Holly3278 Posted June 28, 2007 Report Posted June 28, 2007 Hi everyone. I am having some pretty bad problems with my Grandparents. I got in a fight with my Grandma earlier (I apologised and repented) about tithing. See, my Grandpa is my only source of income. He gives me $20-$25 a week. My Grandpa is also a very anti-religion atheist. If my Grandpa knew that I was tithing the money he gives me, he'd probably stop giving me money. I can't get a job because I am disabled and am awaiting a disability hearing. The money that he gives me is for gasoline. It is the only money that I have and without it, I would not be able to drive back and forth to church each Sunday. My Grandma seems to be threatening to tell my Grandpa that I'm tithing my money. I have no idea what to do. I can either stop tithing to pacify them so I can keep the money and continue going to church and sin in the process or I can continue tithing and hope and pray that my source of income does not get taken away and risk losing all income which would prevent me from going to church each week. My church is in another town so I cannot walk to and from church. There is also nobody who lives in my area that I know of that could give me a ride to and from church. What on earth am I to do? I am considering talking to my bishop to see if I really have to tithe my money or not considering the circumstances and considering that the money is basically a gift to me. However, I am pretty sure that I'd still have to tithe it. Somebody please provide me some advice or at least pray for me!Another problem I have is that because I am disabled (mentally) my Grandparents also have the option of getting a court order to keep me away from church if they want to. My Grandma has even threatened doing this. She hates the fact that I'm going to a Mormon church now and would probably do anything possible to keep me from going. I am terrified that she might actually try to get a court order if desperate enough. Thing is, I don't know if she can do this or not considering that they are not my legal guardians. I don't have a legal guardian. My Mom had custody of me when I was a minor but now that I am a legal adult, I have full control over my life. I am just afraid that my Grandma could take that all away from me by claiming that I am not mentally competent. This is all so scary for me. I have no idea what to do. If my Grandma does do this, my life will be total misery (as if it isn't already bad enough). Please give me some advice or pray for me!
vinny15 Posted June 28, 2007 Report Posted June 28, 2007 Your grandparents seem quite manipulative. I cant believe anyone wold do this to anyone. IM so sorry PG. What I would do is if he makes you stop paying tithing than just keep a tab in your mind of how much you ow and pay it once you et your disability. The church is true and your grandparents cant see it, but they will maby not now but sometime.
Holly3278 Posted June 28, 2007 Author Report Posted June 28, 2007 Your grandparents seem quite manipulative. I cant believe anyone wold do this to anyone. IM so sorry PG. What I would do is if he makes you stop paying tithing than just keep a tab in your mind of how much you ow and pay it once you et your disability. The church is true and your grandparents cant see it, but they will maby not now but sometime.Yes, my Grandparents are very manipulative. At least my Grandma is. My Grandpa, on the other hand, simply doesn't want his money going to a church. Thanks for the advice though. It really helps.
vinny15 Posted June 28, 2007 Report Posted June 28, 2007 Ya no prob we need some other peoples advice up here though. :)
Holly3278 Posted June 29, 2007 Author Report Posted June 29, 2007 Hey if you all would please pray for me, I'd really appreciate it. I have prayed about this and could probably use all the prayers I can get.
StrawberryFields Posted June 29, 2007 Report Posted June 29, 2007 Vinny, you are a great problem solver. :) I like his idea although the amount you would be giving to the church would be very small less than 10.00 a month? Do they really make you give them an accounting of every dollar?
Dale Posted June 29, 2007 Report Posted June 29, 2007 I am disabled because of my Multiple Sclerosis. While I was struggling to get Social Security my local Health and welfare got me some food stamps, and a cash account. Rather than relying an an allowance I suggest you try and get what I did. I am now on Social Security, but the food/cash card helped me out quite a bit. Because my illness forced me not to drive anymore I applied for what was called an A&D waiver. Health and Welfare sent me out a nurse for an evaluation. They got me on medicaid which gives me things like transportation, and cooking. They also pay for companionship. I have in Nampa, Idaho a company called Above and Beyond which gets paid through Medicaid to help me with certain services. If you get a nurse evaluation I was told to tell them what my illness causes me difficulty with on my worst days.
