Be Careful

[Sunday21]

This is a topic about which I feel strongly. When people enter our church, they often assume that the other members can be trusted. Converts are sometimes scammed. I know both men and women who are scammed when entering the church. It is sometimes called "affinity fraud".

I was looking for someone to paint my apartment. The elders quorum leader (eql) suggested that I hire a certain brother. This person told me that he had lots of experience and detailed that experience. I assumed that he could be trusted. This person made a horrible mess. Clearly could not be trusted. I bought types of paint in particular colors based on his recommendation. The information was incorrect. I was out hundreds of dollars. I had to hire another painter to correct. I told the elders quorum leader about my experiences. A few months later, I came across the same eql giving the hard sell to an investigator to hire the same man to paint her home. I took the sister aside to set her straight. So what did the investigator think of our honesty after this? She did join the church by the way.

I visit taught a woman who told me she was out of food. Had no money. Had an illness that required regular food. I rushed in bought groceries. I later found out that the bishop had cut her off because she misspent her money. I was new to the church and did not know about reimbursement. By the way, I have never, in 10 years, had a sensible form of instruction about visiting teaching. Not ever. Not "you can be reimbursed for expenses". "What to do if someone does not want to be visit taught". We began to get into this discussion but were cut off by a sister who had planned a fun bonding experience.

I know a number of women who have been scammed emotionally by serial abusers. There are a few facts that would prepare women a bit, eg tell them about the gender imbalance, but we never tell them.

I admire lds people, especially the women, for not gossiping. It is extraordinary the extent to which they do not gossip but there is also a downside. 

[Guest]

@Sunday21,

Thanks for starting a new thread on this.  

I believe there is a difference between gossip and informing.  Much of it is the intent.  Are you spreading the information because you hold a grudge against the person whom you are talking about?  Or are you informing an affected party so that they can make the best decision for themselves with complete information.  Is there a need for someone to know?  Or are you speaking to get something off your chest?

Motive is the make or break of things like this.

There is a careful balancing act that, granted, most fail at even with the best of intentions.  We're supposed to forgive.  We're supposed to withhold judgment and exercise righteous judgment.  We're supposed to give people a second chance.  How do we balance that with the desire and even duty to protect the innocent?  There is no clear answer to that.  We do our best and we usually fail.  That's where faith in the Lord comes in.  As long as we do everything we can to make sure that our motives are pure in the activity, then the Lord does the rest even if we fail.

Edited October 21, 2016 by Guest

[omegaseamaster75]

I make it a point to not do business with someone I have to see at church every week. Yes typically everything will be fine...until it's not. I don't want to deal with it so I avoid it. 

 

[Sunday21]

I have the same rule. but I learnt through hard experience

[NightSG]

4 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

I admire lds people, especially the women, for not gossiping. It is extraordinary the extent to which they do not gossip but there is also a downside. 

Which three are you referring to?

[Sunday21]

42 minutes ago, NightSG said:

Which three are you referring to?

Now, now.