interalia

changed is a sister, btw. If I had a few moments with Heavenly anybody it would be bound to change my entire perspective as well. What you say seems to imply that if changed had a few minutes with Heavenly Mother that she would change her views to what? yours? someone else's?

I accept that polygyny was used in the church. I accept the possibility of it existing in the eternities. I point of this thread was to ask if polyandry would exist in the eternities as well as it seems to me it should (if polygyny exists). It seems the number one reason people have for saying that polyandry WON'T exist eventually boils down to this idea of there being more exalted women than men. Where does this idea come from?

Let's say that for whatever reason there will be more women than men in Heaven. (And for the life of me will SOMEONE tell me the basis for this idea?!) Again if we assume there are infinite males in the eternities - or a fresh batch of them when the next set of spirits in mortality is over - then it doesn't matter - worthy men will abound.

Faded, I apologize. I didn't mean to discredit your beliefs. Just because I don't understand something doesn't give me the right to question it so derisively. I honestly do not believe that the church is sexist - I just truly do not understand where some of the ideas concerning men and women come from. I'd hate to think that either sex will not have all the same opportunities. This is why polyandry makes sense to me. Oh and I agree with your mathematical logic that poly-anything would seem unnecessary if there were equal numbers of men and women, however I think that this premise might not be correct. Thing about it this way: think of there being an eternal number of men and women in heaven. When the numbers of men and women approach infinity, then anything is possible, polyandry, polygyny, etc.

Women more righteous than men? This doesn't sound like something that represents reality. Seems more like an excuse to "exalt" women in this life and put them on pedestals so men can protect them and keep them as dolls. Dang! My inner feminist came out! But seriously, I missed in the scriptures with all the descriptions of those who would enter in at the straight gate where it said, "And most of these shall be women because men suck." Granted I know that just because a scripture doesn't talk about it doesn't mean it cannot be, but I would love to see more information on this. I am a convert to the church, but the thing I always understood the least has been the gender differences espoused by the church. Each time I go to talk to someone about it, a bishop, a RF president, and others and I mention the perceptual inequality, I always get told the same thing: they say something about women being more righteous than men, or women are more spiritual, or women are more <insert holy attribute here> than men. That doesn't make the sexes equal - it makes us less equal. I didn't mean to go all tangential, I just don't know the spiritual base for where this idea comes from (that more women will enter the Celestial Kingdom than men).

Using your thought experiment, we CAN see polygamy in practice today. Take a look at the myriad of groups that still practice it. We have lots of samples and we can see the terrible consequences. You can blame in on unrighteous dominion and false prophets and that somehow the LDS church would not have done that, but I think it is deeper than that.

In fact some bird species will allow multiple males to inject sperm into the female so that there is confusion among the male birds as to whose eggs have been laid. This causes both males to provide and care for the young. What a great deal for her!

I cannot believe I didn't see this earlier!!! I just thought of a pretty dark take on your statement. So the idea is that women "gestate" thus take longer to have children, so the man needs more than one woman in order to bring about the most spirit offspring. So does that mean the man alone gets glory for having so many offspring while the woman receives only the glory she would receive for the number of children she herself can bring about? Wow we are getting waaaay out there. I wonder how much further out we have to go to show there is no polyandry in the eternities. This is why it is easier to believe that it is not only possible, but plausible. For the record, I myself have no desire to be polygamous whatsoever! I would be hurt and shamed if my wife loved another the way she loves me, and I wouldn't want to divide my devotion among more than one wife. I want her to know she is the ONE for me in my life. I believe this so strongly, I doubt I could bring myself to be remarried were something to happen to her. I only bring up this discussion because it interests me as most gender issues in the church do. I wanted to know what people thought or if there was revelation out there I wasn't privvy to it that would confirm or deny this.

