ACommonMan

Bronski Beat

Yes

Underwood, Carrie

Mental as Anything

Icehouse

Dexys Midnight Runnerse

XTC

Ultravox

Quarterflash

Madness

Joshua Creek

Foreigner

C-Bank

Yello Oh, yeah!

This is a difficult situation, and I am not sure I know what to say. But, I feel a need to say something. First, remember that you are the only one you can change. You cannot change her through coercion, manipulation, or even by fasting more diligently. Second, as the male of the species you need to learn that the female rarely wants to be given advice, or fixed in any way. She wants to talk and feel understood. Third, never use terms like co-dependent unless you are a licensed therapist. Labels, while helpful in certain circumstances, tend to put people in a box. That limits the ability to apply creative solutions to a problem. The term co-dependency, in particular, is completely misunderstood by the majority of amateur internet psychologists. I used to have the same false definition that is so rampant among the spouses of alcoholics, until my therapist recently corrected me. Lastly, you seem to have been rather dismissive about her drinking and SSA, choosing to focus more on the negative personality traits. Anger, resentment, and selfishness are side effects of the problem, not its roots. See if she would be willing to say morning and evening prayers with you. Study the scriptures daily. If she is not comfortable reading the Book of Mormon these days, read the new Testament. President Boyd K. Packer has said: "The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel”

I presume you figured out how to get the withholdings entered correctly. If not, let us know the brand and we'll see if someone knows how to guide you to the right screen. As for the amount descrepency, there are a few possibilities. For one, are there any entries in boxes 12 or 14? I've had some employers count their portion of health insurance as my income in boxes 1, 3, and 5; only to take it back out again in one of the box 12s. Your software should have processed that correctly if that's the case. Another possibility is that your pay period cycles were such that you got paid on both the first week of the year, as well as the last. (27 paychecks instead of 26) Money you earned in the last week of December counts on the next year's W2 if the check is printed in January. Lastly, you may have forgotten about overtime worked or a bonus paid. That neat pen and pencil set they gave you for Christmas counts as income if it was valued at more than $25.

Like Garry, I believe I will be in Quin's first group. My story... Yes, I was significantly to "blame". No, I did not want to divorce. But over the past 15 months, I have made peace with the fact that it will happen. (papers are in the judge's hands now, so it could be final in just a week or two) Like Quin, I know that I am in my own head a little too much. In general, I expect to be a serial first dater for the next year. I haven't even had a first date in 23 years, so I need to learn how to do the whole dating thing again. I currently have several artificial limitations in my head. (my ex was older than me, so the next won't be. etc...) I am sure that over time I will settle into a bit more reality. As for why I don't see a need to wait... I need to have hope in a future. I need to learn that I am a decent guy, despite what she says. I need to learn who I am without her and how that person will interact with others. How did I go from not wanting a divorce to being ready to date? Honestly, it was prayer. Once the Lord let me know that, even though He didn't want me to be divorced, it was going to happen and I needed to accept that. Then I prayed to get over her. That, truth be told, lead to beginning to hate her. Then I prayed that I could love her as a daughter of God and move on. That last one was a two weeks straight, morning and night, commitment. Now I am in a place where I am accepting of the things I cannot change and looking forward to the next chapter.

I haven't bothered to find the quote again lately, but I remember giving a talk on The Sacrament 25ish years ago and the advice was to only be concerned about taking it unworthily. Specifically the quote was about not making an issue of a non-member (or small child) taking any, but I think the principal still holds. Unless you broke the speed limit getting between the two meetings, you probably didn't have anything new for which to repent in such a short period of time. You can't apply it towards future sins, so didn't make any difference one way or the other to take it again. BTW: The Stake President often attends two or three Sacrament Meetings each week. He sits on the stand and gets served first, as the presiding authority. I would actually be surprised if he did not partake every time. Could you imagine how confused the Deacon would be if the Stake President said, "No, thanks"?

Removing geographic boundaries also introduces an element of Bishop SoAndSo's church. Changes in leadership can prompt a migration to Bishop Smith's Ward because he's a little more lenient on Word of Wisdom issues, verses Bishop Jones, because he still thinks Coke-a-Cola is a violation. Ward budgeting is also affected by attendance, so circumstances could arise where one ward has a much more elaborate parties than another. (one of the cited reasons for changing the budgeting system used pre-1989) Lastly, and somewhat ironically, the class divisions (or cliques) within the ward was a major reason was my family petitioning to have our records moved. It was the most difficult part of my decision. I wanted to believe that I could help so many others by continuing to work from the inside, so to speak.

