Hala401

Um, I'm sorry, I was just being fascetous, sorry. :) If you look at this web page at the bottom, you will see what they say about their clothing. :) Jen Clothing Modest Clothing: Modest Dresses, Modest Prom Dresses, LDS Modest Bridesmaid Dresses. Modest Clothes, Modest Swimwear I got the Emma. :)

That actually would be my preferred garb.

I mean, in the lower 48, this is probably the most remote area in the US. Sorry, I do not mean to discount anyone but I just don't want to offend anyone there. I mean, I know what the people in Ohio think is wilderness, snark snark. I think it is at least 100 miles to a Macy's. Oh well, I have an official Mormon dress coming in the mail.

OH, so is it Atonement anxiety again? I have a couple of small tatoos, and had some piercings, two in my ears, one in my nose, and um elsewhere. I just have one in my ears now, the others have been allowed to close. The tats are not going to ever be seen and I'm just forgetting about them. If hers are visible, there are people all over the place who remove them with laser, mostly for free. About 6 months ago, while still visiting with the Missionaries but before I got baptised, I was seriously considering a small brand on my left hip. It took me a while to figure it out, but in sessions with my counselor, it became clear to me that it was a combination of self harm, and security anxiety. I didn't get the brand, (illegal in Oregon), and have since realised that I was struggling with applying the Atonement to myself. There is still some wildness inside me, but as the Holy Spirit changes my life, it is less of a struggle. To be really clear, we sometimes do these antisocial things not because we are so evil, but to try to relieve the anxiety that not having Heavenly Father brings. So, I think that some Mormons are much better at understanding these things than others. Much to my surprise, two weeks ago, I was called into a meeting with an Investigator and the missionaries to give my very strange testimony. On the 30th of June, I attended her baptisim. Sadly, while I could give my testimony to others to help them feel the power of the Atonement, I found out earlier today that I am still embarrassingly vulnerable to criticism and accusation about my salvation. Perhaps that is her real problem? And like her, earlier today I felt extremely down; dangerously so, but now I know that when that happens, it is time to get busy. Leaving dinner on the table, I got on my bike and went out to watch the fireworks and interact with other people. We can learn to fight these feelings, and I thank Heavenly Father for that.

In a couple weeks I have business in remote NE Oregon near a town called Halfway. I've attended church in urban areas near Cleveland, Indianapolis, and a half dozen different ones in urban areas of Oregon and Washngton. There really should be no problem, but I am wondering if in these remote areas, if I should take really conservative clothing for Sacrement Service. This feels awkward to me so I am wondering if I should call ahead to see what I should wear or just go and not worry about it?

No, I could not breast feed.

OK, so really now, what is your question, the real one? This is old business, so why would you seek to drag it out? Is this in fact proof that the Atonement does not apply to me for real? The Atonement was the big obstacle for me to convert to our church. I was assured that all is behind me now. Are you saying it is not? Are you saying that I have been lied to about the Atonement?

I would have been pleased to as a Mormon. Lately I feel sorrowful for not having been Mormon much sooner. I don't question the wisdom of Heavenly Father, and perhaps I was to strong willed at the time.

I have seen it done during sacrement meeting in the chapel, or in the foyer. It doesn't bother me at all. Heavenly Father sees it all. Wish I'd had the chance, but I was not Mormon.

Thank you for your kind advice. I thank everyone else for their help also. Now I am seeing that it all may be immaterial. In the last week, my roommates BF broke up with her and he got so loud and postured so much that she ran, frightened to my room. We were both terribly tense. At one point, I decided that rather than either of us getting beat up, I would shoot him. Then something went off in my head, and it felt like the Holy Spirit was saying to me, "Really, you would take a life over a beating, really"? Now, I am really having to understand what it would take for my taking a life to be justified. There is a combat veteran I know who I will be talking to soon for advice. Thankfully, tonight he came to me and apologised for the whole incident. He would not have been able to do that if I had killed him. I've a lot of reflection to do.

I'm sorry, I do not see a present day connection between the LDS church and polygamy. No, I know that there are groups who believe they are Mormons who still practice polygamy, the Apostolic United Bretheren being one example. Oddly, when I converted, I expected to encounter polygamy sooner or later, perhaps even wind up as part of a family, helping to cook, clean and care for the family because I was Muslim and it is part of that culture, though I have not met a woman who liked the idea. I still believe it has a purpose under the right circumstances. I think it worked once and it may happen again. However, I want to be perfectly clear that I support the Presidency. So, I am not certain about what those who quit are on about. There is a lot of misinformation about the church's treatment of gays. I wonder where it will end?