Guest Emma Hale Smith Posted June 29, 2007 Report Posted June 29, 2007 PaladinGirl, Do you plan on continuing to live with your grandparents? Are you going to apply for low incoming housing? Can you live in a group home, by yourself, or do you know someone else you can live with? I agree that your grandparents are a threat to you, especially your grandmother. If you have a mental disorder and she is antagonistic towards the Church she is always going to be a threat to you. If that is the case I would suggest, when it is possible, that you approach your case worker and anyone else who can help you, including your bishop, to help you move out. Otherwise, you're going to be a nervous wreck all of the time. Unfortunately, it is possible for a judge to be convinced that someone with a mental disorder is not capable of taking care of him/herself. Once that happens it can be difficult to persuade the judge otherwise. Don't worry, I'm not saying this is inevitable. I just am advising you to get all the support you can in your corner as soon as you can. The way you talk about your grandmother with her attitude about the church, I would be worried. Is your bishop aware of this problem? Good luck, Emma
Holly3278 Posted June 29, 2007 Author Report Posted June 29, 2007 PaladinGirl,Do you plan on continuing to live with your grandparents? Are you going to apply for low incoming housing? Can you live in a group home, by yourself, or do you know someone else you can live with?I agree that your grandparents are a threat to you, especially your grandmother. If you have a mental disorder and she is antagonistic towards the Church she is always going to be a threat to you. If that is the case I would suggest, when it is possible, that you approach your case worker and anyone else who can help you, including your bishop, to help you move out. Otherwise, you're going to be a nervous wreck all of the time.Unfortunately, it is possible for a judge to be convinced that someone with a mental disorder is not capable of taking care of him/herself. Once that happens it can be difficult to persuade the judge otherwise.Don't worry, I'm not saying this is inevitable. I just am advising you to get all the support you can in your corner as soon as you can. The way you talk about your grandmother with her attitude about the church, I would be worried.Is your bishop aware of this problem? Good luck,EmmaI already live by myself and no my bishop does not know about this. I will be telling him about it though.
vinny15 Posted June 29, 2007 Report Posted June 29, 2007 Vinny, you are a great problem solver. :)I like his idea although the amount you would be giving to the church would be very small less than 10.00 a month? Do they really make you give them an accounting of every dollar?Thanks :)You know Im starting to think that as long as PladinGirl is doing what is right(and she is) that God will understand. She doesnt have to give an acounting of every penny, just as long as its honest. If they stop you from going to church PG than do what you can by watching it on byu.tv or reading your scriptures. God will find a way
shanstress70 Posted June 29, 2007 Report Posted June 29, 2007 As long as you're accepting money from your grandparents, they will try to control how you spend it. There has to be a way for you to stop accepting money from them. Help does exist through social programs, your church's welfare programs, etc. You've got to find a way to get out from under them or they will keep trying to control you. Just MO...
Dr T Posted June 29, 2007 Report Posted June 29, 2007 As long as you're accepting money from your grandparents, they will try to control how you spend it. Ding ding ding ding ding (flashing lights and music). You've got it Shan.
StrawberryFields Posted June 29, 2007 Report Posted June 29, 2007 As long as you're accepting money from your grandparents, they will try to control how you spend it. There has to be a way for you to stop accepting money from them. Help does exist through social programs, your church's welfare programs, etc. You've got to find a way to get out from under them or they will keep trying to control you. Just MO...I believe it goes even deeper than the money. She is also staying under their roof. They will continue the have control over her while she lives their IMO.
vinny15 Posted June 29, 2007 Report Posted June 29, 2007 JUst remember its Satan trying to keep you away from the true church of Christ.
shanstress70 Posted June 29, 2007 Report Posted June 29, 2007 <div class='quotemain'>As long as you're accepting money from your grandparents, they will try to control how you spend it. There has to be a way for you to stop accepting money from them. Help does exist through social programs, your church's welfare programs, etc. You've got to find a way to get out from under them or they will keep trying to control you. Just MO...I believe it goes even deeper than the money. She is also staying under their roof. They will continue the have control over her while she lives their IMO.She said she lives by herself.JUst remember its Satan trying to keep you away from the true church of Christ.... or... just controlling grandparents!