Ok, but the question is, DO we assume that there is some sort of female gestation? I mean that argument makes perfectly sound sense if the woman is the one that takes longer in the process, but since I don't think we have any idea of how Heavenly begotting takes place, I don't know if that argument holds. What if the man is more involved in the creation of spirit children than the woman? It could be held that polyandry would be the most efficient course. I'm not saying this is true, just saying we don't know. Or at least I don't, anyone have any reference to share for how spirit children are begotten and developmental roles exalted men/women play?

I guess I don't see 'man being first' as a reason for women not to be able to have multiple husbands. Is having multiple spouses a thing reserved only for men? If so, why? I see this 'natural order' as something reserved for us hard-hearted individuals here on our little Telestial world because we cannot abide a higher law. When we can, I imagine things will change - in fact, looking at church history, one can see how they already have. As God's children were able to accept more, and the time was right, He has given us new information. I don't necessarily believe God has to reveal this particular idea of polyandry, but I don't feel it is impossible - even if it has to wait till the Millennium.

The other thread on this seemed more about polygyny (1 man, multiple wives) and was already 9 pages long, so I decided to start a new one about polyandry. If polygyny is looked at as weird, then polyandry is out of this world to most LDS. I am really surprised by this (though not totally considering our culture). It seems to me that if polygyny exists in heaven that polyandry should as well. Sometimes to justify how all the sealing stuff works in my head, I just imagine heaven as a place where everyone is sealed together and we drop the whole 'marriage' thing from it. But if we want to talk marriage, if a man can be married to multiple wives even into the eternities, could it not also be possible for women to be married to more than one husband? If not, is there something so fundamentally different about the female spirit that makes it invalid for having more than one husband? I tend to look at the sexes equally and see the majority of differences coming from nothing other than culture and stereotype. Men have the priesthood in this life, but women do to or so I assume or they would not be able to perform the acts they do in the temple - it is just not expedient they use it outside of the temple I assume. So what do you think?

I will be graduating college with a double major in Cognitive Science/Psychology in August and intended to enter the workforce again shortly thereafter. ...or at least, that was the plan. I have a course right now for the Cog Sci major that I'm having an excessively difficult time with. I most likely will not pass it thus disabling me from graduating with at the Cog Sci portion of the double major. The class, should I fail it, will not be offered again at my school until Fall 2010! If I do fail the course, would it be better to officially "graduate" with the Psych degree, or wait until I can retake the class and graduate with both degrees in Dec 2010. If so, will businesses accept a person as a degreed individual even if they haven't officially "walked across the stage" but have all college coursework completed? The reason I ask is because after August I will have finished ALL course work related to the Psych degree and so would it be honest to advertise myself as having a degree even if I don't have the paper in hand? Thanks for the help. I'm really in an odd situation right now.

