Become as Little Children

[charlie1996]

As a parent of 5 children between the ages of 6 and 17, I’ve had many teaching and learning moments. I’d like to say that I’ve had more teaching moments with my kids but that’s probably not true. I’ve probably had more learning moments from them.

Up until recently (probably in the past 2-3 months) my parenting style has been pretty much something like, “if you don’t do this, you will be punished” or “you will do this, now, or else!” My thought process has always been, I’ve been through what they are going through now so I know what is best for them. 

Well, I’m beginning to realize that I’m still a little child. Like Jesus says in D&C 78:17-18:

 

“17 Verily, verily, I say unto you, ye are little children, and ye have not as yet understood how great blessings the Father hath in his own hands and prepared for you;

 18 And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours.”

 

The Lord doesn’t force us to do what is right, he loves us and leads us along. I realized that just doing what is right is not enough for me or for my children. They have to want to do what is right and it’s ok for them to make mistakes along the way because I will be there to lead them along and so will Jesus Christ. All I have to do is teach them to be like little children as in Mosiah 3:19: “becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.”

It’s my responsibility to be Heavenly Fathers child and to teach my children to be like children too.

[The Folk Prophet]

Good thoughts.

 

As I see it, there are three tiers to motivation. 1. Fear. 2. Hope for reward. 3. Love.

 

The highest, and best reason to be and do good is, as we know, love. Love of God and love of fellow-man. However, the other two tiers, where lesser reasons, are still valid reasons that are consistent throughout God's word as given in the scriptures. The scriptures are consistent with warnings of destruction for failure to be and do good, and they are replete with the promises of reward for doing and being good.

 

I see it as necessary in the training/raising of children to address all three motivations. I think it is inappropriate to disregard the first two tiers. Parents that ignore them and only go with "love" as the solution to raising someone fail to teach them important concepts of consequence for behavior (punishment/reward). Consequence for behavior is a key aspect of agency.

 

However, as you have implied, I think that it's very natural to fall into defaulting to the first tier, as in, "Behave or be punished", as the full measure of parenting. It is well to remember and incorporate more fully the other tiers as well -- most particularly instilling in our children a love of righteousness, God, and their fellow-men.

[Guest]

I think it's more that maturity in the teaching drives how we teach.  Fear as a motivator is effective when the maturity in learning is still undeveloped - that is, we put in a direct, easily measured, right-now, consequence.  A negative consequence being more impressive than positive consequence (a child learns a lot faster from "getting burned" as he touches the stove, rather than the positive concept of "not getting burned" for not touching the stove).  Eventually, as the child grows, he will learn to conceptually realize that positive reward of "not getting burned" without having to "get burrned" first.  And eventually, as he matures, he will learn to conceptually realize the consequences at a longer time-frame scale as it applies not only to himself but also to others which is the end-goal lesson... Love is taught by example.  So, if fear and reward were not meted out as a subset of Love, then those beginning steps are going to hinder the learning of Love instead of a build towards it.