Well, um lets see. Staying in the church means I can not wear bikini, can not go clubbing and drink enough to have hangover, can not smoke dope, no more micro skirt, can not get tatoo or brand on hip, can not have pierced nose. The nose was a really hard one, and I threw a fit over it! Where else will they fasten my chain at night? Staying in church means not dating two guys at once. It means that I must drive slow enough to avoid speed ticket. I can not play Tabla Turbo loud late at night. Gee, ya think I need to get rid of belly dancing outfit? I'm confused as to why staying in church is hard. For me it is better than where I been. I don't have to listen to some guy telling me that all Muslims are going to hell. I do not have to be a fruit inspector. Don't need no chain for my pickup so I can drag folks down the road until they go to seek their eternal reward. I guess that once I get them garments, I can't wear no pretty stuff under my clothes. It's probably just as well as they don't make em in my size; Eliphant. Ain't missin nuttin yet.

Back in May of 2011, I was not going to join. I loved Heavenly Father, and Jesus Christ, believed Joseph Smith and the Book Of Mormon. I had never encountered a group of people who were less interested in my flaws. What, were they NUT! Could they not see how unworthy I was? I almost got mad at them because they gleefully ignored things about me that, I felt, made me unsuitable. Right before I left Kirtland, I had stopped by the visitor's center to say goodbye, and to tell the Sisters that I was not going to continue. Two Sisters who I was not that familiar with took me aside and told me that I must continue. One said, "I have a brother who...". The other said, "I have a sister who...". We need you to persevere; to continue; to be the bridge that you are. I know people who would have been in that group of people and think I am part of it. Sometimes I just feel frustrated. I don't want to know anything about people's sexual preferences. I don't want to hear who's gay or lesbian, or bi or T or anything. I'm nuthin' and happy about it. Why can't we just be good, loving people and let the rest go?

I was most taken aback at the tightness of the garments and they are made of Viscos and Lycra, so I ordered the next bigger size. Their policy is that I can return for a larger size in 30 days. I was very surprised by the difference in the film and what is considered modest today. I did notice when I was in SLC around the Temple and Church headquarters that most of the women seemed to be very modest. It would not be such an issue but when I was at one of the Visitors Centers I was encouraged to wear shorter skirts. Then later I took someone out there and showed up in one that is shorter, that sister was more pleased, but I kept pulling at my skirt. Perhaps I will just have to find my own comfort zone.

So, I have been studying a Church DVD called, "Doctrine and Covenants, And Church History". It is quite informative though just reinforces what I have already read about the church. It so makes me wish that I had been born LDS, but then again, perhaps I would not be as fervent about the church as I am now. So many I meet just don't seem to have that thrill. One thing I have noticed in some of their segments depicting present day time (2010) by the date on the disk, is that even in 2010, young LDS people dressed very modestly, more to my liking. All the hems were mid calf and the sleeves were short and the dresses did not seem very tight. Well, I am sort of a fashion pilgrimage here, having started church as Muslim, then they thought I looked FLDS because I wore pants with skirts. Hey it was cold. So now I have tried skirts just below the knee, but I have to say that when I sit, I am always fussing with what I feel to be too little attire. So I had been doing a search for modest dresses, and found a site that says at the bottom of their web page that their clothing meets LDS standards. The clothing is reasonably priced and I ordered one of their dresses. I must say that the models look very nice but I am not sure that their clothes will look nice on me or if I can get comfortable, because I might look too s..y. In Islam, it is beat into our heads that our attire is not to distract the men. I would have provided the name of the site but did not know if I would break rules.

I think the term is misconstrued, and that much of what happens is because of God driven cycles that happen at his design. My Mom was the child of Oklahoma Dust Bowl years and in retrospect, most agriculturalists think that the problem happened due to poor farming methods. I remember coming to Oregon in the winter of 49-50' and moving to what had been a homestead in then rural Oregon. For those who use Google, It was on a side hill above the Willamette River in a settlement called Ladd Hill. We were the first owners after the original homesteaders, and moved into a very primitive cabin on the 57 acres. The home had pine poles for a framework that still had the bark on them, and the walls were formed of a material then called Firtex. It has some primitive wiring on it with bare wires running and those old rotary switches. In the summer, the heat from the Sun would cook the sap out of the poles and made the cabin smell wonderful. I am sorry, I digress. The winter we moved in, the snow was so deep in the fields that it was most of the way up the fence posts (about 3'). I don't think that area has seen any snow at all in at least 10 years. I suspicion that the wholesale logging of the rain forest west of there is contributory. Those were also the years following WWII and the huge clouds of smoke and toxic substances the war unleased into the air. I doubt that it is a judgement from Heavenly Father. We seem quite able to cause enough of our own pain.

