InnerGold
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We have been getting several questions from members of the church and others about watching pornography as a couple to enhance their intimate life. To be bold and answer this question straight forward, NO!
Prophet after prophet has told us, "AVOID Pornography!" They have deemed this as one of the greatest plagues we are facing. I always thought that the plagues that were spoken of in the last days were going to be bugs, disease etc... Yes, we have these but it is not are greatest plague we are dealing with.
There have been many couples that InnerGold has counseled because of pornography problems and they are regretting watching porn to increase intimacy.
In all the strength and might I can muster. Avoid porn as individuals and as couples. There is nothing good about it. Yes you might enhance certain aspects of your intimate life but it can soon turn to damage beyond compare.
Listen to the prophets. Run away as fast as you can. If your struggling, get help, your family, friends, loved ones deserve it and so do you.
You are a noble and great one!
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Until the general public becomes more informed about the reality of how pornography affects the human brain it will continue to be looked at as a moral weakness or a form of mere entertainment rather than a true chemical addiction. InnerGold Counseling services has worked in the addictions field for over 20 years we want to make it clear that pornography addiction is a CHEMICAL ADDICTION.
Pornography and sexual addiction issues are the most difficult addictions to treat because it hits at the very core of our humanity. Interest in sexuality is a primary driving force in human beings. It is pleasurable by design and necessary in order for the human race to continue to exist. If there were ever to be the perfect drug created pornography would be it. Pornography is the “perfect brain poison.”
You can learn more by going to our group, Understand Sexual Addiction.
We really hope this information will help people to start their recovery process.
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Jamie, that is exactly how you approach any addiction - 1 day at a time. Don't worry about tomorrow because tomorrow never comes it is only today! Focus on remaining sober from any addiction for just today and take it daily. This will gradually increase the strength of your pre-frontal cortex which will help put the limbic system back in its place. Then as the addiction comes remember to replace the addiction with " IT ".
For example, IT wants me to act out but I (referring to yourself) do not want to so I am going to ...
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Yes, it can be powerful but we have found that many people struggling with this issue need some additional help. The 12-step program works for a lot of people but there are a lot of people that need something else in addition to the 12-step program. InnerGold uses the Atonement as the main focus of the program for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
We are seeing many people who are struggling with this issue that the 12 step program is not working for them. We just had a webinar that every person on the call said they wished they had this program along with the 12 step program. We just want to let people know about it because it is helping them. A lot of it is free.
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What a great conference. Obviously pornography and sexual addiction remain a huge problem. It is imperative to help people understand what is going on mentally with pornography addiction. If you want to help a pornography addict or need help yourself, understanding the addiction is crucial. An addicts brain has learned to use pornography as a survival mechanism. Learn more at Understand the Affects of Pornography on the Brain
It is crucial to get this information out to everyone.
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I do not have time to go into all of the particulars. Watch the presentation that was done and is helping millions overcome pornography addiction because of this understanding.
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Your brain contains a survival mechanism (or part of the brain) called the limbic system. Essentially there are two-parts of the brain for simplicity sake. Pre-frontal cortex, the logical thinking portion part of the brain and your Limbic system the survival portion of the brain. The limbic system does not think it reacts and it reacts based on previous events in life that brought elation, or other chemicals into the body. IT the limbic system remembers these events and records it for later to help a person relax, calm down, etc. If it did not do this, we would all die quickly because we would send ourselves to the grave with depression, stress, etc.
Those feelings that are generated from viewing of pornography are stored in the limbic system. Hence, it uses it as a survival mechanism because it remembers it relaxed you before. You can learn more by watching this presentation Pornography the Perfect Poison, if your interested.
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Answer to your question is, Yes!
Pornography is the drug of our era. Pornography strikes at the core of who we are, sexual beings. Think about it, one of the first commandments given (besides don't eat the fruit) was multiply and replenish the earth. We were created and commanded to populate the earth from the beginning. Sexuality is absolutely wonderful, when kept within the Lord's boundaries. The problem is that man has taken something so wonderful, so devine and corrupted it.
Over sexualization
Our society has included sex in everything, advertising, movies, news, etc. It is everywhere and our brains don't know what to do with this over stimulation. Pornography provides a sense of relaxation when viewing it and our brains record this as a survival mechanism when a person is: Bored, Lonely, Angry, Stressed or Tired, which in this day and age is almost all the time. If you learn how to handle the stimuli, you can control the action.
Watch this presentation at InnerGold.com/pptVideo.cfm it will help explain a lot more about what I am talking about above.
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Carl, unfortunately, I can relate to you. I had a wonderful mission, minus mission pres.. I was blessed with tremendous success and granted many blessings but despite all of this my mission president did not trust me because of something I went to him about.
Short version:
A girl liked me. I was starting to get feelings for her. I told Pres. about it and that I thought I should be transferred on the next transfer. Sure enough, I was transferred. Just what I wanted. I thought all was said and done until Stake Conference. She was in the same stake so she came to stake conference and I talked with the family. What am I going to do, ignore them? (not a good missionary tool) We had a great conference.
