Kayvex

Not to mention the fact that I believe every situation happens for a reason. You've learned a lesson, and that can make a huge difference for you or someone else in the future. Turn that weakness into a strength! Who knows what you can accomplish!

As someone who has experience guilt from past mistakes even AFTER going to the Bishop, let me tell you something. The Lord is the only one in existence who can bring you peace and comfort, but without a willing heart and mind, even He cannot force that peace onto you. Whatever sin you've committed, big or small, is just one of your steps to growth. If you have repented, have eliminated that negativity from your life, and strive to continue living wholesomely, then all that remains is for you to forgive yourself. Sometimes a Bishop can help with this, sometimes (such as in my case) it takes a bit more. Sin is very very tricky, because all the evil powers that be don't want to let us forget them. But we all make mistakes, and you sound so sincere. My advice? And this is tricky... don't give those thoughts any sway. Don't let them keep you up at night. Think instead of the spirit, the joys you experience daily, and the good you are able to do. Think of your friends and good family members, of the service you preform (and if you ain't doing service, start, it really does make a difference!). You don't have to think of the past to keep it from happening again. The memory will always be in you somewhere. You can handle anything with your will and the power of the Lord. Keep fighting, fight it off

Oh and right you are with that one. I do appreciate your personal experience though, if theres any other advice to give I'm willing to hear any of it! Marriage is hard, that is how I was raised to see it. Love is work, and even as love and passion dwindle it's important to remember what brought you there in the first place. If you, and anyone else has a moment, I would appreciate prayers, positive thoughts, scriptures if you got em. What I've learned is that it really does come down to me doing what needs to be done. Just need to know what needs to be done! Thank you all so far for your inputs, it's great to hear from other LDS members. Hard to talk to other LDS folk sometimes, I'm a bit shier in person!

I can only imagine! Being a bishop sounds like an incredible calling... both difficult and rewarding. I knew my family ward's bishop before he was called and he was a completely different man. Some of the highest respects I have are for the bishops in my life

He'd personally like to get married sooner rather than later. He is very excited about having a life together and being able to do things that couples that are married get to do. Being a convert, he is still trying to let go of how other couples of different faiths handle things... There is a hierarchy. You meet, you date, you love, you mate, you live together, and then maybe you'll get married, is how modern society does things.. And that's just not it works for LDS members. He has always wanted to have a permanent wife, and always took that bond very seriously even in past relationships (where his loyalty-to-a-fault was sadly abused I personally would say)... But it is hard that we have basically hit our roadblock, and even though we can still learn about each other, we can't do much else at this point to further our relationship. I honestly don't know how it doesn't frustrate him beyond belief considering he is a convert. There's also a lot of other factors including his job situation and his family that would be positively affected by us getting married civilly. However, he has stated he is completely willing to wait if that is what God intends and what is most comfortable and secure for me. I guess I just wish revelation was a simple thing. I know that's a whiny request to make, but I'm so used to knowing what to do, I've been spoiled! EDIT: When I say "things couples get to do", I mean... paying rent together... And doing daily routines. He is psyched to do dishes, and file taxes, and have a joint bank account, and choose furniture for our living place, etc. etc. It makes me excited for mundane things, all that enthusiasm he's got.

I would also like to note that the temple is VERY important to both of us. We have discussed it, and he states he would not have joined the church were it not for the promises of eternal families that it brings. But I want to be completely and utterly worthy of such grand blessings, as well as him. You don't just float into a temple sealing, you fight for it. I want to fight the right way for the right reasons

