Dating A Mormon Girl

[proud2serve]

I've been dating this girl now for 3 months and she is amazing. Everyday I grow more and more fond of her and eventhough I shouldn't be thinking of things like this so early in the relationship I find myself daydreaming and planning and wondering about a future with her.

Here is my problem, she's mormon and I'm not. I should clarify even further; She is religious and I'm not. I'm not even sure what I beleive actually...I wasn't really 'raised christian' as I see a lot of people say, my parents were not very religious. Yes, we prayed at the dinner table before we ate and on holidays but it was more of like a routine. I attended church only when I stayed over night at my cousin's house on saturday sometimes (his immediate family was alot more religious and my cousin and I were attached at the hip pretty much so I would go along) so I'm not unfamilair with church, although I was just kind of going through the motions.

On the other hand from what I know of her family they are far more religious than even my cousins. But she doesn't go to service that much, and when I looked on lds.org to try and learn a little about it...she doesn't follow alot of the rules. And sometimes she doesn't really seem that enthusiastic about being a mormon with some things that she says. But I have noticed that her family is really close...and I don't know what would happen if we married with me not being a mormon. I wouldn't want to ruin that closeness she has with her family even if she would marry me w/o me being mormon. And if her faith is maybe weak right now I wouldn't want for me to be a reason for her to leave the church, and I also feel guilty when we do things that are sin... I don't want her to lose faith honestly because I know how powerful it can be for people...I actually envy it sometimes

I have been thinking of possibly attempting to join. There are parts of my life that I barely survived through, rough times, and I fear that if even worse times come I won't be able to make it through them without faith. But I don't want her to be the only reason that I'm joining the church. And I have this weird idea in my head that maybe she likes things that are non-mormon and if I joined would she like me less? I think maybe I should maybe try and talk to a missionary on my own...or should I tell her first? I'm so confused right now...but I have been checking this forum alot, and everyday I have been scanning the internet on information about LDS and I get this excited feeling in me whenever I do...kinda like this feeling I used to get as a child when I would pray. before I lost faith

[Still_Small_Voice]

I think you should talk with the missionaries. You can call 1-888-537-6600 to talk with a missionary over the phone. They may be able to send missionaries to your home to discuss what we believe with you.

As for having sexual relations outside marriage I would encourage you to stop. If you truly love your girlfriend then help her to live a chaste life.

[Still_Small_Voice]

I also noticed with your other post that you are serving in the Marine Corps. I salute you and all the other brave men and women who are serving in the military.

[selek]

But I have noticed that her family is really close...and I don't know what would happen if we married with me not being a mormon. I wouldn't want to ruin that closeness she has with her family even if she would marry me w/o me being mormon.

First and foremost, leatherneck, slow the heck down. You've only known this girl three months. It's not time to pick out the curtains for the nursery- yet. I'm a convert to the Church and I married a Mormon girl. Beleive it or not, my being in the service was a bigger obstacle than my membership in the Church. Long deployments, mediocre pay, poor living conditions, and the off chance of getting killed are also huge factors that you and your sweetie need to consider.

And if her faith is maybe weak right now I wouldn't want for me to be a reason for her to leave the church, and I also feel guilty when we do things that are sin...

There's a simple answer to this one. Don't. Don't be a reason for her to leave the Church, nor a temptation to break her vows. You're a Marine, #@$%@# it! You know what discipline and self-discipline mean in ways that mere civilians (or even lowly squids) can't.

If you truly respect and care for this girl, then show her that respect by respecting her standards and allowing her to choose what is right. If you honor this girl, then honor her- and respect those things she holds dear.

I don't want her to lose faith honestly because I know how powerful it can be for people...I actually envy it sometimes

Then learn about her faith, and you'll not only understand it, but you'll begin to see its impact in your own life.

I have been thinking of possibly attempting to join.

That's definitely something to look into- but make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. Loving this girl enough to become a Mormon isn't enough to sustain either your faith or the marriage. If it isn't really what you want, it'll just become one more point of contention- just one more thing to argue about.

There are parts of my life that I barely survived through, rough times, and I fear that if even worse times come I won't be able to make it through them without faith.

I've been there myself. We'll both be there again.

But I don't want her to be the only reason that I'm joining the church. And I have this weird idea in my head that maybe she likes things that are non-mormon and if I joined would she like me less?

