funkenheimer

Whenever I feel overwhelmed I find comfort in this scripture. Joseph Smith was in Liberty Jail and the conditions were less than ideal. At least I think it was Liberty Jail - someone please correct me if I am wrong. Joseph Smith was pleading with the Lord for deliverance when he received the following revelation. D&C 122:7-8 “And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. “The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?”

Currently my ex-wife is living with her mom and dad who I do trust. They live next door to her sister, who I also trust. If she fails her drug test she will lose visitation, however I can allow supervised visitation meaning I will leave them with her mom or sister but she can't be alone with them. This is most likely what will happen. In the past when she has only been allowed supervised visitation she has come over to my house on occasion and spent time with them while I was in a back room (doors open). Thanks for the words of advice. I think I know now how I am going to approach this. I am not 100% sure so I won't post yet. But I will post an update. I did just get a call from the clinic that performed the drug test and she did test positive so that means supervised visitation at the most.

Thanks for the advice. Let me add some more to the story. After talking to my former mother-in-law last night I am pretty sure she has relapsed again. My divorce papers stipulate that I can require random drug testing. I sent her the email this morning and she has 24 hours to get tested from a state approved drug testing facility. If the test is dirty she loses visitation until she tests clean again. So the question now is this, the girls are planning on staying the weekend with their mom. If she fails her drug test, which is likely, what do I tell them? They know their mother has had problems with drugs in the past, but they have no idea how extensive it was. I have always been pretty open and honest with them but this is new territory for me. I don't want to tarnish the image they have of their mother, but at the same time I don't want them to fell that this is in any way their fault. I have tried to reinforce this all along and I think I have been successful. I have been praying about this and I have an appointment with my bishop this evening to talk to him about it. I hope if/when the time comes I will know what to say. *edit - I forgot to mention this - my wife has had some pretty serious medical issues in the past and when I have told them she was "sick" they get very worried. I don't think this is an option in this situation.

I think most here have suggested to talk to them in broad generalities without specifics. They do know some of what has happened. They know about the last arrest and the last time she was in rehab. They do know a little about her addiction but not much. The difference is she will not likely tell them the truth any time soon as she still has not come to terms with it herself. She often says things like, "It was you who left" and often in front of the girls. Although this may be technically accurate it is certainly not what happened. I loved my wife. I still do. I don't want to do anything that would hurt her but at the same time I don't want my children thinking it was me who left her.

They are ages 9 and 11

I am recently divorced. I have full custody of our two children. So far my daughters seem to be adjusting very well. I have taken them to counseling and they have met with the bishop of our new ward. I have talked to them pretty openly about the divorce and they understand it is not their fault and that both my ex wife and I love them very much. In talking to them about the divorce I have always stopped short of telling them the reason for the divorce. My ex wife has a long history of drug abuse and she suffers from severe depression. To be more specific she has 4 felony arrests, 4 times she was in rehab (twice in-patient), and 3 suicide attempts. The question I am asking is do I tell them the reasons for the divorce? In some of our conversations I sensed they are confused. If I do tell them, how much do I tell them? Please don't turn this into a "why you should not have left your wife session". I have had that conversation and I don't care to have it again. I just need to know what to tell my kids.

I don't think Favre's decision was based entirely on getting to play against the Packers, or "sticking it" to Ted Thompson. No one who has followed Favre's career to any extent can deny his passion for the game. He is a fierce competitor who really loves to play football. Thats his biggest motivator. To a lesser extent he may want to get back at the Packers front office for pushing him out the door. but I doubt that is his primary motivator. In my opinion as a Packer fan, Favre could not have chosen a worse team to play for. The Vikings are the enemy. From Favre's perspective it is a perfect match. Minnesota has a much stronger offensive line which will give him more protection and the Vikings' receivers are much better than the Jets. They also have a tremendous running game that includes Adrian Peterson who is arguably the best running back in the league. This means Favre won't have to throw the ball nearly as often as he did in New York. All of this is bad news to Packer fans because until yesterday the Vikings were a quarterback shy of being serious playoff contenders. As for Favre retiring.... As long as a professional athlete has the desire to play, and there is a team willing to pay him to play, why does anyone else care? Favre has been sharply criticized for creating a "media frenzy" over the past few years, but honestly, who is more to blame, Favre or the media itself? Think about it. Favre says very little to the media and he doesn't do many interviews.

I apologize for any hard feelings that have come about as a result of this post. I am a new member and I had no idea this would be such a heated duscussion. This was really not my intent. I honestly posted this mostly out of curiosity. If I am to be honest I also wanted, to a lesser extent, validation for my point of view. I expected there would be opposing opinions on the subject, but I had no idea to what extent. I was hoping for something doctrinally grounded and maybe some spirited discussion. Clearly I am not going to find that here.