I had a very difficult Friday with my family. It was four weeks ago my mother passed away that day and both my father and sister were having great difficulties. I spoke with them both and walked them through all of the emotions from anger and frustration, to denial, to eventual grief and depression. All in all this took about three hours on the phone. They both consider me the "strong one." When I got home that night, my wife was expecting me to be in a good mood, as that night I had planned to visit some friends I had not seen in a while, but instead I was pretty depressed because I had to cancel those plans in order to help my family and talking about my deceased mother for so long only made me sad. I tell you what was going on that night to provide a backdrop for what happened. My wife let me talk to her about the night and how things went and listened to me vex myself over whether or not I was doing enough in my father and sister's lives. We then began to talk about our future together. Up to this point the plan had been, generally, that I would finish my degree in May, land a big corporate job as I've had in the past, only higher paying due to my degree, we would finish paying the remainder of our debt while my wife worked. We would then have children and my wife would quit working to raise and teach them, take on the domestic duties of housework and cooking, and eventually start a home-based business she could eventually involve the kids in. Sounds great huh? Only one problem - both of us hated it - secretly, until Friday night. We believed in everything we wanted to do, the good job, teaching the kids, the domestic duties, the home based business, all of it, however we were doing it according to cultural normative roles. Let me give you a quick picture of my wife and I. Among our friends my wife is considered "the guy" and I'm considered "the girl" even among those who have no idea about my gender dysphoria (see my "about me" section on my profile for more information about this). When we get together I tend to take on the server role, preparing meals and cleaning up and sitting in the kitchen and talking to the other women. My wife on the other hand sits with all the guys and talks emphatically about whatever they are discussing. My wife is dispassionate, she has difficulty showing emotions, introverted and finds her greatest joys in self-accomplishment and in gaining new knowledge. I am very feeling, empathetic, religious, extroverted and find my greatest joys in lifting up and supporting others in reaching their potentials. We are both intelligent, however I am more faith based and she reason based. She hates domestic duties while I revel in them. She and I want children, but for her she sees it as a way to pass on her genes having little overall control in how they turn out, while I see them as little people to be molded into righteous individuals. In fact my wife believes she will have a hard time getting attached to her children with her difficulties showing emotion and fears it will negatively affect them. My wife doesn't give hugs or the like, and has only told me "I love you" verbally twice in the 4 years we have been together as a couple. I accept this, because I know how she feels by how she acts with me. I have worked in the corporate world in the past, and to be honest, I hated it. I mean I loved what I did and progressed up the ranks very quickly, but I found my emotions were constantly being assaulted. I had to make very difficult impersonal decisions regarding my employees, people I saw as REAL PEOPLE with REAL LIVES, and while it was easy for my male counterparts at the highest levels of the company, I really struggled with it. I cried with my employees when things got difficult and always sought for ways to bolster their self esteem. I also found being at the highest levels of my company and interacting with others of similar status with other companies just how much they care about themselves. The face they show to their fellow "elite" is so much different than that which they show to their employees and it sickened me. I can put on the face, and act the part, but it killed me. I am more of a self starter and want to do my own business where I am the boss, and if I had employees would treat them with an incredible degree of respect. My wife on the other hand has been working for the past three years at odd jobs. Since she is not a socialite and waaaaay too intelligent for her own good, she often has difficulty being tactful and likable. This has resulted in bad interviews and reduced ability to get hired. She hates working with people and would enjoy a whole day if no one interacted with her. When she gets home she immediately immerses herself in study, whether it be a forum regarding new geological discoveries, investigating animal species, watching a documentary about just about anything and pointing out the misinformation in it, or reading a book about hox genes in flies and evolution by mutation. This is her real passion and she desperately desires to go back to school again to obtain her masters and eventual doctorate. Well, in talking on Friday night we realized that our plan, sound as it was, actually played on the weaknesses of the other. I really didn't want to go back to that corporate world, at least not for an extended period of time, and she really didn't want to be responsible for the domestic duties or the children. In being honest with one another we realized that what we really desired was the opposite person's role. I wanted to keep the house clean, cook every night, serve my family, nurture, raise and teach my children from infancy, have a self-started home based business and support my spouse in whatever she decided to do to make her mark on the world. My wife wanted to go back to school, get her masters and then work on her doctorate. During this time she wanted to look for internships and other opportunities to pursue a career in paleontology or geological surveying and research. After this huge reveal, I looked at her and said, "Why not? Who is forcing us to do what we don't want to do but us?" She agreed and we have since decided that, even though it will be a change from societal norms and even our own initial expectations, we will reverse roles. I - AM - SO - EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't have married a better person for me!!! I love her so very much!!! I want so much for her to succeed, for her to achieve her dreams and not be burdened by societal expectations! I want to lift her up and see her reach the stars! I myself cannot wait to take on the responsibilities I expected I would take when I transitioned, and take on a role that is so much more in keeping with who I am inside and not who I am expected to be! I will get to raise and teach my children, be their loving emotional nurturing parent, and sow seeds of great respect for their hard working mother, who, while she doesn't show her emotions often, loves them very much. She looks forward to being able to teach her children about her work, and engage them in her intellectual interests while not being expected to fulfill the role of the emotional nurturing mother. We also realized the further implications of this all. My wife knows "The Actor," (the male facade I created in my youth to look and appear to follow cultural norms for my sex). She has seen him and knows he comes out as a way to protect myself. I had to wear him every day at my job, and she knew how much it pained me to do it. If we do this role reversal, I can truly throw him in the trash! Who needs him? I'm already going against every single societal expectation for me and as such, I don't need to look like the kind of person who would abhor the role I've taken - it would be too inconsistent. This also means the potential weakening of the symptoms of my GID (gender identity disorder). I will be the "mother" to my children and more in line with my heart and desires, while supporting my "husband" as she works hard in the world. One more thing. My wife and I have never been much for tradition. So much has this been the case that my wife didn't really want to change her last name to mine, and I didn't feel much need for her to do so. However I did feel it important we have the same last name. I suggested changing mine to hers, something she readily accepted but something my family was very against. Because of this, she has maintained her maiden name and I my name. Things are changing though. For one thing, the children we will have will not be mine biologically - I cannot have children and she plans to have children through artificial means meaning they will be biologically related to her. I have no particular tie to my name - heck I've already changed it once - first and last. Therefore I've decided finally that I will change my last name to match hers and carry on her line. I know this is not traditional, but she feels strongly about keeping her name, and I feel strongly that we should all have the same last name, so doing this we meet both of our goals. I am truly happy that I can honor her in her desires this way and she is very happy that her family will be in her name. This is truly momentous for us and such an exciting time! I'm so glad to have the wife I have and for our joint desires as non-traditional as they are. I cannot wait to be done with school to get our lives moving forward and get her back into school. Thanks for listening!

