Temptation From Sex

[mjs4]

I am a convert and I am 19. I converted about 6 months ago and I have been progressing well in the church. I consider myself to be fairly spiritual but I do have some weaknesses sometimes. Having not grown up in the church I was accustomed to sexual acts with girls in my previous teen years. I am still a virgin, but I have done some things recently that Heavenly Father probably doesn't approve of.

Here is some background: I have been dating this girl for 8 months, and we do a long distance relationship. She is a member of the church, and she has taught me tons and tons of stuff about the LDS faith. She is my best friend, and I consider both of us to be spiritual for 99% of the time. We have these amazing talks about church, and we read/pray over skype every night. The problem is that we miss each other really bad so when we do see each other (which is about once a month) sometimes things get a little bit out of hand and we go too far. Like feeling each other up and playing around. I am going back home in a few days for the summer and I just don't want these things to happen ever again.

We have messed up three times before. Once in October, and we cleared it up with the bishop. Once in January, we didn't talk to the bishop but we repented a ton, and I believe we resolved it on our own. We then did really well until this last weekend I went home and it went too far one more time. We think we need to talk to the bishop about our temptation. It sucks since we do so so well most of the time, but for some reason we can't control ourselves in the heat of the moment at times.

This girl means the world to me, and I just want to marry her in the temple someday. What can we do to prevent this from happening again? And should we take action now in response to what happened last weekend?

[Wingnut]

It sucks since we do so so well most of the time, but for some reason we can't control ourselves in the heat of the moment at times.

It sounds to me like you "do so so well" when you're not around each other, but as soon as you're within eyesight, you suddenly can't control yourselves.

If you want to serve a mission, or her to be able to serve a mission, or to marry her worthily in the temple, you need to stop. Period. If that means that you guys need to break up to avoid the temptation altogether, do it. It's better to not be with her than it is to be together and breaking commandments and covenants.

[mjs4]

That's not necessarily true. We have hung out plenty of times before and had no problems. We have probably spent a total of 100 days together and it has happened three times. It's not like we lose control every time.

[pam]

Just my opinion, but the fact that the 2nd time you didn't feel the need to confess to your Bishop has me wondering how sincere you are with the repentance process. Sexual sins have to be confessed to the Bishop not just resolved on your own.

[mjs4]

Yes. I am a new member so I am learning the severity of these things. I'm intentionally being reckless or anything, I'm also not perfect. I am doing my very best to follow in the footsteps of Christ, and I have made some monumental changes in my life to get where I am now. I feel like everyone expects me to change from my old habits instantly, but I'm not capable of that, and as soon as I mess up I am chastised hard for it. I know I messed up. That's obvious. The two answers I have received thus far so that I'm not serious about repenting, and I shouldn't date her. I am obviously serious about repenting because I am asking you guys questions instead of letting it go. I want to know how I can prevent these things from happening in the future. No one has been able to answer that.

[pam]

Don't ever put yourself in a situation where the two of you are alone.

[Guest]

Stop being alone together.

[Anddenex]

I am a convert and I am 19. I converted about 6 months ago and I have been progressing well in the church. I consider myself to be fairly spiritual but I do have some weaknesses sometimes. Having not grown up in the church I was accustomed to sexual acts with girls in my previous teen years. I am still a virgin, but I have done some things recently that Heavenly Father probably doesn't approve of.

Here is some background: I have been dating this girl for 8 months, and we do a long distance relationship. She is a member of the church, and she has taught me tons and tons of stuff about the LDS faith. She is my best friend, and I consider both of us to be spiritual for 99% of the time. We have these amazing talks about church, and we read/pray over skype every night. The problem is that we miss each other really bad so when we do see each other (which is about once a month) sometimes things get a little bit out of hand and we go too far. Like feeling each other up and playing around. I am going back home in a few days for the summer and I just don't want these things to happen ever again.