I thank you all for your suggestions and ideas. There's a lot of good stuff here I need to think on. But there are some things I'd like to clarify, as some assumptions are being thrown a bit here and there. - We have known each other for more than three months, and have been "dating" for almost a year. By three months I guess I really mean seriously considering a long-term investment beyond just being close friends or a casual couple. Three months has been the time of us discussing, praying, and carefully considering the idea of being married for eternity. - I love this man for many reasons. This forum didn't seem like the appropriate place to swoon over every great aspect of him. I could write a novel on his loyalty, respect, love, patience, sweetness, caring, honesty, dedication, and more... But that isn't what my dilemma is over. I do not have any doubts of his faith or of his integrity. I have no doubts about who he is. He has told me everything, including things he thought I wouldnt accept. - The past is indeed past. The problems I had years ago are not who I am today. It's been years since I've suffered the effects of depression or self-loathing, which is more than can be said for most human beings these days. I am a very happy, confident, and composed young woman. In fact, the trials I faced due to sexual assault helped me dominate what has proved to be genetic issues with mental health. I know that the future could hold anything involving these issues, but to fear them now would simply make the situation worse. -And speaking of past... It may be because I am defensive of my boyfriend, or defensive of most of the people I know. It is not fair to declare someone by the bad situations they were forced to be in. He did not choose to have parents of low values, or to be a diabetic. It isn't fair to put those cards against him. Will there be concerns? Of course, but that is real life. I grew up in a home where my mother was constantly ill, and while it was difficult at times, my father and mother still loved each other very much and taught me hard work and dedication. It is NOT a deal breaker, it's just a hurdle. I have many friends who have suffered incredible things, sometimes by their own mistakes, who have turned out to be wonderful people. And he hasn't even chosen unwisely in his life, it was merely circumstance. He loves God, he loves the gospel, he loves his friends and respects them as he should. -This post is a post of logical reasoning. If I were to follow what I emotionally feel I'd marry him tomorrow, but that would be silly. Even if I choose civil marriage, I'm not marrying him asap. We're not even formally engaged yet, and I have a new job I need to focus on establishing first. And we are constantly growing as a couple Our relationship is strong, we have many commonalities and even the things we don't share in common or agree with we can comfortably preform on our own without any issues. We both love videogames and enjoy them together, but I personally have a reptile hobby while he has an artist hobby. Separate, but respectful of each other. My concern is, that for the first time in my life, I can't seem to find the spiritual inclination I always have from the Lord. My prayers have always been answered. I know from prayer and temple experience that this man is right for me, but I don't the when or the how. I know God is simply trying to drive me to make my own choices, and that He takes care of me no matter what happens. I'm just trying to weigh every possibility. To pretend that temptations won't be there and won't make things difficult would be foolish. To automatically assume strength and capability would be arrogant. I know we can do this either way. Challenges are natural and normal. If we base our relationship in God, we can complete any task we work together as a team to accomplish. I know many of you have been wronged, and have experienced rough things that sometimes it seems like trials make certain things impossible. And I understand that. But I have been guided here. Everything that has happened to him and I have made us very excellent for each other, and God has a hand in that. I just don't want to rush or, in the opposite case, delay a good thing when we could be a good team for each other to boost each others faith. Thank you all for your help, I truly do appreciate the honesty, blunt or not :)

