Teaching kids how to handle gossip/rumors

[Gwen]

Sigh. Ok so my oldest son, E (who was just diagnosed with Asperger's, 6th grade), has been having a hard time with bullying. It's been a battle with the school to get them to understand that he is a target and is not egging it on in some way.

Today he came home with one I'm not sure what to tell him to do. I know what I would do but I'm not sure it's the "right" thing to do.

Here is the situation. A friend came up to my son at school today (we'll call the friend R) and told him that another boy (who we'll call D) told R, "E and I (D) kiss in the bathroom every day after school". So R thinks E should be aware of what D is saying about him.

What does D gain by saying this about my son? Any rumor like that he is spreading he is bringing the same upon himself. I asked a few questions about D and my son doesn't know him very well. He said that he isn't popular but does have some popular friends. My son only has one class with D and that's gym (the entire grade has the same gym). So again, if he doesn't know him why pick E.

My personal reaction would be to laugh it off. Tell R something like "Do you believe all the rumors and gossip you hear? You know me and I didn't kiss D in the bathroom." And then ignore it and see if it goes away. If it grows then take more direct action.

E wanted to know if we should talk to the principle about it. I'm not sure a middle school principle will care about gossip at this point and there are so much bigger issues I've had to fight with him about. I don't want him to become "the tattle tale" but I will stand up for my son.

What would you tell your kid?

[Jennarator]

This is difficult. My son has something similar to Asperger's, and he is very literal. So it's very hard for me to tell him anything for fear he is going to take it literal into every situation he comes upon. This has happened many times. The other hard part is if your boy does do anything about it, it can sound defensive as if he does kissin the bathroom and is trying to hide it. I would jsut tell him to tell "R" to quite spreading untrue rumors and leave it at that.

[Wingnut]

Interesting. Is D known to be a bully? Is it possible that he's not trying to spread a bad rumor about your son, but rather, he's attracted to your son and wishes they were together, so he's saying that they are? Either way, I don't know what to do about it. I just see a different possible angle.

[Wingnut]

Also, I think R sounds like a good guy. Most kids would just spread the rumor, rather than bring it back to the person about whom it's circulating. Unless of course, D hasn't actually said anything of the sort, and R is just screwing with both D and your son.

[Gwen]

Confirming if D actually said it is something I've considered. But how do I go about doing that without setting E up in an potentially bad situation? I'm not sure given the bullying in the past if E should be the one confronting him.

From what I'm getting about D he has not been one of E's bullies but some of his friends may be. Also the comment about him not being popular but some of his friends are is a red flag that D may be being bullied in this as well.

There are a lot of questions but I don't think E can get the answers.... which brings us back to involve the principle or ignore it?

I have also considered that this is D's awkward way of expressing a crush.

[Guest]

I'm not sure what I would do, but it might be a good idea to consult the school counselor, all things considered.

[Gwen]

So I liked the idea of talking to the school counselor. A way to investigate without blowing it up or making my son ask the questions. I talked to her this morning.

She said she can't imagine why any boy this age would bring such attention to himself (speaking of D) even if he did have a crush. She is assuming R is starting something with lies of his own. Which she says is a disciplinary issue and needs to go to the principle not her.

She is passing the info along (principle was in a meeting) and will have the principle call me.

Sigh, some days I really consider home schooling.

[Gwen]

So D confronted my son in gym today wanting to know why he would say things about him. After some confusion they figured out that R told D that my son said they were kissing. So they went and found R who quickly said it was a joke and that he didn't tell anyone else.

I updated the principle (as he was going to look into the situation tomorrow) so I'm sure R will still have some answering to do. lol Maybe R will learn a lesson about what is "funny"?

[Guest]

Well I'm glad it ironed itself out. But I can't say I'm very excited for my oldest to enter middle school next year.