NobodysFool

Back when we had a single ward, they still were. Not the ones I've seen. They either opened their activities to the stake, or the stake continued to function and hold events. And as far as the one ward you cite, it worked then, it worked for that age spread and it worked for that size of a ward. It is not a forgone conclusion that it would work now, for the range in demographics that one finds in different areas and most particularly, it may not work for the smaller wards we have now. Well, that's one possible outcome. Another is to withdraw and seek social gratification elsewhere. Yes, and guess how that makes many singles feel. From your statements, it seems apparent to me that you are not single and you haven't been in quite a while. I meant dead socially. In some wards, there's simply too few singles (and not as a result of singles wards). There isn't enough of a selection to find anyone they connect with as friends. So they go elsewhere for social activities. That large ward you cited worked because someone could find a peer to connect with. In situations like this, I find the church leaders tend to stay silent rather then allow themselves to get into a discussion. I wonder if they've put you on ignore.

That is a seriously big ward. At least 3 times the size of most wards in my area and getting close to half a stake. If you're going to have a ward of that size, who needs stake events? Since you've done the research, you'll have to tell me why it's so big. Did they do things differently back then or was it because of large families increasing the membership count without increasing the number of "bishopric material" that seems to be the major deciding factor today? Given the widely varied demographics that you'll find, I'm not sure as there is any "one size fits all" solution to the problem. If a single has the misfortune of living in the boundaries of a "newlywed or nearly dead" ward, what are they supposed to do? I'm not sure how you get the idea that a YSA ward exposes the weak more then keeping them in a family ward when their friends have left home. I think exiting the youth program is a bigger shock then entering the YSA program. I won't say that single people "only" need single friends, but the single friends are more important to them. I've seen time and again, when a single person gets married, the friendships with their single friends weakens. The single person then needs to find a new "go do" friend. I guess I didn't make myself clear. I know of singles attending family wards who do not attend anything but their block meetings. They do NOT come out to single events. That why I called that bogus. You will not see them at a stake fireside unless they've been called upon to play the piano or serve refreshments. At the time there was no nearby singles wards for them to "ward hop". They would have had to either go back to school to got to the student ward or quit their job and moved out of the area entirely. Close. Nope. Social. Most of the callings in the auxiliaries are already filled. And I've already indicated that the number of YSA returning to the family wards wasn't that large. It certainly wouldn't cause a Elders Quorum or Relief Society to split into two. Oh, the old "you're single - you have time for this" trip. Trust me. It doesn't go over well. Except the church isn't a democracy, even in non-doctrinal issues. If you were in a position of power, or being consulted, that would be different. From what I understand, the change had very little to do with what was happening on the home front, but rather the increasing difficulty in dealing with the issues in trying to run the church in heavily black areas of the world. Perhaps one of the stickyer problems is when someone did their genealogy and found they were part black.

I also wanted to add that YSA wards is not for everyone. It is a choice.

People who try to build you a better house of faith are probably worth listening to. But folks who only want to tear down what you have and leave you spiritually homeless should be avoided. If they say they're doing God's work, ask them if they think God's truths are so weak that they have to tear down others.

And yet you seem to be staying with him - why? Assuming what you've said is true, he's unfaithful and unrepentant. It's over, there's nothing to save.