Letters sent to the First Presidency are immediately routed back to your Stake President. Whatever you want said might as well be said directly to the Stake President. The First Presidency will never see it.

Except that an addiction is never "in the past".

Granted, President Brigham Young cautioned members not to disclose sins unnecessarily: “When we ask the brethren, as we frequently do, to speak in sacrament meetings, we wish them, if they have injured their neighbors, to confess their wrongs; but do not tell about your nonsensical conduct that nobody knows of but yourselves. Tell to the public that which belongs to the public. If you have sinned against the people, confess to them. If you have sinned against a family or a neighborhood, go to them and confess. If you have sinned against your Ward, confess to your Ward. If you have sinned against one individual, take that person by yourselves and make your confession to him. And if you have sinned against your God, or against yourselves, confess to God, and keep the matter to yourselves, for I do not want to know anything about it” (Discourses of Brigham Young, sel. John A. Widtsoe [1954], 158). However, a violation as serious as the Law of Chastity is not something which you can simply keep to yourself. I am choosing to be vague in order to comply with this site's rules against sexual topics. That said, viewing imagery or reading stories that arouse inappropriate thoughts should not be dismissed as issues of lust. They are symptoms of other emotional issues. It is a particular problem inside the church because it is a drug of choice where alcohol is not an option. Unlike alcohol, which you would have to go out to a store to purchase and look someone in the eye as part of the transaction, reading a story online can be done 100% privately. That privacy/secrecy is a cyclical process that thrives on itself. Until you release the shame, which prevents you from disclosing it to proper individuals, it will be an impossible habit to break. A relationship as intimate as a spouse absolutely deserves the honesty of a problem which, while it may currently be "in the past", is an addictive situation that is never cured. It is only held in remission.

I am in much of the same boat. My wife learned of my last, big secret and threw me out of the house more than a year ago. We are getting close to finalizing the divorce, but it's not done yet. I've been working through some of the same issues that I suspect you are questioning. Taking on a new relationship: I must make sure that, above all else, I am not confusing my desire for an emotional connection with an intimate outlet. I cannot let myself get fooled into thinking that my addiction will be cured by merely having a partner. When to take on a new relationship: For me, this is age related. I have a different priority at 45 than I believe it would at 30. It absolutley, positivly will NOT occur until after my divorce is final. The primary driver is that I have truly healed from my divorce pains, as well as having enough sobriety to be confident that I can maintain it through the difficulties of marriage. When to tell my new partner about it: I think that any girlfriend has a right to know about it before she becomes so committed that learning about it causes her undue pain. My current rule of thumb is for a third date. It doesn't need to be broadcast to everyone I'm interested in, but she should be allowed to make an informed decision. LoC addictions thrive in secrecy. Complete honesty is the most important tool in staying clean. In addition to my own need to be honest, my (soon to be) ex-wife is filled with such vitriol that she will make sure any new girlfriend is aware of how evil she believes I am.

You can wait until the next appointment. You are already on a long probationary plan. There's not a lot to do, in terms of church action, at this point. If, however, it's been a couple weeks, and you are not sure he's remembered, definitely reach out to make sure he knows you're committed to do what he has asked. In the meantime, pray. Pray for strength and pray to know if need to see him sooner. While you are doing that, meditate on what triggered the second slip. If the other person isn't as committed to living the gospel, then you'll need to stay away from their temptation. If it has to do with feelings of desperation for being loved, focus on Heavenly Father's love for you. Whatever it is, you need to head off the temptations at a point way before the line you've currently drawn. It's easy to lull yourself into thinking you are strong enough to handle X amount of temptation. However, that's like saying you can stand X inches from the edge of a cliff without taking into account that there are known to be major wind gusts in the area. Lastly, remember that when aroused, biology wins over theology every time.

Steve Young has talked about the guys on the team asking him where he got the cool underwear. He said he would quip back that they probably could afford them because they cost 10% of everything you earn. Anyway... several years after I heard that story, Hanes came out with the boxer briefs and I always wondered if they were inspired by someone seeing holy garments in a locker room.