Lilac

I've been investigating for 2 years but was a Independent Fundamentalist Baptist for about 20 years. For whatever reason, I'm getting more laid back about a lot of things lately. If you had done that back then, I would've BLOWN MY TOP. I know the person meant well and I get that but it feels like "your beliefs weren't right" When my mom died, I put out the word for no mass cards. Please, my mother does not need to be prayed into heaven by a Catholic church when we are not Catholic. Again, I know they meant well but respect my beliefs and I respect yours. As a Baptist, we believe that she went to Heaven and I don't want to be handed a Mass card saying something otherwise. Now? I'd still be mad in my head but probably be gracious and say thank you and then toss it out. When my mother was dying of cancer, my mother in law gave me rosary beads. I said to her "thanks but my prayers are fine the way they are". I guess she meant well but it FELT like "pray my way, your way is wrong". WHY would you give a Baptist rosary beads anyway? Doesn't make sense but it was annoying. BTW< i'm not getting in the middle of that Catholic-LDS debate above. I was just posting personal experiences. I try to be supportive/tolerant of my friend's faith and I expect the same from them. I attend baptisms, confirmations, a Hindu funeral and everything else. I am happy and respectiful of what brings them joy. Maybe we don't agree but I never ever say that.

I get the song but aren't we all born this way? How far can you take that? That is not an excuse for everything under the sun. Lady Gaga and her followers would like you to believe that. No absolute right and no absoulte wrong. Just "it's not my fault, I was born this way" It's like a "get out of jail free" card. I'm an ax murderer...well, I was born this way! Lady Gaga is not a religious person, to my knowledge. Funny she chose to write a song talking about God and how He makes us the way we are. I think she took Chrisitan tenets of our faith and twisted it around to justify whatever she wants. And then shakes her behind while our young children chant along to it. Satan is very deceptive...someone posted Satan says 9 lies and throws in one truth and we are all dazzled by the one truth. But we ingore the 9 lies? Lady Gaga is a mixed up young person writing songs to encourage others to continue being mixed up and not look for God's Truth. Just to make sure I'm not misunderstood, I'm not talking about sexuality. I'm talking about all sins/unGodly behavior. Not a fan of that song at all.

I'm not LDS so I don't feel I can give you spiritual advice (although we are all Christians). Your wife needs to have herself tested for sexually transmitted diseases and so do you. "Protection" is not foolproof. You owe her that...you owe her good health. This is such a difficult situation. There are so many variables and each person and each marriage is so unique. But God's law is final so I do think you need to be honest with your wife. Your wife might surprise you and find a path to forgiveness. When you are young and hot headed and opinionated, you might walk out. When you are older, have children, a house, a life and money involved, AND more spiritually mature, you are in a very different place. Things might be salvagable. My husband and I have been together for 20 years, have children and have a mess of money issues. And I love him and I know he loves me. Reality is, I would work on forgiveness. It would be horrilble and gut wrenching but I'd give it a try. I hope you post back and let us know that you are OK.

Yeah, I feel pretty sure about joining. I have done a lot of reading on the subject from a historical point of view and I find a lot of compelling evidence around. I see a lot of fruit in the LDS. I see very devout people. I see good things. I feel that Smith really did find something. I think it was very common for ancient people to hid writings. I could go on and on but I do think that Smith did find what he claimed to find. And, of course, all the spiritual searching with prayer etc. My kids are happy there, even the one that was attacked in church (if you guys remember that one). He ignores the child and family and stays far away. Incidentally, that child is a HUGE problem every Sunday. Thanks for answering all my questions. I know I come up with funny ones. I went to the doctor today and baby is totally fine. I have a blood clot in my uterus which is causing the concern. It's a scary ride. Did I ever tell you that my first miscarriage is how i got to the LDS to begin with? No one could tell me where the unborn baby went. I said to my husband that I refuse to attend a church with a God who sends innocent babies to hell. That started my deep quest. Ok, clearly I'm off topic. Blessings.

