carlimac

:):):):) Oooh! What book series is this? We have a famous author in our midst? :)

Thanks Alana. I think the Lord is much more flexible and loving and understanding than we give Him credit for sometimes.

LOl! I didn't mean to start a brawl here. Yes we have prayed- lots! And we don't have an answer yet. So we DO need to make this decision and then ask our Father in Heaven again. But we don't have all the information we need yet to make the wisest choice. There are other factors involved - long convoluted stories that don't have anything to do with the original question but that could influence the end result. I think I probably gave too much information. (And not enough at the same time. No one reading this could possibly get the whole gist of the situation. ) All I was really wondering was if there is any church policy about how long a bishop normally serves and if it's really uncommon for a bishop to move away before he is released. Sorry to be a bother with what has appeared to some of you to be a bash my husband pity party. That was not my intention at all. I love him dearly. I support him completely. I trust the Lord to help us work this out according to His will. We are a family blessed beyond measure.

Neither of us have family right in the town we'd be moving to, but 6 of our 8 siblings, most of their children and grandchildren (those that have them already) as well as his mother all live in the same town a few hours drive away. His father and both my parents have passed away. Last night we did a family conference call with his family. They were all discussing a cabin on the lake and boating trip they will be going on together out where they live. It will be without us since it's right during our two teen daughters' YW camp. All we could do was sit there quietly and listen. Ouch! This Sunday is the annual Valentine cookie decorating party at his mother's place with all the grandchildren. Ouch again. Tomorrow is my sister's 60th birthday celebration. Ouch again. If we were 3 hours away, we obviously woudn't be making the drive for every little party but we'd certainly average better than our current one or two every few years. I have also had to miss the funerals of several dear aunts and uncles, weddings of nieces and nephews, quarterly dinners with a group of fourteen childhood friends who are still close (I'm sort of an emeritus member), and weddings of their children. Also many many other reunion type events. It stinks to be left out in the cold (literally and figuratively). Yes -That comment is totally about me!! Some of my kids don't know what they are missing because we don't tell them. And my husband doesn't seem to mind all that much. He's a guy.

"My bishop just finished the second year of his tenure, for most of which I've been his clerk." Yes, I thought you were a man. (Women aren't called to be ward clerks.) A woman's perspective is likely to be different. We tend to need and place a higher priority on certain kinds of supportive relationships. You are right on some points in your post but dead wrong on others. I guess it just goes to show that you really can't judge another person, especially on an internet forum unless you ARE them, or at least walk in their shoes. There is MUCH more info I haven't divulged about this whole scenario.

"But they (the entire family) have to give themselves wholly to the calling. I'm not convinced you have from the things you've said. Just something to mull over. " How so?

"Being a bishop is not being complacent. The blessings being a Bishop will have in your lives can be countless. So, just so it doesn't make your desires too one sided, just make sure you consider that in the balance. " I have considered it. We have lived it for a year. I honestly think I saw more spiritual growth in him before he was called as bishop. That may have been the preparatory humbling that went on. But for the last year it has been one administrative, worthiness or welfare nightmare after another. I have encouraged him and prayed with him and for him, not complained one iota about the extra time he spends in church service. I pick up the slack at home, counsel with him when he want's to talk, give him back rubs when he's stressed. I don't know what else to do. I feel like I'm being the best bishop's wife I can be. All I can see is that he has been more stressed for the last year. I don't see or feel the spiritual growth in him I thought I would. I wasn't expecting miracles but even an incremental year's worth of growth doesn't seem to be there. I actually begged him NOT to pursue this job if it wasn't what he wanted to do. I didn't want to get my hopes up. HE was the one who felt he needed to fly out there to check it out. Now they are expressing interest in him, have invited me out to see the area, have offered free lodging and meals while I'm there. The package they are offering is the best we've seen in 6 years. He could have cut off the process at any point but now he's hedging. I wonder if he's just scared of the unknown. "By which we generally mean wife and children. The notion that we need to put careers and church service on the back burner for the sake of extended family seems, to me, to be a bit of a stretch. (extenuating needs and circumstances excepted)" Why is this a stretch? Life is about family. We are taught that family is the most important thing, should be our highest priority. Every person's realtionship with extended family is different. I have some friends who relish the fact that they are so far from their families and don't have to get involved in the drama. They want as little contact as possible. I, on the otherhand grew up with cousins, aunts and uncles visiting all the time. They were a joy to us. I grew up loved and secure in that family. It was the same for my husband's family. (So I'm puzzled at why he doesn't care more about those kinds' of relationships.) I wan't my own children to experience that same sense of belonging. My older kids do, having spent many years close to them. But I've had 4 children since we left our home town, 2 since leaving our home state. And they have missed SO much. WE have tried to provide fun experiences for them here. But it breaks my heart to think they will never have those same memories. Sometimes family ties ARE the most important thing. Crucial and vital for some people. I don't think we can prioritize someone elses values.

