• Posts

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Posts posted by InnerGold

  1. You hope this is true? I feel I can be confident in saying that Vort would never lie.

    Perhaps you support belief in these supposed statistics because it means more potential business for you?

    I honestly wished this were the case. I would love nothing more to be completely out of business because people are not struggling with pornography. I would consider the greatest gift ever but the truth is the exact opposite. There are so many people struggling with pornography that need help. If you're struggling with porn, you know exactly what I am talking about.

    Here is an exact quote from one of the members of our forum. You can go verify it yourself

    Tears flow freely again and again . . . there is so much hurt and the weight of it is overcoming any strength that I have left.

    God has led me to this site, so perhaps I will find the strength in the message here.

    Does it ever work out for any marriage?

    Does anyone have any affirmation that it is even worth trying to save a marriage?

    I do not joy in seeing pain and suffering of individuals. I do not joy in hearing their stories of abuse, neglect, hatred, cutting, etc... I do not enjoy this.

    However, I do enjoy watching couples heal together. I do enjoy it the talents and skills that Heavenly Father has blessed me with to help others. I do enjoy seeing a family become whole again. I do enjoy watching blessings get restored. I do enjoy watching a daughter hug her father because he is back into the home.

    At first when I read your comment, I was furious. It could have been the election results but nonetheless, I was furious. I then stood back and thought, "I could understand why this person feels this way."

    I am here on this forum for one purpose and one purpose only and that is to help individuals, little or small, one or many realize there is hope from the devastating effects of pornography.

    This is what I am grateful for and I feel the purpose of posting on these forums, besides bring awareness:

    Only after forcing myself to attend women’s group and couples counseling did my feelings begin to change. Gordon explained the addiction to us like no one else had and seemed to understand everything, even what I was going through. He helped me understand that the addiction wasn’t my fault and had nothing to do with me personally. Women’s group helped me see that I was not alone and gave me a place to openly discuss my feelings about my husband’s addiction. I still hadn’t told anyone about my husband’s problem and had never been able to talk about my experience with it. This group is what helped me the most.

    I would like to be able to say that things changed overnight, but they didn’t. It was slow and steady progress. We faithfully attended group meetings, couples counseling, and individual therapy for over a year. At one point, I decided to go back to school to get my Master’s degree. I was shocked when I realized that one of my reasons for doing so was if I ever left my husband, I would be able to comfortably provide for my daughter. This was after we had seen Gordon for a few months and it shocked me that I still felt that way. I brought this up at the next group meeting and was able to openly discuss how I was feeling, as well as get a lot of positive feedback about it.

    It’s been over a year since we quit seeing Gordon, on a regular basis, and I can honestly say that our marriage has never been better. I no longer have feelings of leaving my husband and we are very happy! Without Gordon, we both don’t know where we would be today and we are scared to even think about it. my husband still has rare slips, but we work through them together and they are becoming rarer.

    In conclusion, I want to summarize the main things I learned through this process. First and foremost, my husband’s addiction is not my fault. His slips are not caused by anything I do or don’t do. Even if I was the perfect wife, he would still have this problem. Second, my husband cannot “just stop” viewing pornography. It is a serious addiction and requires a serious effort to control. Third, my husband will always be tempted by pornography. This is not an addiction that ever goes away. However, it can be controlled by doing small and simple things every day. Fourth, pornography doesn’t have to ruin your marriage. With a lot of effort and commitment on both spouses’ part, the trust can be rebuilt and your marriage can be better than it ever was.

    The above was a letter that was written by a wife that said she wanted to help somehow. You can read the full letter here LDS Spouse Treatment System Husband/Loved One is Addict!

    I guess you could say, I made this up but you can read all of the different testimonials, which are scrolling on the side. This I find great joy in and believe is part of my soul purpose.

  2. Latter-day Saints believe in eternal marriage, which equates to eternal happiness. Unfortunately, this is not always the case because a healthy, happy, good marriage takes work, work and work.

    Why do I mention this?

    The only way to receive this eternal marriage is in the temple and the only way to go into the temple is by being a member. Naturally, they have many concerns, faith, online, etc.

    The parents are going to want their daughter to be in a relationship where she can have this eternal blessing.

    sorry, i'm rambling. i have been working for a long time. don't give up, wish you the best.