Thanks all for the encouraging posts. I actually cannot wait to go to church next week! I figure that when we all joined the church we accepted the call to bear one anothers' burdens. Unfortunately, living in western culture as many of us do, it is common to keep ones burden to oneself. Asking for help is often seen as weakness - as our culture really appreciates and thinks well of those self-made people, people who seem to take care of all their own issues without involving others. I think this level of individuality (pride?) runs counter to the Gospel plan though. When I home teach it is so difficult to actually get a member to talk about what they really need even if they really need it. I too have done this in the past, but realize now that I should let those called to help me do so and use the church resources at their disposal to do so. In turn, I'll do my best to try to get members to trust me enough to be willing to ask for help they need. I feel the adversary has really been attacking me like crazy, but I'm confident I'll get through it. After all, the Spirit warned me back in October that a very trying time in my life was about to come and that I should do what I can to prepare.

I love that show. That and Survivor.

That is a great idea! I need to do that! And what a perfect time to do so with such a major life shift!

Don't worry, I understand the spirit of your message and I'm grateful. I have trusted in Him up to this point, no time to turn back now. I've literally got my whole future in His hands. Not that we all don't, or that I didn't before now, but with how much I've given up and the odds against my success, it feels even more so like everything is resting with Him now.

My mother has only ever wanted me to be happy, and I took her on such a wild ride. Her example will always be a strength to me. Alive - that is a good word. I feel like I can take on the world!

