sealed to him

In that case find someone you do want to be sealed to. Civil marriage seems like such a dead end.

[SisterGraceLDS]

Garryw, I'm 43 and I have a better chance at winning the lottery.

All these years I held the faith that the Lord would make a way for me in the next life....that I would be sealed to an awesome man in the next life.

Having an earthly companion while I wait does not thwart that plan.

[classylady]

Having an issue with your fiance's previous sealing is not going to magically go away if you marry him in a civil ceremony. You will carry that issue with you into a civil marriage, just as you would with a temple marriage. It will be a cause of disharmony in your lives. He deserves to find someone in this life, (and so do you), who will love him not only for time, but for eternity. How do you think he's going to feel knowing that you're only marrying him because you're desperate? No one better has come along, so he'll have to do. Your marriage will be starting off with you having one foot out the door. He doesn't deserve that. Neither do you. And with the knowledge that the two of you have about Eternal Marriage, this will be a BIG issue. It can destroy your marriage. A civil marriage will NOT make it go away.

I don't discount your feelings of not wanting to marry him because of his previous sealing. That is a big issue, and it needs to be resolved before you marry him. You need to talk to him about it. Talk to your leaders about it. If you can't resolve the issue, then it's better to let him go.

Edited January 9, 2013 by classylady

[Guest]

Having an issue with your fiance's previous sealing is not going to magically go away if you marry him in a civil ceremony. You will carry that issue with you into a civil marriage, just as you would with a temple marriage. It will be a cause of disharmony in your lives. He deserves to find someone in this life, (and so do you), who will love him not only for time, but for eternity. How do you think he's going to feel knowing that you're only marrying him because you're desperate? No one better has come along, so he'll have to do. Your marriage will be starting off with you having one foot out the door. He doesn't deserve that. Neither do you. And with the knowledge that the two of you have about Eternal Marriage, this will be a BIG issue. It can destroy your marriage. A civil marriage will NOT make it go away.

I don't discount your feelings of not wanting to marry him because of his previous sealing. That is a big issue, and it needs to be resolved before you marry him. You need to talk to him about it. Talk to your leaders about it. If you can't resolve the issue, then it's better to let him go.

I agree 200%. If there is such a thing as 200% agreement...

Now, if you were sealed before, then that would change our perspectives. But, waiting until the end of your mortal life to hopefully get an eternal companion is like saying, I don't want to be baptized because I don't want to quit drinking alcohol. I'll have somebody baptize me after I die.

The theory being - you are held accountable according to your knowledge, not just according to your actions.

[SisterGraceLDS]

Classylady, thank you for your post. I'm sure no one thinks issues with a gravity such as sealings are going to magically go away. This is a serious matter and not one to be taken lightly.

I am certain the Lord is preparing someone especially for me, and me for him- to be joined by sealing for the eternities. I've never doubted that. I've shared with my fiance my thoughts and feelings. I've held nothing back. As he is already sealed and I shall be blessed with that one day- he has expressed his joy to be my companion, and me his for this earth life.

My hope and desire is that my fiance will be the man the Lord has been preparing for me. I do not have the knowledge and wisdom of the future as the Lord, but I have faith in Him. Things could very well turn out that my fiance may come to desire to cancel his sealing to his former spouse and be sealed to me. Or it may come to pass that she may request a cancellation because she has found someone she wants to spend the eternities.... and then may my fiance want me.

I'd rather him chose me upfront rather than me be the one to be second best- just because he's no longer sealed to his former and I'm his earthly wife so might as well be sealed to me..... but I love him so much that even the latter is enough for me.

Anatess, I am not waiting until the end of my mortal life to hopefully get an eternal companion- I have been waiting for 43 years and am willing to wait forever to gain that blessing. There are some who simply do not have the opportunity to gain that blessing on this earth. I may be one of them. But just because it's not in the Lord's plan for me here, doesn't mean the Lord doesn't take care of us in the eternities.

