17 Years and Looking to Come Back....

[jsherwood76]

Hi everyone. My name is Jonathan and I am 37 years old. When I was 19 years old I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Nevada. I was an active member and believed in the gospel.

Unfortunately for me, for selfish reasons I turned away from the Church when I was 20. I thought the Lord had left me, and again, it was selfish on my part. Looking at it in hindsight I was acting like a child. I then joined the Army and served for four years before pursuing college studies and starting my family and career. Now, 17 years later, I am working through a number of personal issues and working to re-find my religious compass as well. However, it is not easy. Finding the Spirit again after so long away has been a difficult process and my support base is very minimal. My spouse is not religious at all and distrusts organized religions, so she has met with my decision to consider this with a bit of hesitation at the least. I also know the sin I have done over the years and know I am not the same as I was at the age of 19.

I'm not sure the Lord wants me back. How do I close that gap? How do I repent for things I have done and be worthy in the eyes of the Lord again? I truly have a desire to come back but feel so lost in this process and again, I don't have anyone I can really talk to about this.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[Anddenex]

I'm not sure the Lord wants me back. How do I close that gap? How do I repent for things I have done and be worthy in the eyes of the Lord again? I truly have a desire to come back but feel so lost in this process and again, I don't have anyone I can really talk to about this.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

When considering the thought as to whether or no the Lord wants you back open your scriptures and read Doctrine and Covenants 18: 10. Yep, this includes you.

The first decision in closing the gap you have already made -- desire -- the desire to return and exercise faith.

The second decision is to speak with your ward bishop. Express your desire to return and listen to his counsel. This step will also allow you to progress through the path of repentance and feeling confident again before the Lord -- worthy.

The third decision, remember to be patient with your wife and family. This will all be new to them and will take some time getting used to her husband changing his life. Then pray that her heart will be softened in hopes that you might be able to take her to the temple and be sealed for time and all eternity. Remember to be patient and loving.

The forth decision, remember to pray daily that you may be able to come off conqueror.

We all feel lost at times, even as active members.

[estradling75]

Of course the Lord wants you back.

Start with Prayer. Lots of it. If you don't feel like praying or don't feel worthy to pray... Do it any way and tell him how you feel. You need to start talking to him and you can also ask for his help. He will be there for you.

Also start reading the scriptures. This will help you understand the answers god will give you to your prayers.

There is more but these two are how you get a good start.

[jsherwood76]

Thank you. I have definitely started reading the scriptures again. Reading far more carefully and thoughtfully than I did when I was younger. I know that I need to start praying. Imagine hanging up on someone on the phone in mid-conversation and then years later wanting to call that person back. That's a hard call to make, and even harder in this situation. I am embarassed for myself and know that will be a hard step for me but I know I need to do it.

[Guest]

Do you have children? Even hypothetically, think of if a beloved child stopped contacting you out of the blue, then years later contacted you to reconnect. Wouldn't you be happy, even joyous? Read about the prodigal son. The adversary would have you believe that it's too hard, too late. But it's not!

[jsherwood76]

I do....I have a 9 year old son. And if that happened I would be overjoyed at him coming back to me. Thank you for the excellent point to consider.

[Bini]

I started with baby steps. I still have a long way to go but a day at a time. What got me going was personal prayer. I made a point to say a prayer everyday, whenever I remembered. I also found participating here on the forums gave me much food for thought, and things to do my own soul searching on.

Your journey is different from mine because you have a spouse that is uninterested in the gospel. My husband was inactive for about 30 years but not because he disliked the Church, rather he just drifted away and time passed. Since I became more interested in returning to the gospel, he has also found his own desire to do so. This may not happen for your spouse, and it might at some point but for now, small and consistent steps. When it's time, your bishop can help you with goals and any repentance process.

[jsherwood76]

I appreciate the advice. Small steps are important I think at this time. When my wife initially balked at the idea of me going to Church, I was very clear that she did not have to participate....that this was something I was considering. That seemed to ease her concerns a bit. She is still a bit concerned but for her it primarily is a trust issue with religion and not the Church specifically. I knew going back would be hard because of that element alone, let alone my own baggage I have to deal with.

[Bini]

I appreciate the advice. Small steps are important I think at this time. When my wife initially balked at the idea of me going to Church, I was very clear that she did not have to participate....that this was something I was considering. That seemed to ease her concerns a bit. She is still a bit concerned but for her it primarily is a trust issue with religion and not the Church specifically. I knew going back would be hard because of that element alone, let alone my own baggage I have to deal with.

Yep, focus on strengthening your testimony. Your wife has agency to choose as she will. That said, The Lord works in mysterious ways and can touch those around us through our actions and decisions, sometimes without us realising. Just let your wife know that you love her and that will never change.