Better to find out now, don't you think?

Your squad leaders will tell you that intelligence (and good cover) is the key to surviving on the battlefield. You need intel on what the enemy is likely to do and not do in order to craft an effective battleplan.

Life isn't any different, though the rounds tend to be somewhat smaller caliber. Instead of leaping before you look or making any hasty decisions, get all the intel you can. Learn about this girl's faith- and more importantly- learn about your own.

As I've posted elsewhere, most new members run into trouble because they take preconceptions about the Church into it, and are disappointed when they find out it isn't exactly what they think, or that the terrain is hills where they expected sand.

You need to learn and study and determine what you believe and why - and then find the faith that draws you closest to God.

I think maybe I should maybe try and talk to a missionary on my own...or should I tell her first?

This is a tough call. Personally, I'd wing it and let her know- she can help with the translation between MormonSpeak and common (poor) English.

I'm so confused right now...but I have been checking this forum alot, and everyday I have been scanning the internet on information about LDS and I get this excited feeling in me whenever I do...kinda like this feeling I used to get as a child when I would pray. before I lost faith

That's a very good sign. By all means, continue your search. If I can help in any way, I'm at your service- us old squids are used to looking out for Marines.

Semper Fi- and get off my paintwork!

[AmyL]

I commend you for wanting to learn about the religion that your girlfriend grew up with. It is a way of understanding her better, I know, I married a member. All his brothers are members, they married life long members, then he married me. For a while it was a rocky road until I started learning about the LDS faith. I asked his brothers and sisters-in-law questions, they answered them. I went to Church and they welcomed me with open arms. I didn't join the Church until 7 months after I married my husband, and it was just the right time for me. What you need to do with your girlfriend is sit down and ask her how important her faith is to her. My husband was inactive until after our marriage because he realized what a difference it made in his life, and that might be the same for her. It may take your willingness to learn about her faith to bring her back to where she needs to be spiritually. Talk, Talk, Talk...that is my advice. If you are doing sinful things, stop! You need to get to know her and what she wants in life before you travel that road. My husband and I waited until our wedding night to express our physical love for each other and it was worth the 4 1/2 year wait.

[fish4kitty]

Hey Selek whats up w/ the squid comment ? Navy seabees NMCB 1 87-92. Persian Gulf Vet. As for the question I would start by saying What do you really desire most ? I relationship w/ your g/f or a relationship w/ God ? You need to make a decision that you can live with. God expects dedication just like the Corp. I hope you slow it down a bit for both your cases. I know what goes on, on base and off. I'm no idiot I lived it. Good luck Marine and may God bless you.

[proud2serve]

I thank you all for your advice and wisdom. I talked with her last night, and told her that I have been researching and looking into information on LDS. And after takling to her about it I know for sure that her faith is important to her, and I'm not going to do anything to make it falter in anyway. I'm going to call a missionary today (thanks for the number btw), and just talk to them and see what they have to say.

[Guest AutumnBreez]

She likes you too, however, my first thought when you say she does not seem enthusiastic about her religion- it may be because she likes you and probably has fallen in love with you and knows you are a non-member and fearful that you won't like it and leave the relationship due to her acting less worldly and more righteously. Afraid you won't find her fun. That was my first thought.

Praises to you for searching your heart on the matter.

Praises to you for caring so much that you don't want to jeopordize her family relationships.

During your search you said something in the line of -You had not felt this way since you were a child praying.

Children are innocent and have a special faith, we as adults often think we know it all (ego- and worldly built).

You are a child of God! You can get that childlike bond back, especially during prayer, and if you humble yourself and trust in the Lord, you will find yourself so much happier than you previously thought you were.

Blessings will be evident as you do.

I have been living overseas with Marines for last 6 years. I have great respect for you all. You show courage and discipline beyond the the average citizen. You can apply these same factors so that you and your loved one will also reap the benefits beyond this world.

Once a Marine always a Marine- You are a child of God way before you were ever a Marine. Put God first. I promise you will see a difference everywhere- Blessings will pour in.

God Bless- Semper Fi

[selek]

Hey Selek whats up w/ the squid comment ?

EN³, USS Ponce LPD-15 89-94, SCU New London 94-95. Operation Sharp Edge (among others) and Southwest Asia Service (missed the shooting part of the first Gulf War 'cuz we were in refit).