Move forward 2 weeks, zone conference, I got reamed by the Pres. for scheduling a meeting with her. She just came to stake conference. GRRR! It never was let down from that point on. Every interview, even until the last one was a grilling. Talk about feeling well done. My exit interview was 2 hours long and nothing but a grilling. I don't know why I lost his trust but I was frustrated. Fortunately for me, I have been blessed with the ability to have a ducks back (water rolls off of it). The Church is true the people are not!
I am glad to see you coming back. The Gospel is true and you deserve the blessings that come from it.
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Glad to hear! Best wishes for continued progress towards healing. It sounds like you have made some huge leaps and bounds.
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Love Her!
Love Her!
Love Her!
Your in our prayers.
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I would encourage you to start out by going to the temple. Go sit on the grounds, feel the spirit, read the scriptures, etc. You can feel a great strength by going to the house of the Lord even if you are only on the outside right now.
Also, I would call the bishop of the ward, or have your husband call and ask them to come by your house and say, "hi"
On Sunday just go. You can do it! This was the thing that helped my brother. He finally just went despite his anxiety.
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Dawnforge, I would recommend talking to the missionaries there in your home town. They can answer your questions.
If your girl friend has not been to church in awhile, she may feel inadequate to answer your questions. A lot of missionaries who fall into this situation, don't feel like they can answer questions because they have been away. I would encourage you to talk with the missionaries yourself. Learn about it and then you will be able to fully understand any apprehension to marriage, etc.
Understanding the Gospel will give you a better understanding of her. I applaud you for encouraging her. I can already see you are someone who cares more about others than them self. Welcome to the site.
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If your kids have not learned to stay away from those sites - or know what to do when a bad site comes up accidentally - logging their internet usage is not going to make them learn it. They can always go to a friend's house or the library or, worst, in bad kid's house, to get to it. The objective is for them to choose to avoid these places on their own. If, even after all your teachings, they still decide to go enjoy the bad stuff, then, they are lost on their own free agency. All we can do is pray that they come back to the strait and narrow path as soon as possible.
It all goes back to educating your children to have a plan. The plan needs to include what they will do when they see pornography on a computer, from a friend, on a phone etc. If they have a plan, just like the limbic system can fuel an addiction, if properly trained it will also help our children survive in these situations.
It is important realize our limbic system is the part of our brain that teaches survival. We just need to properly teach it the right survival techniques and that is not looking at it more and indulging it.
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We will be covering both topics, (i.e. being the addicted and being affected by an addicted) if we have time. However, afterwards Gordon will be sticking around to ask questions and bishops could ask him specific questions. Gordon has been talking with several bishops around Utah County and some in Salt Lake County. We want to make sure people are educated correctly.
Come to the symposium to find out for yourselves the value of understanding this addiction.
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Originally Posted by Elphaba
I knew all of this, and I suspect you are right that most bishops understand this and are responding appropriately. But not all bishops. I know of at least four relatively recent incidents, one of them on this board. Now I know a fifth.
This is the reason education is the key. We invite everyone to attend a FREE symposium in June. Learn more about how to educate children but also how to counsel and help someone struggling with sexual addiction issues. Ecclesiastical Help For Counseling Porn/Sex Addiction Issues
It's free. The founder of the program will stay around to answer questions after the How to Handling Sexual Addiction Symposium.
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Kudos! I love that.
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Anatess, I agree with you to appoint and that point is have your children experience life in your home so you can control it and help explain it. I grew up in a home that my mother said, "If you want to try alcohol, let me know. I will purchase it and you can try it right here in our house so I can know you are safe." A very wise mother. There were some of us that tried it and others that had nothing to do with it.
I would be leery of allowing children to become over sexualized, watching things that promote the wrong sexuality because that can cause a child, who is still does not have complete reasoning, to get confused early in life.
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Possible, but in my experience, 9 out of 10 have had something happen to them when they were a young child. They may have been abused, or had a conflict with a boy friend which creates a lack of trust for men or they have been involved with pornography or chat rooms. Therefore, they find validation and love from those who have not hurt them.Or maybe she had a very good childhood, but is gay.
This is not hogwash. If this was, it would not be working with positive results. Much like the gospel, if it was not true it would not be growing and helping people.Do you really repeat this hogwash to people who are questioning their sexual orientation? It is obtuse and ignorant. It is also not true, and potentially dangerous to their self-esteem.
She is at an age where there are many counselors she could go to. Be it, some good some not so good. She needs to gain an understanding of what is going on in her brain.I have nothing against counseling, but if her parents are as closed off about her potentially being gay, I doubt they are going to allow her to go to any counseling unless it supports their position. That has the potential to cause her more harm in the long run, if she is indeed gay.
