girlygirl

Have you tried taking a blood test to see if you are deficient in a certain vitamin or mineral? Would you say your diet is pretty balanced? I know it sounds cheezy, but you'd be surprised how many of us eat foods we think are 'good' but actually have all of the nutrients sucked out of them (veggies included). Vitamin B is the happy vitamin- most people don't get it in their diet- you can even go to your doctor and get an injection of it. Usually our bodies are trying to tell us something when they are doing abnormal things- hope that helps you :) Get on google and research different vitamins and what they do for you and go out to the chemist and buy some and try them out! Just bare in mind to make sure you don't take more then your daily allowance.

Only you know your husband, my take on it is from what you are saying he seems like a very responsible guy, and I think you should give him a little more credit from it. I have friends who do some (ahem) questionable things but they have been my friends from childhood, looking on the outside we are not at all alike but we still get along and have that great childhood bond. Your husband will resent you if you start saying you don't 'trust' 'like' 'accept' or whatever his friend. It is his friend, I am sure he knows how you feel about him by now, but by implying that he is so easily swayed by him, that your concerned about him being away and that you suspect the worse will happen will make him feel controlled and that you don't give him any credit. What is the worst that CAN happen? I really don't think it can be that bad if he is his own person and knows himself. But then again, I am assuming that he is a trust worthy person which only you know. What you need to ask yourself is are you worried because he honestly can't stand up to peer pressure and or take care of himself? Or are you just over analyzing until you assume the worst will happen and letting insecurities make you anxious? Only you know in your gut what is right for the two of you- good luck!

It could go either one of two ways, he can be understanding, or get upset. Either way you need to tell him, preferably sooner then later, and make sure the moment is right. Be aware that the longer you prolong telling him could make him feel that you will hide secrets in future without telling him right away. I think it is understandable if he has a hard time with it, it bugs him, but he is willing to get over it. I think we are human and all have that initial 'ouch' feeling- but of course we all make mistakes and as long as we repent from them things are good to go. If he makes a big stink about it, makes you feel worthless OR even just carries on endlessly about it I would take it as a warning sign and run. Either way honesty is the best policy, and more likely then not he will respect you more for being upfront with him.

@ Jennarator- yep, I'm sure everyone reading this probably has the same problem in some shape or form! ;P

Thanks Judo for your reply, and yes that's what my parents tell me is that I just shouldn't go around too much, which we don't. However this is the rub, I feel alot of value in his family. I never knew either of my grandparents. My family does get together now and then but they aren't that strong 'family get togethers' type. We really just all do our own thing. His family on the other hand has really strong family orientated values. They always keep in contact with each other and plan activities and outings (whole extended family). Part of me does really want to be apart of that, and have my kids part of that, because I wish my family was more like that, and my parents don't talk to most of their family. I feel guilty I guess and I feel like I have 'taken him away' even though I know it is his choice for when he wants to visit them and not. As for the beliefs, I think that is one of the major wedges.. we plan on getting married in the temple next year.. that's definitely not going to help the situation that their son will be having a second 'mormon secret temple marriage', that they won't be invited to. The main point is that I feel my parents have taught me to distance myself to anything that isn't working for me, family included, and I really want to work this one out!

Does anyone have any advice on bridging the gap between yourself and atheist inlaws? I am married to a man who got baptized a year after we were married and have a great relationship. Only problem is, is that we live very close to both our parents, and I don't get along with the inlaws. When we were just friends I really got along with them. As soon as we started dating, and got married, the relationship has gone downhill. I feel like as soon as their son started dating a 'mormon' they became very suspicious of me and my intentions. My husband was raised atheiest and did not even believe in God before I started dating him (he has come along way, which is a very big blessing.) I really am glad my husband was raised with good family values. However I really find it hard to bridge the gap between me and the parents. Not that this matters but they are well off and he is the oldest son in the whole extended family, the only one who has brought a girl home yet. It seems that having someone 'new' at their family get together seems like an intrusion and often I am ignored. Yes, they are very social drinkers, can be crude, and although I try my best not to snub them, I get the impression they think I am being a snob when I refuse a drink or make a face when they crack a rude joke (especially when there are children around and I know one day my children will be there too.) For the last year I really feel like as my husband has become closer to church he is becoming further from his family. The other day we went around to their home and his mom said she never sees us anymore (we live close.) And this really hit home with me. I do NOT want to be the wife to take the son away from his family. Although I haven't intentionally done this, I feel like my husband had without realizing it distanced himself because he sees I am uncomfortable around them, and perhaps he is getting to be the same way too. What my question is, is how do I more properly support my husbands relationship with his family and even my own? I have suggested alot he go out and visit them but I think he always really wants me to go with him and if I don't he won't go. I really don't have much in common with them, when they are not drinking they are honestly bragging about what they own and what they are going to buy. I really find it hard to fit in there... And visa versa, I really feel like they have no clue what to talk to me about.. help??!

