coruscate

You're right. Instead of holding up a bad example like pride and saying "don't do this!" the articles present good examples that we can follow. Using a positive example instead of a negative one doesn't mean the issue hasn't been addressed. It's fairly easy to read those examples, reverse them in our minds, and see the kind of prideful and unfair force we're both opposed to. As for lack of support, again, you're right. We as a church don't support the choice not to go on mission. That's like saying, "the church doesn't have any support material for people who choose to marry outside the temple." It is not the church's responsibility to rationalize our bad decisions and make us feel better about them. The church has assured young men who are physically unable (through illness or handicap) to go on a mission that they will still garner blessings through service in other ways. In all other circumstances, it is young men's bad choices that have prevented them from going on a mission. Either they have committed a severe sin, or they have not developed their own testimony enough to follow this commandment. Not going on a mission is of itself not a sin, but it indicates the need for the young man, at the very least, to look at his priorities. If God is not first in his life, he needs to fix that. I maintain that parents and church members should allow those young men to make their own choices, because as you said earlier, we don't want missionaries who aren't close to Heavenly Father. The Holy Ghost converts people, not the missionary, and if the missionary is not worthy of the Holy Ghost he shouldn't be there. However, that doesn't mean we need to justify or support his bad choices, either.

I understand what you're saying here, and I agree with part of it. However, it comes across as a bit harsh. As someone who has been through similar trials, I sympathize with how the OP is feeling. He is conflicted. He doesn't want to change, but he wants to want to change. Does that make sense? For people (like me) who strayed a long way, sometimes the desire to change is even difficult. Sin is fun. If it weren't, we wouldn't want to do it. And when things are at their worst, focusing on long-term happiness over short-term enjoyment can be overwhelming. The fact that the OP took time to post here indicates he is willing to take that first step. To the OP, I second what the original responses advised. Admit you can't do it alone. Get help. Get therapy from a counselor who knows your values. LDS Family Services can help with that, and the bishop can refer you. They can even help pay, if money is an issue. Don't feel bad that you don't have a strong desire to give up your past behaviors yet. Keep working on it and that desire will come. The fact that you want to want to change is enough for the Lord to work with. He did with me. “According to the Desire of [Our] Hearts†- Ensign Nov. 1996

That's not the church. That's individual, fallible bishops. (Being a bishop has got to be the hardest job in the church, because every mistake you make is blamed on the church, and every good thing you do is overlooked as part of your job.) The church has addressed the issue of how we should righteously encourage our sons to serve missions numerous times. Turning Fear into Faith - Ensign Oct. 1977 (1977) Chicken Coop or Church? Influencing Our Children to Righteousness - Ensign Aug. 1980 (1980) The Value of Preparation - Ensign Nov. 1989 (1989) Money or Mission? - Ensign Oct. 2005 (2005) Young Men General President's Message (2008) I see nothing wrong with keeping an eye open for potential problems among church members and trying to address them. People (even church leaders) make mistakes. However, we also need to do our due diligence when examining the problem. Odds are good that the church leadership has already recognized and addressed it. It's our responsibility to seek out those answers.

I have a son (11 and a half) who will be getting the priesthood soon (yay!). Missions and his responsibilities have been on my mind a lot, so I've been following this thread with interest, even though it's veered quite a ways from the OP's question :) It seems there is a disconnect between righteous expectations and undue pressure. As parents, we should expect our boys to serve a full-time mission, as we have been commanded. I have raised my son with that expectation, just like I expect him to say his prayers and attend church. What I don't like to see are parents who try to force their children to go on missions. They could be doing it for the "right" reasons (it's an important spiritual step, their sons are spreading the gospel) but I think more often, deep down, they are doing it out of pride. "What will the ward members think of him if he doesn't go? What will they think of me as a parent?" And those feelings are passed onto the child, who either rebels and falls away or gives in, barely serves, and then falls away. This is not the church's fault. The church is not there to raise our children, and they are not responsible for a) making allowances for boys who don't want to go and feel pressured, or b) helping force them to go. Will I be disappointed if my son, after all he is taught, chooses not to go? Of course. I'd be disappointed if he stopped attending church or praying, too. But at some point, children need to stop relying on their parents' testimonies and find their own. We need to stop being "helicopter parents," always hovering around our children and making their choices for them. That's Satan's plan, not Christ's. Do your best to raise your child, make clear your (and God's) expectations, and respect their right to choose. Stop blaming the church or church members or yourself if they make the wrong choice. That's how they learn and grow; I would be doing my son a huge disservice if I took that away from him.

As an aside, it isn't just men that struggle. Women have the same urges as men and face the same temptations. I think for most people it starts with curiosity. They hear about porn and decide to take a quick peek. After all, what can it hurt? (they think). With the Internet, it's easy to access. People no longer have to look their neighbor or mailman in the eye as they pick up the magazines. Porn arouses intense feelings that are hard to control, and it is almost always paired with masturbation. It's like Pavlov and his dog. Pair one stimulus with another and they will reinforce each other. Except in this case, it isn't ringing a bell and giving a treat. It's looking at pictures and providing a sexual reinforcer. Our sexual drive is one of the most powerful we as humans have. When this is combined with our culture of laziness and instant gratification, we end up with an addiction epidemic.