[Dravin]

Anatess, I am not waiting until the end of my mortal life to hopefully get an eternal companion- I have been waiting for 43 years and am willing to wait forever to gain that blessing. There are some who simply do not have the opportunity to gain that blessing on this earth. I may be one of them. But just because it's not in the Lord's plan for me here, doesn't mean the Lord doesn't take care of us in the eternities.

Except you're demonstrably not one of them are you? You have the opportunity. It's kinda like an investigator telling a pair of missionaries, "You teach there are some who do not have an opportunity to be baptized in this life because the fullness of the Gospel isn't available to them. I might be one of them. " The first part may be true, but the opportunity is standing there right in front of you. If you've received revelation on the matter you've received revelation on the matter regardless of what people on the internet might think, but on the face of it what you are saying here just rings hollow.

It reads like that old saw about the man who prayed to be saved from a flood. First a man in a truck urges him to evacuate and he declares the Lord will save him. Second a man in a boat comes by when the devout man is stranded on his roof and offers to save him, the devout man declares the Lord will save him. Third a helicopter comes by and urges him to come with him and he refuses, declaring the Lord will save him. He eventually drowns and in heaven asks the Lord, "Why didn't you save me?" The Lord responds, "I tried, I sent a man in a truck, one in a boat, and one in a helicopter. What more did you want?"

The decision is of course yours, just be sure you're not the man in the flood. So to speak.

Edited January 10, 2013 by Dravin

[Windseeker]

As someone who is sealed to two women I have a little experience with this. My second wife before we were sealed asked about canceling the sealing to my first wife and I let her know this is something I won't do. If she finds someone to be sealed to then I will gladly approve the sealing cancelation. While I remain sealed to my first wife I have no wish to be with her for eternity as her husband. Nor do I believe that I will be sealed to both in the eternities.

My reason for not breaking the sealing is because I think it would be an extreme act of unnecessary selfishness. It would also be arrogant and presumptuous of me to dictate rather than defer my flawed judgment to an all-loving, all-knowing, all-seeing Eternal Father in Heaven. I'm a sinner and any chance I get to exercise my pathetic charity and forgiveness I will do so.

I'm blessed that my second wife was able to understand and put aside her pride and bless my life and the life of my kids by choosing to become my eternal companion. A civil marriage never crossed her mind.

My hope and desire is that my fiancé will be the man the Lord has been preparing for me. I do not have the knowledge and wisdom of the future as the Lord, but I have faith in Him. Things could very well turn out that my fiancé may come to desire to cancel his sealing to his former spouse and be sealed to me. Or it may come to pass that she may request a cancellation because she has found someone she wants to spend the eternities.... and then may my fiancé want me.

I can't agree that getting married civilly in the face of something much greater is exercising faith. You have drawn the line, laid down the gauntlet and gave the ultimatum, ‘deny charity and have me for eternity or show me I'm number one by cutting off the mother of your children forever.’

..not a great way to start a marriage IMHO

[Gwen]

Garryw, I'm 43 and I have a better chance at winning the lottery.

All these years I held the faith that the Lord would make a way for me in the next life....that I would be sealed to an awesome man in the next life.

Having an earthly companion while I wait does not thwart that plan.

I am certain the Lord is preparing someone especially for me, and me for him- to be joined by sealing for the eternities. I've never doubted that. I've shared with my fiance my thoughts and feelings. I've held nothing back. As he is already sealed and I shall be blessed with that one day- he has expressed his joy to be my companion, and me his for this earth life.

My hope and desire is that my fiance will be the man the Lord has been preparing for me. I do not have the knowledge and wisdom of the future as the Lord, but I have faith in Him. Things could very well turn out that my fiance may come to desire to cancel his sealing to his former spouse and be sealed to me. Or it may come to pass that she may request a cancellation because she has found someone she wants to spend the eternities.... and then may my fiance want me.