I've put in a call to my Bishop. He was not there; got his voice mail. I hate to bother him. I'm pretty sure this will be the end of the present situation. Women are in a lot of danger from enraged, X boyfriends, and I plan to prevent him from hurting her, at least in my presence. Why is it that some women never realise the danger they are in until they have stitches and a cast? I've heard people complain about having grown up in the starchy atmosphere of an LDS family, and church. Maybe I would like to have experienced that. I know that Heavenly Father's will is foremost before my eyes.

I was brought up in chaos to such an extent that when I left home, I felt that at least now I knew how not to live my life. My X was brought up in Chaos also, but in our ignorance, we set out to make a better life for ourselves and our children. It was hard because we were seeing life through the lenses of our brokenness. One thing we had though was stubbornness. Though we did not realize it at the time, we were trying to move toward order, goodness, and love but we had no idea that Jesus Christ was the one we needed. So many of the places we sought Jesus Christ only had part of the truth. Its been 46 years since I was first married. Tragically, it ended at in 2005. While I knew it was not working, I did not know the solution, and I would find out later that my mate had already given up and was having affairs. I like to think that at least all the children were gone and married by then. I often wonder what it would have been like to have known Jesus Christ before Santa Claus. What would it have been like to pray several times a day? What would it have been like to climb into my Daddy's lap and be called perhaps sweet heart? What was it like to be baptised at 8 years old and to know that it was something special, not just a swimming lesson? I wonder what it would have felt like to grow up trusting the Elders? By the time, I was a teen, I feared men. It has been a hard night I had to be the steadying, protective influence last night. I had to lay there feeling wooden on the floor on an air mattress, while my roomate lay in my bed crying about her BF who'd gotten enraged, and made us both fear violence. Would I have to use the violence laying on the table beside me to stop his violence? It's not the first time I'd faced a perpetrator, and I tire of it. Why should a 65 year old woman be a body guard? When will someone who is flesh and blood be mine? I have Jesus Christ. In Christ we are not promised a life free of pain and death. We are not promised to avoid his fate. I just hope that when it ends here, that Heavenly Father will love me. I know that many LDS are thankful for the life they have spent in Jesus Christ. I too am thankful for having known the truth for a while.

In case you missed it, I was showing that I suspect a linkage between certain violence and heavy weed use. Just guessing here, but the people of Portland might be the biggest consumers of weed in the US. I see it a lot. So far I have not seen the agitation and anger that I have recently seen. I also know that weed is stronger than it used to be here.

You sound pretty intense, as if you are in pain yourself. I'm 65 and have lived to make a whole constellation of mistakes, some of them by design. Be kind and gentle spirited with others and especially your self.

Um, one of my roommates is constantly high on weed. He got mad at my other roomate for wanting to break up with him and started to get really loud and verbally aggressive. The situation appeared to be moving into him being violent, and suddenly she was calling my name. I opened my door and she came rushing in, while he stood in the hall and performed a perfect Mr Irrationality. She stayed in my room last night. I took measures to stop further escalation. In the past what you think of weed may have been true, but there are new, much more potent strains out there, and who knows someone may have introduced one that makes people violent? I am unused to this sort of drama in my life and plan to take steps to prevent it.

I know a man who had been told by his 15 year old daughter that Mom was having an affair. He did not believe it and told her so. His mind was completely un able to absorb the idea that His wife could cheat on him. After all, he said to him, his wife and children were the center of his universe. Later, he was injured, and suffered a nervous breakdown and his wife divorced him. She married another man as soon as her uncontested divorce was final. Years later, he was given evidence that showed almost conclusively that his wife had been having an affair during the final years of their marriage. It is unimagineable what sort of things unfaithful spouses can get up to.

I am not going to push it for reasons I had not considered before I shared it. Actually, the only other place I shared it was with a man who was minimising women's contribution, and degrading me in front of a group. One thing that men have is the priesthood, something I have felt quite grateful to some of them for the way they discharge their office. Being effective as a missionary is not the center of the church. In fact, I am not sure what the center of the church is. I am just thankful for every member of it.

UM, so if I do not have garments yet, then I can PARDEE<PARDEE> PARDEE! Right? I mean, just askin'.

When I was investigating, one of the reasons that I was reticent is that I'd had experiences with some males in Islam. Other males were wonderful, protective and kind. One of them at my Masjid, while pretty gruff, was always really fatherly to me. He caught me checking the oil on my car once and scolded me, saying, "Sister, this not for woman. You let me know, I will do this". LOL Yes, he already had wife. So, I can respond positively to a man. When they get condescending and superioristic, "the thunder rolls". It was when I heard President Gordon B. Hinckley speaking at the 2004 conference. (Youtube) that I began to feel safe. And, I was at first confused by the FLDS; thinking that was the main stream church.