I read it a few years ago, I found it extreemly gripping and I was surprised at how good it was!

acerola I totally get what you are going through, and I'm sure many people who have had to suck up a sin their partner has done which effects them has had a point where it is just churning constantly in their mind and niggling continually at them no matter what they do! You know who is doing this though? It is the adversary, if they have repented and moved on, Satan wants YOU to rub it in their face even more and cause contention between the two of you. Pray pray pray for help! I remember one day thinking about my husbands past mistakes and couldn't shake it and felt so low. I knew this was not good! I prayed my heart out for strength to overcome it. Time will heal wounds, trust me, and at the end of it all, believe me, you both will be stronger people!

I replied on the other 'Ghost Show' thread but I would like to put something different on this one. One of my most uncomfortable experiences with going to one of my friends churches (not lds) was at a youth night when the leader started talking about the supernatural and how to avoid devils and demons, I felt emotionally empty and scared inside after. Although some might find this intriguing, members do not need to waste anytime thinking or focusing on this if they are living gospel standards. To go on and on about this kind of stuff drives aways the spirit and has the opposite effect! The gospel teaches us what we as members need to know. I think members are always looking for something more 'juicy' and complicated. I think the key is to focus on gospel basics, and try to uplift each other then try to scare each other and conger up feelings of fear. Yes there is supernatural stuff out there, is it our place to entertain it? Nope, not at all.

Sounds like your wife has alot of issues and came into the relationship unfortunately with alot of baggage that she should have tried to get under wraps before you guys tied the knot. It sounds like you are a great support and friend to her and divorce would be a very bad idea. I don't know her, but with some people who suffer from depression they try to destroy the only good things they have in their lives and distance themselves form it rather then cling to it for dear life! I know this sounds corny but perhaps you should suggest she see a marriage counselor or psychiatrist before you guys call it quits- I would strongly encourage you ask her to hang on and do that before you guys divorce, if not for you, then at least for herself. From my experiences with dealing with depressed acquaintances, they are always thinking the future will make things better. "If I go on holiday I'll be happy", then when they are there they wish they didn't go, didn't spend the money, anxious to get back. They are reaching forever for things in the future only to be dissapointed and want to wait for the next thing to make them happy, when really all they need to do is focus on their blessings, what they have, work with and appreciate them. Perhaps she sees your strong family and feels like she can't live up to your mom, sisters, etc.? You should really stress she doesn't have to be that perfect mormon mom, and that she should be grateful that she has great in laws that she can gain strength from. I hate to say it, but if she is not willing to work out these problems, perhaps it is the best for the both of you to have this come up now then before you have had children together.

Faded leaf I definitely hear where you are coming from and I agree that it is practically impossible to keep a guys thoughts on just his spouse, that's just plain controlling! Saying that though there is a difference between checking a cute girl out, (shes dressed to be attractive so obviously she is going to attract attention) versus checking a cute girl out and then entertaining a thought process afterwards about her. I don't think the latter is lewed or perverted, but when you are married she shouldn't be entertaining those thoughts any more then necessary. One thing I really have come to realize with how I was raised and see some people in different circumstances is that if you make the bar high, people will just fall a little short, if you set the bar low, then they will fall lower. In this case, with a spouse I think it is important to communicate that you do not accept masturbation as a practice, and if it happens once in awhile, you kind of talk about it, and try to be better next time. If you say, oh it's not too bad, your not cheating on me, then it might open up greater temptations to fall into such as pornography.

I think the only person doing the judging is you. Up till now everyone has been able to air their opinions about things whether right or wrong. That's the point of a discussion. However not sticking to the issue of debate and personally attacking someone by saying you are truly glad you are not married to them is somehow okay? I am totally fine with someone not agreeing with my opinion, yes, please go ahead and say your piece, however digging at them personally is a whole new senario

I'm sorry Beefche that you are quoting my post word for word, next time I will not do a quick summary of a conversation between me and my spouse, I will make sure to get the exact dialog and wording so no one jumps to conclusions of what was exactly said

Actually beefche I think our gut instincts and hunches are not to be taken lightly, especially when it comes to men with children. So you are saying if I get a bad vibe from someone I should just let him go ahead and sit my kids unsupervised for a few hours? I think my friend who's dad was a child molester was also glad her mom didn't accuse family members of 'atrocious things'..

Yes I admit I didn't really bring up my opinion in the best way. However, if I get a bad feeling about something usually I run with it!

Actually I am glad this issue got brought up. My husband and I plan on having kids soon, we got around to talking about how his brother has never dated anyone and doesn't really plan to, I then said abruptly that I didn't want his brother babysitting our kids and my husband got quite offended. We then had a little debate over it and he thought I was being a bit unfair- maybe I am, but its just the way I was raised!

When I was a kid the golden rule for me was if I was at a friends house and only their dad was home not mom I had to leave.. So I guess this is why I had no male babysitters. Same rule applied if I was at the cousins and only boys were there, this applied to all possible situations. I always thought this rule was so strict and didn't fully understand it until I was older. I found out that one of my friends dads was a child molester when I was 17, guess my mom wasn't so strict after all......

