ACommonMan

One should be very careful about defining exactly how their porn view spouse "needs" to respond. A oft documented paradox in the discovery/revelation of porn viewing is that the viewer will suddenly shed his shame and guilt, turning it over to God through confessing to the Bishop. The spouse, on the other hand, has just entered the world of shame and guilt. She has tons, potentially years, of emotions to get caught up on to meet him where he is today. She shouldn't let herself get caught up in needing him to feel worse than she does in order to prove himself.In this particular case, I'm not sure he IS truly repentant yet, so there could still be some other things to work out first. However, in terms of the larger discussion on of porn not being "about" her, realize that men often downplay situations for sake of the other person, not as a side stepping of guilt. He wants her to know that she can overcome the obstacle before her. She doesn't need to lose weight. She doesn't need to do new stuff in bed. It frequently has less to do with the more obvious lust aspects than it has to with his own insecurities or stress.

One of the oddest experiences in my life was a discussion on petting in the MTC dorm. With the actual phrase being "heavy" petting, the conversation quickly turns to the line between heavy and, the presumably acceptable, "light" petting. It was amazing how many different definitions could come from so few variables. (above or below the waist, over or under clothing) The only thing we all agreed on was that one of the guys definition was definitely wrong. He went down to the Branch President the next morning. He was allowed to stay in the MTC. (this was 1988, long before the move to improve the quality of men serving that came out several years ago.) Your Bishop will need to make the decision in your case. You need to address it with him immediately. He will take several things into account. What you actually did, how long it has been, and how remorseful you are will all come into play. Whatever your Bishop decides; accept it, do what is asked, and then serve faithfully.