ACommonMan

You said that you "don't seem to want to stop" and then complained that you've unsuccessfully tried to stop many times. I take from those words that the correct statement is that you "don't seem to be able to stop". The first step in the 12 step program is to admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions. (http://addictionrecovery.lds.org/bc/content/arp/content/manuals/ARPGuide_English_36764.pdf?lang=eng) The important thing to learn in Step 1 is that you have to stop seeing this as a problem you can overcome by willpower alone. It's not about playing the role of Peter Priesthood or praying it away. It's about understanding that God still loves you and wants to offer you His Atonement. That atonement not only redeems you on Judgement Day, but it also provides strength to overcome the day to day temptations. Lastly, don't get discouraged that such a powerful tool of Satan's caught you in its snare. If the studies are to be believed, 60% of LDS men and 20% of LDS women struggle with pornography. Get into a program. Surrender your will, and particularly your pride, to The Lord and let Him work His miracle.

Having gone through this process myself, for another ward in the same stake, I can tell you that the process involved me writing a letter of explanation to the First Presidency and giving it to my Stake President. He sent to Salt Lake and received permission to move the records. We also spoke with the bishop of the ward we selected to ensure that he didn't feel like he was being saddled with a problem he wasn't prepared to handle. I presume that changing stake boundaries would be fundamentally the same. I presume you would speak with the new Stake President as well as the new bishop.

ApexViper is right. Only your direct priesthood authorities can advise on exactly what is available given the unique circumstances. However, I didn't see anyone has commented yet on the children from the first marriage. There is no reason to have them re-sealed. The cancellation of the parents does not affect the sealings of the children.

Sarah, Please understand that we want to offer the love and comfort that you are not getting from your husband or bishop. However, we also know that you've already searched out the cookie cutter answers and they are not enough. You need something which is specific to your situation. We need to understand that situation in order to offer it. Something you alluded to was that you feel prompted to leave him, even when meditating about it in the temple. The first thing you need to do is exercise faith in yourself to receive personal revelation. If you are doing what God wants you to do, then the rest is just details. Bishops strive to repair temple marriages at all costs. They know it's a singular focus of Satan to break up a temple marriage and they would rather not give him the satisfaction. As for emotional abuse... that is tricky to explain and even trickier when you start to realize your own part in the abuse. I am also mid-divorce. My soon-to-be-ex would probably say all the same things about me that you are alleging of your husband. Meanwhile, I feel like she is the one who emotionally abused me, and my friends and family agree. I've had to learn to put all that behind me. (it's been a year since she threw me out) I spent two weeks explicitly praying for her happiness. That helped me see her as a daughter of God again and forgive her for having the weaknesses she has. Until you can remove the anger and frustration about what has happened in the past, you can never move forward. On that note, if there is any truth to the bishop's notion that you've said things to cast a negative light in the ward against your husband, stop. Stop it now! You don't need that negative energy around you any more than he does. Sure, you have your close confidants, and you cannot control what they share. However, you typical answer around the ward should be that it's a private matter and you'd rather not talk about it. There is a proper time and place to deal with all that has happened and facebook is not the right venue. Please re-consider coming back to the discussion and let us help with some of your specific concerns, and by extension, offer some specific support.

You have two basic choices. 1. Do nothing and stay lonely 2. Ask her out and accept rejection as one of her rights to apply her agency I would suggest asking her out for a pre-planned event. Don't stumble over the where's and when. Say, "Hey, there's a _______ coming up next week, would you like to go with me?" If she says that day doesn't work, then let her know that you'll keep her in mind for another event. You can give yourself a couple of brief conversations to casually search out a common interest. Spending more time than that and the friend zone becomes a potential issue, and that can be painful as you hear about her bad dates with other guys. Remember there is no such thing as a soul mate. (Is there such a thing as “soul mates� - New Era Nov. 2013 - new-era) President Kimball said, "...it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price." (Eternal Marriage Student Manual Mate Selection) It doesn't matter how badly you screw up this particular opportunity. There is always someone with whom you can have a happy and successful marriage. So, don't put too much pressure on getting it exactly right the first time. Ironically, removing that pressure from yourself is the number one factor in getting her to say yes.