I'm looking at about 30 more weeks of bedrest. Plus a C-section and recovery. IF I'm blessed enough that this baby survives. But that is another post. I could write an anxiety ridden post on this but I'll control myself. My husband wanted to be sure and not just join to join. We've been so many protestant denominations over the past 20 years that I don't blame him for being certain. We've been attending the church for about 2 years now, every Sunday and all the "extras". My four kids are waiting to get baptized also. The church has taken such good care of us during the bedrest and I think he is rethinking things, ya know? In additon to thinking and praying etc. I'm like "oh, that's nice, now when I cannot possibly get baptized, now you think you have an answer?" This is the story of my life. I feel like when my ship comes in, I'll be at the airport. OK, thanks for an answer. I'll lie here and think of more questions.

Just wondering... What do the LDS do in this situation? I'm on strict bedrest and would've gotten baptized but my husband would not agree. Long story. I think he is changing his mind. This pregnancy is very complicated and I think I could be on bedrest for the entire pregnancy. I have nothing to do but lie in bed and think of questions.

I have children ages 13 and under. (I'm not baptized in case anyone forgot) Assume we get baptized...my husband, kids and me. I know seminary is where the boys (and girls?) go to study in depth. I know in heavily LDS areas they go an hour before school or an hour after school. (is that right?) The buildings are usually close by also. I'm in a very unpopulated LDS area in the Northeast. How does that work out in real life? Do I have to get up at 5:30am and drive him to seminary every morning? Or at night? Is it four years? They study the D&C, BOM and KJV? Thanks.

Is it Sister Smith or Sister Mary or Mary or it doesn't matter? I hear people in my ward usually use the last name and sister (or brother) but then I hear just the first name. Or, it doesn't really matter.

You guys would probaly benefit from some type of counseling and figuring out what is wrong with your marriage and what is right. You already know what is wrong but there must be somethings that are good with it. Can you find them? Can she find them? You sound committed to Mrs. Wife. That must be a start. Mrs. Girlfriend is as mixed up as you are. You need to think for yourself and your wife. Mrs. Girlfriend is not your wife, she belongs to another man. You need to release her of this emotional torment and move away from her. The two of you have wandered into a path of destrution and you need to RUN from the sin and towards the holy. You know what is right and what is wrong. The trouble is that your heart does not want to hear it. But you know it. Religious talk aside, can you and Mrs. Girlfriend ever have a good, solid relationship when it was conceinved in deceit and dishonor? Don't they say that relationships that start like yours did usually fizzle out? It's not a real relationship...it is built on that erotic thrill of cheating and doing something rebellious and something that has no strings attached. Back to the religious talk again, Marriage is a blessing from God. IF you left your wife and really had a relationship with Mrs. Girlfriend, how would that ever be blessed? It was just wrong from the start. Could you ever get over that? Can fruit blossom from a dead tree? Your note was on my mind today for whatever reason. I have a few close friends dealing with this same thing right now so maybe that is why.

This is because I'm a mom myself to young children, you need to encourage Mrs. Girlfriend to repair her marriage. Her children are caught in the crossfire. Unless there is abuse or some type of horrible thing in the marriage, my OPINION is that she owes it to her children to try to repair her marriage. She cannot do that as long as you are there. I bet your wife is not as happy as you think she is. Usually when one partner is unhappy, the other is also. Maybe they don't show it, but it's there. If your wife doesn't even realize that you are unhappy, then your marriage wasn't so solid to start with. That is another topic. I'm no expert on this topic (which is a good thing) but if you have sinned and committed adultury, wouldn't you have to completely stop your relationship with Mrs. Girlfriend? How can you repent of your sin if you are still in it? I'm sincerely asking that, maybe someone else can jump in and discuss that. Your note should be mandatory reading for young married couples. You sound very sincere and I really do hope that you find your way out of this. Like I said, because I'm a mom, I really feel for those kids. You guys are adults and made your choices. Children are innocent and they will carry this around with them for the rest of their life.

Oh, you guys made me laugh! Thanks for the help.

