Going on a mission as a recent convert. How to involve my family and comfort them?

[megangreen]

I was baptized December 1, 2012. I am the only member in my family. I am very close to them and the major reason they didn't want me to get baptized was their fear of "losing me"..or being distanced from them in some way. Now that I've decided I want to serve a mission (after months of prayer and thoughtful consideration), I'm thinking of all the future events leading up to my mission that may make them feel unincluded or "distanced"...and I don't want them to feel that way. I want to involve them as much as possible and feel like they are a part of this wonderful experience with me. and that I'm not "leaving them". I want this to be a positive experience and for it to go smoothly and for them to feel at ease with me leaving for 18 months...I get extremely stressed and emotional with good-byes..mostly because I feel bad for leaving someone.

Also to keep in mind, I don't live with my parents, I live 3 hours away, so we're not in the same house.

So some things they may feel excluded from:

1. When I receive my Endowments (I'll be going with another church member that has been like my second mother since I started investigating the church). They can't go in but that's going to be a huge event in my life that I care a lot about. Also it's not something they understand....and they think it's pretty weird the whole temple garments thing.

2. When I go to the MTC. My parents aren't financially well-off and won't be able to fly out to Provo, Utah to drop me off at the MTC like most parents. Or is that a normal thing to just say bye to your parents and then fly to the MTC on your own?

I really wish I could just call my parents when I'm on my mission...that would make it a little easier on them...I feel so bad that I'm leaving them for such a long time with minimal contact. That's going to be the hardest part. I may be okay with emailing them weekly, but they will have a hard time with not being able to see me and talk with me.

Any advice would be helpful. I know they'll be blessed for my decision to serve God, and I know this is what I need to do and what will help me progress and be who the Lord wants me to be. But I also know it's going to be really hard on them. I hope that in my efforts to involve them that they'll feel more supportive of my decision and want to be friendly with the church and NOT feel bitter or angry at the church for 'taking their daughter away' like they said at my baptism.

Any non-member parents out there that had a son or daughter serve a mission? How was that experience and what would be something you with your son or daughter did to make you feel more at ease?

[friedmann]

Hey! :)

Congratulations on your decision to serve a Mission! I promise you that it will bless your life as your baptism has. It's a fantastic way to draw closer to the Lord and His children.

I'm kind of in the same situation as you (baptized in 2012, only member in my family, going on a Mission soon, and a lot of fears about that topic). So I hope some of the advice I give you is helpful.

My parents were ok with me getting baptized. Not more, not less. They actually came to Church for both my baptism and my confirmation but they haven't been since. They are just not interested. The general tone of them would be that as long as I don't use their money on behalf of the Church, they are ok with it. While I think the situation could have been better or worse for being a member of the Church, they were at first very much against me going on a Mission. Mostly because they thought that I would have to leave my education behind and I would never be able to come back the way I had been.

Things have changed a lot since, considering that my family is now supportive of me going, though still absolutely uninterested in the Gospel. For me, I think these circumstances helped my family come to peace with me serving a Mission:

- TIME: I think it helped them a lot that I've been wanting to go for a relatively long time (a good three years by now) so they know it's something I really want and not just something I'm getting myself into out of youthful excitement.

- FINANCIAL ADVANTAGES: When my family (who is helping me a lot with paying for college, although I contribute myself all I can) learned about how affordable BYU is compared to a public university and how much better my chances are of getting in there as a returned Missionary, they were so excited that they decided to lend me all the money for my Mission. And I only have to pay it back if BYU doesn't accept me.

- KEEPING IN TOUCH: The fact that I'm not completely detached from them when I'm gone. In fact, I'll probably be in closer touch with them on my Mission than I was during college, where I didn't write a letter or email home every week.

- ALWAYS WITH SOMEONE: More than anything about my Mission, my family loves that I'm always with someone and that I have a lot of people I can ask for help anytime if necessary. Which is something they didn't really have the same way when they shipped me halfway around the world for college.

Circumstances with your family might be totally different, but notice how I have managed to emphasize things about my Mission that will help my parents in ways they care about. Something that (though well-meaning, of course) has always ticked me off was the promise other members gave me that my family would be blessed spiritually because of my service. Of course that's true, but guess what? My family DOES NOT CARE. They care about my security, my education prospects, our relationship with one another and their finances. Once I had established those strong points about me serving a Mission, I pounded them again and again and again. Even though they are totally not the reason why I'm going on a Mission, I think it was a good thing to tell my family what they want to hear. And I'm not lying, so that's definitely a plus as well. :)

What do you think are reasons why your parents would appreciate you serving a Mission? Think about it and talk to them about it. I know it works, because I've done it, and I've met a lot of other Missionaries who did the same.

As for them being around when you go through the Temple: Don't care as much about it. I (of course) had no one to go with from my family. I chose one of my good friends to go with instead. It was a great experience but I think it's about you and not about who you are going with. Even if you are by yourself (i.e., without someone who accompanies you), you will have a great time. At some points during the endowment, it is good to have someone who assists you in doing certain things, but if you don't have a person who accompanies you, they will find somebody else to do it. I understand your concerns, somewhat at least, but I can testify that it will be a great experience no matter who you are with. The only time you should really care about who you bring to the Temple is during your own sealing ceremony

Also, it is perfectly normal to say goodbye at the airport. It's the way I'm doing it. And, to be quite frank, I have never heard of any recent Missionaries who have been flown out by their parents. Those who drive, sure. But not those who fly. I might be wrong with my assertion that most flyers come to the MTC by themselves, but you're certainly not alone :)

I hope I could help you a little bit! Let me know if you have any more questions.

[notquiteperfect]

EXCELLENT response from friedmann! The only thing I would add is that "what you focus on, gets bigger" so put your energy into how supportive and excited they'll be for you. Act as though that's how they are (fake it till you make it) and remember that your absence (and the goodbye) is temporary. If you or they hit a rough patch, remind yourself of how happy they'll be to see you again.

Congrats on this decision. May everything fall into place easily. All the best to you and your family.

[applepansy]

My nephew just left this last Nov for his mission. We left him at the Salt Lake airport. :) He went the the MTC in Mexico City. There really isn't a big push to accompany missionaries to the MTC anymore. Its discouraged. Here in Utah we leave them at the curb when we drive our sons and daughters to the MTC.

[Maureen]

...When I go to the MTC. My parents aren't financially well-off and won't be able to fly out to Provo, Utah to drop me off at the MTC like most parents. Or is that a normal thing to just say bye to your parents and then fly to the MTC on your own?...

My nephews (all brothers) flew out on their own when heading to the MTC (either Provo or the UK). But when it was time to come home (after serving the 2 years), their parents flew out to where they were serving to pick them up. The 2 years gave them a chance to save the money for the trip, they were able to travel and see parts of the world at the same time as reuniting with their sons.

M.