PhxLucy7

He doesn't always show his feelings and to me it feels like I have to guess how he's feeling because he won't tell me outright. I really have never thought that I needed to make him more secure because he always seems so sure of himself. Now I'm starting to think maybe he is feeling vulnerable and neglected. Before I relied on him solely. Since we have moved closer to my family, and since I've decided to go back to church he may feel like I have more going on. Now I am starting to realize that I may have been too comfortable and not appreciating him as I should. I feel so bad about that. I really appreciate all the comments because I have been feeling frustration but I didn't think about how I have been frustrating him. And I know that I just assume that he should be feeling what I'm feeling or understand me better when all along I need to try to be more understanding of him.

Suzie, My situation is so similar. When we met I was inactive but I did tell him that I was a member of the church. I had told him that I was unsure at the time about what I was looking for and he understood that. Becoming active again seemed like a shock to him. But he never once has asked me not to be active in the church. He doesn't mind me going. It's amazing that my testimony has grown so much stronger than it was before I fell inactive. I felt that when I came back I actually wanted to learn the gospel and be a part of it, as before it seemed like I was just going through the motions. I know I have changed a lot since I came back to church and I know I have a lot more maturing to do on my part. I feel that at times I forget that I need to be there for him. He has a strong personality. But I am realizing more that he is not going to tell me what I need to do for him I just need to put myself in his shoes. Thanks so much for all the responses. I definitely needed to hear all this and I know that I need a lot of improving if I want to follow the Savior's example. I always think of what I can do outside the home but never put into consideration what I should and could be doing to comfort my husband.

I guess I didn't think about how he felt because he gets upset with anything church related. I feel like I'm scared to apologize. He isn't very accepting of apologies and he will sarcastically bring up things that I've said or mistakes that I've made for many weeks after. I guess i will just apologize for not being more sensitive to his feelings and just deal with the consequences of my actions. I wish I hadn't even asked how it went for him.. Thanks for this video, I can definitely see the similarities. I feel so bad because my husband tells me all the time that I don't listen. And I guess I feel like I know whats best and that he should listen to me when in fact it's setting him off and causing more tension He likes to do photography and I thought maybe if he went to see the temple he would feel the spirit there... After each time trying to get him to do anything church related I feel like it's a mistake on my part... I don't know if it's because I go about it the wrong way or because maybe I'm being to pushy with it? Should I just not bring church into our conversations?

I do tend to get ticked off but not very often, and I think he knows that I'm not the type to get angry. I feel like anything involving church causes conflict for us. So if I defend the church in any situation it's like I'm just doing it because it's LDS, not because it's right or wrong or because its how I feel but because I'm just wanting my family or friends to know that I'm active in church. He doesn't see it as something that I'm truly feeling. He sees it as me just wanting to be Mormon because my family is. I may have been inactive in the past and searching for something different but I came back because I knew thy I had taken it for granted ad that I was wrong. I finally felt peace with myself but with this peace comes these conflicts in my marriage. I feel frustrated on a daily basis, but I keep trying to be positive. I want my husband to know that it means a lot to me and it brings peace to me but at the same time it hurts me because he doesn't think that I truly feel this way. He said that one day I will see the light... Sigh I don't want to argue with him. I wish he was just accepting of me

My husband is a non member. He is out of town on visit and I asked him to go by the temple there to take pictures. He did and said that the Mormons there were rude. He has tattoos and felt as if they looked down upon him. He said he never wanted to go back. I said we'll those same people wouldn't be there if you went back there would be different people. Not all people are rude maybe just those couple you encountered. Anyway he got upset with me. He said I never defend him and don't think about his feelings and I always try to defend church over him. But in reality I feel like I try to see the best in all people and in all situations. I try to be positive and I was just trying to make him feel better. All in all it didn't change his thoughts. He got aggravated with me and hung up the phone. Now he won't talk to me and I don't know if I should just leave him be or what do I say? I don't feel like I need to apologize for anything... I don't want things like this to put strains in my relationship in the future, should I just not say anything??

I have looked through these things and it all pieces together and makes so much sense. I want to continue to study and learn more and understand the gospel more fully so that I can more appropriately back up what I believe in. I appreciate this so much. And hopefully I can bring this up to my husband and pray that he can soften his heart. Thank you so much!

Thanks for all the helpful advice. My husband isn't LDS and he has a problem with me being so sure about what I believe in while not having all the answers. Last night he asked me about eternal marriage. He didn't realize that other religions don't believe in marriage after death. I found a website that explains from a "christian" point of view that marriage ends at death and that there is no need for marriage when we die bc we will all be together as angels of God. He agreed with that and said that he believes he will be with his family and loved ones when he dies. And he brought up the term "soul mates", as in we don't need marriage because we will always be "soul mates". I know that to him it might sound ridiculous for me to believe in all this and not be able to back it up but I feel the spirit and know of a surety of it. He can't understand having the Spirit and he said he doesn't feel the way I do. He appreciates much of the church teachings but when it comes to the Book of Mormon, modern day prophets, Eternal marriage... he gets mad. He wanted me to prove that it says these things in the bible. He also questioned me about Heavenly Mother and becoming "Gods" after death. but I just referred to D&C 132: 19-20. I told him that we believe we are here to become more like our Heavenly Father and that we can inherit all that he has. He does not believe that we can become like Heavenly Father. He said that "it's impossible, God is God, we won't become Gods because there already is a God." *sigh* I'm not quick enough to keep up with all this and it gets me down but I still have faith

It's sad because he won't even read the scriptures and if I tell him to look on Mormon.org he won't. He wants to look through other perspectives I guess. I will pray and I think that talking with my bishop will help me feel better.

