girlygirl

Wow! Good to know Jennarator thanks for the comment!!!

LDSJewess, I REALLY appreciate the wisdom in your post, and it all is very logical. However how come the bishop will interview teens often and ask them about masturbation? Do you not think this makes them often lie and feel extreme guilt? I agree with the marriage part, someone advised me with my own relationship problems that my partners problems will dissolve once we were married. I knew this was not true and made sure things were worked out before hand!! :)

I know family home evening, family prayer etc. are great answers. However I feel like I had that all but the temptations occur and usually happen out of the home, how do you deal with that? How open should you be with your children?

AG Stacker, do you think private schools are better then public schools morally wise? I went to Catholic school for a few years, do you think enrolling children in a church school if you have the possible option is better then public? I definitely agree with the TV rule, our family only had TV in the living room growing up and I remember that being awesome because as soon as something bad came on I went red and turned it over quickly because my mom was just in the next room in the kitchen !

Sashi, although I appreciate your scriptural references and advice, I would appreciate the tone of your comments to not be so condescending. I posted this on the message board to not be judged, and get some good feedback that can help me. Saying things like me 'seriously not getting the atonement' really isn't constructive to me. Would you go to someone who struggles with a principle of the gospel like someone who has an alcoholism problem and say, 'seriously! What don't you get about the word of wisdom!?' I think not, but if it makes you feel better then thats fine. Other then that thanks for the comments.

I am married to a husband who has recently converted. We our very much in love and has a great courtship, the only thing that could have been a deal breaker was because he was not a member, he looked at pornography. Through my support he was able to break the habit which is a great accomplishment seeing as the world does not view this as a bad thing at all, even within marriage. I know the lord really gave me strength to bear with him and be by his side while he was looking at these images because I am a bit jealous and would have otherwise never been willing to work through this situation as it really hurt alot. When I think of us starting a family, the thing that stresses me out the most is getting my potential boys to steer clear of the stuff. It seems impossible! I grew up in a small town and watched MTV and all that stuff, now I am in the city I see how different it is- kids talk about stuff I wouldn't in my wildest dreams been talking about with my friends, MTV and TV in general is bordering pornographic now. Things have really changed in the last 10 years. My husband said he was exposed to porn from friends who had their dads magazines, internet etc from an early age (12). Is it going to be impossible to steer my kids away from this without completely wrapping them up in cotton wool and sheltering them??? Also what do you teach them about masturbation? I mean, I know the church teaches you should not do this, however, I know how hard it is as a male to withold these feelings. I had one church member exboyfriend who told me flat out it was impossible and didn't know why the church would teach something so stupid. Should I teach my kids there is no exception and make them live in guilt through their adolescence? Or teach them this is the 'ideal' way but if they fall short it is okay, enabling us to have more trust an openness? I know this is stupid to be worrying about it right now, but I just see the extreme pain I went through and want to make sure I raise good boys that dont have to put another woman in the situation I was in. And I know this is becoming a huge issue and just have a feeling this is going to be one of my biggest battles with my teens.... Any suggestions?

What I gather from everyones comments is that I need to put my faith in doctrine not other peoples testimony which is true, I do get alot of my strength from other people when I really need to secure myself better. However it is hard to be affiliated with an organization that has different levels of priesthood which governs you, sometimes incorrectly, and you are just supposed to let them judge you incorrectly and keep coming to church with a smile on your face like everything is okay? To me that is not okay.

Sashi- it sounds like you have never come into a road bump with church authority, but when you do, it really disrupts your faith. I don't think you understand that it is very hard to turn the other cheek when a major part of your life is being trampled on by someone you need to respect and look up to. Because this has happened to me twice now, yes the experiences have poisoned me, perhaps it is pride, but it is hard to feel like a doormat when people above you do not judge you correctly, assume wrong things, and cause alot of emotional pain. Are you just supposed to 'go with the flow' and suck it up? I see what everyone is saying that everyone is human. But it is hard to be 'ruled' in away by someone who does not judge you correctly and puts you through alot of unnecessary hurt. Church should not make you feel like that!

Suzie- I will message you with some of my questions, thanks for your offer! Hijolly- thanks for breaking it down! Yes you are right I definitely do have my backup after these experiences. It is hard to keep opening up when you have had your feelings trampled on so many times. Despite a few questions I just don't understand about Church, I do sincerely love the gospel. However it is hard to trust those in authority after these problems and it is hard for myself to completely open myself up to being happy with the church.

