Hyena

I LOVE how you took the time to explain the Thees and THous and why it is better to say IN the name of Jesus" instead of thy son. I appreciate all of that edifying information. I'm probably not all that "fun" to know, just naive so I'm sure I seem pretty amusing. Being a convert, I just feel like I can't really do anything right and it makes me self-conscious. I mean, I know it's our faith, and that there isn't really a right or wrong way to be a Mormon, in principle. I'm also certain nobody is going to come along and run me out of the Church for not being able to pray well or for not getting married in a timely manner. But being a bit of an outsider, I have "new kid" syndrome where I realize that this ward is my new FAMILY and I don't want to alienate myself, otherwise I'll be lost with no spiritual guidance or teachers to help me with concerns or issues that arise. I want to belong because these are people who share a faith with me, and the world is decidedly NOT very forgiving or tolerant of CHRISTIANS, let alone solitary Mormons. I do hope someday that I'll get around to visiting different wards in different places and perhaps meeting a few of you, if only to put faces to names of my extended beloved family here. I figure it should on my bucket list to sample the green jello and tuna casserole of every friend on LDS.net who was intrinsic to my investigation and eventual testimony of conversion. Thanks Dravin. It definitely is a form of "Performance anxiety." WHen it's just ME, I can pray all the live long day. I actually do... praying often all over the place any place makes me feel closer to my Heavenly Father and brings me peace. It's when OTHERS ask me to do it for us all. That's when I realize I lack that "eloquence" you mention and I'm self conscious of it. I guess it'll just come in time, that if I continue to pray accordingly, I'll be able to do it in public better.

I have prayed in one form or fashion or another since childhood, since as long as I can remember. And you'd think there wouldn't be a whole lot to it; couple of our fathers, maybe a hail Mary or ten, and then kinda work in a few words of your own, brought to a conclusion with an emphatic, "Amen." I also realize to most LDS members, being asked to give a prayer is a privilege.. nay, a BLESSING! Unfortunately, to me, it's a source of terror and embarrassment. (I know I know, this is starting to sound like a schtick from a sitcom... every day, Hyena has a "new terror... golly gee why did he even join then if everything stresses him out?!). Thing is, I don't really feel confident praying, at least publicly amongst others from the Church. When I have gone with the missionaries or home teaching I always dread that moment when it is asked, "Who would you like to say the prayer?" And all of a sudden it is like being back in Mr. McCreary's Algebra class... head down, no eye-contact, and the only prayer I'm uttering with fervent passion is the mantra-like one I'm repeating under my breath, "Pleasenotme.Pleasenotme.Pleasenotme.Pleasenotme!" The problem, I think, Is I'm not exactly certain HOW to pray, not like I used to be. Everyone else seems so good at it... they confidently and majestically rattle off this epic soliloquy to the Lord, with flourishes of thees and thous and thys and they seem to have this smooth transition from all the things they remember to say thank you for, to encompassing the lesson, our future endeavors, attention for members in need, and hope and love and etcetera etcetera. I on the other hand, sound like a nine year old who was asked to read a chapter from the highschool "big boy's" textbook and then explain how Finny dying from breaking his leg after falling out of that tree stood as a final metaphor of the transition from adolescence to adulthood for Gene.... in front of the class.... during parent teacher day... right in front of Jennifer Rocha, fourth grade beauty queen and my one big crush. It's all stammers and "ums" and "uhs" and repeating myself, and grasping like heck for anything to say, and by the time I get to saying these things in the name of Jesus, I'm sure even Heavenly Father himself is sighing in relief that it's finally over and he can get back to dealing with all of those BYU basketball fan prayers flooding in at the end of the second half. So, long story short... Can anyone give me any suggestions to help me improve my prayer. I'm sure once I feel I'm able to pray confidently and more succinctly, I won't mind being "blessed" with the privilege of being asked. How do you deal with it? Is there a set template you tend to follow? Do you just practice one particular prayer and just sort of modify it on the fly? Any suggestions will be appreciated and loved. Thanks in advance, Your brother, H.