We have messed up three times before. Once in October, and we cleared it up with the bishop. Once in January, we didn't talk to the bishop but we repented a ton, and I believe we resolved it on our own. We then did really well until this last weekend I went home and it went too far one more time. We think we need to talk to the bishop about our temptation. It sucks since we do so so well most of the time, but for some reason we can't control ourselves in the heat of the moment at times.

This girl means the world to me, and I just want to marry her in the temple someday. What can we do to prevent this from happening again? And should we take action now in response to what happened last weekend?

Welcome to the fold and household of faith. Both of my parents are converts and I am grateful for their decision to join the Church also.

Each of us are endowed with a body that allows us the opportunity to learn to become more like God.

Other people have actually answered your question; however, it hasn't been the answer you wanted to hear. Let's logically review your situation and the components you have mentioned:

1) You are a new convert who has made significant changes in order to be baptized. Wonderful.

2) You have mentioned how much you really care about this young woman and would like to marry her in the temple. Wonderful.

3) You have mentioned three times that you have broken the "law of chastity" with this young woman. Yes, petting is breaking the law of chastity. You already know, not a good choice.

4) People expect me to be perfect, but you say that's not you; however, remember it is not us that expects perfection it is the Lord (Matthew 5: 48).

5) Your question, "What can we do to prevent this from happening again?"

Logical outcomes of how to overcome and prevent this from happening again (some have already been mentioned):

1) No longer see each other. This is the easiest way to make sure the sin no longer occurs again. Young men and women are counseled by bishops to remove themselves from the situation - all together -- if they are unable to control themselves.

2) Never be alone with the opposite sex. Always have someone with you -- NEVER -- be alone.

3) Marry her.

4) Speak with your bishop and continue through the repentance process. Understand, since you are a repeat offender the consequence of your decision is more severe; although, the consequence is more severe please remember (Isaiah 1: 18)

5) A young man needs to understand, and know, that the Lord delights in the virtue of his daughters and sons. Breaking the law of chastity by petting is an outward show that you, yourself, do not "delight" in the virtue of this young woman, otherwise you would not remove it from her.

6) Personal choice. All sin is the by-product of personal choice. Once you say to yourself "I am in control of where my hand touches" then you will no longer touch her inappropriately. I am reminded of words I once read that a young man will never be tempted to rob a woman of her virtue if he is honoring his priesthood. If you have received the priesthood -- honor it.

I wish you the best. Again, welcome to the fold.

[mjs4]

I definitely think that being alone was our biggest problem, and we are going to work really hard to fix that. We are planning on talking to the bishop when I come back home in a few days. I want to put everything out on the table and ask in humility how we can fix it together. I know that we can get through it without breaking it off. That has always been my biggest fear, is that the bishop would say that we shouldn't see each other anymore. That would absolutely devastate me. I'm so close with her and her family, that I just feel it is crucial that we find a way to make it work by staying together. I have done a lot of praying and I feel like I now have the strength to make the personal choice not to let this happen again.

[Leah]

Yes. I am a new member so I am learning the severity of these things. I'm intentionally being reckless or anything, I'm also not perfect. I am doing my very best to follow in the footsteps of Christ, and I have made some monumental changes in my life to getv where I am now. I feel like everyone expects me to change from my old habits instantly, but I'm not capable of that, and as soon as I mess up I am chastised hard for it. I know I messed up. That's obvious. The two answers I have received thus far so that I'm not serious about repenting, and I shouldn't date her. I am obviously serious about repenting because I am asking you guys questions instead of letting it go. I want to know how I can prevent these things from happening in the future. No one has been able to answer that.

Part of it is changing your mindset. When you start out with the attitude of "I'm not capable of that", you're not even trying. Plenty of people have joined the church and have immediately ceased inappropriate activities (not just sexual ones).

I really don't understand this mindset of being helpless and powerless in the face of sexual urges. That's ridiculous. Millions of people are able to live the law of chastity. Some of us - due to divorce, widowhood, etc. - have done it for years.

You are not helpless. You have the control. It's a choice you make.