Missitta

My advice as a wife.....ABSOUTELY TELL HER!!!!!! From experience the things you try to hide come out eventually whether it takes months or years and normally in a horrible way that will hurt your relationship way worse than you coming clean will. You said you have already been hiding this for years...think about how much relief you will feel when you get it off your chest. Will she be mad? Of course and very understandably so. She will most likely yell, scream, threaten to leave, all of it and you will need to take it. Don't let her feel that she was to blame in any way. Just let her know it was a mistake and you want to save your marriage. And definitely tell your bishop as well. Best of luck to you.

Good Gravy! That's going to be so hard! Sorry but that was my first thought after reading the responses. Does this mean to trully forgive her if she wants back into my life I have to let her? Isn't it okay to just say I forgive you but I would rather you stay away? I honestly feel that letting her or (former) best firend back into our lives will just lead to problems...but who knows what time will bring. Man how do you trust someone again after they do something like she did to me and my family?

Thank you for everyones responses. It's nice to have so many perspectives on things. I am doing better withe the whole church letdown thing. With the help of some people on here I realize that bishops are human and can makes mistakes as well as that I don't know what happened after we cleared my husband's name. Now my husband is having a hard time with things. He hadn't been to church for a couple weeks due to an illness and yesterday at church, some feelings came back I guess he hadn't considered. He said he feels there were only two ways that things could have ended the way they did...either she admitted she did in fact sleep with a married man and it wasn't my husband or she admitted she lied about messing with a married man at all. Hubby says either way he is very aggrivated that she was able to get her temple recommend and he wants to talk to our bishop about it since he says he is angry at her bishop and stake president. I have been telling him how being on this site has helped me and have relayed some of the advice I have gotten, but he still feels he needs to hear it from "the horses mouth" so to speak. I personally am not sure how speaking to our current bishop is going to help us get to the bottom of things too much since he wasn't involved in any of it but hubby said he wants bishop to know that this whole thing has made him lose his faith in some ways. I guess if anyone should know about losing faith it should be your bishop. As for forgiving the girl, it will take time. Some days are better than others. I have realized I have so many good things in my life and I figure she realized that as well...else why would she have gone after my husband? I still struggle with feelings of betrayal and anget but they have lessoned for the most part. Even if I am able to fogive her I am not sure I will even be okay with the situation. I have lost a lot of trust in people and am very cautious with who I associate with. This leads to a question...is it really forgiveness if you aren't mad at the person but you are still mad about the situation?

((((GB-UK)))) Wow what a horrible situation to be in. It is good that she is able to see how important the church is in your life and she is willing to compromise. :) I speak from experience when I say when you're pregnant, you aren't yourself. Maybe if you give a little time, stand by her during the prenancy and everything, then try discussing things with her again after your child is born things might turn out a little better. Until then leading by example is a pretty good way to go. See if she will allow the home teachers over on occassion or if not, ask the bishop if members of the ward could come over as friends to assist her after the birth of the baby. Let me tell you, having someone drop by with ice cream or offering to do the dishes for you as a new mommy or being hugely pregnant is like having angels drop down from heaven. Maybe seeing the members in a service light will help her see that the churhc isn't as bad as she thought. Best of luck to you.

((((Yediyd))))) My heart goes out to you so much. I work with many children with Autism and Aspergers and I have to say it is much harder dealing with Aspergers because so few people understand what it is. I hope your state is MUCH better than mine with having support systems for Aspergers kids. It is beyond frustrating. As far as the priesthood, I am personally going through an issue with the priesthood of the church as well. I have had a very difficult time coming to terms that even though they are blessed with the priesthood they are also human and make mistakes, including bishops. Maybe they are concerned about having someone take your son who is unfamiliar with Aspergers. Maybe if you give your bishop and other leaders some resources on Aspergers and they realize it's not really as scary as the stigma put on it makes it they will feel more comfortable with it. Or perhaps ask if you can join the father and sons outting if they are concerned about having him there and tell them you will need a ride. If they raise objections just tell them you will not leave your son out of another gathering. As far as him not wanting to go to church, the poor kid is having a perfectly rational response to havng his feelings hurt. It will take time, possibly a long time for him to be okay again. I would say talk to your bishop again and tell him straight out your son needs to feel welcome to the church. Maybe he will work himself to involve your son in more outtings. Again my heart goes out to you. I only have an idea of how hard it is to raise a child with Aspergers. It makes it so much worse when you feel you don't have the support you need.