I'd rather him chose me upfront rather than me be the one to be second best- just because he's no longer sealed to his former and I'm his earthly wife so might as well be sealed to me..... but I love him so much that even the latter is enough for me.

Anatess, I am not waiting until the end of my mortal life to hopefully get an eternal companion- I have been waiting for 43 years and am willing to wait forever to gain that blessing. There are some who simply do not have the opportunity to gain that blessing on this earth. I may be one of them. But just because it's not in the Lord's plan for me here, doesn't mean the Lord doesn't take care of us in the eternities.

I can not fault you for taking an opportunity for companionship, I don't know what it's like to be you or alone for that many yrs. I do not judge you in that decision.

If your fiance is making comments that he fully expects to have an eternal relationship with his ex then I would too be concerned with that. If that is the case then the rest of my post means little. lol

I do think there are some things you need to sort out before entering any marriage. There are so many double statements in your posts it's dizzying.

You make it clear you have waited a very long time and are willing to wait forever but that isn't true. At some point in that long time you gave up. You decided that your chance at an eternal marriage wasn't going to be until after this life. So it seems you began looking for the here and now to "fill the time" until then. I'd imagine that is why you were willing to date someone you felt you could not be sealed to. Except you fell in love and you still seem to very much desire an eternal marriage.

You say you don't know the will of the lord and will wait forever and getting married will not change his plan. What if "the man" for you is someone you will meet in a yr or two, after you are married for this life? Your getting married could very well mess up the lord's plan. He will not take our agency and sometimes the mess we go through in life is our own doing.

The reality is that your chosen companion can be sealed to you. A sealing clearance is all he needs. What if he is the one the lord prepared and you are passing it up because you don't like the life experiences he went through to become prepared for you? What do you think it means that the lord is preparing someone? If you read the scriptures you will find that most of the prophets were prepared for their calling through some trial, it's not always a pretty past. What if the lord used his experiences from the previous relationship to teach him things that will make him a good companion for eternity and you get the privileged of those life lessons? What an amazing thing you will be missing out on.

From your posts I think you are afraid. Afraid a sealing clearance makes you plan B, second best, less than, less loved, less cherished, less wanted. Unless he is telling you that then it's not the case. You've waited a long time, that's scary. As much as you want someone it also means major changes for you, change is scary (especially when the change isn't the picture we imagined for ourselves). Is this about him not loving you enough or you creating hurdles he must jump because you are scared?

In the next life justice and mercy will be balanced but part of that balancing does not include second chances. He and his ex threw their chance at being sealed away. They did not keep the lower law. That is not what is keeping you from being sealed. You are keeping you from a sealing. This might be what you have been waiting so many yrs for and you may pass it up because of pride over terms used on paperwork... ? Will the lord do for you in the next life what you could have done for yourself in this life?

All these years I held the faith that the Lord would make a way for me in the next life....that I would be sealed to an awesome man in the next life.

What is it you had imagined would take place in the next life? Marble staircases and royal courts as you are presented to your perfect prince.... who may or may not already have a princess at his side? The lord may very well provide a way for you to be sealed to an awesome man in the next life. But what if it's not the picture you had planned just like it isn't now? Will you say no?

He may not be the one, I don't know him or you. I can't tell you what path you should take. Only you can decide that. All I can say is my thoughts based on my experiences and what you have posted here. You talk like he is "the one" but then you talk like he's something to fill the time. It can't be both. If you are willing to wait forever on the lord's time then you don't need someone to fill the time. If this is the lord's time then take courage.

Spend some time in prayer, be honest with yourself on what you are afraid of, get your answers and then go boldly down that path. It's not easy, was never meant to be.

[garryw]

Marble staircases and royal courts as you are presented to your perfect prince.... who may or may not already have a princess at his side?

Finally a bit of humor in all this. Behold your prince and his 7 wives! So glad you were patiently waiting.