My husband is researching the church by looking through other sources that aren't of our church and ex-Mormon YouTube videos. How can I stay positive through this? We haven't talked about it but I can hear the videos playing in the other room. Occasionally he will ask me questions about things that he has heard from sources he's looked at in the past. An today he brought up a website he found that "scientifically proved" that the BOM was made through uses of other books. Thanks for any advice!

I am married to a non-member. When I started going back to church he was not very supportive. As I kept going to church, participating in my callings, and just living by standards with love and respect towards my husband he became more accepting. He has been coming to church and has accepted a calling to work with the scouts. It seems like things fall into place as long as you put your faith in Heavenly Father and put Christlike attributes into the relationship. And I try to see my husband as Heavenly Father does as an eternal being with an eternal purpose. I respect him and his decisions as I would hope that he would do for me. It makes me happy to know that it all has a purpose and it may take time but it will all work out. "Come what may and love it" :)

Sometimes I want to defend what I believe in but I always get worried because I feel like it will cause unwanted drama. I'm not the arguing type, my mother-in-law is and she is always eager to talk about the way she believes to anyone around. They are very liberal and free spirited. I appreciate the love thy they have for anyone and everyone. But when it comes to opinions other than their own it can get kinda ugly :\ (mainly political stuff). As far as religion goes she feels that all people find God in their own way, that it should be personal, and that religion takes away from that. With my husband having this kind of upbringing, I'm not sure how he believes religion wise although he has told me that he is Christian. I'm not sure if he really knows what's in the bible or has heard anything about the savior prior to coming to the LDS church with me. He likes the idea of our savior, loving and kind. With all the teachings of the church he seems to like the importance of family. He just can not imagine that his family would be taken away without sealing or that marriage could end. Most Christians believe that marriage is not to be in heaven but we are all brothers in sisters in Christ. My husband doesn't believe that either. He thinks that we will be with whoever our "soul mate" is when we die. I explained that my belief is that things will work themselves out in the next life for people that don't have the chance here. I told him that if he didn't accept the gospel here then maybe in the next life he would and our sealing could be done for us. Still to him he thinks that's crazy and it's just my belief... Honestly hough I feel comfort in knowing that our Heavenly Father would love us enough to have order and organization. If we have a loving Heavenly Father he would have us here for purpose and give us direction without force. That's why I know that this church is true. It makes more sense to me than other churches I've been to or studied. I wish that my husband could come to that understanding that I have been given but t doesn't come easy. I have hope that these things will work themselves out eventually :) Thank you for all your responses, I am greatly appreciative!

Dravin, I really appreciate this conference talk and it has definitely given me some insight. I definitely feel in my heart that this life is for our eternal progression and feel that our Heavenly Father has set these commandments for our benefit. It's just hard to voice my opinion to my husband, and in-laws. My mother in-law has said before on a facebook post that sin is fictitious and that God loves all his children no matter what. I have said that we all make mistakes and can learn from our mistakes and become better. She did not respond. It is hard for me to try to imagine talking about these things knowing how offended they can become. I wish I could know of a way to talk with a surety the things that I know in my heart to be true in a patient manner and without having impatience are argument come back my way. Is it worth it if it comes up again? Or should I allow them to talk and not join in on discussions? Any thoughts are helpful... Again I am so grateful that this talk, "Love and Law" has been brought to my attention... I definitely feel like it has helped me more fully understand.

My husband is a non-member. He seems to enjoy many things about the church but other things, not so much. He does not like the idea of temple marriage. He has been raised by parents that are very spiritual and believe that no religion is the "true" religion. His parents have always taught him that God is Love and that love lasts forever. When missionaries were teaching him he asked about celestial marriage. They told him that we believe if you marry in the temple that you can be sealed to your family for eternity. He rejected this idea. He said, "There is no way anyone can tell me that my parents aren't going to be together forever unless they marry in the temple." He also believes that we will continue to stay married after death and asked me about my thoughts. I did not know how to go about answering these questions. I did tell him that I believe that even if people don't accept the gospel or marry in the temple in this life that they could have the option in the next life. He just refuses this concept and says it doesn't make sense. How can I help him understand celestial marriage or explain it in a way that makes sense? I hate that it offends him and I wish that he could see that things will work themselves out for the best...

Another thing that happened last night, My husband asked me, "What if what you believe is completely wrong? Do you think God will be mad at you? What do you think will happen when you die if this church isn't true?" I believe I answered this in the best way possible, I said, "Well, if I am absolutely trying my best to live my life in the way that our savior did then I think that Heavenly Father would be pleased with me for trying to be a good person and living with good morals and values." I told him I believe that the church is helping me to become a better person everyday, the teachings are positive and uplifting. He had no argument at that but he nodded with approval. I felt the spirit with me after this experience and felt peace in my heart.

Thanks so much for this scenario, I can definitely see how this can be a loving, Christ-like approach to this situation and I appreciate it. And I feel that it would be giving on both parts if I did stay home one sunday, and then he come to church with me the next week and possibly then the next :) Thanks for this comment.