Feel like Im losing control :(

[Twisted_Fairytales]

I'm trying my best to do whats right in life and to make the right decisions but it feels as though nothing is going right for me and my life is falling apart. I'm actually getting really fed up and down trodden by all this and I'm feeling a bit low at times because of it.

Last July we had a car accident-not serious but it wrote the car off We got a settlement and used it to buy a really nice family car. We were over the moon with it and hoped it would last us a while, only one owner from new etc. Barely 10 weeks later the engine went and it was basically un-reparable, We were gutted and did not have the money to get it fixed so are having to use a really old thing to get around that we cant fit our buggy and is too small, my sons feet kick the back of the drivers chair.

Ever since then, its been one thing after another. I lost my job, then got another one but one that paid less. Id been praying for help to cope and what to do about things. We hadn't paid tithing for a while and I felt I was being told to pay it so I did, took it out of our rent money. I then got a letter saying I'd been overpaid and they were going to take money out of my monthly salary for the next 6 months to cover it I just cried when I got that letter. I just said aloud, to God, Why aren't you helping me?!

Our camera, hard drive and computer have all broken within a week of each other and we cant afford to get them repaired because of the salary issue. We were all set to move house this year to a new, better area to bring up the boys Well now we can't do that as we are going to have to spend the money on a car instead and have a less income because of my job.

I also feel I cant cope at home. The house is always disgusting I NEVER have time to clean so it mounts up and makes the place look like a sty. I feel depressed about it so get out the house a lot. I feel I cant cope with the children and I get so angry and frustrated with them. I seem to cry at everything and have started having panic attacks. Ive seen doctors and am having some tests done...There's been other things too like I almost broke my arm, we have been CONSTANTLY ill for the last 6 months, barely a week goes by where we are actually well.

Im just trying my absolute hardest to do whats right and enjoy my life but now we cant live where we want, go where we want because of the car, do what we want because of the money,cant do the job I want...it just seems everything is going backwards and spiralling out of control and Im feeling very let down by the Lord. Where are all these blessings Ive been promised for paying tithing? Instead its got worse!!! Everytime Im having a rough day, I feel so angry that he isnt helping me. Why do things have to be so hard? I only want a good, simple life for my family and even the SMALLEST thing is becoming an absolute insurmountable task. Im just really not enjoying my life at the moment, everyday is just one to get through rather than enjoy. Ive never felt like this before and we have had rougher times than this. Its been such a crappy year, sorry.

Edited April 28, 2013 by Twisted_Fairytales

[Dravin]

Everytime Im having a rough day, I feel so angry that he isnt helping me. Why do things have to be so hard? I only want a good, simple life for my family and even the SMALLEST thing is becoming an absolute insurmountable task. Its been such a crappy year, sorry.

What comes to mind:

5 If thou art called to pass through tribulation; if thou art in perils among false brethren; if thou art in perils among robbers; if thou art in perils by land or by sea;

6 If thou art accused with all manner of false accusations; if thine enemies fall upon thee; if they tear thee from the society of thy father and mother and brethren and sisters; and if with a drawn sword thine enemies tear thee from the bosom of thy wife, and of thine offspring, and thine elder son, although but six years of age, shall cling to thy garments, and shall say, My father, my father, why can’t you stay with us? O, my father, what are the men going to do with you? and if then he shall be thrust from thee by the sword, and thou be dragged to prison, and thine enemies prowl around thee like wolves for the blood of the lamb;

7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

8 The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

Edited April 28, 2013 by Dravin

[BadWolf]

Things have been pretty upside down here, as well, for the past 2 years.

I don't know if this is "right"... Its just what I do.

- Spent 6mo in the hospital with my child... My son lived!

- My husband fractured my skull... Not only did I live, but now I no longer have to be married to a jerk.

- No car for 5 months (TheEx took out only working car, so I was "trapped" with a medically fragile child who had to go to the ER 2-3 times a week, plus apts, school, etc.) with no car... Busses, cabs, zip car, borrow, flag down a cop, etc.

- No water for 4 months (TheEx was court ordered to be paying household expenses during the divorce & wasn't, leaving me thousands in debt. He also took the credit cards, I had no job since I had to care for a sick child 24/7 & then was rehabbing traumatic brain injury from the fractured skull, and then there was a State wide hiring freeze & I couldn't return to my old job out of state or country without losing custody of my child. The upside on that, by the by, is Im looking at a carreer change. Not teaching, and doubling my salary. Cross your fingers for me!!! I can go back to teaching in 20 years. Giving up teaching isn't a loss. Its a gain.)... But I could shower every morning at the gym, and the church let me fill 20 gallons a week so we could flush toilets once a day & have water for cooking & cleaning.

Et cetera.

Oy.

And there is:was a LOT of et cetera.

2 years ago I had my dream job, my then husband was making serious money, 10 years of shoestring budgets being a young family with 2 college students for parents) was finally at an end & we were moving forward... Life looked really really exciting.

And then the rug got pulled out, and Ive been doing a bit of a tumble ever since.

But EVERY single thing that's happened?

Has been a blessing.

My son lived.

I lived.

TheEx is outta here.

Im learning how resourceful I can really be.

Do I get down?

Durn straight.

There have been weeks where I have literally done NOTHING but cry, drink, pee. That's it. My son at his fathers', and its me, a water bottle, and the couch (also bathroom). Ive cried so hard I can't open my eyes after 3 days. Im utterly terrified that TheEx will kill our son. While we were married, I could manage his temper, getting between him & our son. Its why I didn't divorce him. Because I knew the courts would grant him half custody. But I have to keep my son from being afraid, since I can't keep him safe. So I only let my fear out of its cage when he's gone.

Fortunately, those weeks are growing farther & farther apart. Im learning to be stronger.

Its hard, life, sometimes.

But its also really, and truly, amazing.

And that's what I do.

Whenever I can.

As often as I can.

I find the amazing.

I learn to be braver.

Because falling apart is ALWAYS an option.

And I hate that even more than I hate what leads up to falling apart.

Its the only thing I CAN control.

How I react.

In what light I choose to look at things.

What I learn.

All my best from the trenches.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

I'm so sorry you are going through such a hard time. I have been there and I remember how awful it was. It is understandable that you are feeling the things you feel, totally understandable.

I have to share a little secret (not a secret if I post it on an open message board, LOL! but anyway...) I have never felt comfortable with the scripture Dravin quoted for you. I know many, many people find comfort in it, but I am not one of them.

You know what I do find comfort in? The story of when Lazarus died. Jesus wept with Mary and Martha. He knew He could raise Lazarus from the dead, but He was sorry for their pain. It hurt Him to see them grieving. He aches with us too. He cares about your pain, and He is there to wipe away your tears. (there's a scripture in Isaiah that talks about that.)

I have found a lot of comfort in my own trials through the New Testament. The Savior was so gentle with the women.

Take your burden to Him. Let Him help you. In my experience, He generally does not make the trials and tribulations go away, but He can help make your burden lighter, and He will weep with you.

[Martain]

Have you counseled your sorrows with God and with your Bishop? Have you had or do you have faith sufficient to request a priesthood blessing of guidance and comfort?

If not, please do so as it will help.

With a prayer,

Brother M.