[MorningStar]

You sound like a very nice young man. :) How wonderful that you are so considerate of your girlfriend's feelings. I hope everything will work out great for you guys and that Heavenly Father will bless you as you make these big decisions.

[AKinPA]

You sound like a very nice young man. :) How wonderful that you are so considerate of your girlfriend's feelings. I hope everything will work out great for you guys and that Heavenly Father will bless you as you make these big decisions.

Yes, ditto :)

I don't know anything about the military but I'm a Mom and I know if my sons were making the decisions you have made that I'd be very grateful and proud to call you son.

[AmyL]

I am glad to hear that you sat down and talked with your girlfriend. It is easier to talk than to assume wrong. :) God bless you on your journey, and we are always here to help you.

[Garden Girl]

Hello Proud2Serve...

You can also ask questions here and will receive the LDS view vs. on other sites where there is debate, etc.

One thing I want to tell you... Mormonism is a way of life... not just going to Church on Sunday and then tra-la-la the rest of the week. We have doctrines about marriage and family that are far reaching (like for eternity). We have a high standard of morals and ethics (not all live up to that standard but strive to do so). Some of our doctrines are quite different than other Christian faiths as you've probably figured out. Just be sure that you keep listening ears and a hearkening heart, and your eyes wide open. Study and pray...

Good luck... you sound like a fine young man.

The Garden Girl

[CourtneyP]

Good going! Let us know how it goes with the missionaries! :)

[Guest Iggy]

Hello Proud2Serve...

You can also ask questions here and will receive the LDS view vs. on other sites where there is debate, etc.

One thing I want to tell you... Mormonism is a way of life... not just going to Church on Sunday and then tra-la-la the rest of the week. We have doctrines about marriage and family that are far reaching (like for eternity). We have a high standard of morals and ethics (not all live up to that standard but strive to do so). Some of our doctrines are quite different than other Christian faiths as you've probably figured out. Just be sure that you keep listening ears and a hearkening heart, and your eyes wide open. Study and pray...

Good luck... you sound like a fine young man.

The Garden Girl

Great post Garden Girl!!

Or in other words - We live our religion 24/7. It is not just a Sunday/Easter/Christmas religion.

It is also a hard religion to live - don't let anyone tell you that it is a picnic because it isn't. It is darn hard to resist all the temptations that Satan throws at us.

[proud2serve]

Great post Garden Girl!!

Or in other words - We live our religion 24/7. It is not just a Sunday/Easter/Christmas religion.

It is also a hard religion to live - don't let anyone tell you that it is a picnic because it isn't. It is darn hard to resist all the temptations that Satan throws at us.

yes, I got that understanding just from reading over like the basic beleifs and stuff. But it's not like I'm a stranger to long commitments. But it dawned on me the other day that the laws and everything make sense...they are there for a reason really. Like chastity for example. I had married at the age of 20 and it didn't even last a year. I thought at the time that it was love, but now I can see that it was just lust. If I had lived a chaste life, then maybe I would have spent more time to actually figure out what I was getting myself into...now that I have a clear head and I look back on my ex wife I realize how horrible of a person she really was, and I can't beleive that I married her.

On a side note, I called the hotline number that you guys gave me and they took all my information down and said they were sending me a dvd. I'll have to wait untill I get back home to get it though because I'm currently doing training in the desert right now. can't wait!

[MorningStar]

That's great! I really like your perspective on things.

[Guest Delmar]

I'm just wondering, is there nobody here who thinks it is a bad idea to embrace a faith just to get next to a girl?

[MorningStar]

I'm just wondering, is there nobody here who thinks it is a bad idea to embrace a faith just to get next to a girl?

If you read all the posts in this thread, you might notice some views like that.

[Guest Delmar]

If you read all the posts in this thread, you might notice some views like that.

I saw only one that hinted in that direction.

proud2serve

Embrace Jesus Christ as your savior because you are in need of a savior! Not because you love a girl who seems happy to have one!

[proud2serve]

I saw only one that hinted in that direction.

proud2serve

Embrace Jesus Christ as your savior because you are in need of a savior! Not because you love a girl who seems happy to have one!

I am in no way looking into the church just because I want to get close to this girl. If things led to marriage I'm sure I could very well marry her without changing the way I live my life and without becoming mormon, when I have asked her before if mormons are allowed to marry non-mormons she said that she wouldn't care if the person that she married was mormon or not, and that one of her sister's had married a non-mormon anyways.