Funny but sad at the same time...because it's so true.

I'd be on a plane on my way to a spa retreat for a week with my best firend getting pampered with massages and facials.

((((mamacat))) But you're not a whore. He just thought you were. And he was wrong so theres no condemnation because you were worthy. Difference is she did have relations. My guess is no one could prove it so she was able to walk into the temple based on a lie thus leading to her condemnation since she did enter unworthily. I don't see how your situation would lead to your condemnation despite what your bishop thought. Your situation: Bishop believes you messed around even though you didn't but can't prove anything. You tell the truth that you didn't and go to the temple. That is not leading to condemnation because you told the truth. Her situation. Bishop believes she messed around which she did but he can't prove anything. She LIES to get into the temple. She is condemned because she is not worthy. This is speculation of course. :) I don't believe a bishop would set someone up knowingly for condemnation but I do think they can't stop someone from setting themselves up for it.

After you guys post things everything seems to make so much more sense and I feel like such a spoiled little child. *But I worked so harrrrrrd for this and she didn't do annnnything. It's not fairrrrr!* There could be any sort of reason that she was allowed into the temple: #1) The bishop knew straight out she was lying but couldn't prove anything since no one was sitting outside their window with a camera and she obviously didn't sleep or anything with my husband so unless she confesses, there is nothing they can do and she walked through those temple doors unworthily and is setting herself up for her own condemnation. #2) She was supposed to go to the temple for her own personal growth whether worthily or unworthily in anyones eyes and its up to her as to whether or not she learns from it. #3) He is telling me to just shut up and trust Him (much nicer) and that things will work out in the end or.. #4) Any or all of the above plus whatever else I may never know and may never be meant to know.

(((mamacat))) You asked why I am still angry with the church leadership since my bishop took our side in this mess. I feel I am going to sound extremely petty with my answer so bear with me. :) I am not angry with that bishop (he is no longer our bishop as we moved). It took him a long time to sort through the lies but when he did he took our side 100% and would relay many of his conversations with her, her conversations with her bishop, and other things to us to help us out. I think by the end of it all he viewed it in a humorous light as her accusations became more and more bizarre and obviously not true. Who I am upset with (though now it is starting to fade) is her bishop and stake president who gave her her temple recommend less than three months after she told them she was still waiting for me to leave my husband so she could be with him and was still trying to implicate him in an affair. I am upset that there was no at least delay in getting her recommend nor any sort of apology from her or anyone for six months of constant questions and accusations. She still got her recommend even though when pressured into it she admitted to "messing around" with multiple men besides her claim of sleeping with my husband at least up until July not to mention the fact that her now husband (hubby's former best friend) was bragging about their exploits to all his other friends up until their wedding. Yet they both got recommends. They were quite aware she is an extreme liar so whats the deal? My anger with the leadership is miniscule since getting advice here. It's more disappointment over anger that they couldn't see through all the crap and figure her out. Of course it took hubby and I nearly three years and her pretty much throwing herself at him to figure it out so I can't blame them much. I guess I always figured he's a BISHOP or a STAKE PRESIDENT so he KNOWS when something is not right. It's less anger than feeling let down that now I view them as flawed...or even worse...human. I am fully aware her walking into the temple whether worthily or unworthlily is absolutely none of my business and has no effect on my proression in life or in the next life, however I always viewed the temple they were married in as MY temple and it was special to me. It was the one I was married in. The one I strived so hard to get to my whole life. At the moment it is just another building to me. I drive past it everyday and it seems tarnished in my mind. I'm upset that she was able to walk into it and that she doesn't view it as sacred as I do. I know people lie to get into the temple everyday. It's different this time for me because I know who it was and what she lied about. Make sense? See, told you it was petty. :)