LOL, No ma'am I'm a bit too old for the Singles ward (I think the cut off is 30) and frankly, I'm not that interested in the Church's version of Eharmony lol. I would like my wife to be someone I connected with in my normal life, at school or as colleagues or something. Maybe if I meet her at the temple while doing work. But to be going to Ward Dating parties kinda makes me feel desperate lol. Don't feel jealous. I'm pretty much the worst Priesthood holder ever. Because I have NO idea of ANYTHING. I'm so ashamed of it, but it's like even the little beehive kids know more about stuff than I do. Mainly, I just keep my mouth shut and my ears open. Right now, I like to think of myself as a little Mormon sponge... soaking up all the testimony and scriptures that I can so that I can squeeze out all the dirt and remain clean. What a terrible analogy. Lol. Hi Roseslipper! I've been a member for almost a full month now. Been GOING to church for about three months and have been investigating since the last general conference. The church is DEFINITELY the heart of my heart. I LOVE this church. I cannot express how much I LOVE this CHURCH, This Gospel, and my Heavenly Father. I have gone from praying once in a while in times of need to having LONG talks with God all day long like a crazy person... I literally enjoy having LONG talks with God on my way to work, to school, while studying between classes, etc. When people break out their cell phones to play games and check facebook to pass time waiting for appointments or for their car to get an oil change, I'm reading scriptures or praying. My life has been filled with strength and with peace and I am 100% addicted to it. What I didn't think about or want was to be concerned about my dating life. That's why though singles wards (I'm just over 30, so really those aren't an option anyway) are available, I'd have rather been a missionary instead. I didn't join a church to find love, at least any type of love beyond brotherly love for my brothers and sisters in the church, and I hadn't considered marriage or dating important. In fact, I don't think I'm really ready to date or capable of being in a satisfying relationship... I'm not in my career yet, I'm barely attempting to get into medical school. How could I even begin to put together a family when I live on a razor's edge myself lol. That said, the church is EXTREMELY focused on the family. And it does get to you, sitting there surrounded by families and people who are busy being friends with other families in the church. I had an opportunity to do some home teaching recently, and it kinda bothered me that I'm just a single guy trying to talk to several families with like 4 or 5 kids each. I don't even have a dog! So who am I to teach them anything about life or family? They should be teaching me! I share that feeling. Sometimes though I wonder how serious fellow members can take me on things, because I have no children or family of my own so who am I to counsel them on such matters? If I had my way, I'd have as many callings as I could get, I like the idea of being in service to the church... doing the Lord's work brings me peace. But I can't help but feel isolated or noticeably different at time.

I know Vort. Thank you. I just thought it might be useful for those about to convert or newly converted should think about. Also for those of us who have new members in our ward can be aware that new members of the church might be experiencing this. I think that members who were born and raises LDS might not have this perspective or realize these types of feelings could arise... Not because they don't care but simply because they've never known NOT being a member of the church or the people in their wards. I honestly don't think investigators or people outside of the church fully comprehend how family oriented this church is. And how alienated single members can quickly find themselves. For example I'm a poor college student. I can barely afford to feed myself and I don't have the resources or space to invite people over for Barbecues or dinners and what-not. So that avenue of fellowship isn't viable. But my goal isn't to depress the heck out of converts but to caution them. Don't let these feelings pull you away from becoming a member or going immediately inactive. And maybe it'll make some of the members on this site look around and think of their newer or single members and make a tiny extra effort to reach out and love those members. Make them an extended part of your family... An adopted brother or sister or son or daughter. Take an interest in their lives and well being. I don't imagine that it should just be left up to home teachers. I plan on making it my personal mission to be that companion to new single converts. I think if everyone kept this in mind, we can definitely improve the retention of new converts.

This is absolutely a church of family. Of close intra-personal relationships. While this is one of the most wonderful and charming aspects of the church, it does have a dark side. If you are a single person, especially a young adult who is converting in, not born in, it can create a feeling of isolation, where you can grow to feel as if you aren't necessarily a part of the same community. All the couples and families and bonds and unified testimonies can illicit a perception of not truly belonging, an underlying loneliness in which you can start to think of yourself as an outsider rather than a beloved member. I can easily attest to how the adversary can play upon this loneliness and attempt to increase the gulf between you and your new ward family. That widening difference I feel probably accounts for a larger attrition rate amongst new members in that first year of conversion than might have ever been considered. I can testify that even today, on this holiest of Sabbath days that sitting halfway through The sacrament meeting that I felt incredibly depressed all of a sudden, like a heavy blanket was suddenly laid upon me. I found myself distracted from the talks and couldn't help but notice all the couples rubbing and scratching each others backs or nuzzling children. And me, I was alone... Not even a missionary like before. Here we're hundreds of people who all knew one another, spent time together, and were celebrating Easter together as a family with those whom they loved. And here was I. The outsider. The odd man out. The lone wolf. I almost left. It wasn't till the final hymn, Christ The Lord is Risen, that I was reminded why I was here. I am a believer in Christ. I am a Child of God, and I am here to obtain a perfect body and spirit. I have the atonement. I have the promise of life everlasting and being reunited with my loved ones after my physical death. Take solace in that. That though you may not be observed by others in your ward, JESUS AND HEAVENLY FATHER are always with you. And with their love, you will never be truly alone. I know this church is true. I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet and that we have modern day prophets to guide us. I know the Book of Mormon is true. And that's all I really need. And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Hi Rose! I was baptized on the 9th of March. I haven't been a member very long lol. Unless you count the months in which I was investigating the church.