Um.. no. Counselling is available everywhere. Just how available it is in your area depends on his ability to pay the hourly rate and the Bishop's willingness to provide financial support for it. In most of the western US, there is usually a LDS Addiction Recovery meeting nearby that has been a great help to a lot of brethren, and sisters. There's more than a half dozen weekly meetings, for pornography and sexual addictions, in the northern half of Utah County alone. Finding help is easy once you stand up and take a look.

So sorry to hear your family is going through such terrible experience, SadSister. As others have pointed out, legal punishment has no direct correlation to one's worthiness or ability to make restitution. One could even argue that locking someone away prevents their ability to perform the acts of service and other restitution needed for spiritual repentance. Certainly it's hard to hear the perpetrator of such a damaging act say things similar to, "Sure, I did X, but I never did Y, so I'm not that bad." It is possible that he's saying that because he doesn't appreciate the severity of what he's done, but it's more likely he's parsing the technicalities of the law so he can maintain his employment (and presumably pay his brand new alimony payments). One of the most difficult things to do is follow the Lord's counsel on forgiving and not judging. The anger you all, rightfully, feel towards him is a cancer that spread and cause your worthiness to come into question. You really need to keep that in check. Trust his Bishop to sort out the details of his standing in the church. You and your sister-in-law must focus on moving past this for yourselves. Don't blame yourselves or others. It's his fault. No one held a gun to his head, not his wife, not the porn industry, and not a chemical imbalance. Ultimately, he made the choice to act. he needs to own that and you need to let him. (Side note for those interested in my advice for him, particularly on that last comment: There were probably contributing factors, or triggers, which led you down the path of making bad decisions. You need to come to terms with what those were so you can avoid them in the future. The decision was yours and you cannot escape that. However, It's easier to make the right decisions when you are prepared to stop yourself at the top of the hill instead of falling half way down first.)

I think pride is a much bigger factor, though there is often an element of judgmentalness as well. There are a few people who get judgmental, but we do more worrying about being judged most of the time.That is why the advice on these forums so often boils down to, "ask your Bishop". Whether or not a particular sin rises to the level of unworthy to take The Sacrament is based on many factors. (including the personality of the Bishop and how long he's had the calling) Even if someone else thinks you are unworthy, it's your Bishop who has the right to discern your repentance level and what is needed to help you navigate the path to full fellowship. Please don't get discouraged by the process. It will be worth it in the end.

Taking The Sacrament is a final step to repentance. As you make small mistakes throughout the week, you repent and then comfortably take The Sacrament. WoW is a fairly serious problem. I don't think I would be comfortable taking it if I hadn't sufficiently repented of it that week. However, I would also be cautious of judging myself too harshly. I would talk with the Bishop about it and let him guide and direct me on how to achieve repentance and when it would be appropriate to take The Sacrament. 3 Nephi 18:28-29 See also: Gospel Principles Chapter 23: The Sacrament

Partaking of The Sacrament is an individual's own worthiness interview. If you were worthy at the 9:00 hour, and still worthy at the 11:00 hour, then you can take it. The only prohibition is for a baptized member to partake of it unworthily. It is for this same reason that there should be no effort to prevent a non-member from partaking of The Sacrament.

I don't have leather underwear or know how to catch fish very well. I should probably turn in my Elder's Quorum Card. The LDS Church, more than most, relies on the adage that church is a hospital for sinners and not a museum for saints. There is no need to be a perfect person or a doctrinal scholar to perform the Lord's work. Breaking bread into little pieces for the sacrament takes about 10 minutes of training, not a semester long course. Isaiah 28:10 says, "For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little" Once you've mastered passing the sacrament, you can add blessing it. Next you can add giving blessings to heal the sick. The grace of Christ lifts us up to accomplish what we cannot do on our own. This is the key to understanding how we can perform mighty things without needing extensive training. As long as we have a willing heart, we will be called to the work. If we are called by one having the authority, we will be given the ability to accomplish that which was asked of us.

Speaking as someone who used to drive about 1,250 miles per week, hearing about what "most people" do is of little interest to me. Besides, the notion of having a spare car around for long trips seems like a terrible waste. If I did, it would be a less than $20,000 car, and then I'd worry about taking it on long trips. From a purely financial perspective, I recently purchased a '98 Lumina for $1,500. If I drive 40 miles per day, 365 days per year, I will spend approximately $2,500 per year on gas. After seven years, my total cost of ownership is only $19,000. I like the concept behind an electric car but, it still doesn't seem quite practical yet.

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? See, it works.