StrawberryFields Posted June 29, 2007 Report Posted June 29, 2007 Yeah if she does live by herself I would think that she could get 80-100 dollars a month somewhere else.
vinny15 Posted June 29, 2007 Report Posted June 29, 2007 <div class='quotemain'><div class='quotemain'>As long as you're accepting money from your grandparents, they will try to control how you spend it. There has to be a way for you to stop accepting money from them. Help does exist through social programs, your church's welfare programs, etc. You've got to find a way to get out from under them or they will keep trying to control you. Just MO...I believe it goes even deeper than the money. She is also staying under their roof. They will continue the have control over her while she lives their IMO.She said she lives by herself.JUst remember its Satan trying to keep you away from the true church of Christ.... or... just controlling grandparents! Or that lol, but doesnt satan have an influence over the grandparents. lol
Pelagius Posted June 30, 2007 Report Posted June 30, 2007 Hi everyone. I am having some pretty bad problems with my Grandparents. I got in a fight with my Grandma earlier (I apologised and repented) about tithing. See, my Grandpa is my only source of income. He gives me $20-$25 a week. My Grandpa is also a very anti-religion atheist. If my Grandpa knew that I was tithing the money he gives me, he'd probably stop giving me money. I can't get a job because I am disabled and am awaiting a disability hearing. The money that he gives me is for gasoline. It is the only money that I have and without it, I would not be able to drive back and forth to church each Sunday. My Grandma seems to be threatening to tell my Grandpa that I'm tithing my money. I have no idea what to do. I can either stop tithing to pacify them so I can keep the money and continue going to church and sin in the process or I can continue tithing and hope and pray that my source of income does not get taken away and risk losing all income which would prevent me from going to church each week. My church is in another town so I cannot walk to and from church. There is also nobody who lives in my area that I know of that could give me a ride to and from church. What on earth am I to do? I am considering talking to my bishop to see if I really have to tithe my money or not considering the circumstances and considering that the money is basically a gift to me. However, I am pretty sure that I'd still have to tithe it. Somebody please provide me some advice or at least pray for me!Hi PaladinGirl02I can empathise with you. When I was younger, my stepfather didn't like me to pay tithe on the money I received from him. The situation made it difficult for my mom because of the low-level conflict it created between me and her husband. (BTW, I am 39 years old now. I am speaking from some experience as a convert of 26 years).But I can see now that I was wrong to tithe the money he gave me. I was wrong to upset my stepfather and create that situation for my mother. I was dependent on him and it was his money. I didn't earn it myself. As a gift, he had the right to determine the conditions upon which the gift was received. And it was dishonest of me to give any of that money to the church behind his back.I think this applies to your situation. Tithe is 10% of your income. However, this is gift money given for a specific purpose --not income, not earned, not your money. If your grandfather just filled your gas tank for you, would you siphon out 10% of the gas and give that to the church.Please don't misunderstand my perspective. I am a full tithe payer. And I believe in obedience to all the Lord's commandments. In my opinion, you should not feel obligated to tithe this gift. Rather, you should feel obligated to honor your grandfather's wishes and the conditions that he places on the gift.If you do still feel obligated, then why not provide something of equal value to the Lord's church through some other kind of sacrifice -- like service. For example, let's say the tithing on this gift would otherwise be $2.50 per week. If you were working for the federal minimum wage, that $2.50 would be worth about 30 minutes of work. So, instead of going against your grandfather's wishes, maybe you could spend 30 minutes per week fixing broken hymn books with Elmer's glue or something like that. I used to do that when I was a teenager. Every week at church, I would find a broken book and take it home. I would repair it then return it the next week when I went to church.Again, I don't think you should worry about it, but providing some other kind of value to the church could be a reasonable alternative if you continue to feel the need. The Lord is more merciful than you think. He loves you. He wants you at church. Be kind to yourself about this. And paraphrasing Jesus, "The sabbath [or tithing] was made for man, and not man for the sabbath [or tithing]" :) (Mark 2:27)With hope for your happiness, Pelagius
Pelagius Posted June 30, 2007 Report Posted June 30, 2007 As long as you're accepting money from your grandparents, they will try to control how you spend it. There has to be a way for you to stop accepting money from them. Help does exist through social programs, your church's welfare programs, etc. You've got to find a way to get out from under them or they will keep trying to control you. Just MO...PaladinGirl02, I agree with shanstress that if there were a way to make it work on your own, perhaps you would be better off. I say that because it seems from your post that they do not respect or appreciate your relationship with the Lord's church.HOWEVER, while that's not currently the case, I think you should relax a little (not be so hard on yourself) and realize that because you do depend on them, they have a legitimate interest and concern for how you use the gifts they give you. And don't forget to be grateful. Unless they really are downright bad in some way, then they probably are trying to watch out for you as best they know how. If they want well for you, and they simple don't understand that the church is a GOOD thing, then try to be merciful to them also. Respect their wishes.
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