  3. Understand the conversion is a personal thing. It only happens, if you receive the confirmation that the Gospel is true. That is what's so great about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. You can find out for your self. You can call the local missionaries in your area, if you would like to learn more. If you can't find them, let me know your area and I can get a phone number for you.

    Also, if you look at it from a parents perspective, you are a strange guy and they know nothing about you. It probably would have been better to go directly to her house, meet her parents and then have her take you to the hotel. As far as they know, you may be a psycho. If it was me, I would reach out, introduce yourself.

    As a father, I would want to make sure my daughter is going to be in good hands and safe, not unknown hands, with the unknown. Go on a double date with her parents. I know it sounds weird but think of the impression you could make and it is difficult for someone to hide what their real personality is like, on an ongoing basis.

  4. Great counsel from Elder Dallin H. Oaks in 2005 - Liahona Article - Pornography

    First, acknowledge the evil. Don’t defend it or try to justify yourself.

    Second, seek the help of the Lord and His servants. Hear and heed President Hinckley’s words:

    “Plead with the Lord out of the depths of your soul that He will remove from you the addiction which enslaves you. And may you have the courage to seek the loving guidance of your bishop and, if necessary, the counsel of caring professionals” (Liahona and Ensign, Nov. 2004, 62).

    Third, do all that you can to avoid pornography.

    Don’t accommodate any degree of temptation. Prevent sin and avoid having to deal with its inevitable destruction. ...Direct your thoughts in wholesome paths. Remember your covenants and be faithful in temple attendance.

    We must also act to protect those we love. ... And we should build the spiritual strength of our families by loving relationships, family prayer, and scripture study.

    Finally, do not patronize pornography. Do not use your purchasing power to support moral degradation. And young women, please understand that if you dress immodestly, you are magnifying this problem by becoming pornography to some of the men who see you.

    Please heed these warnings. Let us all improve our personal behavior and redouble our efforts to protect our loved ones and our environment from the onslaught of pornography that threatens our spirituality, our marriages, and our children.

    I ran across this article as I was doing some research about the previous post and decided to share it. I think this is a good guide and the spirit will lead you, if you allow him to.

  5. Elphaba you are right in one sense I do not know the entire situation that MaMeeshka is referring to but I answered the questions based on the experiences shared by many individuals struggling with sexual addiction issues. The addiction always starts off with simple curiosity. I am not saying every person goes into full fledge addiction from viewing Kama Sutra but I answered the question is this a form of porn.

    I apologize to anyone who may have been offended by this post but it’s one of those things that is a stepping stone up a, potential, slippery slope.

    Insert from two different colleagues and their opinions towards this:

    - - - - - - - - - - -

    To me right off it focuses on the act of sexuality and in healthy relationships it is not so much about the act and the performance / pleasure as much as it is about the emotional caring of the person. All the technique stuff just doesn't feel right to me. *Couples who truly care about each other can figure out their needs together without a manual. That is my opinion.

    Another colleague:

    What is the purpose of the book? Is it to enrich a couple’s relationship?

    If Kama Sutra is being viewed in any self serving form I would be consider it porn. However, if a couple is striving to enrich experience for each other in a comfortable way then that is the prerogative of each individual couple.

    It is important for couples to be able to progress and enrich their own individual lives sexually but the point is to assure it is always in the interest of serving the others needs.

    What one couple might think is comfortable, another couple might think uncomfortable; that is why it is important to communicate with each other and make decisions by following the spirit.

    I personally don’t think you should use a manual.

    - - - - - - -

    This is what I deduce from both colleagues they feel the same as I do and that a couple can figure out your their own needs without a manual. However, a vital key is open, honest communication with your spouse. Sexuality is very personal and intimate.

    Again I apologize for anyone that may have found some offense to this.

    Here is a simple definition I came up with: If it is being used for self gratification, I consider it porn!

    Elphaba, let me express appreciation for helping me to recognize this could be spread quickly to friends about their husbands, especially in gossip central communities. Although, I still personally believe it's cartoon porn, this is my opinion. My colleague helped me to understand how this is really a gray, very gray, area and that it comes down to (expressing again for emphasis) honest, open and loving communication with your spouse and allowing the spirit to guide you.

    We all can recognize what is right and wrong, if we take the time to listen.

