Suggestions for praying (how to?)

[Hyena]

I have prayed in one form or fashion or another since childhood, since as long as I can remember. And you'd think there wouldn't be a whole lot to it; couple of our fathers, maybe a hail Mary or ten, and then kinda work in a few words of your own, brought to a conclusion with an emphatic, "Amen."

I also realize to most LDS members, being asked to give a prayer is a privilege.. nay, a BLESSING!

Unfortunately, to me, it's a source of terror and embarrassment. (I know I know, this is starting to sound like a schtick from a sitcom... every day, Hyena has a "new terror... golly gee why did he even join then if everything stresses him out?!).

Thing is, I don't really feel confident praying, at least publicly amongst others from the Church. When I have gone with the missionaries or home teaching I always dread that moment when it is asked, "Who would you like to say the prayer?" And all of a sudden it is like being back in Mr. McCreary's Algebra class... head down, no eye-contact, and the only prayer I'm uttering with fervent passion is the mantra-like one I'm repeating under my breath, "Pleasenotme.Pleasenotme.Pleasenotme.Pleasenotme!"

The problem, I think, Is I'm not exactly certain HOW to pray, not like I used to be. Everyone else seems so good at it... they confidently and majestically rattle off this epic soliloquy to the Lord, with flourishes of thees and thous and thys and they seem to have this smooth transition from all the things they remember to say thank you for, to encompassing the lesson, our future endeavors, attention for members in need, and hope and love and etcetera etcetera.

I on the other hand, sound like a nine year old who was asked to read a chapter from the highschool "big boy's" textbook and then explain how Finny dying from breaking his leg after falling out of that tree stood as a final metaphor of the transition from adolescence to adulthood for Gene.... in front of the class.... during parent teacher day... right in front of Jennifer Rocha, fourth grade beauty queen and my one big crush. It's all stammers and "ums" and "uhs" and repeating myself, and grasping like heck for anything to say, and by the time I get to saying these things in the name of Jesus, I'm sure even Heavenly Father himself is sighing in relief that it's finally over and he can get back to dealing with all of those BYU basketball fan prayers flooding in at the end of the second half.

So, long story short...

Can anyone give me any suggestions to help me improve my prayer. I'm sure once I feel I'm able to pray confidently and more succinctly, I won't mind being "blessed" with the privilege of being asked.

How do you deal with it? Is there a set template you tend to follow? Do you just practice one particular prayer and just sort of modify it on the fly?

Any suggestions will be appreciated and loved.

Thanks in advance,

Your brother,

H.

[skippy740]

First, I want to reference Matthew 6:7 for you:

7 But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.

It doesn't matter WHAT is said, as much as the faith and the spirit behind what is said.

Because my time is short (class is about to start), I'll simply offer this link about Prayer in the Gospel Principles manual and hope that it helps.

Gospel Principles Chapter 8: Praying to Our Heavenly Father

[Roseslipper]

there are no set prayers 4 personal prayers or prayers given 4 a group just talk from your heart. But I want u to know that your not the only one who feels like this. I have felt that way, many others have too keep your public prayers simple.

1.Address Heavenly Father 2.give thanks

3. ask

4close pray (i) if its just 4 u or (we) if its for a group

5. close it in the name of Jesus Christ Amen

[Dravin]

Can anyone give me any suggestions to help me improve my prayer.

Practice. I don't mean in just praying in general as it seems a lot of your fears have to do with praying in front of others, there really isn't any way around it beyond being familiar with doing so. I will suggest you don't worry about eloquence, it really isn't required and it'll tend to come with time. A lot of the eloquence you are impressed with isn't 'on the spot' brilliance of language, it's just being familiar with cultural phrases used to express certain ideas and concepts.

Is there a set template you tend to follow? Do you just practice one particular prayer and just sort of modify it on the fly?

Any suggestions will be appreciated and loved.

Thanks in advance,

Your brother,

H.

A general template is:

1) Address Heavenly Father

2) Give thanks

3) Ask for blessings

4) Close in the name of Jesus Christ.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Hyena,

I wish you lived in my ward, because you sound like someone fun to know. I would invite you to sit with our family, and we'd have a great time. But anyway...

First thing...I think many people get nervous about saying a prayer in public. They may call it a blessing, but unless they enjoy "public speaking", it makes them nervous.

Now on a more personal level. The first thing I think is good to understand is about the Thee/Thou thing. It can seem very formal and impersonal. I also thought of it that way--then I learned to speak Spanish. In Spanish (as you may know) there are two forms of you. One is the formal you that you use with strangers and people who are your "betters", i.e. people older than you, people you want to show respect to etc. The other you is informal, used for friends, family and peers, or children.