What findings are those? That there's a transition problem? There certainly is. But I fail to see any stats that convince me that YSA wards are part of the problem. Let's see if I can re-state my prior point in a better fashion. 1. Youth graduate from High School. 2. Many of their friends move away to collage. 3. The ones most likely to move away is the more ambitious ones that make things happen. 4. Now if you want to blame anything for the transition, you might look at the differences of how the church treats youth and YSA. The oversight in the church changes dramatically: - Duty to God/Personal Progress program ends - Mutual activities that are held weekly ends. - Scouting ends - Oversight by the Young Men's/Young Women's Presidency ends - The funding for activities changes. - They're moved from groups of their peers into the same groups as their parents. On the YSA side, the Bishop may call a couple of YSA reps and a YSA adviser couple. Most wards are doing good if they can have a monthly FHE. All this really takes a toll on a newly minted YSA's friend network at precisely the time they've lost some of their friends. Last but not least, at this point, the members become adults and some leave home. Now they find out if the gospel is really part of themselves or if they were just going along with their parents. Now is the time to see if the youth program really did it's job. Or did it set them up to fail with the withdrawal of attention. Bogus. They would not be seeing the same people. Far too many YSA only goes to their block meetings. If you're not in their ward, you'll never see them. Yeah, I've heard complaints that the YSA ward was killing the ward YSA. Then our SP dissolved the ward. (This was back 10-15 years go when a infamous letter encouraged the dissolving of singles and language wards.) About the only thing it accomplished is that it shut up the complainers. In the end, it did little for the wards. Even with the return of the YSA from the YSA ward, there simply wasn't "critical mass" to make things fly. In my observation, I've found the analogy of a charcoal briquette fire to be good. You can't create a fire with just a couple of briquettes. You need a small pile of them. Take a briquette out of the fire and it cools off. Put it back and it goes back to contributing to the fire. Making YSA go back to their conventional wards tends to scatter the fire. Whatever. But the fact is, it's still in the Handbook that was gone over carefully and revised just this past November. I'm sure the Brethren have looked at this and decided that on a whole, the church is better off with YSA wards. Note that attending a YSA ward is optional, not mandatory. I've never seen them ward hop due to boring callings. Usually, it's to meet others. I'd also venture to say, that if they did stay in their family wards, the callings they'd get there wouldn't be much better. That's a separate problem, but one not that much different from the youth to YSA in which the first group built up something the second group couldn't sustain. And in the final analysis - unless I've missed something, it's not your place to be advocating what the church should be doing. It's one thing to hold an opinion, but it's another to be spending so much time and energy in open lobbying. It's one thing to have a hobby, but this one seems to be a utter waste of time.

The problem with "mature" is that you always think you've reached it. But look back a few years later - uh, not quite. I don't think that cycle stopped (or at least slowed down) for me until the mid 20s.

I love playing with fire, and I don't want to get burned. I love playing with fire, I don't think I'll ever learn. yaaaaaaa! Sorry, that triggered my inner juvenile delinquent.

Since it's him calling it off, I don't see that you have many options at this point. Maybe you are supposed to be together and he's afraid of commitment. Even so, there's nothing you can do. Move on. You can remain friends if you want, but stay a bit distant. Give him room to miss you. And start dating others. It will either wake him up or help you move on. Either way is good for you. If you continue to anguish over something you have no control, you will continue to anguish. It's okay to morn, but don't wallow in it. As much as it hurts, keep moving.

Alriiiiiiight! A topic I can get into! Church pet peeves People who have to comment on something before they give the closing prayer. Prayers that sound more like sermons then prayers. Meetings that run overtime. Talks that use stories that have been repeated to the point of being a Cliché. (Can we start a list?) Talks that try to shame us into missionary work (like the "I thought you were my friend" story. - Oh, there's Cliché #1.) Leaders who pass out information on upcoming events, but don't bother to update the ward/stake calendar on the website.

I was hoping to start a discussion. Some people are only "responders" and rarely start something. So, I thought I'd throw something out there and see what happens. While I did expect to get a response by a moderator, I wasn't expecting a pile-on in "defend the faith" mode. But after all that, I think finally some banter is starting.

Isn't that an oxymoron?

+1. I don't think it has marking, but I think it's the best app at this time.

Hmmmm, over how long a time span? That's obviously not a "what's new" listing. Using "What's new" gets me 37 threads. It does seem that it's picking now that it's a weekday instead of a weekend.

It sucks that the topic isn't more active. I thought lds.net is/was one of the more active forums on the 'net, even if it's not a dating site.

The Bishop needs to pull out Handbook 1. I'm sure it's all right there. While I don't think it's called a "temple divorce", I'd think a cancellation of sealing is still in order. And there's a specific procedure for doing that. It's all in the handbook. But it's not something that happens overnight, so it is something you want to get started on at least a few months before your husband becomes eligible to go to the temple.

There is a "restoration of blessings". However, I think being ex'ed is unlikely in this situation. There's also getting disfellowship, but I think that's still probably a bit strong for the situation.

A diversion helps. Anything that gets you moving and occupies your mind so you don't focus on what you've lost. Go find some volunteer work.

Finally I stir up someone other then the moderators (who no dobut are running background checks on me). I guess it beats the alternative. Sorry, what I meant is that I half way expected to see a pattern like: 18 and ... 19 and ... 20 and ... with each paragraph/section, reflecting a new year or month. <knock> <knock> <knock> Hi, we're the bachelors from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints down the street. Are there any Temple-worthy Young Single Adult females in the household available for a date this Friday? No? Ok, thank you very much for your time.... Well, it might make a good bit for The Singles Ward II, but I'd highly advise a backup plan. Maybe it's something unique to my area, but it used to be that the women carped that the men didn't date and the men complained that the sisters were cold fish. Just remember that a guy will ask you out because he thinks that he's going to have an enjoyable time with you. If you're too reserved, he'll figure you're not interested and move on to someone else. (Of course, it does help to be perceived as "hot property" and that you won't be on the shelf for long.) At 26 you shouldn't be deeply concerned, but do check for self-defeating behaviors - like staying home on activity nights.