First of all I was not judging my brother, nor was I THAT concerned. I am just glad he takes his family to church every week. This was more out of curiosity than anything. I think I tend to agree more with sixpacktr. I have always felt that your appearance is an outward expression of what is on the inside. I realize this is not always the case and does not apply to those who don't alot of money. Though I too have also noticed how those who have the least often make the greatest efforts to comply with all church policies and practices. My brother does not fall into that category. He has a suit and tie and plenty of button down shirts. As a side note - there were 18 elders in elder's quorum meeting yesterday in my ward and all of them had button down shirts (mostly white shirts) and ties and about half wore suits/sport coats.

My brother and I had a rather lengthy discussion last night regarding what is proper attire for church on Sunday. It started when we met at my mom's house for Sunday dinner. He was dressed in a nice polo style shirt and khacki pants. I commented on how nice he looked. My brother works in the construction industry and I rarely see him in a clean shirt, let alone one that is wrinkle free and has a collar. He said he didn't have time to change after their Sunday meetings, theirs are later than ours. I asked him why he didn't wear a tie and the conversation went down hill from there. I realize this is probably no big deal, but what is considered proper attire for men in the church? I almost always wear a suit or sport coat, and on the rare occasions I don't wear a suit or sport coat, I wear a button down shirt and tie at the very least. I don't really see this as a cost issue as these can be obtained for a very reasonable price now days. Your thoughts......

ksl.com I haven't tried selling books there - but I have sold quite a few things there. You would also be targeting a market that has a high LDS percentage. Oh, yeah - its free to post there!

My wife and I are currently seperated and are in the process of getting a divorce. I have learned alot about agency over the past few months. No matter how hard you try or what you do you cannot force another person to change, nor is that our Father in Heaven's plan. He gave us our agency as a gift we should not try to take that away from anyone. The most you can do is pray and set a good example for you wife. I do agree however, that first and formost you need to get your life on the right path. You need to do the things that will bring you closer to the Lord so you will be open to inspiration as to how to best help your family. You are the patriarch of your famil, don't underestimate what that entails. If you are a worthy priesthood holder you are entitled to receive revelation concerning your family, so long as you are worthy. Its difficult to tell at what point your eternal progression is in jeopardy due to her unwillingness to repent. The only way you will know is to go to the Lord. He is the only one who know for certain what you should do. Unfortunately this isn't going to be easy for you. As a single father myself I can tell you how difficult this can be. The one thing that has helped me more than anything else has been putting my daughters first, no matter what. Send me a private message if you would like to talk privately. I am cool with that.