For those who have been following my story, I have tremendous news, and I have to thank the many members who have been so helpful to me here on this forum for helping me along this road. When I came to this forum, I was struggling very much with my gender identity disorder. Even though I had made the decision to live again as my birth gender to live consistently with my religious beliefs, it was getting really hard to continue to do it. I had lived the past six years without much regard to my gender inconsistency allowing those who loved me to believe that it was all in the past - a big phase - and I didn't really introduce it to new people afterwards. I thought this was the right way to handle it, it seemed comfortable to do so, but ultimately it was killing me inside. I felt like I was being insincere with people; I was cutting out of my life a huge part of what made me who I am - a part that was such a large part of my testimony of this Gospel. I also was pretending to be something I wasn't, a person with no gender identity issues. So by the time I came here, I needed help, support, friends, and I needed to feel genuine. I was at that time scouring the internet for transgendered people like myself who decided not to transition and more specifically find ones who were also LDS. My search ended in failure after failure continually running into people who hated and despised the church, who chose to live their lives out of harmony with the Gospel and take it upon themselves to tell me that I was the deluded one. To tell you the truth, I started to believe them I was getting so downhearted. My gender dysphoria was growing, but there didn't seem to be anywhere to go to find help on living with it without transitioning to the other sex. Then my mother died. She died 10 days ago on a Friday morning. It was very unexpected and she was only 58 years old. My mother was a great friend and was always a champion for me during my gender struggles. Now she was gone. However in her death a new spark was lit within me. I saw a new path previously hidden: a new opportunity. If I couldn't find someone who was able to make it, to live successfully as their birth gender despite this horrid dysphoria, then I was going to pave that road myself for others. I was going to find a way to do it, make all the mistakes so that others who would follow after me wouldn't have to. Essentially, I would write the book on combating and living a healthy and successful life with gender identity disorder. To do this will require experimentation and a series of coping "tests". If the "test" works, I will adopt it into my regime, if not, then I will abandon it for another coping technique until I find enough that work. I made two decisions to aid in my coping. Two "tests". First, I am going to stop hiding it all like it was some dirty secret. I intend to stop stifling my desire to say the things I wanted to say just because they didn't fit into my birth gender stereotype. I intend share my past with others as it is appropriate to do so. Secondly, I intend to make changes to the way I look and act. For a while I have tried to live as my birth gender according to my own stereotypes about it even if I hated the way I looked. Now this doesn't mean I'm going to dress like the other sex, but rather that I intend to widen my scope a bit more and be less rigid. I'm going to get my hair cut short again the way I like it and find some clothes that I feel better represent me. Concerning the changes to the way I act, I just will try not to pressure myself to conform to gender norms. Sometimes that may end with my acting a little "out of character" for some people but in line with how I feel. In the end, you might not agree with my decisions I mention above, but know this: I'm walking into uncharted territory, and everything I am doing I am doing to ultimately STAY a member of the church I love and not be driven insane by my dysphoria. So today when I went to church, I had the opportunity to talk to a few of the members and, strangely enough, without my prompting, the conversation went in the direction of gender differences in the church. I shared a small bit of my experience with those present as it related to the conversation. They were shocked but not offended - in fact it might have even endeared them too me somewhat. Upon them questioning me further, they asked if there was anything they could do to help me. I smiled and realized the answer. "Please, all I need you to do, is just know. Just by knowing that you know what I struggle with, makes it so much easier to bear." With loving approval those who were with me nodded almost with one accord. I felt SO GOOD! I felt like flying I was so happy! I had been able to show myself, be real, be authentic! What made it even better was that they were accepting - something that is a very nice bonus! I intend to continue to fight this fight and I'll keep you updated from time to time on my victories (or defeats), but without the strength of this community and the examples of its members, I do not think I would have reached the point to be able to do this right now. PS: I have hidden my actual gender from you all because I didn't want to be judged according to it, but I feel it is now safe for me to reveal it. I am a 28 year old male transsexual with a looooong road ahead of him. I've included my picture in my profile.

I agree it isn't my job. That is the problem isn't it? By doing nothing I leave them inside their comfort zones, but by doing something I put them out. I don't think of myself as having any harder struggle than anyone else, just a unique one that I'm doing my best to figure out - its not like there is a board for TG Mormons... oh wait, there is, and do you know what they say? They say the church is wrong - I feel like the only one that defends it, that believes! I don't need influences like that! I need guidance that says the church is right, and here is how you deal when your feelings become unbearable. I have the scriptures, I have prayer, and I use these in spades. I do my calling, I focus on serving others, ANYTHING to put my focus on others instead of myself when the going gets rough. The fact I even wrote this post (the first one in this chain) means I was at my wits end and decided just to ask because I felt out of options and needed genuine discussion with real members of the church that are really trying to live their lives according to the Gospel. That being said, I'm glad you wrote what you wrote, it forced me to reexamine my motives, something I feel is very important we all do. Truthfully, I ask the questions I ask to find out if it is worth the pain caused to others to relieve myself of it. So yes it is about me, but not about others being accepting, just about being honest! I'm not even that worried about them being accepting, I've dealt with more than my share of people who are not accepting, but at least they KNEW, and I could be real with them. The only thing I was worried about was unnecessarily hurting them, or having them actively seek to harm me (but even that one I can deal with). Well, I think I got my answer. I'd rather have them reject me for the truth than accept me for a lie. I need to stop protecting everyone. I think I will start this new ward differently, I think I will be open. I won't throw it in anyone's face, and I won't make a big deal about it either, but if I happen to have something to offer or say that might aid another which contains information that comes from my past, then I will just do so and if they ask questions answer them accordingly.

