A slight warning for those converting...

[Hyena]

This is absolutely a church of family. Of close intra-personal relationships. While this is one of the most wonderful and charming aspects of the church, it does have a dark side. If you are a single person, especially a young adult who is converting in, not born in, it can create a feeling of isolation, where you can grow to feel as if you aren't necessarily a part of the same community. All the couples and families and bonds and unified testimonies can illicit a perception of not truly belonging, an underlying loneliness in which you can start to think of yourself as an outsider rather than a beloved member. I can easily attest to how the adversary can play upon this loneliness and attempt to increase the gulf between you and your new ward family. That widening difference I feel probably accounts for a larger attrition rate amongst new members in that first year of conversion than might have ever been considered. I can testify that even today, on this holiest of Sabbath days that sitting halfway through The sacrament meeting that I felt incredibly depressed all of a sudden, like a heavy blanket was suddenly laid upon me. I found myself distracted from the talks and couldn't help but notice all the couples rubbing and scratching each others backs or nuzzling children. And me, I was alone... Not even a missionary like before. Here we're hundreds of people who all knew one another, spent time together, and were celebrating Easter together as a family with those whom they loved.

And here was I. The outsider. The odd man out. The lone wolf.

I almost left.

It wasn't till the final hymn, Christ The Lord is Risen, that I was reminded why I was here. I am a believer in Christ. I am a Child of God, and I am here to obtain a perfect body and spirit. I have the atonement. I have the promise of life everlasting and being reunited with my loved ones after my physical death.

Take solace in that. That though you may not be observed by others in your ward, JESUS AND HEAVENLY FATHER are always with you. And with their love, you will never be truly alone. I know this church is true. I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet and that we have modern day prophets to guide us. I know the Book of Mormon is true. And that's all I really need.

And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

[Vort]

It's about family, Hyena. And you are a part of that family. You are a brother. I'm not trying to minimize your very legitimate feelings, just suggesting that a slight shift in viewpoint might change your take on things for the better.

[Hyena]

I know Vort. Thank you. I just thought it might be useful for those about to convert or newly converted should think about. Also for those of us who have new members in our ward can be aware that new members of the church might be experiencing this. I think that members who were born and raises LDS might not have this perspective or realize these types of feelings could arise... Not because they don't care but simply because they've never known NOT being a member of the church or the people in their wards.

I honestly don't think investigators or people outside of the church fully comprehend how family oriented this church is. And how alienated single members can quickly find themselves. For example I'm a poor college student. I can barely afford to feed myself and I don't have the resources or space to invite people over for Barbecues or dinners and what-not. So that avenue of fellowship isn't viable.

But my goal isn't to depress the heck out of converts but to caution them. Don't let these feelings pull you away from becoming a member or going immediately inactive.

And maybe it'll make some of the members on this site look around and think of their newer or single members and make a tiny extra effort to reach out and love those members. Make them an extended part of your family... An adopted brother or sister or son or daughter. Take an interest in their lives and well being. I don't imagine that it should just be left up to home teachers.

I plan on making it my personal mission to be that companion to new single converts.

I think if everyone kept this in mind, we can definitely improve the retention of new converts.

[Roseslipper]

Hyena, I know how you feel,Im single too and a older single person,no family, no children. It can be hard and lonely and u can feel like a out sider at times so many mothers day programs, even though the church tries to let the single woman feel involved its not the same. I know part of it is feeling sorry for myself, when is it going to be my turn. Your part of a ward family, be friendly, mingle with the others get to know them. How long u been in the church, where do u live? Yes in some areas of the church there are many life time members who grow up with each other and in those situations it might be harder, make an extra effort to be friendly, most other areas theres so many converts that its so easy to mingle, mix in. And u do have a great attitude your not their for the people, but to learn and grow in the gospel. Your their for your relationship with God.But people need people, is their a single fhe group if so join in if not ask the bishop why there isnt one, let him know how u feel. Maybe its your mission to help others learn how to be better member missionaries. And yes satan can use this as a tool, to get u and others inactive, remember he uses all he can to get you out of the church of God. Dont let him win, it is indeed a war going on, Best advice is to stay active, make friends in your ward, your stake, dont be afraid to talk to the bishop about ur feelings.