  6. There was guy (LDS) who told me his wife and he used "Stick figure" kama sutra picture guides to "help" them. First of all, I didn't know what the heck kama sutra was. I didn't know what to think though at the time. Do you think this is wrong? Is this one of the forms of pornography? He basically said they were line representations. Personally, I still would avoid it! I'm thinking this would tempt you to go to the next step (maybe real pictures) as fornication usually is not black/white...its different shades of grey....

    MaMeeshka, you are correct. You should avoid it. It is stepping close to the edge to try and look over. This is essentially cartoon porn, which there are many addicts that think this is ok because it does not depict real people.


    The affects on the brain are the same.

  7. Both men say they are sorry. I don't buy it. If you had an affair in the past, that was discovered and brought to light, and you said you were sorry it happened it may carry some weight, but when you are still involved I think the only sorrow you have is that you got caught.

    We have noticed that there are two forms of remorse:

    Shame - one truly feels sorry for their action and glad to have it finally brought to light so that they can deal with their issue so another wards shame brings the desire to change (desire being the keyword) They actually want to change.

    Guilt - no desire to change except that they were caught so they tell everyone, " I am sorry and am going to change." The question is where is their heart?

    The future will tell!

  8. It is extremely dangerous to play around the edge of what is pornographic and what is not. If a person has to justify it or wonders if it is ok or not, I tend to say, "avoid it!"

    Here are some quotes from the Brethren:


    We must not view, read, or listen to anything that depicts or describes the human body or sexual conduct in a way that can arouse sexual feelings. They should not participate in conversations or activities that arouse sexual feelings, such as passionate kissing, lying with or on top of another person, or touching the private, sacred parts of another person's body, with or without clothing.

    Truths of Moral Purity

    Terrance D. Olson

    This lie says that our life and sexual feelings are our business only—we know what is best for us, and nobody can tell us what to do. This lie teaches that we are not free moral agents; we cannot help how we act or how we feel sexually and shouldn’t feel guilty about something that isn’t our fault.

  9. Pornography and sexual addiction issues are endemic in our current world. In other words, these issues are already here and have penetrated every culture in the world since the introduction of the Internet. Research indicates that nearly 100 percent of males in the United States have viewed pornography by their senior year in high school.1 It very well may be, at least from a spiritual point of view, the “desolating scourge” (D&C 5:9, 45:31) that has been prophesied will cover the land in the last days. Pornography is the adversary’s trump card, or the “perfect poison,” for the human brain. It is negatively affecting millions worldwide. Statistics now support that the vast majority of those indulging in it are not willing to talk about it or seek help.

    Neuroscience tells us pornography addiction is a “brain disease” and must be treated as such! Society should not view pornography as a harmless form of entertainment or a moral weakness but as a “biological chemical disease.” Viewing pornography affects the human brain in significant ways. It sets off a chemical cocktail or a “rush” in the brain, just like hard drugs when taken into the body. The only difference is that the drug of pornography is injected directly into the brain through the eyes. When someone views pornography, a powerful cascade of microscopic pleasurable chemicals called neurotransmitters, such as Dopamine, Norepinephrine, Oxytocin, Vasopressin and Serotonin, are instantaneously released in the brain. This chemical reaction is set off in the primitive unconscious part of the human brain known as the limbic system; then it instantly spreads throughout the brain and body by an intricate and vast super highway of neuro networks.

    These tiny microscopic neurotransmitters have a huge affect on how brain cells function and grow. They can drive or compel one to seek certain behaviors by creating powerful physical cravings. Through repetition, these behaviors can become very powerful addictions that can then inhibit a person’s ability to think and make rational choices. The physical brain can actually hijack a person’s mind or will.

  10. This is the biggest problem in the professional community. You have some saying, "it is natural and healthy" and others saying, " it is destructive and dangerous."

    We were listening to a professional organization that travels around the country speaking to people about sexual addiction and this person was saying it is ok to explore with sexuality. I simply could not believe it. No wonder this problem is destroying the lives of so many, they are listening to junk like this!

    Gordon, founder of Inner Gold is working on a book called, The Language of Recovery and we are in the process of formating it. It is amazing! It helps explain this issue we are dealing with and he is straight up front about it being from an LDS perspective but to keep an open mind. It should be released in December. We are trying to get it out so it will be available and help loved ones understand and also help the general public recognize the problems associated with pornography.