I understand this perfectly and so do not tend to read into what others act/do, more what they directly say. If someone gives me what I perceive to be a "weird look" or looks nervous, I might ask, "hey what's up?" but I'm far beyond the point of assuming they don't like me. If someone tells me, "Look, I really don't feel comfortable talking to you," then there is no doubt, and I politely excuse myself, no worries. I truly do accept myself as I believe I have repented and that I am just like any other member who is struggling with an issue. In fact, accepting my own imperfections has made me nearly impervious to being surprised or offended by others' challenges (and I have heard some doozies). Those who know me (even if they don't know about my trials) know they can tell me anything without me thinking ill of them and know that I will try to help wherever I can. Well, consider that I am perhaps doing what I can do fulfill my responsibilities in the church and in my family, that I teach and lead by example, and that I have a strong testimony of the Gospel. I think my issue is my view of church members in general (and here comes a great flaw of mine). I kind of see them as little birds in a guilded cage, kind of protected from the influences of the world and they seem to like it that way. They don't seem to like to address or discuss anything outside of their immediate experience and get uncomfortable quickly when discussions go outside of that. I feel that I want to protect them in a way from the big bad scary world, so I change myself before them, I change myself into what I think will make them the most comfortable - like a chameleon, a skill I've had almost my whole life. I know this is a wrong viewpoint, and that I don't give the members enough credit. The few members I get to talk to that will move conversation beyond the day's lesson, their church calling, or the weather have shown me a greater depth of understanding. I want to believe this is the rule rather than the exception, and this board has certainly gone a LONG way to promoting that idea. In the end, I'm just afraid - afraid of knocking people out of their comfort zone, after all they could go their whole lives believing me to be exactly as I make myself appear to them, but that isn't doing me much good. I created a farse that I want to tear down, but am unsure how to go about doing it. Fortunately, I just moved to a new ward so now is the time to change if I'm going to, I'm just worried about hurting others. Each day I have this battle and I think, "I can take it for another day, I can deal with it. Then I won't make anyone else uncomfortable, just me." In the end though I feel like I'm lying, and that feeling that I was lying is what made me stop my transition in the first place - I felt like I was deceiving people then too. I just don't want to do it all over again.

I know the idea that God is not a God of confusion is a popular missionary line to convince people that God is very similar to us and not some amorphus, incomprehensible spirit that somehow exists everywhere at once, but this line's validity kind of peters out once you begin to delve into the nature of God through the scriptures and latter day revelation. The scriptures, we have to understand then, are not always literal. The problem with taking the scriptures literally (especially if you use KJV or one of the newer versions of the Bible written off of it or with its biases) is that "God is a spirit" John 4:24. Now the LDS have a way of explaining this, but what average reader (non-member) knows this? We have our own interesting questions with related to our Godhead. For instance, if to fulfill our eternal joy we need a body, what is up with the Holy Ghost? We also learn that we could only progress so far in the premortal worlds because we needed to have experiences with our physical body, yet somehow Jesus was able to be God without ever having experience with a body (granted we know he would eventually need one, but he didn't NEED one to progress to a point to being a God first). In addition, the brother of Jared saw that the Lord had a body of "Flesh and bones" yet at this point, Jehovah didn't have such. If one says he merely LOOKED like a human, then this is not out of harmony with many Christian's idea of God/Trinity. And I won't get into the idea of the role of Heavenly Mother - that just compounds things further. To close, I do not believe in the Trinity believing it to be a man made compromise to help explain some elements in the scriptures that were not understood due to the apostasy, but we cannot say that our idea of God is more valid based on its understandability, merely it is more valid because it was revealed by God.