With Love and concern your sister

Edited March 31, 2013 by Roseslipper

[tubaloth]

This is back to the idea of the difference between the church and the gospel. Again being Single It is hard sometime being in the church. (Going to church isn't that bad, its probably more ward partys I don't go to). It really just reminds me that I need to get married (and aren't sure how to do it at my older age). But then I turn to the gospel part, I try to do my calling and try to help others that might not have the time. I try to remind others of events or commitments, even though its probably not technically part of my calling.

As you realize salvation is something you obtain with Christ, you do what you can.

Genesis 2:18

[dahlia]

Hyena, do you belong to a Singles ward? Would that help? Other than that, I agree with you and I have a child. However, my ward is in a college town and full of grad & med students. The wives are ALWAYS pregnant or just had a baby. I know several women 30-35 yrs old with 5 kids already. My son is unmarried and 35, so I don't have little kids or even little grand kids around.

I sometimes feel like this is not the place for me (no single men, that I know of), but I try to help the younger sisters realize they aren't moms from hell during RS meeting when they agonize about being young mothers. I know it's hard to do this as a poor student, but I have disposable income and enjoy getting things for a few of the kids I know. I really didn't like being around so many little kids at first, but I've learned to deal with it now. I'm not sure I love it, but I can deal. Maybe you can try just being friendly to the families. Maybe you can baby sit, which would help you with a bit of extra money and them with childcare - although I don't know if the other LDS would expect you to babysit for free as a service. : )

How is your priesthood stuff going? I'm jealous as heck. Maybe you should put your attentions on the things in which you can fully participate.

Also - you can sit by the missionaries yourself, you know. You can invite yourself over.

[Hyena]

Hyena, do you belong to a Singles ward? Would that help?

LOL, No ma'am I'm a bit too old for the Singles ward (I think the cut off is 30) and frankly, I'm not that interested in the Church's version of Eharmony lol. I would like my wife to be someone I connected with in my normal life, at school or as colleagues or something. Maybe if I meet her at the temple while doing work. But to be going to Ward Dating parties kinda makes me feel desperate lol.

Don't feel jealous. I'm pretty much the worst Priesthood holder ever. Because I have NO idea of ANYTHING. I'm so ashamed of it, but it's like even the little beehive kids know more about stuff than I do. Mainly, I just keep my mouth shut and my ears open. Right now, I like to think of myself as a little Mormon sponge... soaking up all the testimony and scriptures that I can so that I can squeeze out all the dirt and remain clean.

What a terrible analogy. Lol.

How long u been in the church, where do u live?...

With Love and concern your sister

Hi Roseslipper!

I've been a member for almost a full month now. Been GOING to church for about three months and have been investigating since the last general conference. The church is DEFINITELY the heart of my heart. I LOVE this church. I cannot express how much I LOVE this CHURCH, This Gospel, and my Heavenly Father. I have gone from praying once in a while in times of need to having LONG talks with God all day long like a crazy person... I literally enjoy having LONG talks with God on my way to work, to school, while studying between classes, etc. When people break out their cell phones to play games and check facebook to pass time waiting for appointments or for their car to get an oil change, I'm reading scriptures or praying. My life has been filled with strength and with peace and I am 100% addicted to it.

What I didn't think about or want was to be concerned about my dating life. That's why though singles wards (I'm just over 30, so really those aren't an option anyway) are available, I'd have rather been a missionary instead. I didn't join a church to find love, at least any type of love beyond brotherly love for my brothers and sisters in the church, and I hadn't considered marriage or dating important. In fact, I don't think I'm really ready to date or capable of being in a satisfying relationship... I'm not in my career yet, I'm barely attempting to get into medical school. How could I even begin to put together a family when I live on a razor's edge myself lol.

That said, the church is EXTREMELY focused on the family. And it does get to you, sitting there surrounded by families and people who are busy being friends with other families in the church. I had an opportunity to do some home teaching recently, and it kinda bothered me that I'm just a single guy trying to talk to several families with like 4 or 5 kids each. I don't even have a dog! So who am I to teach them anything about life or family? They should be teaching me!

It really just reminds me that I need to get married (and aren't sure how to do it at my older age). But then I turn to the gospel part, I try to do my calling and try to help others that might not have the time.

I share that feeling. Sometimes though I wonder how serious fellow members can take me on things, because I have no children or family of my own so who am I to counsel them on such matters? If I had my way, I'd have as many callings as I could get, I like the idea of being in service to the church... doing the Lord's work brings me peace. But I can't help but feel isolated or noticeably different at time.