Judo, yes you are right. It is just disheartening I have very good Baptist, Evangelical and Seven Day Adventist friends and it just seems in our circle I am the one who is weighed down the most by guilt, not being good enough, and stressful responsibilities. I know the best way is not always the easiest but it seems sometimes the load is alot to carry when they seem to get as much fulfillment out of their religion and feel like God loves them regardless and is not judged on a daily basis... Comparing them seems like night and day. I just feel like I put up with so much in the lds religion where as they teach you should be satisfied enough to have God in your heart- if only it was that easy!

Phoenix, I don't quite understand what your comment means but if you are implying that I made this stuff up my answer is no.. and it is a bit hurtful that you would imply that my life is one giant cliche as I really do want some truthful honest feedback not road blocks. Most of my problems have been in my twenties with the church and these events such as boyfriends, marriage, and moving out of the parents home all do occur in your twenties- so its not just all a coincidence!

How well do you trust each other? Being married to a non member recently turned convert my husband went out with his buddies to the bars, college parties etc. I trusted him and he always told me when he would be back, texted me etc. It does of course help to meet the people too, which I did. The thing is to be open and have trust. If you say 'don't do this', and know he won't, then I wouldn't be too worried... However if there is not alot of trust then that is another issue. I hate to say this but do you think it is more that you are feeling like the left out one that has to hang out with the kids? I am not condoling his actions but on the other hand he will resent you if you never let him go out and have some guy time. That being said he does have a family and has to be responsible. It is not fair for him to go out all the time and leave you at home. I would say it is fair for him to go out a couple of times of the week.. on condition that he sit the kids and lets you go out just as much! Example, if he goes out to the bar on friday, saturday you get to go visit with you friend while he babysits! In my eyes that is fair. Don't let him take advantage and guilt you. If he doesn't like that then too bad. Whats good for one is good for the other! I had a friend who's husband would go out all the time and never let her go have some fun! That is definitely not fair so don't let that happen to you! Lastely, if you feel like he is making all these new friends and leaving you behind join a club or a class in the evening which runs once a week where you can socialize too :) Hope that helps!

Thanks Backroads for your post. And yes you are right when I say Church I am referring to that I love the Gospel. My problem is this has happened with two bishops now and I just don't want to go through my life having people in authority trampling on me. What would you do in this situation? Just not go into the bishops office?? Thats where I have the problem it seems like I am damned if I do damned if I don't! And you are right I do need to do more historical personal research, although online it seems all that comes up is anti mormon history

Okay this is going to be a long story but I need your feedback so bear with me- I have always been 100% mollymormon and believed wholeheartedly that the church was true. A few years back after graduation I went to live with a mormon relative. She decided she didn't want me to live with her anymore and wanted me to go home to my folks. I didn't want to and was going to move in with a mormon roomate. Instead of this being okay she brought the bishop into it. She made him go to my boyfriends family and say I was moving back home without telling me. She then got him to come around to pack my bags. Needless to say we got in an argument and stopped talking. However more drama would come up everyweek and I was stuck in the bishops office with various offenses claimed against me. After about 1 year of rumors flying around about me and being almost called to a church court the bishop said that I was innocent of my offenses and everything claimed against me the church knew was false and shook my hand, and that was it, after all that grief, they washed their hands of the matter and said what i knew all along! (This is a very condensed version of course.) A year after that I had a boyfriend who forced himself on me. He then felt guilty and made us go to the bishops office. When I was there the bishop acted like it was my fault and talked to us separately and tried his hardest for me to admit that it was my fault and that I was the one to deflower his 'holy priesthood holder!!!' With these combined experiences looking back and seeing all the stress I went through and wondering why I even kept going to church at all I can't help but feel that this has really shaken my faith. Im scared now of how much the church can control your life. This was a situation that should have been handled between us but instead the church took over it. Every Sunday I was worried of being called into the bishops office, which he did, and made me promise to do certain things. Why did he not just tell her that it was not a church matter? I have been to other churches and felt the spirit, does this mean they are true too? It seems like the church just preaches that it is exclusively for lds purposes only. I am now married and my husband just got converted to the church. I try on the outside to look faithful but on the inside I feel I don't know if the church is true anymore. I see how the missionaries manipulated his feelings, even saying he could save his whole family if he got baptized (one of the big selling points for my husband who loves his atheist family alot). I walk around church and can't help but feel the fakeness of everyone, and that everyone seems brainwashed. No one is a deviant, and if they are it seems the church is going to intervene. There are so many questions about polygamy and other church's controversial backgrounds that are not taught to us yet we are expected to pay 10% of networth to the church (which I do)... I love the church but since my bad experiences I just don't feel the same about it anymore. Does anyone have some feedback? Has this happened to anyone else before? Why do I feel like this?