Oh yeah, I've breastfeed all of my kids and worked also but I've been able to say "I'm going to the bathroom" or used a lunch break or something. I have a very flexible job. My pump and I were always together. If you are participating in a religious ceremony of any length of time, isn't that hard? When breastfeeding I always avoiding any activity where I couldn't get to a bathroom or car when I needed to. ASAP. I'm particularly thinking of myself...the nearest temple is about 2-3 hours away, plus the time in the temple and then the drive back home. Are there any accomodations? Just wondering how people do things like that.

I think you need to cut off the relationship with Mrs. Girlfriend. She is married and there are children involved. The children take priority over everything because they are completely innocent. Those children's lives will never be the same because of what you and Mrs. Girlfriend did. If they can salvage their marriage, for the sake of the children, then do the honorable thing and leave them alone. I think you need to confess to your wife and then take it from there. Maybe you two can decide to work on your marriage and maybe you two will decide it's over. But she cannot make any decisions without having all the information, that's not fair. There are marriages who have survived this type of fatal blow and then other marriages that have not. Only you two can decide where you marriage does from here. I'm sorry you are in such a mess. I think you will find your way out of this somehow but it is probably going to be painful and messy. Just wanted to add: A marriage is really hard work. It is also a beautiful thing, a gift from God. My opinion is that a marriage is not really going to work if it's just "an obligation" like some thing on your "to do" list. Both you and your wife deserve to be a in a good, healthy, happy marriage. She is not happy either. I guess any marriage can be fixed with a lot of hard work but you don't really sound too into it. Maybe you both need a clean start?

the kind you think of when your mind wanders How does a mother who is breastfeeding go to the temple? If you have to pump or have the baby near you? What if you are going through your endowments for the first time? Doesn't that take a long time? I know, crazy question but I was just wondering. I think we are getting close to getting baptized and this just popped into my head.

Fenugreek (the supplement) is supposed to help. There are quite a few teas to help also...if you go down the tea aisle in a Whole Foods kinda store, you'll see "mother's milk" tea. I worked full time and pumped and it's very hard.

I was Fundamentalist Baptist for 20+ years and was always taught that we will absolutely not recognize our family in heaven. I believe they use the verse in Matthew where Jesus says there is no marriage in heaven. I never agreed with that at all.

Thanks for the help! Oh, I'm the first to say "I don't do public speaking". It probably would be a blessing but the anxiety and panic, it really isn't worth taking the chance. I feel much better knowing that I can say "no" if I have to. I can serve in so many other ways and I'd be happy to serve in any calling really. Just not the public speaking. It's just not for me.

Thanks, that clears things up. He is a full 12. He told me he is moving to a new group with some of his friends but he has no idea. I'll clue him in.

and what do they do? I think my son is moving to another group but I don't really get the who, what, when, where and why of it. He is not baptized. Can someone clue me in. :) I'm a bit lost with the priesthoods. Can you link me to an article? I tried googling and couldn't find anything with a step-by-step explanation. I need a flow chart! Thanks so much.

Yep, that threat of "You're not saved" is always held over your head. If you don't keep the rules, you're O-U-T and on you're way to hell. Once the minister puts you on the "unsaved prayer list" you are shamed in front of the church. Can you IMAGINE attending a church for 5 years, having your mother die and the minister attend the funeral and speak at it...and then returning to church and being handed an Unsaved Prayer List with your name on it? Can you even imagine the damage that does? Yeah, well it kept me out of church for almost 5 years after that. My husband and I looked at that, stood up, picked up our kids and walked out. Never went back. I never even got a phone from the minister asking if we were OK. I'm unsaved and unclean and adios! I am OK with being obediant but your entire salvation does not rest on missing church when your mother dies and you have two children under the age of 3 and are pregnant with another. I think God loves me more than that.