Yeah the way it was explained to me, one of the higher ranked? Elders went out and did a series of town hall style seminars or something at these big universities where the students were allowed to ask just about any question they wanted and he apparently did an amazing job of addressing their questions and explaining church doctrine in defense of the LDS. I'd really like to witness that, I think it would be great for a new convert like me to help me defend my faith.

Someone was telling me about how one of the Elders did a series of talks around different universities where he opened the floor to questions about the church and faith and invited the young students to be challenging in order to better illuminate the faith. I understand these were filmed. Does anyone know who it was or what the series was called? I'm not sure how long ago this occurred, I'm assuming not too long ago. Sorry, I'm very new to the Church so I don't know about all the different Prophets and Elders and talks yet. Thanks!

Ultimately i just want to contribute as best as I can, with my talents that I have, because I don't forsee marriage in my future for a long long time. I'm not even interested in dating right now, between school and Church I don't think I have the time for that and family starting, etc.

I think sometimes, and this is just my own ignorant observation so take this with a grain of salt, but that in some ways us converts are a little more blessed when it comes to enthusiasm.. The way I kind of think of it, since we had to actually seek it out and work to become members, to put in the dedication and faith and effort to change from our pre-concieved notions about the Church and Gospel and even worse, to undo the years of misinformation and damage done to us by a secular society or false churches that were ingrained in us, gives us something of an advantage when it comes to the strength of our desires and testimony. For some of the members I observe in Gospel principles or Elder's Quorum, it seems like there are more than a few people there "going through the motions," like they have done it a million times and they just do it because it's habit or some sort of ingrained obligation that they must fulfill. They just recite off scripture or passages or things, often times it seems for my benefit or the other new convert who beat me into the water by a few weeks. Which I am grateful for having what feels like an entire platoon of ready and able teachers armed with extensive knowledge of the Gospel with which to answer my ever-increasing list of questions. But I think that sometimes I'm way more into it than my brothers and sisters who seem like.. I don't know.. I imagine it like candles... how my candle just got lit so it's burning brightly and with fury... their candles have been burning for years so they have this big pool of wax the wick is floating in and just a small, steady, unflinching flame... but it doesn't dance or twinkle the same way and it looks like at any moment, the pooled wax will threaten to put it out. Which is why I delight when they do try to explain things in different terms to me during our lessons because it seems like I'm waking up a few sleepy dragons who find it in their hearts to shuffle off of their hoards of gold (knowledge) for a moment and toss me a few coins (scriptures) out of kindness to send me on my way and as a result it inspires them to reorganize their dragon hoards. lol Or something like that.

Thank you all for your comments. I appreciate all the ideas and suggestions you have given me. I admit, there is much I do not understand or am ignorant about in regards to our Church, so I wasn't aware of many of these opportunities. I just know that I have an inordinate amount of free time when I'm not studying at university, and this intense desire to live a life of devotion to the Savior and to my neighbor-man whom I love. I was under the stupid assumption that the only opportunity within the ward is home teaching, which I understand the value of, but it didn't feel the same as missionary work. Having had the blessing to go out with the missionaries a time or two now since my baptism, I realize how incredible their work is and how much more it expands my own understanding of God's plans and Jesus' teachings. Even something as simple as the atonement, I thought I understood well, but yesterday we were with an investigator and during the conversation it just suddenly went off in my head like a flare that I GOT it.. I REALLY, REALLY "GOT" it. All the stuff about sheep and flocks and shepherds I got that too. And I realized that by helping others discover God's plan of salvation and how we can use our agency to seek perfection like our Heavenly Father, it helped ME. I admit too that part of me was a little envious of listening to other Church members talk when we'd be having a little get together or conversation sharing stories or lessons they learned during their missions and realizing that I missed out on that experience and that it will always be something that sets me apart from them. I guess in a way it makes me feel just a tiny bit less worthy in a way than they. Ultimately, I guess I just still have a lot to learn about the Church and the Gospel and building my own testimony, but I'm glad I have this place to go to for these questions. I don't think I'd have been as comfortable talking about it with my new ward family. Even little things... I went to do work at the Temple this morning, cleaning the grounds and weeding and deadheading the flower beds. I never really did any sort of gardening like that beyond mowing the lawn and weed-whacking. And you know, being there, the brisk morning air, but the warming sun coming over the horizon with the temple grounds so serene and the tall tower with the bright angel trumpeteer on the top glistening in the morning rays... It filled me with such spirit and awe and joy that I stopped several times to pray and weep. I am discovering that for me, for my life, there is this intense joy to be derived from being in service to the Lord. And I want the Lord to use me to his greatest benefit.