I propose we get Semper to meet us in a dark alley and then beat the tar out of him. Then when he is lying on the ground we take turns kicking him. Honestly, what happened to compassion? Isn't it the sinners who need help the most? Do you really mean to tell me that were the Savior in the same situation he would punch Semper in the jaw? What a load of crap. Here is a guy pouring out his soul looking for answers and help, admitting mistakes he has made, and some of you turn on him like a pack of ravenous wolves. At this point I wonder who has done more damage, Semper's wife or some of the posts on this message board. This is exactly the kind of judgmental behavior that drives people away from the church and the Lord. Semper, I will stick to my advice - take it up with the Lord. I don't know exactly where your spirituality stands but the closer you are to the Lord the more open to his spirit and inspiration you will be. You need to get your spirituality in order above all else. Then you will be able to be lead by our Father in Heaven and have the faith to act when the time comes. Now having said that I would like to respond to some of the other things that have been posted. Semper, I hope you don't mind if I hijack your post for a minute. What does this even mean? Of course divorce should be rare. But there are circumstances that are justified in the church and in the eyes of God. Semper hasn't once even alluded to himself being perfect, in fact he has done just the opposite. I apologized relentlessly for the better part of 10 years while I was married, most of the time for things that I felt were not my fault, and my wife did not "soften and become less argumentative." It was just the opposite. Granted, in my situation there were some additional factors involved. The point is, if someone does not want to soften their hearts, they won't - no matter how nice you are or how often you apologize. Having said that it certainly can't hurt the relationship. According to your post a woman's salvation is dependent upon her husband's actions. This makes absolutely no sense to me. Are you suggesting if the man does not keep his covenants the wife gets a pass? Is there any man on this board who has lived up to the covenants made in the temple 100% of the time? According to your theory, the wife of every man on this board would get a pass and could justify breaking their side of the covenant. In order to make a marriage work there has to be effort from both parties. Specific roles aside, tt requires work from the husband and the wife. Which prophet? When and where? What if the lives of the husband and/or children were in danger? Would you suggest the husband stick it out? I agree that true love never ends, I still love my wife with all my soul. I love her more now than the day I married her. Unfortunately she has done some things recently that have put the health and wellbeing of my children at risk. As much as I love my wife I also have a responsibility to protect my children, even if that means protecting them from the woman I love. I disagree that divorce should never be seen as an option. I believe there are times it is justified. What about the woman who is being abused by her husband? Would you suggest she stick it out? I won't give specific examples - this is between the person and the Lord. Any sin, including "emotional adultery" causes a person to become past feeling. For a person to get to the point where they are past feeling they turn away from the Lord and continually choose a path of unrighteousness. The adversary is very cunning, I agree, and uses divorce as one of his tools. That is why it is so important to strengthen ourselves spiritually, so we will be able to discern promptings of the spirit and temptations of the adversary. I think we also need to discuss the difference between a civil divorce and breaking marriage covenants. Although I am separated from my wife and we are in the process of getting a civil divorce, I am still married to her in the eyes of the Lord, and my eternal marriage is not broken. These are 2 fundementally different concepts. As for divorce never ever ever the right thing or what God wants - well you know how I feel about that already. And why is it that it is sometimes justified for the woman to divorce but not the man? I understand the man as the priesthood holder has a greater responsibility, but why the double standard? Self defense? Really? What immanent danger was she in? Are you saying because he had an "emotional affair" that physical violence is justified. Again I ask you if this is really what the Savior would have done? I think not. Then according to your post, her actions are justified because they are essentially all his fault. What happened to agency? Doesn't she have her own agency? Couldn't she have chosen to vent her anger and frustration in another way? Even after we learned that Semper told her he was having an affair without telling her it was an emotional affair (I have to say that was not a smart idea - I am sure you realize that now) physical violence is not justified. This post also groups divorce in a list of examples of unfaithfulness. This is a generalization that isn't entirely accurate. Some divorces could fall into this category, maybe even most, but certainly not all. The post then goes on to say it is more abusive than physical abuse, and that it is a sin that requires repentance. This is absurd! DIVORCE IS NOT A SIN! There may be, and usually is, sin surrounding the reason for the divorce but the divorce itself is not a sin. Show me a modern day prophet that has said adultery is just as bad as murder. This may have been the case according to the old law, but this is not true for the latter day church. Give the guy a break, he came clean. He didn't have to. It sounds to me like he really wants help. This post does not help. Physical violence is rarely the way of the Lord and certainly was not justified in this case. Again, this does not help. Semper - I feel for you man. I know to some extent what you are going through, though not to the extent of what you have had to deal with. If you ever want to talk privately feel free to send me a private message. It sounds like we have some things in common. My prayer is that we can all do some soul searching and think twice before judging others so quickly and harshly. The Savior teaches this best, "let he who is perfect cast the first stone." None of us are perfect, we are all walking the same path. It isn't up to us to judge, its up to us to serve and help. "By this shall men know, that ye are my disciples. If ye have love one to another." I hope some of you get to read this post - I imagine it will be deleted pretty quick. And if I get booted from this forum I can understand that too.

First I have to admint, I didn't read all the posts. I read quite a few but not all. I have been seperated from my wife for about 3 months now and we are in the process of a divorce. During that time I have observed something. When I tell someone I am seperated from my wife there is always this look like "How could you do this to you family?" I know the look and I have actually had some people ask the question. Then with others its an outpooring of sympathy and reassurance. The bottom line is there are very few people who know the whole story. The Lord will let you know when it is time to leave. Some in the church might say this is blasphemous and that the Lord would never tell anyone that divorce is acceptable. I can assure that they are wrong. There are times when divorce is justified. When I made the decision to leave my wife it was only after I felt prompted by the spirit to do so. I had asked my dad for a priesthood blessing earlier in the day and I felt I was in tune with the spirit. Afterwards I felt horrible. I stayed up most of that night praying and I received confirmation from the spirit that I had done the right thing, but I felt absolutely terrible about the decision. I prayed 2 more times about this and felt the same reassurance from the spirit that I was doing the right thing. My question was, "If I am doing the right thing, why do I feel so bad?" It got to the point that I felt so bad I even vomitted a few times. I thought this only happened in the movies. My dad encouraged me to go talk to my bishop, so I did. It was the best thing I ever did. I talked about all the emotions I was feeling and asked him my question, "If this is the right decision, why do I feel so bad?" He explained to me that in life there are certain decisions where there is no "good" outcome. At least not right away. He was very aware of the circumstances surrounding our marriage as we had been in his office several times to talk with him. My bishop then told me that he would support me in whatever decision I made. The bottom line is this has to be between you and the Lord. There isn't a single person on this board who knows the whole story. As was said in an earlier post, take this advice with a grain of salt (especially the condescending posts). If I could give you one piece of advice (and you can take this one with a grain of salt too) it would be this. If you decide to end the marriage, or even if your wife makes the decision, there will be those members of the church who will judge you. Try to ignore the stares and comments, its going to be hard. Stay close to the church and to the Lord and He will see you through, but it will NOT be easy. I am not there yet, not even close. But it is getting easier.

I am new here - obviously. I love rock music, Butterfingers, and fly fishing - sometimes all at the same time I hate onions, wet socks, and rap music. I am soon to be a single dad as my wife and I are in the process of getting a divorce. I will have custody of our 2 daughters. Thats me in a nutshell