Hello everyone! My first post. I read the rules, so I hope this is all good in here! I have been dating a man for a little over three months. He is simply wonderful in every way. He came from a pretty bad environment, and has a hard past behind him thanks to circumstances caused by his family, yet came out a virtuous, honest, and loving man. He recently joined the church, and we have been attending together since. He's suprised me endlessly with his faith, loyalty, and dedication to both me and to God. After some intense prayer... I've found a strong inclination that this is the man I should marry. We've had a lot of discussion, ranging from our own personal preferences of media, hobby, and lifestyle to how we'd like to raise our kids and more personal matters such as personal relations (I am a born-in-the-church virgin, he is not, but I feel it's very important to discuss one's expectations with their potential spouse in an appropriate way so no one is blind sided by any sexual expecations or lack thereof). We match perfectly, and we get along so very well. So far, we have been doing great. I personally believe we have exceeded expecations thus far for control and respect of each other. He is, in all terms, absolutely perfect and patient with me. I had some issues as a young woman, due to a forced sexual encounter with a man who didn't respect my small sixteen year old self, that led to many years battling pornography and problems with depression and OCD. To this day I am a parasomniac, suffering from vivid nightmares and problems with "fall-asleep-everywhere" syndrome. Cars, floors, everywhere is a sleeping place. Luckily, my sweet boyfriend is respectful and caring when I have my "fits", and quietly holds on to me until I wake up. I couldn't ask for a more patient and loving potential spouse. The problem is, the wait... A year is a long time... it's how long we've got until he can get his endowments. And as someone who suffered from pornography years ago, I KNOW temptation is a strong thing. It's only a matter of time until it starts to try and creep. I've always been told to avoid long engagements for this reason. I also have an issue with the definitions of temple worthiness. I believe the temple is INCREDIBLY serious.... I fear if we wait until he can get his endowments, our minds won't be in the right place. Not that I see us not being worthy (I'm sure with enough incredible force, prayer, and mass fasting we could make it...) but I also don't want to rush. The temple sealing is an incredible commitment that even I as a lifelong member don't fully understand. I often don't feel worthy of such blessings, even though I haven't done anything wrong! I'm also concerned for his health... He is a type 1 diabetic, and I fear that if something happens to him in the next year, I won't be able to be sealed to him in any life... And just the thought breaks my heart... However, civil marriage brings it's own issues... My family, would, FREAK. They have always pushed the temple as the one-and-only, and they aren't wrong to do so. The importance of sealing ordinances and eternal families is BEYOND the importance of mortality. The year between our civil marriage, if we have one, would be a year of my family "rending their clothing" at the idea that I might never ever be sealed to them. While I'm personally not worried about his comittment (as the promise of an eternal loving family is really what caught him on the gospel in the first place), it might cause bitter ties in my family. They may even go so far as to wonder if we broke the laws of chasity. I've tried talking to the bishop... Actually, two bishops! My singles ward bishop is still green, new to the field. He gave rushed, textbook answers, not understanding that I have experienced powerful and spiritual feelings about this situation. I appreciate his love and compassion, but... He just didn't help. My old home ward bishop (the man who helped me through my youth) simply hasn't had a response. I texted him, since he's a bit far from me, and I suppose he just doesn't know what to make of the situation. We are urged not to delay the temple sealing, but some situations are just kinda wonky, like this. He told me he'd circle back when he could, but he is busy and may not know quite what to tell me! We also have some friends at the hobby store we met at who happen to also be LDS, who did the civil marriage and are waiting to be sealed... Everything seems well and good, kinda against everything I grew up being told about how temple marriages are THE ONLY WAY... It's starting to really chew on my poor boyfriend. I want to have this figured out before getting engaged. He is willing to fight for either way, and knows that God will give me the answers I need. But it hurts him to not be engaged, and he's very excited about the gospel and starting a life with me. And I admit, I'm excited too! So, what advice do you all have? A civil marriage would help us focus on the temple as a couple, get us going on our lives (and get him out of his horrible and less then kind parents' house), and also elliminate that long wait period that could cause risk for sexual temptations (as we are very attracted to each other... always have been for the year we've known each other, even before we were dating. We just have control and our respect and love outweight our lusts). But it could traumatize my family, and may spread negativity through my clan. A temple marriage would get us sealed right away, made to spend a wonderful eternity fighting reality and all that it brings together. My family would approve without a doubt. But it may be that doing so could be too rushed, without proper purpose and spirit in mind. It also puts the risk that if he gets very sick from his illness between now and then that we may never make it to that point (I'm not sure how likely or unlikely that situation is currently, and won't know until his next check-up in February. Last Check-up he had some kidney damage....). Not to mention the temptations a year-long engagement brings.... Any thoughts? Anyone here have a civil marriage first? Thanks everyone! Tl;dr. Civil or Temple?