Not every man or woman is guaranteed to live to a ripe old age. So many of us who were able bodied now and will never have the opportunity to serve a mission it just feels unfair and saddening.

Maybe doctrine is the wrong term? Maybe policy?

Well I thought about my bishop but I feel like I'd get a sort of jam up and the issue would die there, going nowhere. And since I feel it is a change that impacts the whole church I feel I should go to the top. For the curious, It is my belief that the missionary age should be raised to 35 or 40. 30 is the new 20, and I think there are many older young men and women that want to do service on a grander scale, not just around our home wards, and who aren't married or interested in starting a family (or are not able to do so). Especially for us older converts... It feels like we get slighted simply for being unfortunate enough not have come into the church at a younger age. It's an experience we will miss that will always be a source of regret and alienation from our born in brothers and sisters. I know, maybe I'm crying a little needlessly about it, being so new, but having had a chance to accompany the missionaries on a few visits with investigators, I know for certain it's something I desperately would want to do. I've already discovered institute but it just doesn't feel the same as studying to be a missionary and effecting so many lives and hearing their testimonies and stories. I just feel the age limit needs to be strongly reconsidered.

If I wanted to ask Pres. Monson to pray and consider changing church doctrine, How would I go about doing so is that even possible? I strongly feel an aspect of the church really needs to be reconsidered And to make such a change will only benefit the church and the work. Suggestions?

Thanks everyone for your great advice. I must confess that I was a little disheartened When told my home teacher would be. I'm a shy sort of person and It takes me a while to get comfortable with people in general. I suppose I was sincerely hoping that my home teacher would be a member of the church I was already acquainted with on jovial terms, One of those that I have already forge a friendship with, Who welcomed me into the ward so readily. Maybe someone closer to my age or with similar interests. The brother I was assigned is nice enough, just... Different. Not someone I'd proactively engage with outside of this calling. But I am probably being a coward and far too hasty. So I will pray about it and continue to pray that God watches over me. :) Who knows? This may be the beginning, as some of you have suggested, of a good decent friendship. Thank you again!

Some questions. What if they don't like me and I don't like them? May I ask for a new one? I know there is a reason our bishop put us together but I feel like our personalities will be like oil and water. I guess I can try them for a while... Suggestions?

Words can't describe my happiness. I can only compare it to a homecoming. I am home brothers and sisters, my ohana. I am home.

Hello All, I thought I'd just stop in and give you all a quick update. Tomorrow, 3/9/13 is my Baptism date. I'll be baptized tomorrow evening and it's going to be the greatest moment of my life, a new start, a fresh happiness, the beginning of my personal work and glory. I just wanted to come here and say thank you to everyone on these forums that patiently and lovingly assisted me every step of my journey, tolerating my ignorant questions, forgiving when I stumbled and offended. What amazing work you all have done here. Although the members of my ward will be my new LDS family, you all will always be my first. I'm happy to report that also I've learned to grow, appreciate, and even love a number of hymns. So yes, I now acknowledge that many of you were right and they are indeed not boring :) If I had to pick my favorite three (for those who care of such things) they would be The Spirit of God, Redeemer of Israel, and We are All Enlisted with Praise to the Man kind of floating in and out as my third/fourth favorite. My ward is surprisingly close to me, literally in walking distance. Funny I never knew it was there. The Bishop, missionaries and Elders took me in like a brother from the very first moment, and it became something of a dilemma for me to have to turn down so many dinner invitations. It seems like EVERYONE wants me to come to Family night... or worse, to get togethers with their "single coworker" or "friend from another ward." LOL I don't have any interest in being hitched up with anyone for the time being, I'm far too busy, so it has resulted in some rather amusingly awkward moments sitting next to someone passing them the pasta knowing that they are there under a different set of motives than I. Another issue I seem to have to kind of contend with is the Ward "mommies" trying to "adopt" me. Ever since most of them found out I'm a young, single college student I've suddenly got all these hens clucking around (no offense meant haha ) constantly offering me meals or checking up on me or casually mentioning a "friend" they know that would be good for me to become acquainted with. The only concerns I have now are Home teaching and a calling. I don't feel prepared for EITHER of those, as I still feel very new. I attend Gospel Principles class every week and devour the information, but it's become very clear to me that it will take me years, if not a lifetime, to fully understand what it is to be LDS. But I do know I will love every second of it. As for the calling, I have no ambition to be anything within the church other than a good brother and member who helps as many people as possible, so I'm not sure how I'll deal with any issues that arise from that. At any rate, I just wanted to stop in and say thank you to all of you. I hope that the next people who come along are as warmly received and guided as I was. You guys really made a difference for me. I love you all, H.