This is exactly what we are fighting on a regular basis with the world. Because of things being over sexualized, people are thinking it is a persons choice. Yes, it is their choice because our free agency is still intact but the worldly thinking is wrong!Her trigger is she's 16-years-old.
Everyone needs their layers peeled away. It does not always have to be sexual. It could be because of a distrusting experience of the opposite sex, as mentioned above. Just think about things that make you upset, why do they upset you? It is your choice to allow them to upset you, so why are you choosing to be upset? If a person starts peeling the layers they are frequently surprised at what experience it was that is causing them to feel this way.Not every person needs their layers peeled away to discover some dark secret that caused his/her their sexual orientation. If it were true, we should be peeling away those layers.
Back to the original question. Suggestions for your friend. Love her, listen to her, encourage her but ultimately it is her choice because none of our free agency is removed. Like I said before, allow her to talk, you might be surprised at what comes up and she may too. I have seen it many times the surprise and the healing as they start to just vent.
Keep a positive attitude and continually reassure she is loved by Heavenly Father. It is important for her to realize this because this is the love that is long lasting.
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Rushing off to a meeting. I will respond later. Elph
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In do time.
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We have had 100% success rate when they implement the strategies and the exercises we teach. Male or Female.
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You really need to get to the root of the problem. I believed this was mentioned above. Find out why she is questioning? Have there been any experiences in the past? Does she view pornography?
Unfortunately, there are a lot of parents that do not want to deal with talking to their children about sex, pornography, gay etc. It is a must. They are being exposed to this on a regular basis. If you don't think this is true, go to any store and just look around as your checking out. Millions and millions of dollars are being paid to stores to put magazines for people to be exposed to. The media is paid to push controversial agenda's and therefore, that is what is on a lot of the magazines and newspapers.
The hope is that it will become accepted. Look at the acceptance of tv shows. Now you have filth like Family Guy!
Your friend is struggling from something we call a sexual addiction issue. She may not be addicted to sex but this is a sexual issue. My guess is that if there was some probing, you would discover a dark past, maybe even something she did not realize that happened when she was young. I could be wrong but I would be surprised. It is called un-layering.
I would also encourage her to get some counseling. If her parents won't listen, she needs to find someone to openly talk to and develop a relationship of trust with. This is the purpose of a good counselor is to allow the individual to talk.
Also, find out what are some triggers that get her thinking about this issue and she needs to address those triggers and train her brain.
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This is very tough. We had a similar situation locally. Naturally, we want to separate the body and the head from the perpetrator. However, after listening to the perpetrators story, we realized he was extremely messed up to. Very sad. Although I was still extremely upset with what was going on, it helped me gain a little more understanding of things and I actually felt sorry for him, too.
Unfortunately, stuff like this goes a lot deeper than we realize. Much, much deeper. You cannot remove the past. However, you can add hope and promise to the future. The young lady that I am speaking of got messed up with drugs, sex and alcohol.
She is now facing the issues head on and realizing the Gospel of Jesus Christ is hope and solace. She has been coming back to church and is starting to make serious progress towards overcoming her demons.
I would develop a close, close relationship with your daughter and all of your children. Do things that they will not expect like pull them out of school for a lunch date. Invite them to go on dates with you. Write little love notes, expressing appreciation for them. Send them cookies or balloons or something at school. Don't over do it but be genuine. She needs to feel loved and cared for.
If you are an endowed member, go to the temple yourself. Temple attendance is not just for us, it is for our families.
Best Wishes
Pornography to Powerful for Adolescents to Handle on Their Own
in Advice Board
Posted · Edited by InnerGold
Only providing information!
The drug of pornography is just too powerful for young adolescents to handle on their own. The fact of the matter is that it is too powerful for any of us to handle on our own. This support must be offered with understanding, love, compassion and patience. If a young person is criticized, condemned or shamed after exposure, it sets up the perfect environment for potential addiction issues because of the way the limbic part of the brain works. Shame will aid an addiction in becoming more entrenched and makes it more challenging to treat. Any acting out behaviors must be treated with the perfect balance of justice and mercy. This is a great challenge for loved ones, ecclesiastical leaders and therapists alike. If the response to a confession is too harsh or judgmental, an adolescent is even less likely to get the help they need. If the response to a confession is too lenient, one may not feel the urgency to change or recognize the seriousness of the problem. Pornography addiction is a very serious problem and needs to be treated as such, but it must be handled with great care and compassion if one is to find the help they need.
In the simplest terms, we have two parts of our brain or “two brains” that work in concert with each other. The higher functioning brain, known as the neocortex or the pre-frontal cortex, the rational, moral and logical part of the brain, sits on the top of the more primitive brain known as the limbic system. The limbic system, or primitive brain, is selfish, primitive, childish, and pleasure-oriented, with no ability to delay gratification. It is very important to understand that there are no morals and values associated with the limbic system or “natural man.” Values do not exist there. This is why the Lord says, “The natural man is an enemy to God” (Mosiah 3:19). This is the instinctive survival part of the brain.