Yes it's true that I didn't even think about going to any kind of church or trying to turn my life around until I started dating my girl, but that's only because she has INSPIRED me to change my life. Made me see that maybe I can be happy, maybe I can have faith again. I have lived a life full of sin and done many many things that I am not proud of. But I'm trying to fix that.

[Guest Seraphim]

I saw only one that hinted in that direction.

proud2serve

Embrace Jesus Christ as your savior because you are in need of a savior! Not because you love a girl who seems happy to have one!

Delmar: You are welcome to ask questions on this board, but do not to attempt to discourage those who are interested in the church.

Seraphim

[Guest Delmar]

Delmar: You are welcome to ask questions on this board, but do not to attempt to discourage those who are interested in the church.

Seraphim

Did it really seem to you like I was doing that? I really wasn't attempting to discourage him as much as I was trying to get him to examine his motives. He says he is doing so and it doesn't seem that I scared him away.

[Garden Girl]

Hello Proud2Serve...

You indicate that your girlfriend isn't too concerned about marrying LDS or non-LDS... and that you had wondered about how committed she was to her faith because of some of her actions...

One thing to keep in mind, however, is that she may deepen in her faith as she matures and perhaps view her faith a little more seriously.

If you two married and this happened, it might reach a point where she would desire to go to the temple and receive her endowment... how would you feel about that? That's a very sacred thing with eternal implications to a faithful LDS...

I married a wonderful non-LDS man and slipped into inactivity... but through the years I felt the tugging of the Spirit at my heart and finally I told my husband I really felt the need to return to Church. He was very supportive of my reactivation, although he would never join me in my faith. I did go to the temple and he honored that also... but it was an ache in my heart that he would not participate or learn of my faith... and when I'd attend the temple alone and see the married couples holding hands as we walked to the room to attend a session, I just felt so alone.

One time he did tell me after I reactivated that I wasn't as much "fun" anymore... well, of course not. I no longer enjoyed Las Vegas in the same way... no longer sipped mai tais, or wine, and changed the way I entertained, etc... but I never looked down on him or our friends because they did, perhaps he thought I did.

My point is, there may be a day, if you do not convert, that your wife will become more serious and that is not always easy in a single member marriage. You have to be prepared for that...

The Garden Girl

[proud2serve]

Hello Proud2Serve...

You indicate that your girlfriend isn't too concerned about marrying LDS or non-LDS... and that you had wondered about how committed she was to her faith because of some of her actions...

One thing to keep in mind, however, is that she may deepen in her faith as she matures and perhaps view her faith a little more seriously.

If you two married and this happened, it might reach a point where she would desire to go to the temple and receive her endowment... how would you feel about that? That's a very sacred thing with eternal implications to a faithful LDS...

I married a wonderful non-LDS man and slipped into inactivity... but through the years I felt the tugging of the Spirit at my heart and finally I told my husband I really felt the need to return to Church. He was very supportive of my reactivation, although he would never join me in my faith. I did go to the temple and he honored that also... but it was an ache in my heart that he would not participate or learn of my faith... and when I'd attend the temple alone and see the married couples holding hands as we walked to the room to attend a session, I just felt so alone.

One time he did tell me after I reactivated that I wasn't as much "fun" anymore... well, of course not. I no longer enjoyed Las Vegas in the same way... no longer sipped mai tais, or wine, and changed the way I entertained, etc... but I never looked down on him or our friends because they did, perhaps he thought I did.

My point is, there may be a day, if you do not convert, that your wife will become more serious and that is not always easy in a single member marriage. You have to be prepared for that...

The Garden Girl

yes, I can see how it wouldnt really be ideal for a non-mormon and a mormon to get married. But you yourself prove that it can work. I'm not saying that this is the situation that I would desire most, and I don't know if our relationship will even lead to marriage. What I do know though is that I'm going to keep an open mind, and be true to my heart in both cases: my girl, and the church. I'm going to take things slow and see where they go. Besides, there are bigger threats to our relationship then our difference in faith...like her distaste for del taco...I LOVE del taco soft tacos and she hates del taco....how could anyone hate del taco!?!?!

seriously though, I'm going to take my time checking things out and slowly searching my heart. Hopefully things will work out for the better :)