I can do other things in the church. I'm a hard worker and I don't mind doing anything you give me. I haven't joined the church and I'm always doing something on Sunday, trying to help out. My husband also...he is helping out in Boy Scouts each week and no one really asked him to but it's a busy job and it's good to have another set of hands with a bunch of boys. Oddly enough, I can pray anywhere, anytime in front of anyone and any amount of people. I think it's because I started doing this very young and because no one is staring at me. I love to pray and I can pray right off the top of my head no problem. I can type something up and read it, although that is challenging, but it is something I can do. I read some Bible verses in RS and I did OK. I did it from my seat and I was fine. The public speaking throws me because I don't like people staring at me. I am a quiet person and like to remain low key. I like to blend in. I would not be the one to have a mohawk and dye it pink. All those people just looking at me???? Standing up there? That is just horrible. I get so scared and self conscious. I just can't do it. I'd be sick for weeks prior and I just can't do that to myself. It's not healthy for me. My Bishop is one of the nicest people. I love him and his wife as people, aside from being a spiritual leader. Various missionaries have told me that he is one of the nicest and kindest Bishops they have met in their life. I think that speaks a lot. They always say how blessed the church is to have him serving. The missionaries tell me that this ward is just wonderful. I feel very blessed to have found such a nice church/ward. It's been a long journey with different denominations for my family and this place is amazing. If I get baptized I will speak to him about this. It was really bothering me and I was too embarassed to ask anyone...I don't want to get the "you're not saved if you are scared to public speak" lecture. I don't want to go through that shame again. Now...if I could only gain a testimony...With time...I have patience. :)

Really? Oh, that makes me feel so much better. I come from a fundamentalist background and you don't say "no". Ever. No matter what it is. If the church is open, you should drive 40 miles in a blizzard and God will get you there. People brought children to church constantly that were really sick and needed to be home, not INFECTING every other child in the nursery and the standard answer was "God will protect your child from that illness, you have such little faith, are you sure you are really saved?" I guess I just project that attitude on all religions now so I'm scared of being forced to do things or my salvation will be questioned. I missed church for a month after my mother died and when I returned, I was on the "UNSAVED PRAYER LIST" In other words, a list of those people who are not saved. I did nothing but miss church for a month after my mother died after a 4 year battle with cancer. I just needed to rest and recover and heal. That little "prayer request" incident kept me out of church for over 5 years. I wasn't angry with God, just angry with organized religion and wanted NO part of it ever. And you can see I still have issues. I automatically assume that if I say that I'm really NOT a public speaker, then I'll be considered sinful and unfaithful and be on the unsaved list once again and shamed in the church. I have big children now and I can't have them baptized and then me asked to leave over public speaking. Yes, these are the things I sit and worry about. Ok, well I feel better now. Thank you for the help!

(being really honest so don't throw tomatoes at me, please!) Do you have to get up and speak/teach during Sacrament meetings? The thought of public speaking makes me physically ill. I struggle with panic and anxiety. I have made huge progress this year and I don't want to trigger myself up. I sit there in the pew and think "If I get baptized and I have to do this? Uh, maybe not" I've also been raised a Christian and know that the standard answer to those things is "God will give you the strength" Honestly, I don't want to and that's about it. Do you HAVE to teach up there???? :eek:

My ward (which I'm investigating for over an year now) is very friendly also. I'm in a state not exactly known for over friendliness so this is all a bit new to me. It's not just me. I hear and see people taking care of people. It's nice. :)

I read the article and it was very informative. Thanks for posting it. I gotta say, my mom was a Christian woman and not vain at all. I really don't think (had she been LDS) that she would've wanted anyone seeing how badly the cancer ravaged her frail body. Anyone who has lost a loved one to cancer knows how brutal the disease is from your hair falling out, to extreme weight loss, her dental work eventually came out, her finger nails turned all brown from the chemo drugs and the list goes on. She was on chemo for four years straight and it was harsh. I think my mother would've wanted me to remember her when she was happy and health and smiling. I would've done it for her gladly but SHE wanted her dignity, I guess? In fact, we only had an open coffin for immediate family only. She requested it closed so people could remember her healthy and smiling and not stand and talk about the dreadful cancer that claimed her life. For her, she would've wanted her privacy, even in death. Any thoughts on that?