It's true, sin is a personal matter. So all I can do is share my personal experiences. And in my personal experience, "innocent sin" is an oxymoron. In THE MIRACLE OF FORGIVENESS, President Kimball (not then the prophet) says that masturbation is not as serious as other sexual sins, but that it is still serious. The only reason mb is not considered as serious as other sexual sins is that you were not involved with another person while sinning. But it is still very, very serious for your spiritual condition. Again, speaking from my own experiences (I've struggled with sexual addiction for years), it is horribly detrimental to spiritual progression. You are basically stuck in place, a slave to the flesh. Sexual sins without exception require the help of the bishop because of the nature of the sin. You cannot escape temptation by yourself, because you are always there. Those sexual parts go where you go And perhaps there are people who have not escalated into porn and other sins, but I've never met one. Playing Russian roulette with your salvation and splitting hairs over "serious" and "more serious" is a dangerous game.

If he really doesn't want to go, he shouldn't. Yes, a mission is a great experience, and he may regret not going later, but those are natural consequences. The Lord wants willing servants. If he is unwilling, he is not going to be a profitable servant, nor will he have the Spirit with him as he teaches. Perhaps his Patriarchal blessing is talking about a mission later in life. Or maybe he'll wait a year and decide to go. He is an adult, and you've taught him well. He knows what Heavenly Father wants, but our agency allows us to choose. You are doing the right thing telling him it's up to him, but you need to follow through on that statement. Let him choose, and let him deal with the consequences.

People will respect you more knowing that you made sure you were clean and ready. All of us are sinners. Those who might judge you are making the mistake, not you. The fact that you thought so hard about this shows that you are going for the right reasons. That indicates a deep level of maturity. I admire you for it. As for your bishop remembering forever, I have a little story to share about that. When I first went to the bishop with my mb problem, I thought the same thing. I was embarrassed and humiliated. I knew he would never look at me the same again. I got it all straightened out, then two months later I slipped and had to go back. I started by saying, "Remember that problem I talked to you about before?" He looked at me blankly. He had no idea what I was talking about. I had to start over and tell him from the beginning! I was upset about it--after all, it was so hard for me to come in and such a big deal, how could he forget? I asked him. He shared the first part of this talk with me: The Brilliant Morning of Forgiveness - Ensign Nov. 1995 When the Lord forgives us, he truly forgets. So do his servants the bishops.

Hi Bilybob :) Question for you: Have you talked to your bishop about it? If not, you need to. I know, it's no fun. But he is there to help you through it. I've struggled with a mb and pn addiction for many years. I finally asked to be sent to counseling (one-on-one, not group), and the therapist gave me some tools that helped me a ton. Here's a few ideas to try: - Install K9 web protection on your computers and have a trusted friend choose the password. If you don't have any trusted friends, use a password generator (like Security Guide for Windows - Random Password Generator) and don't write it down. If you really need to unlock stuff later, you can recover the password. It's all free, and it cuts off access to most bad stuff. - If you feel the urge, do NOT sit around and try to talk yourself out of it. It never works. Reading the scriptures wasn't even enough for me. Get up and get out of the house. Go where people are. Go see a movie. Go to the library or bookstore. If it's late at night, go for a walk. I've taken a lot of midnight walks. - Do the following writing exercise: Write all the short-term positive effects of mb and pn, like it feels good and it's a release. Write the short-term negative effects, like guilt and hits to self-esteem. Write your long-term goals and how pn and mb could destroy them. Then, when you get the urge, pull out the paper and read it. Visualize those short-term negative feelings until the urge goes away. Then read the long-term goals and remind yourself why you are resisting. (Do this as you walk...see above. Don't sit on your couch and do it.) - Lose yourself in something you enjoy. Remember, sexuality is only one facet of who you are. If you have something else to look forward to that you love (for me, I write short stories and novels and created 3D animations), sex seems less important. Things that don't work, and why: - Marriage. Sad as it is, pn and mb have nothing to do with a healthy sexual relationship. I've been married 13 years and it hasn't fixed the problem yet. - Flooding (what Origen described). It might work temporarily, but what it's really doing is exceeding your tolerance levels. Give it a few weeks or months, and your tolerance levels adjust. You'll go back to old habits, but now the simple stuff isn't enough. You're in even worse trouble, and you'll never get that stuff out of your brain. - Punishing yourself. Sexual addiction is very powerful, and when the urge comes, the threat of having to give up something (like money or time) is not enough to prevent you from giving in. It will always seem like a fair trade. - Beating yourself up. If you're like me, I tend to indulge when I'm feeling depressed or upset. It's a release and a short-term high. Getting down on yourself for slip-ups makes it worse. Stay positive, and if you slip, pray, apologize, ask for strength, and move on. Hope this helps!