So many thoughts and such a broad spectrum of implied questions. Where to begin? First, in fairness to understanding my background, my wife through me out six months ago. She hasn't filed yet but, the word from her lawyer is that all terms have been resolved and he'll send me paperwork soon. We had three daughters, currently 20, 18, and 17. We've had troubles, and talks of divorce, for the past 15 years. I reached a point around 11 years ago where I decided that if it ended, it would not be for my lack of dedication and trying. So, I understand the loyal to a fault feeling. As for how many LDS women are out there, My wife is 51 and she'll be available soon. Do you feel like helping me out with the alimony? ;-) On a serious note, don't even think about dating yet. Until you're actually divorced, it doesn't matter. Whether or not to divorce should not be based on how difficult it will be to "fit in" afterwards. If a divorce is the right thing to do, then any consequences will work out in the way they should. I too wish I had a glass ball (or perhaps a couple of clear stones) to tell me what my future holds. I will admit to browsing LDSSingles.com to reassure myself that I won't be a leper without any options. But after a few days of that, I realized that I am not divorced yet and, despite the extenuating circumstances, it was cheating on my wife to be thinking about dating someone before things are legally finalized. The other curiosity I have is, why wait 16 months? I realize there's a year left before your son is legally an adult but, is he going to be surprised and devastated to learn of the divorce filing? I can see the argument for keeping up appearances when he's 10 but, I'm not sure I see it now. It leaves me wondering if you're being too logical about it and not allowing the Spirit to help guide you. If I may be so bold, I think you might benefit from reading "Real Love" by Greg Baer. I wish I had read it prior to my wife reaching her last straw. Like you, I struggled with what I could do if she wasn't willing to work on her issues too. Dr. Baer hypothesizes that those thoughts miss the whole point. She was drowning in the same sea I was and what I saw as her trying to pull me down further was really just her trying to save herself. It's a shift away from feeling like she's doing things "to" you. It may not help save this marriage, but it would be good to try it before calling it quits.

No, she wore her New Jersey. ;-) Q: What did Idaho? A: She hoed her Maryland. Q: What did Tennessee? A: He saw what Arkansas.

Okay... So first of all, River is sort of a female Doctor, as a weird hybrid human/time lord. Second, The Sarah Jane Adventures was a female led spin-off and never really gained any support. It's not a good idea to mess to much with a formula that works. The worst companion of all time was a boy child from the planet Alzarius, named Adric. I think we're best off with a good strong female companion, who even out thinks The Doctor from time to time. The John Hurt reveal is intriguing. The next Doctor should be the last one before the Valeyard. That, in of itself, is a painted-in corner we're waiting to see how Steven Moffat gets the series out of. Personally, I think he laid the groundwork for it in "Let's Kill Hitler" when River brought the Doctor back to life. Anyway, it's possible that John Hurt is the Valeyard (a mixture of all the Doctor's evil qualities and alleged final incarnation) and Moffat has worked out a plan for a 14th Doctor. That means John may only appear in one or two episodes.

On a technical note, Bishops cannot grant forgiveness either. What they do is determine your status with the church. (can you take sacrament, hold callings, etc...) Reading between the lines in Miracle of Forgiveness, I think the prophet can grant forgiveness but, I presume that has more to do with his right to hear it from the Lord directly. Ultimately, only the Lord can grant forgiveness through His grace.

Horselers, I had to cut my last post short. I was late for my own recovery meeting. I had a couple more thoughts. One of the guys I meet with was way further down the rabbit hole that you appear to be. He was a snorting cocaine off a hooker's back kind of guy. I don't tell you that as an excuse to imply you are okay. Rather it's to help you see that anybody can recover. The second thing is to make sure you know that going to meetings does not replace seeing the Bishop. He needs to know where you stand and decide what he might need to do to help you find the path back to full unity with the church. Ultimately, that's the goal. Get back on the strait and narrow. Don't beat yourself up thinking you've to go back to square one and start over. Just find the most direct route back and then stay on it. Your Bishop's job is to help you find the way back. I've ended up with three Bishops in the past five months. I've had to bring each up to speed with what I had done and where I'm at now. All of them were completely loving and supportive. The key is to be completely honest and repentant.

