Soul_Searcher

Congratulations Ivy! I have never in my life heard of a wedding being held in the RS room??!! Why would the chapel not be used? Its an ordinance after all. We are in the UK where church weddings are standard. Mine was in the chapel, walking down the aisle, hymns, vows, kiss the bride, the works! I think it would be sad if you weren't to have this if you are having a civil wedding. As far as my experience goes...it can be another Bishop. My Brother in law got married in our chapel, but with his Bishop doing it. This also just happened with another couple who got married in our chapel (its a big chapel) but with their Bishop. Of course if you don't want the walking down the aisle thing (cant imagine why, it was the best part of my life!!!!!) then discuss it with whoever is performing the ceremony. Its your wedding, so you should have what you want! Good luck, Hope it works out x x

I am a member Tom. Thanks for ur input :)

Maybe the question I am asking is, how do I deal with these things? They do affect me and I get wound up and annoyed and it makes me think how can I belong to this organisation? How can I overcome this?

OK So here are some of the problems holding me back in church: Conflicting teachings. I understand people have different viewpoints on certain issues. However, when they start trying to tell you thats doctrinal fact things get a little sticky. Example 1) Coke debate. My MIL wont even have it in the house, she is borderline obsessed about it. To my parents on the other hand, its a staple of their diet. Some people in my ward see it on a par with alcohol for heavens sake! This is ridiculous to me and I feel angry and annoyed at getting judged for what I DRINK! Example 2) I know we are all judgemental to a degree. However, I don't expect filthy looks from people who look at me like a piece of dirt when I dress in something that THEY don't approve of. Im talking maybe an inch more cleavage or leg that what they would deem appropriate. Example 3) Some of the doctrine given by authorities in the past-birth control for example-has now been retracted. But I thought the gospel was the same yesterday today and forever? Surely the doctrine is the same? Ive looked into this a LOT and where some have said you will basically burn in hell for using contraception, others then say, Oh its upto you. How can it possibly change so drastically?? Example 4) The devil. Im not sure if Im comfortable believeing non-church thoughts are the devil. How can he influence us anyway?I thought the spirit could only tell us stuff? These confuse me and hold me back. There's plenty more but I think thats enough to be getting on with for now!!

Hi! Im new here too. glad to make a friend :)

Casslan I know people in that stake and ward in particular! I wont say who in case it identifies me lol. I wish to move there one day tho, i love it up there.

Im in Bedfordshire.

Ive got a lot from this. I get it that I have to be the one to decide what I want, how to do it and that it will take time. I think there a things that are holding me back from doing this but I might start a seperate thread for that. I hope that with everyones support I can do whatever it is that Im trying to do. Thanks again!!!

Maybe you're right. Perhaps this isn't what I wanted to hear I want some magic answer...Sounds like I have to just keep at it. But thats the problem. I dont know if Im strong enough, I might give up again. Although I read Mosiah 4 last night as suggested. Very interesting chapter, I will need to read that one again, it deffo got me thinking.

Hi Jamie! and palerider and everyone! Where in the UK do u live Jamie?

I dont understand that bit where it says we are confused because we dont take no for an answer. Surely it should be that we cant take YES for an answer?! “Put difficult questions in the back of your minds and go about your lives. Ponder and pray quietly and persistently about them. In D&C 88:68 it says basically the Lord does things in His own time. We need to be able to endure to the end and do it well. I have been where you are ... it took me 13 years to get it right ... now that I am home I wonder how I could have left it behind. You are so loved ... remember who you are and endure. You are in the right place. I used to feel this way. It was nice but I felt constantly from everything I wasnt doing. I feel a bit freer now. Just confused instead. lol.

Ill give Mosiah 4 a try. Im getting bored of Alma 32! See, I dont know if this IS the plan. Other churches believe they are right too, and even have spiritual feelings, or why else would they believe? They must have had confirmation too. My husband also says it is true but so hard to live. I also feel embarrassed when I tell people Im a member and what I believe. It just sounds silly and far fetched when I verbalise it. Also, I dont know how I can get past all the church history stuff. Seems like I have a long road ahead still!

Tarnished this sounds exactly like my situation. I to am very stubborn. It may be my stubborn nature thats stopping me allowing myself to immerse myself in the gospel. I realised not too long ago that this HAS to come from me, no matter how much my family try. It can only be me. Traveler, I take your point entirely. It is self centred, but it has to be. Its about me and my struggle. Isnt that what we're supposed to be here for, to learn and grow? I have to focus on myself if Im to get to a point where I can be hap[py at church again. OK, I think I have realised a reason from reading through all these great responses-I see dependance as weakness. I like being independant and reliant on no one but myself. In that case, the church I see as weakness, as in, I must be weak to need it. Can that be overcome?

That is actually so hilarious as you have totally hit on how I feel! So true.... So...should I pray to find out what I want? I really dont know thats the problem. I suppose theres more to it than keeping family happy. At one point there wasnt, that was the sole reason and it wasn't nice. I guess I want to have my cake and eat it too. Do what I want and be in the church, and those 2 things differ. Does that mean I cant ever do what I want if I am to be active in the church? Im not doing everything I could be. Maybe I should start doing that? But everytime I do, something stops me. Like when I go to pray, I just dont know what to say I cant get the words out. I have to pray on the bus or walking as thats the only way I can do it. And even then it just feels like Im thinking but putting the word 'God' in front of it. Why does this have to be so hard? I feel theres a barrier in front of everything I do church related that stops me from fully committing to anything.