The thing I always think of in instances of espionage is the story of Jericho. If I recall correctly, didn't Joshua have spies within the city that were climbing into/out of a window of some woman before the walls fell? Possibly as a measure of espionage. As for the thou shalt not kill thing, some of the greatest warriors in history fought in the name of God. King David, Samson and his jawbone of an donkey, Joshua... I think it comes down to righteousness in the cause. Just as good and evil can be a blurred line so can right and wrong.. For example, everyone would agree that sex is pleasurable and therefore it must be good in some way because otherwise God wouldn't have made it thus... However, chastity is righteous and we should not simply be fornicating around for the sake of base pleasures. At least that's what I understand in my non scholarly opinion.

THAT's IT... I couldn't put my finger on what it was... but yeah, that's one of the things that I feel about hymnals. I mean, I'm not that big on my brother's Baptist church BET Gospel music jam sessions either, because they always felt too long and after a while my A.D.D. starts kicking in and I'm wanting to be anywhere else but standing there clapping my hands 20 minutes into some diva's epic solo. On the other hand, my youth in Catholic church had the same monks of the haberdashery cloaked figures in the night with candles dirge vibe to it that was more apt to put me to sleep than insight any feelings of the spirit. The LDS Hymnals fell somewhere in the middle. Mostly I think it's just my previous experiences with hymnals that are coloring my view of them, but I'll try to take your advice and look into meanings more and try not to worry about how I sound. I'll just power through best I can and hope that the bishop does not ask me to refrain from singing in future.

I love that.. "cyber-missionary" work. Thanks everyone for your responses. I was curious, because it seemed that all the missionaries I have encountered have been far, FAR younger than me.. and no offense, but it feels like a bit of a disconnect because of the age gap. It just occurred to me that if me being 32 feeling like that, what must someone considering conversion in their 40's+ feel like when a 20 year old kid is trying to develop a report with them.. It's like me trying to tell an astronaut about the space program. Not that they aren't knowledgeable. In my discussion last night with them, I learned quite a few things from them, and it was sort of powerful to see individuals who have dedicated their lives to the spiritual growth of others at such a young age. It makes me feel as if if they can have such faith and blessings, I certainly can as well.

LOL Okay okay! I'll give the hymns a chance! LOL I guess it's just that I'm not familiar with them so it feels kind of strange to be around dozens of people all guessing their way through a song under their breath... I mean there was like maybe ONE person who was singing like she was auditioning for American Idol, but I couldn't ever figure out the right key so half the time I sounded like a pregnant cat trapped under a hot radiator. As you can imagine, that was definitely embarrassing, but I suppose I can live with it. I do like Christmas Carols, but I think those are so universal and a part of just about everyone's childhood memories that it's hard to think of them in the same light. I... would... DIE. They would have to perform whatever services for the dead on me right then and there if I ever saw anything online of that! I think I'll politely request that no photography be done.

Here's a question I never thought to ask but just considered after meeting with my missionaries tonight: Why does the church restrict missionary work to only the quite young or very old? What is the purpose for sending virtual teenagers out to teach the gospel and retired couples, but denies this experience to willing and available individuals over the age of 26? Considering that by all other societal standards 30 is the new 20. In some ways are older age gives us an advantage because we have more experience with being mature to a degree And are closer in age to most heads of family. I am just curious, is there scripture that discusses this? Thanks, Kevin

Thanks. Luckily, I'm older than 30 by a few years. I'm all good for that. I don't really need companionship. Just spiritual fulfillment.