So I thought they would use the formal you for prayers, but they don't. They use the informal familiar "you". When I asked about this I was told, "well, He is our Heavenly Father". And this was in the Missionary Training Center. I decided I really liked the idea, that it promoted a closeness with Father in Heaven. I wished we did the same in English.

Sometime later I learned that English used to have two forms of YOU as well, over time one of them got dropped for whatever reason. English is sometimes called the "language of business" so . . Anyway, it was the familiar YOU that was dropped. And yes, it was "thee, thou" etc. So when we speak to God using Thee and Thou, I now think of it as a close and intimate way to speak to my Father.

The other thing that I think you will notice over time...and I don't mean to be critical when I say this...but there are certain phrases that tend to get used a lot. It is as if people feel there are certain "topics" that need to be covered, or certain phrases that should be used. That is really not true except for the opening and closing.

You need to start the prayer to Heavenly Father, but you can use any respectful variation of his name that feels right to you. Heavenly Father, Father in Heaven, Kind Heavenly Father, are all things I have heard used. You could use something else if it is meant to praise God.

To close the prayer, people often say, "In the name of thy son, Jesus Christ". This is fine, and as I recall what the missionary discussions teach. The only issue I have with this is that people sometimes say it without thinking about what they are saying. Christ's name should not be uttered carelessly. You can tell they are not paying attention when they close a testimony or talk by saying it. Christ is not my son. A prayer is directed toward God so "thy son" is appropriate, but a testimony or prayer is directed to the audience....

I became curious about this and started paying attention to what our leaders say at the end of their talks and prayers. The most common is "in the sacred name of Jesus Christ."I LOVE that...because even if I am nervous, that word 'sacred' brings my mind into focus about what I am going to say next. It "assures" me that I am always thinking about Jesus Christ when I say his name.

You could also close with "in Jesus' name" or something like that. It is personal preference.

Now--the meat of the prayer, the part that comes between the opening and closing...this is were I think we can slip into repeating phrases we have heard other people hear, and we should be careful of that. Heavenly Father wants us to say what is in our heart.

Missionaries teach to thank first, and then ask...that is good courtesy, but not necessary. You could have an entire prayer of gratitude if you want to, or in times of great need an entire prayer of "asking".

All this to say...try to remember that even though the veil prevents us from remembering, you are talking to your Father....someone you once knew as well, perhaps better than anyone you know today. Someone who knows you better, and loves you more than anyone you know today. Just talk to him. Don't try to impress the audience who is listening, just talk to him. Those are the public prayers that impress me the most anyway, not the most eloquent ones...but the ones where I feel a real connection between the person offering the prayer and Heavenly Father.

You can do it! We all can. :)

[Hyena]

Hyena,

I wish you lived in my ward, because you sound like someone fun to know. I would invite you to sit with our family, and we'd have a great time. But anyway...

I LOVE how you took the time to explain the Thees and THous and why it is better to say IN the name of Jesus" instead of thy son. I appreciate all of that edifying information.

I'm probably not all that "fun" to know, just naive so I'm sure I seem pretty amusing.

Being a convert, I just feel like I can't really do anything right and it makes me self-conscious. I mean, I know it's our faith, and that there isn't really a right or wrong way to be a Mormon, in principle. I'm also certain nobody is going to come along and run me out of the Church for not being able to pray well or for not getting married in a timely manner.

But being a bit of an outsider, I have "new kid" syndrome where I realize that this ward is my new FAMILY and I don't want to alienate myself, otherwise I'll be lost with no spiritual guidance or teachers to help me with concerns or issues that arise. I want to belong because these are people who share a faith with me, and the world is decidedly NOT very forgiving or tolerant of CHRISTIANS, let alone solitary Mormons.

I do hope someday that I'll get around to visiting different wards in different places and perhaps meeting a few of you, if only to put faces to names of my extended beloved family here. I figure it should on my bucket list to sample the green jello and tuna casserole of every friend on LDS.net who was intrinsic to my investigation and eventual testimony of conversion.

Practice. I don't mean in just praying in general as it seems a lot of your fears have to do with praying in front of others, there really isn't any way around it beyond being familiar with doing so. I will suggest you don't worry about eloquence, it really isn't required and it'll tend to come with time. A lot of the eloquence you are impressed with isn't 'on the spot' brilliance of language, it's just being familiar with cultural phrases used to express certain ideas and concepts.

Thanks Dravin.

It definitely is a form of "Performance anxiety." WHen it's just ME, I can pray all the live long day. I actually do... praying often all over the place any place makes me feel closer to my Heavenly Father and brings me peace.

