Liesl

What can I say... I can empathise with you more than you know. I have been dealing with this in my home for the past 11 yrs.... pretty much the same story as yours. Except I have 5 children, so leaving is that much more difficult. My one advice to you, is think carefully before you have children in this situation. Now I'm not saying he'll be a bad father, but it is heartbreaking as a wife and a child to witness this addiction. I witnessed it with my father.... now my husband, and my son was exposed to it at the age of 5..... all I can say is that all hell broke loose, but it was'nt enough to get him to stop. I have a good friend who told me bout a book written about pornography and how to deal with it, esp you as the wife, can't remember the name, but I've heard it's an eye opener, so maybe check it out at the church book store. This morning in sarcrament one of the Stake pres asked to have a few min, he spoke about this very subject and how missionaries are getting involved in it. He told of one who's addition started at the age of 7, because his dad had mags he found.... children always find the things you hide.... At the end of the day, only you can make the decision, it takes alot of fasting and praying, but having support is something you can't go without. May I also say, your husband.... wants to do what he says, but sometimes his weakness is stronger than he is. One thing I have learned.... I won't be so judgemental on others and their weaknesses, it's not a fun thing to do. But only you know if you can hang in there or not, either way, it won't be easy....

I would like to promise to make some changes, but I must confess, the fear of failing to do so is great... Maybe that's what I can work on.... Not being afraid to fail.

Oh. 1 more thing... help each other with raising children, you mke them together so now you can raise them together....

Congrats on your new addition. I have 5, the youngest is 5wks. I'm an avid Dr. Phil fan, and as the old doc says..."They are the blank slates on which we as parents write..." So my advise is be careful how you wright. They are precuius and on loan to us, so wright with the intention of returning them in better condition. and then last but not least, just do your best and don't forget that You're all learning and mistakes are meant to be made in order to gain perfection... Have fun.......and count to ten...lol

I can understand your feelings of doubt as well as being ashamed. Trust me it's nothing unusual, many members have gone through and are still going through what you are, so please don't be ashamed. I often feel the same and I was born in the church and am married with children.... not an ideal time, but it happens and so I need to deal with it. So, this is going to be the blind leading the blind here. Think back to the times you have felt that wonderful feeling of the Spirit, what were you doing, and where were you in life?... Sometimes we need to remember. Then I would suggest you fast and pray sincerely about it, keeping in mind you may need to do this a few times. When Heavenly Father knows the time is right because of your growth through your searching, He will reveal and confirm what you need to know. Don't give up, that's the key. Remember he has said "Knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Ask and ye shall receive". I'd like to add one more.... Believe Him, not just in Him. Thinking of you

I can see you have been inundated with advise, and I'll add my two cents worth. Sorry to say I'm going to be bias since as a women I have more empathy there, no down playing on the hard work you do. I'm a stay-at-home mom of 5 children, ages 11,9,7,2 1/2 and 5 wks, trust me, I know. Been married almost 12 yrs now and my hubby still doesn't get it.... he always has me time with computer games, band, tv and just plain doing what he wants when he gets home, I've just learned to keep quiet and carry on with my work, but I got clever. I know I thrive after being in adult company, keeps my brain on the grown up level and not baby talk all the time, so I do so at the local gym. By just saying hi and laughing amongst the women that are regulars there does me the world of good. I also took up my passion again. Many ppl think I'm crazy, but I know that sometimes it's what makes life worth carrying on, especially at those horrible depressing times. You often hear women say..."It's the small things that count"... Well, that's a lie, everything counts, we just TRY overlook as much as our stomachs can handle....hehehe Let me break it down what your wife is now and still becoming, she is a teacher, doctor, lawyer, referee, coach, bus driver, cook, nutritionist, seemstress, psychologist, spy, artistic, musician, accountant, plumber, electrician, handyman, superwoman, maid and after she has scrubbed the toilet she will smile and TRY look sexy for you... Do you get the picture? So when you come home wanting me time and not notice all she has had to do... she is going to get upset. Remember, you get to leave your work behind you while she eats and sleeps at her work. That labour of love can very soon change when she can't hold herself or her family together anymore and cracks. Just because she loves the kids doesn't make dirty work any easier, you just do it. She may need to get out and get some socialize with adults to feel like one herself, maybe she also depends on you for some sanity too, hence the desperation for you to have down time with the family, just because she needs you to talk rubbish too so she can charge her battery tool. Another thing, she is in a foreign country and girls need their friends and family, you are her family. I told my husband that when I complain that he's never there, he should take it as a compliment cause it means I still want him around and miss him..... start worrying when she doesn't say anything because she has learned to do better without you and no longer needs you.

I feel that so many ppl have a fear, a fear of the unknown. We are often quick to point fingers and allow our tongues to form cutting remarks. At the end of the day, no body knows who, how or why. My personal belief is that it is not appropriate to have same sex marriages because of the bigger picture. Many ppl have a terrible trial to get through never mind overcome, making a civil union legal makes getting through that much more difficult for the individual to make the right choice despite their preferences. This is where the true meaning of "Bridal your passions" comes into play. Even though a same -sex union may be desired.... does'nt make it right. Just extremely difficult to get over. Hey, just because the desire to strangle my husband at time comes to mind.... does'nt make it right. Some answers we won't get in this life, especially to homosexuality, but until then I feel we need to stay close to the Spirit cause through him it will be made known, just like everything else in life.

Thank you, that is beautiful

I have to be honest, we have a fabulous enrichment leader with brilliant ideas, but even though sisters say they will be there, they either back out last minute or simply not show up. I also find that those with young children struggle to make it cause we end up running after the children more than learning anything, at the end of the day I'd rather get flustered at home than else where. And no, not all of us are fortunate enough to have our husbands home to help.

Haha... So you're the Susie everyone keeps telling me about....

So I've heard. Sad to say I've only been to Cape Town 1ce in my life and that was... oh goodness... 16 yrs ago....

Thanx for the welcome, I must admit I do find things like this rather intimidating..... I'm good at showmanship, but when it comes to socializing....somewhat shy.

Wow... I'm sorry to hear what you have been going through. I'm not an expert, just like everyone else I can only give human advise. As far as your husband is concerned, he needs to start being honest with himself... Is he really sorry for what he has done, or is he sorry for being caught?... Once he knows the answer to that he can make decisions either way. If truly sorry, he will want to do what is right, often times that begins with him going on his knees in prayer. This is usually a difficult thing for the guilty to do, but a huge first step. As far as you forgiving him, wow... not an easy task, but not impossible. Just understand that even if you do choose to walk away, it doesn't mean you can't forgive him. Give yourself a chance, look after yourself by giving yourself time... time to heal. Talk with Heavenly Father, write letters to yourself, and here is a tough one, allow Heavenly Father to help you. Just know that you are loved, and if every other thought fails you, you have 4 beautiful children who love you and need you. You are still a daughter of God and always will be. Unfortunately you can't control what your husband does, but you can control the decisions you make for you and your children. You're a good woman, I pray for your strength will continue and that you will feel that you are not alone.

Hi there, I am from sunny South Africa, it's very late here, and while trying to soothe my 3wk old baby I decided to keep myself busy and so stumbled on this site from sheer curiosity. I was born into the church, been married for almost 12 yrs now, am a mother of 5. I'm a stay at home mom who loves to dance, sew costumes, be creative but would love to have some company now and then. Hope I'm in the right place.