I need some advice, but you need some background before giving it. This post will assume you already know my specific struggle (if you don't, you can see it on my profile). When I am at church I often feel very alone. I feel like I need to meet the expectations of those around me. Nothing new to anyone here I am sure. I feel like if I were to speak plainly about my interests or how I feel about things, that I would make the other members uncomfortable, so I do my best to "appear" like someone who is comfortable in their gender role (even if I'm not). Now I've committed to living the Gospel and believe the church is true, but I feel that there is this very important part of my life and history that is not bad, but that I must suppress. As such, I feel like I deceive people all the time, like I'm being fake or inauthentic. I might have specific insights that I'd like to share, but for fear that it would come across as odd from me, I sometimes say I "heard" it from someone else who fits a more gender appropriate role. I also have another group of friends, online and otherwise, with whom I do not have to put up any walls. They know who I am, they interact with me as I wish to be, and don't think me strange or weird. When I am accepted for myself I feel so incredibly happy - like a great weight is lifted off my shoulders, and everyone I interact with afterwards can tell it (even if they don't know why I'm so elated). The downside is, the people who treat me so well tend to be people who are transitioning to becoming the other sex as I used to be. This of course tempts me, so I cut off communication with them for a while, only to find myself feeling very alone again. I wonder if my church friends and others like them knew the truth, knew how I felt, my heart, and true interests, if I wouldn't necessarily NEED to communicate with others who draw me back to darker paths. I could be accepted as a LDS member who has a specific condition that makes me the way I am but who is desperately trying to live the Gospel as the appropriate sex even though it is difficult. Of course telling others might really have some drawbacks, perhaps people would think I was confessing. I don't feel that I am, because I haven't done anything wrong, I'm quite temple worthy, I just want people to understand where I come from and allow me to be myself around them. Another drawback is that I might make people really uncomfortable - something I definitely don't want. Another drawback is that I might have happen to me what happened in the past and have people actually turn on me and use the knowledge about me against me. If I had my way, (my selfish way I feel) I wouldn't care what others thought, I'd just be myself, say what I would normally say, share myself and interests without reservation, but know that I am doing my best to continue to live the Gospel regardless of personal struggle. I don't know if this is the best way to be, it might be off-putting. I hear the thing that straight people find the most offensive is when gays, etc. are "in their face" about it. I certainly don't want to be that and don't feel I really ever have been. I always try to be considerate of those around me - perhaps to my detriment. In the end, I need a way to feel less alone, less deceitful, more open and honest, more myself and to do so with people who will actually ENCOURAGE me to continue on my quest to keep the commandments rather than interacting with those who would tempt me away from those covenants. Any ideas?

I'd hate to think that a whole sex (men or women) needs "work" per say that the other does not. Perhaps this is how it is in the eternal worlds, but it is difficult for me to understand or believe. In that way, perhaps both sexes get the short end! That's equal right? Well I'm getting off of the OP and don't want to accidentally start non-OP discussion. Suffice it to say, men and women are equally loved by the Lord, but there are still many culturally based practices still in the church that have nothing to do with doctrine - but we shouldn't allow those to demean our faith.

The most I ever cried at a funeral was when my bishop died. He was a very powerful aid in my life, and helped me when I returned to the church and acted like a 2nd father to me. He died suddenly of a heart attack while serving in my ward. I was decimated. Note, none of this was because I thought he was gone forever or that he would not have an excellent afterlife, my tears were because I lost someone I dearly trusted and who had helped me so much! I loved him so much and there was a lot of uncertainty for me with a new bishop - someone I'd have to get to know all over again.