How long did this take you HiJolly? . The thing is I'm not serving IN the church. Ive cut myself off from it. I released myself from all my callings even visiting teaching as I didnt feel comfortable doing it. I dont feel in a community as such as I dont like my ward. So many of the people annoy me and hold the very views and attitudes that make me feel I dont want to go to church anymore. I will remain. I really dont have a choice in that!! Thanks once again to all for your wonderful insights and support. I feel better already!

Wow really this is good?? You are right about the contemplation bit. It seems to be taking over my life. I do believe in God. I hope he exists. Thats really interesting. So I should just keep chugging along as I am? This could take years!!! Why do you say that?? Thanks! Wow I didnt expect so many amazing responses so quickly. HiJolly, I will read the stages of faith. I glanced over it but Im doing all this and writing an essay at the same time. My brain is beginning to hurt so I will read it later on when I can give 100% to it.

Wow thanks Funky town! I suppose you are right, I really need to figure out what I want. I have asked myself that question soooo many times!!! It's so annoying. I'm such an indecisive person I really dont know what I want. But what you said is right in a way-I do want to know the truth. But not in the way I should. I want to know as it would make life easier, I hate having doubt its exhausting!! You said you can you help with that-How? I think maybe I am afraid deep down of what if its true and I dont go? I suppose Im hanging in there 'just in case' its true but I dont want to do whats required of me. This sounds so messed up!! haha. Maybe I should have asked the question, how do I know what I want, first!!

But WHY do I need to keep on doing it? Thats what I keep asking myself. Surely its only worth it if you are getting something from it? EVERYONE tells me the same thing as they are desperate that I dont leave the church. Sometimes I wonder why. If they want me to be truly happy then wouldnt they be happy if I was? Even if it meant not coming to church? Ive been doing a lot of soul searching lately (hence the name!!) about why I feel the way I do. I came to the conclusion that I feel I don't need the gospel in my life. I'm a very strong personality, admittedly, I dont like to be told what to do or to be wrong. My husband calls it pride. (But Im not boastful or prideful, just contented!) But at the same time I am happy with my life, and I feel fulfilled in my career and relationship. I have a great family, despite the trials they sometimes bring. I know Im a good person overall. I try my best. Therefore Im finding it difficult to see where the church fits in in my life. Its the only area that gives me question and doubt. I feel if I didnt have the church, that would disappear.

Haha you're right. Ill get a picture that leaves everyone in no doubt we are very different. I'm a bit disappointed though, I'm not as original as I thought!!!

I really don't know where to start. I feel I have been in this confused state forever. I've been a member all my life and never had a problem with my membership until about 5/6 years ago. I just slowly started to question everything I believed. I really don't know why. Maybe I wouldn't be here if I knew that. Anyway, I basically drifted away from church but I was never inactive. This was all inside. It took me ages to confess to my husband as I was so worried about what he might think. I didnt want to disappoint him as when we got married I was the uber one, he saw ME as the example in our relationship. Anyway, he knows all about it now and Ive only just confessed to my Dad that I dont know if the church is true. Of course, they are telling me to do all the usual stuff like ray and read scriptures. I am trying. I ask God everyday if the church is true but I dont seem to be getting anywhere. My Dad keeps telling me desire is enough to know, but thats the problem. I'm tired of all this and don't know if my desire to know is strong enough. I get the feeling God wants me to work for this but I dont know if I can. I had a 'spiritual' experience not long ago when I prayed for something and it came true. My husband thinks this should have been enough, proof if you will. But it isn't. I know what the 'Spirit' feels like but thats not enough for me. It doesn't make me feel, wow the church is true. Can anyone relate to where I'm coming from? I still feel fairly isolated and lonely in my battle as even my husband said he's never come across anyone with problems like mine even on his mission! I just feel I'm constantly going through the motions and I'm not fulfilled or getting anywhere. I don't even know what I really want. I have loads more questions but I think that sums up the problem for now. Any help would be GRATEFULLY appreciated!! Thanx.

Oh ok. How do I get a picture there? I'm not great with all that sort of stuff. Thanks for the welcome!! Soulsearcher-I will change my name if you want me to.

Oh no!!! Soulsearcher Im so sorry for nicking your name. Do I have to change it? How do I go about doing that?

Oh...oh well it said it was ok to have it? What is an avatar??

Am I right in thinking that you commit adultery if you divorce then remarry but stay sealed? I have to respectfully disagree with some of the responses given for divorces. Not everything is black and white. My parents divorced. My Dad was unhappy. My Mum is a complicated woman and buried her head in the sand to all their problems. She does it to this day, which proves that my Parents would NEVER have sorted out their problems because my Mum refused to. Then when Dad decided to leave the marriage because he was so unhappy my Mum went into a meltdown and played the victim card very well. Yet she NEVER once asked him to come back and she NEVER said lets work this out. She just watched him go and turned to alcohol to cope. So...my Dad is the one in the wrong you say? Is it fair of him to live in a marriage that exists only on paper? Is my Dad audacious because he wants a two-way relationship? Is he out of order because he wants someone who respects him as a man and a Father? Is he evil because he didnt want to be miserable for the rest of his life? He almost had a breakdown over the divorce and regrets the hurt he caused and says he would change it all if he could. But does he deserve to be punished for wanting to be happy?? Divorce is not a black and white situation and we should NEVER judge what goes on between couples. It's no ones business to judge apart fro God's when the time comes.

Whenever I have to fill in a form and it says Nationality I ALWAYS put English, not British. I'm proud to be British, But to me thats like a Frenchman or German saying they're 'European'. The countries in our Kingdom may be 'United' geographically, but certainly not in other ways. Its almost a given that you hate England if you are Scottish or Welsh! So I am proud of my English nationality, particularly as I was born on the most English day there is, St Georges Day, our national day and Shakespeares birthday!