It's when OTHERS ask me to do it for us all. That's when I realize I lack that "eloquence" you mention and I'm self conscious of it.

I guess it'll just come in time, that if I continue to pray accordingly, I'll be able to do it in public better.

[Roseslipper]

May I ask how long have u been a member and what state do u live in?

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Thanks Hyena, I am VERY pleased to know my post was helpful.

I figure it should on my bucket list to sample the green jello and tuna casserole of every friend on LDS.net who was intrinsic to my investigation and eventual testimony of conversion.

You crack me up. I don't think it is because you are naive, it is just because you are you...I mean that in a good way!

Don't forget the funeral potatoes!

What you haven't heard of funeral potatoes? They are part of our culture too, but don't fret I will enlighten you. As a kindness, after a funeral, the Relief Society always hosts a dinner for the family of the deceased person. I think it is mostly to help the people that traveled long distances, but also to give the whole family time to console one another.

Usually there is ham, and funeral potatoes...which is some form of scalloped potatoes...read potatoes and cheese, the cheesier the better in my opinion. I think we do it because scalloped potatoes are pretty much loved by all, and are fairly inexpensive to prepare.

So now when you hear a joke about "funeral potatoes" you will know what they are referring too.

Other churches may have a tradition like this too...I don't really know.

[Hyena]

May I ask how long have u been a member and what state do u live in?

I live in San Antonio Texas. I've been a member for officially one month. But I feel like I've been LDS from birth! It was like a homecoming. Officially I began investigating at the last general conference.

[Hyena]

Thanks Hyena, I am VERY pleased to know my post was helpful.

You crack me up. I don't think it is because you are naive, it is just because you are you...I mean that in a good way!

Don't forget the funeral potatoes!

What you haven't heard of funeral potatoes? They are part of our culture too, but don't fret I will enlighten you. As a kindness, after a funeral, the Relief Society always hosts a dinner for the family of the deceased person. I think it is mostly to help the people that traveled long distances, but also to give the whole family time to console one another.

Usually there is ham, and funeral potatoes...which is some form of scalloped potatoes...read potatoes and cheese, the cheesier the better in my opinion. I think we do it because scalloped potatoes are pretty much loved by all, and are fairly inexpensive to prepare.

So now when you hear a joke about "funeral potatoes" you will know what they are referring too.

Other churches may have a tradition like this too...I don't really know.

So the way that the LDS deal with the death of a friend is to try and send as many of his family and friends after him by filling their arteries with cheesy cholesterol?? Haha!

I can attest that I've never eaten so healthy or good since I joined. I'm a college student on a poor budget, so When I do get around to accepting the occasional invite for dinner, It's often things of never eaten before, like hamburger gravy and kale.

Sadly it seems like some of the moms in the ward try to treat me like a lost child, constantly trying to pity feed me lol. I don't want to seem like a charity case so I do sometimes decided to pass and enjoy my usual ramen dinner. Lol

[Anddenex]

Can anyone give me any suggestions to help me improve my prayer. I'm sure once I feel I'm able to pray confidently and more succinctly, I won't mind being "blessed" with the privilege of being asked.

How do you deal with it? Is there a set template you tend to follow? Do you just practice one particular prayer and just sort of modify it on the fly?

Any suggestions will be appreciated and loved.

Well, first, questions are the only way we learn -- keep asking.

Don't pray for Heavenly Father to help you with prayers, unless you want to be giving prayers in public every time there is a public prayer. :)

When I was 18, the summer before I left for my mission I knelt and prayed for Heavenly Father to help me with my prayers, and that I wouldn't be so afraid to say prayers in front of people. Well, I thought I would receive an answer that said something like, 'try this...."

Oh no, after I said that prayer, we had a regional stake youth conference. Three regions were combined, and we had over 300 youth at this conference. At Church, guess who was asked to say the prayer? Yep...me. This is not what I anticipated for help. Well, needless to say, I embarrassed myself well enough that I figured, "Ha, saying a prayer in front of people will be easy now, there is no way I will ever embarrass myself more than I did."

Although, it wasn't what I anticipated as an answer to my prayer, it definitely answered my prayer.

We are all still learning how to receive answers and how to pray. Read the Bible Dictionary topic on prayer. It is a great place to start.

[Hyena]

lol Isn't that like praying to Heavenly Father to help you learn how to become a great swimmer and the next day a flood washes away your house?

[Anddenex]

lol Isn't that like praying to Heavenly Father to help you learn how to become a great swimmer and the next day a flood washes away your house?

Hehe, yep.