No. Honesty can be polite and tactful. Your comment was hurtful.

Thanks Palerider. Makes me wonder though. I knew a stake president who left his calling after 3 yrs. to take a new job. Tradition has them in there for 10, and bishops in for 5. Our stake president said he thought my husband was to be bishop "right now" but never assigned a time frame to it.

I think he has only offended one person so far. Maybe two.

Wow, Thanks for the support MrM. (not) I'm brand new to this board. Is this how warm and helpful it always is? You sound very chauvanistic. And by the way- no, it has ALWAYS been about where my husband wants to work and where our kids have done well in school. It has NEVER been about me in 25 years of marriage. EVER!! AND I will still support him no matter what, but he tends to get complacent (too comfortable) and not stretch and reach out of his comfort zone. I think he is using this bishop thing as an excuse to not have to broaden his horizons. Ok, I edited it out my last comment because it wasn't very nice. But honestly, are you married? If so, is it ever about her??

I'm a 50 yr old stay at home mom of 7 kids in need of advice! Please see and respond to my post below entitled "wife of the bishop". Thanks!!

Is the amount of time a man serves as bishop arbitrary or is 5 years standard (and mandatory)? Background: We are currently living in an area that we never intended on staying in for more than about 3-4 years. It's now been 10 1/2! My husband has a good secure job but this city, even after 10 years doesn't feel like home to me. I really want to move back closer to our extended family. (4 states and 1300 miles away) Half of our children don't recognize their cousins in pictures. They only have one grandmother left and it looks like she'll be spending all of 48 hours with us in June. No other immediate prospects to see her. We have been job searching for years. My husband is in a rather tight career box and there are very few opportunites in his expertise in what we call our "home" area. About a year ago he was called as bishop. I agreed to support him in his calling as long as he didn't quit looking for jobs back home. I think the most important thing for us is family realtionships and they have suffered by us being 1300 miles away. WE are always the ones to make that journey to see them and I'm getting tired of always being the visitor, always being the one to use our vacation time to go see them rather than going somewhere else fun (like they do). We invite them all to come to see us every year but visits are extremely rare despite our best efforts to entertain, feed and love them. My husband agrees with my feelings about it...sort of. I think he does in principle but not so much in practice. I think he feels like extended family relationships are a bit tiresome. He is much more independent than I am. He likes where he is and what he is doing. We have some friends but they are all rather superficial relationships. It's an area where people come and go a lot - very transient. So maybe we haven't worked all that hard at developing freindships that could take the place of family support. So now a job opportunity- not a perfect one but a really good one with great benefits and pay, has come up. It's not right in our home town but a 3 1/2 hour drive away ( closer than 23 hour drive or a $400 dollar plane ticket away!!) I'm a bit unsure about the location just because I have never been there but genereally I feel OK about it and about doing my job as a stay at home mom there. He all but has a job offer in hand. But now he is feeling guilty about even considering it. The stake president has told my husband on a couple of occasions that he is the one to be bishop of this ward right now. Pray and pray as I might, I don't get that same confirmation. I think he is doing a good job, we have had some sweet experiences, but I have never felt like he is the only one that can do this job as bishop in this ward right now. If anything I get stronger feelings that it's time to reconnect with our family. So is it just bad form, selfish, lack of faith, putting our eternal salvation in peril to leave a job as bishop after only a year? Do you think extended family relationships trump church callings?