Children do not feel wanted in YW

[blackestate]

My girls 15, almost 16 and just 14 do not feel wanted in our ward. It has been a long ongoing issue. They are kind of the outcast, unless you need something done.

So here is my issue.

They are fed up, and no longer want to go to YW. But have said they would go to another ward's YW. The older one has friends from seminary who would love to have her come.

What do we do.

We are thinking that we would encourage the good friendship, and weeknight activity, and they would attend church with us on Sunday, including YW.

What do I do for my girls.

thanks

[Guest Lexish]

You could talk to the YW leaders to include your daughters in the organizing or some aspect of activities. "They are kind of the outcast, unless you need something done."

In my ward we used to have the YW switch off giving the lesson some times. That helped me feel much more comfortable with the girls in my ward.

Reminds your daughters that YW is only for a few years. They should be friendly with the girls because they could be a good example for someone else. When my bishop told me that I was an example to the Beehives I realized that me going to activities wasn't even about me.

[slippers]

Why not let them enjoy some activities with their friends. I don't see any harm in it, myself. I'd talk to the Presidency too, though. They may not notice. They could work with the YW (teens) leaders in the classes and encourage them to reach out more and include everyone in the friendship circle.

[blackestate]

we have talked to the YW leaders repeatedly. The older of the two is the MM pres. And is just given the work assignments. She will get them done, that is what we have taught. But they now feel like that is the only reason they get called into the leadership.

An example of this.. Last year at the temple on a baptisim trip, They were 2 of the first 5 or so through the lunch line, and sat at a table. And ended up alone for the whole time, including leaders.... Breaks my heart for them...

[the Ogre]

My daughter had issues as well. Her problem was not so much with the leadership as with the other girls. I don't think telling them to wait for acceptance helps either because time for teen-agers moves so slowly.

The only thing that seemed to work was just telling her to stay active and go to her friends group as well if she really wanted to. I was quite firm that she had to be active in our ward as well.

[SanctitasDeo]

I had some experiences where I was semi-ignored/ostracized by leaders and other YM. I have never had any close LDS friends until recently. And there is still only one.

But I am somewhat odd because I managed to make myself not care. I had friends, just not at church. The other guys in my ward were so different that we would never have hung together at all were it not for the church. Also I am fortunate in the fact that I never associated the social aspect of the church with the spiritual aspect. Except for once or twice, I never didn't want to go to church because of that. I did find that over time, the guys all got more mature, for the most part.

I did know a guy whose family almost moved wards because of this, though. They talked to the Stake President about it at one point. So I guess that is an option if it really is that bad.

They are fortunate that they are close in age. At least have have each other, even if no one else wants to hang out with them.

[Traela]

Have you enquired of the Lord? I suggest you and your spouse kneel down with your girls and pray together- talk to the Lord about what is happening, and ask for guidance. Afterward the four of you discuss different options, and then separately "study it out in your mind" and pray about it. Once you are all in agreement as to the Lord's will, you can move forward.

If you handle it well, this can be an excellent opportunity to teach your girls about learning and following the Lord's will, and their RIGHT to receive personal revelation.

[WillowTheWhisp]

If you genuinely feel that the YW leaders are also excluding your girls I would speak to the Bishop about it. The leaders should be the ones who encourage all the others to be inclusive. I admire your girls for sticking with it and I wouldn't feel bad about letting them have the odd visit to another Ward where they have friends.

[blackestate]

I have talked with the leaders and the Bishop.

Last week the MM adviser called one of my girls a name... Argh!!!!!!!

Anyway I have to hand it to my girls. They have decided to try and make it change, and stick with it in our ward.

I just do not understand how two girls who are there all the time, do all that is asked of them, and live the best that they can, can be treated soo poorly by those who are to help them.

[Elgama]

I have talked with the leaders and the Bishop.

Last week the MM adviser called one of my girls a name... Argh!!!!!!!

Anyway I have to hand it to my girls. They have decided to try and make it change, and stick with it in our ward.

I just do not understand how two girls who are there all the time, do all that is asked of them, and live the best that they can, can be treated soo poorly by those who are to help them.

They sound great girls - there is a sketch on a tape I think by John Bytheway called Dog Food if you can get hold of it, it is an eye opening way of describing it to the Young Women Leaders and the Bishop - someone who has been in YW many years ago may know it or have it(I am 31 its was popular amongst us Brits)

-Charley

[WillowTheWhisp]

I really admire your girls. It sounds like they have great strength and will make wonderful leaders themselves one day. You must be so proud of them.

[jax]

we had a simal problem but we didnt deal with it good we stoped going to church it was nearly 8yrs ago now my daughters are 23 22 and 20 but my 20 yr old was a bit apseted the other 2 were not, it is very hard to watch.