[Aworkinprogress]

So the way that the LDS deal with the death of a friend is to try and send as many of his family and friends after him by filling their arteries with cheesy cholesterol?? Haha!

I think I just gave you your first laugh.

Actually for my parents, the Relief Society put on a meal in the cultural hall for after the funerals. And that's what they served. Ham, funeral potato's, some kind of jello. Orange and Red. There might of been something else, I just can't recall.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Sadly it seems like some of the moms in the ward try to treat me like a lost child, constantly trying to pity feed me lol. I don't want to seem like a charity case so I do sometimes decided to pass and enjoy my usual ramen dinner. Lol

LOL, I think that is the way of women, in and out of the church. On my mission, they treated us the same way, and I always felt bad about it...I served in Venezuela and I felt they were too poor to worry about feeding us. They always wanted to feed me more than I could hold.

I'm sure the families in your ward can afford it, so enjoy! Remember, it's really not about the food, it's a way to get acquanted, and build friendships. So no more ramen if you have a better offer!

[Guest]

Ohhh! You must have been Catholic!

Yes, I prayed a lot as a Catholic but there's always a prayer book for everything in the Catholic Church. I even have a book called Daily Prayers that has 365/6 days worth of prayers and I get one every year. Yes, all my public prayers came from some prayer book. Like the Prayers of the Faithful on Sundays. But, I do pray in private a lot too. I remember when I was a kid and I wanted that Nintendo so badly I was asking all the Catholic Saints I know in addition to Holy Mary to help me ask God for a Nintendo. LOL.

So, when I joined the LDS Church and was asked to say my first public prayer as an LDS, I was terrified as terrified can be. And I'm very comfortable with public speaking! I once gave a talk on Sunday and my husband who was the next speaker never got a turn because I talked for 35 minutes straight... Anyway, my first prayers always started, "Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name..." this gives me a good rolling start and I have to really get in the spirit of it so that I won't automatically continue with "thy Kingdom come... ". I would then thank Father for the lesson that Sister or Brother So-and-So gave and then I would say "Father help us apply these lessons to our lives" and then I would say "I ask humbly in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen". Yes, it was almost like a Catholic prayer book... very formulaic.... same thing everytime I get asked to pray.

After a while, I learned to just "surrender"... basically, just stop thinking and just start feeling... so, it's like my words come straight from what I feel instead of my brain. Now, this is an interesting phenomenon for me because English is not my first language. When I first joined the LDS church, I was still in that phase where I think in Bisaya which gets translated in my brain to English as it comes out of my mouth so I have a lot of pauses when I speak searching for the right words. When I started "surrendering" the words seem to come out much faster because I'm not thinking much about it anymore. The only problem is - the words come out unfiltered so I spoke like a Filipino - the grammar tends to get backwards and the he's and she's tend to get swapped around. But, it's okay. I feel like I am much closer to the Spirit when I pray this way.

Interestingly, having been married to my English-speaking husband for over 15 years, I now dream in English. But, I still get my grammar and he's and she's swapped around when praying. Really wierd. I don't worry about it. Everybody is used to it!

:)

[rameumptom]

Try a prayer, where you only give thanks for things - don't ask for anything.

Try a prayer, where you pick some tragedy in the news or in someone's life (besides you and your immediate family), and pray for that one thing for at least 10 minuts.

Pick a scripture verse(s), and spend time pondering it from various angles. What does each word mean, in its various definitions? Why was a certain word used, and not another? Then pray that the Lord will help you find new meaning in it.

[Hyena]

Try a prayer, where you only give thanks for things - don't ask for anything.

Try a prayer, where you pick some tragedy in the news or in someone's life (besides you and your immediate family), and pray for that one thing for at least 10 minuts.

Pick a scripture verse(s), and spend time pondering it from various angles. What does each word mean, in its various definitions? Why was a certain word used, and not another? Then pray that the Lord will help you find new meaning in it.

Those are great suggestions! Thank you very much! I'll try them!

[Hyena]

Ohhh! You must have been Catholic!

Yes, I prayed a lot as a Catholic but there's always a prayer book for everything in the Catholic Church.

Yes! In fact, I'm ashamed to admit that all things considered I think I broke a commandment by engaging in idolatry... I used to say prayers to the Saints by lighting candles and praying over and over... Catholicism prayer isn't as much a conversation with the Lord as it is repetition and memorization. But I remember using different candles for different things.

I remember I was so in love with this one girl.. I prayed daily to a candle of Saint Antonio for him to grant me her love.

Never happened. But I did decide that it wasn't God who didn't answer me... it was because I was praying to the wrong person for a stupid reason.