Spartan, for my own info, is this a contributing factor of why the pioneers were persecuted and had to get over to utah as fast as they could?

The deal is my friend went up north and wanted to check out a church, thinking it was mormon she called me excited and said she was going to go to 'my church' turns out it was a fundamentalist mormon one and so I told her to steer clear! She then asked me how come we used to practice polygamy and not now? Yet they still do? Just was thinking it would be a nice piece of info I can put in my back pocket for future times I get asked this. If anyone knows pass on the info and help a sister out! lol

As well some warning from my previous experience: I dated a guy who was inactive, as soon as I started dating him we started going to church, he became the ysa activities leader, went to institute, became bishops secretary, did everything by the book! It felt great to me that I had brought him back, his family was really thankful to me too. When I decided to move away and had to break off the relationship because we were on different continents, he stopped going. Completely. Now years later he only goes back occasionally when there is something to do with his family happening at church like a baby blessing. What I thought was a rebirth of his testimony was actually just him piggybacking off my own Please push yourself when it comes to dates- it is soo important and isn't as big of a deal as people make it! There are so many things you can do that don't have to be a big deal. Ask if the guy wants to go meet up for an ice cream at dairy queen, say you want to see a movie in the theater but no one wants to see it and ask if he will take you? Go check out a free event like a play or something in a park and ask him if he is free that night and wants something to do? Say you want to try a new recipe out and its too much for you to eat by yourself so your wondering if he wanted to join you for dinner too ;) Its really easy once you get into the swing of it and really fun too :)

Just curious to see how people deal with telling friends and acquaintances who are not LDS about why Mormons practiced polygamy and no longer implement it? I find it really hard to say something short and sweet but to the point that makes sense to a non believer?

As well I would like to add that even though you should look to see if you have done something to invite this, please do not think that this is your fault! With my experiences I was not doing anything wrong, it is simply something that runs in my family.

Judo, I know it is wrong to write someone off for their mistakes, but to me it sounds like this John guy might not be the right one for you. If you were single and you wanted a bit of a challenge, by all means I would say try your luck and see if you can help aid him to work out his kinks and see if you guys can make a great relationship for yourselves. However you have a child and you need someone without those problems who will be ready to contribute to your and your sons well being- not the other way around. You don't want to end up looking after two people! And it really sounds to me like this may be the case with John. I watched this British show once about this lady who was a tv reporter, mid thirties, who had never married and decided she wanted to get a husband in 12 weeks! It was so funny and so much fun watching her and the advice people gave her. Two things stick out in my mind from the show that I can pass along to you- first off- because she was a tv reporter she would treat every date like an interview! When she watched how she was back she was flabbergasted at how intimidating and prying she seemed to the men! So make sure you get to know the person.. However make sure that there is alot of fun element involved also. The second thing she was told that I liked was that every 112th man you meet on a day to day basis will really click with you, will have the same likes and dislikes, which could lead to them under the right conditions being a great partner. The point? Meet as many guys as you can! Don't just hang onto 'the family friends son' when there are so many more fish in the sea. She was told to go to clubs or activities you enjoy and not only could you meet that 112th man but you will also have something in common :) Lastly I would like to say don't sell yourself too short, it is better to have your expectations a bit too high and find someone who is right for you and compromise rather then set the bar low, find someone, then compromise yourself lower

I would say it is not out of line at all to ask her if you are asking her in a non confrontational manner, couples should be open and honest with each others achievements as well as shortcomings. That being said I find in my relationship I can be open and honest to my husband about everything if he asks me at the appropriate time, in the appropriate manner, and with appropriate concern. If I feel backed into a corner or am asked abruptly I will admit I will get my back up and not be as willing.

Nistal007, I apologize for all of the feedback you are getting on this forum, you came here for help, and have been getting ridiculed for a problem that is obviously of high concern. I have had similar situations to you, it runs in my family lineage so I was able to get the support I had from them so I knew I wasn't just going crazy, unfortunately not from the bishop... Mormons do not teach about anything 'supernatural', rightfully so, so that is why you are getting the feedback you are, please don't think we are just being ignorant. With what happened to me my mother got me to go to the bishop and like in this forum he just shrugged it off and said I was dreaming which I knew I clearly wasn't.. However, now that he is in a higher position in the Church and has seen more things he knows more and has seen more and knows now that I was not just dreaming. So unfortunately going to an LDS Bishop might not be the best thing as they are new and inexperienced with these types of situations with what you are talking about. What I would recommend is contacting the old owner's if possible, tell them what is going on, and ask them if they can recommend someone who can put a blessing on the house for you. This kind of situation reminds me a bit of my friend who is a physiologist, she says that she would NEVER have someone come into her home and load of all their troubles and worries at her house because when they leave the feelings will stay there, which she wouldn't be able to handle. In your situation you are saying that the home was spiritually clean which is puzzling, I am not going to assume that it is your fault this is happening but perhaps reflect if there is anything you need to set right in your life that could be inviting this- even just major stress or vulnerability. But definitely talk to that couple, and insist asking them to get someone to bless the house as soon as possible. Good luck!