Get to an LDS Addiction Recovery meeting. There are a few in Vegas. (LDS Addiction Recovery Program Meeting Locator) You'll need to determine which location and date is best for you. They can be scary to walk into. The fear of what's going to happen and who might recognize you can tempt you to stay away. Don't let it. It's more like a one hour testimony meeting than you's expect. No discussing details. Just a group of Brothers who also struggle with porn, and sexual addiction. Each one filled with Christlike love for each other and offering hope that everyone who walks through that door can find strength in the grace of God to overcome the temptations. You'll hear phrases like "White Knuckling", meaning clinging to your own strength to not fall off the cliff, and "Dailies" meaning taking time every day to pray, read scriptures, write in a journal, and work on one of the infamous twelve steps. The meeting itself is pretty simple. Everyone sits in a circle. A service missionary will welcome everyone and have people take turns reading from a 12 step book. (you can pass if you want) You won't start reading step one, unless you re lucky. Meetings are weekly and they read one step each week. After reading, a fellow addict acting as a facilitator, will share some thoughts. Then everyone takes a turn (again, passing if they don't feel like it that day) and introduces themselves,by first name only, and shares thoughts on the step they read, or the step they're working on. Like I said, similar to a testimony meeting. It's a little surprising, at first, how much it helps but, it does.

I don't know why you feel uncomfortable going to your Bishop. That, in and of itself, is something to consider confessing to him. However, I also understand that can be easier said than done. For example, children of the Bishop often struggle with trusting exactly where the line between a Judge in Israel and the guy who grounds me for not doing the dishes lands. In such cases, it could be appropriate to make an appointment with the Stake President instead. He still falls within the line of ecclesiastical authority and can also help you appreciate the Bishop better.

It seems best to address your questions in reverse order. 4. Yes, Heavenly father understands your family's special needs. 3. You are not a horrible daughter for feeling torn between church and service. Are your parents not LDS? I would have presumed they would be very helpful on the topic if they were. 2. Get with a church leader in the area and take the time to talk through all the concerns about your parents. With a better knowledge of the local area, hopefully they can issue better advice on that issue. 1. Don't worry about home health care verses church attendance. Similar to the issue with you parents, your Bishop, or Branch President, can offer comfort in the fact that some occupations, like police and CNA, offer a required service that is fully accepted by G-d as being needed on Sundays. Make every attempt to schedule visits so that you can attend Sacrament Meeting as often as possible. You won't have the same emergency, on-call needs an ER nurse might, so it should be relatively easy to work something out.

Ultimately, it's you're choice and really only between you and the Lord. Of course, all rationalizations begin with good intentions, but my twice Bishop father always took the family out for dinner on Mother's Day so mom wouldn't have to cook. Clearly, that would be problematic on a regular basis and some may think it inappropriate for even a special occasion. My best advice comes from a tangential comment about wearing the Holy Garment of the Priesthood. My Bishop at the time said, look for reasons/ways to wear it rather than looking for excuses not to. Looking at the event as a good enough excuse to party hard on the Sabbath is probably a sign you shouldn't go. If however, if it's possible to go and not lose sight of things of good report and praiseworthy, then it should fine.

The fact that Mormons wear special underwear is widely know. (Steve Martian wearing an undershirt in a movie led to the rumor he was Mormon) It's not about keeping them secret. The onus we have in wearing The Garment of The Holy Priesthood is that we don't alter it to fit styles and we don't leave it open to potential ridicule. (i.e. clearly visible) So long as the markings are not distinguishable I wouldn't worry about it. I would, however, be prepared for some members to be less understanding.

In an attempt to express respect for the St. George saints ability to survive in the harsh environment of Southern Utah, J. Golden said: A sister came up to J. Golden told stories of her two brothers, one very righteous and the other an apostate that drank, smoked, committed adultery and spoke all manners of evil against the church. Then she complained that the good brother had just died and that she couldn't understand why the Lord would take such a good man from the earth. J. Golden replied:

Hopefully your husband is attending some sort of 12 step program. The church has groups for spouses as well. Here in Utah County, they've recently started a program for couples to attend together. All of these are very helpful in understanding where the addict is in their recovery. The main thing a husband can do for their wife is to establish boundaries and keep them informed of their progress. Never, and yes this one of the few times is appropriate to use "never", get caught up in the details of the addiction. Just the broad strokes so the wife can feel confident he's being honest. He should share when he violates a boundary and he should share when he felt himself close and avoided it. He needs positive reinforcement for good choices. As MorningStar mentioned, porn is generally not about naked women. One of the keys to overcoming it is to realize what is actually triggering the desire and working to correct those pre-onset conditions.