You might want to note my post count. I joined 3 years ago, but obviously I didn't hang around. Either it was more active right then, or I'm suffering from CRS. Oh, wait. I suffer from CRS anyway - that's not a either/or question. That's a either/both question.

Anonymormon1, talk to the Bishop. Tell him about what's going on. And do tell him what the RS President said.

Enigma, I gotta say, I was never a popular kid at school. I'm sorry to hear what happened to you, but at the same time, I think you let them affect your feelings too much. Unfortunately, it take self-confidence to let that slide off your back - the very thing that most kids growing up do not have. It sounds like your past is leading you to not allowing yourself to be set up that way again. That's understandable. I've only got three suggestions: 1) Service. It really does help. The biggest issue is you have to stop thinking about your self and work on serving others. 2) Fake it. Pretend to be the person you want to be. You'll become it after awhile. 3) If there's a LDS Social Services near by, you want to go to counseling with them. I'm sure they can provide some expert advice.

Yeah, I know this is a old thread, but I'm feeling feisty tonight. What's with the antagonism on YSA wards? I'm sorry, but much of the blog posts come off as someone with an ax to grind. I have a very different view of YSA wards. First, I'm a bit suspicious about any "stats" about singles in the church. Having been a Membership Clerk, I can tell you that many inactive singles aren't. A sizable percentage went inactive and hooked up with someone. Either married or "playing house". Because they're inactive, no one is updating their membership records, so it still shows as "single". Secondly, I think a number of "inactives" are simply members who haven't found the exit. I'm sure everyone here can tell me how to join the church, and how to get thrown out of the church. But how many can tell me how to "exit" the church? (Hint: it can't be done verbally) There is a specific procedure. It's written in Handbook 1, but only the Bishopric and Stake Presidencies have access to that manual. Sadly, I think the average member would have a better chance of finding that procedure from a anti-Mormon site then from the church. I find this odd considering that it was Satan's plan that wanted to force all of us back to Heavenly Father, and Jesus was about choice. So, I believe a number of "inactive singles" are really not single, and may only be members in the church's mind. I do agree there's issues about transition, but I think you may be missing part of the problem. In my experience: - You are what your friends are. The friends you chose are very important. That doesn't just apply to youth. - Friends naturally fade away at certain points. They get married, they move away, they go to a different school, or they just drift away. At that point, you need to find replacement friends. But where? The first great transition is once you graduate High School. Chances are you've lost a number of friends, and now you need to find new ones. IMO, the point of the YSA program/wards (although never articulated) it to help you find new member friends. Of course, this happens during the transition from Youth to RS/PH, but the failure may have as much if not more to do with what's happening in the member's "weekday" life as it does with their "Sunday" life. If you go to the zoo, chances are you'll be with other members. If not, well.... I also think there's a great difference between youth programs and YSA programs. In youth, you've got a number of adult leaders planning the events. All the youth leaders, are focused on building the program in their wards. But once graduation hits, many of the highly motivated youth move on to "the zoo", that great black hole of the singles universe (unless you go there yourself, then it becomes a white hole). Some of the former youth left behind are called to other positions, and it frequently seem to be a second, if not third string leaders that are appointed the YSA Male/Female Rep. And after all those adults running the youth program, they now have a couple advisers. Quite the change in the way the program is led. And it tends to reflect in the activities. Where they once had daily seminary class, those that go one to jobs might have a once-a-week Institute class - IF they're close enough to one. The youth that stay behind are left needing to find replacement friends. And have many opportunities to find them outside the church. What happens is as a result of these influences along with personal choice. Ok, enough rambling. I'll sit back and see what I've stirred up.

I prefer to think of it as a "meet market". While it's not a dating site, I still would have though there would have been more activity on the subject. Or maybe all the SAs have figured things out and it's the YSAs that are still struggling. Oh, well. I'll see if I can stir something up.

I come here hoping to talk to some other SAs and find that last message was from almost a month ago. Maybe it's time I give up and switch to "find and convert" mode.