Hi. I just joined the forum a couple of days ago and didn't notice this place until today since I've been wandering around the site. I have to say I love it here so far. I have never seen an LDS site that is so open minded and inviting to people of other faiths. I have been LDS my whole life but have never liked the "only true church" aspect of teaching as I honestly believe Mormonism isn't right for everyone but is defintiely right for me. I am thrilled that there are so many people from other churches to chat with. I am 26 years old, and even though I have been a lifeling member, did not really gain a testimony until high school when some of my friends decided to take the discussions. I married one of them two years after he was baptised and we have been happily married for the past 6 years. I have 1 son who is 18 months old and a constant source of both stress and amazing joy. I have a Bachelelor's degree in Psychology, an Associates in Music and work full time as a case manager for children with disabilities which is both the most rewarding and most draining job in the whole world. I am hoping to be able to quit my job by the end of the year and become my husband's assistant in his work. He is a loan officer and avid bike rider and golfer. My true passions include animals and the outdoors. I hope so someday have a big enough house and enough land that I can rehibilitate exotic pets for owners that didn't have the knowledge to take care of them. Right now we are owned by two cats who very nicely let us live in their house in exchange for constant worship and we have african dwarf frogs. We are renovating this place and hope to turn it into a rental by the end of the summer and move into a larger home so we can add more fur babies and hopfully another human baby in the next couple years. We also own a duplex that we have rented out. Hubby is huge into real estate and I'm along for the ride. :) Thats about it.

(((Mamacat))) I am so sorry to hear of your horrible experience. That is so hard to have to go through and losing friends because of someone elses actions. Your experience is very different from ours, yet the same in a way. Hubby was instantly villified in this situation I feel solely because he was THE GUY. Bishop said at first it was much easier to believe her because she played the poor little girl routine complete with tears claiming the "experienced married man" took advantage of her. It wasn't until her past was brought up by her bishop and she couldn't deny it that it became very apparent she was far more experienced than my husband and he was anything but taking advantage her. Sounds like you were made to be the villian the way he was. (((Hikchik)))) That poem was great. I'll have to remember it. I feel that way too, that we never talk about that the church leadership being fallible until we are involved in a situation where it becomes an issue. Many times I have had to remind myself even though they are very in tune with the spirit, they are also human. Right now is not the time to bring up running into her in heaven. I am dreading the time we run into her in real life since it is pretty much a given that we will someday since we are practicaly related to her inlaws, whether it's months or years from now. I am hoping by the time we do I can have forgiven her. After reading your post I thought about how I would feel if in the next life if she was there. Honestly I loved her as a friend at one time and I am not completely discounting the fact I could love her that way again, even though it most likely wouldn't be in this life unless a lot of changes are made including her admitting to lying in the first place. That is part of what makes it so hard to forgive her. I thought we were friends. Good friends. When it comes out she was acting the part so I would trust her so I would let her spend time with my husband.... It's good to get other people's points of view on this. Most of the people that know about it don't understand the whole church aspect and therefore don't think it's that big of a deal. I never realized forgiveness was so hard. I've been through crappy situations before and have had to do minor firgiveness things which wasn't really too big of a deal, but this is something comepletely new to me. At times I feel so selfish. There have been so many people that have been through so much worse than this and were able to forgive almost immediately, what is my deal? I didn't lose my husband or my son, she didn't get what she wanted, why am I still so angry?

Thanks sixpactr. Now I'm glad I couldn't get it to work.

Great article. It's always nice to see the LDS church viewed positively from someone outside the faith. I couldn't view the comments to the article unfortunately. I would have liked to see what other people thought.

Thank everyone for their resonses. I'm glad I found this place and such spiritual and open minded people. I must say coming here has been both validating and humbling. This whole situation has me switching so rapidly through so many emotions it has been nice to get my feelings (vent as someone put it) out and having the ability to sort them out in my mind. Very few people know about this situation here. Hubby and I have decided not to enact "revenge" on her by telling people and ruining her reputation further even though at times I admit I would love to. The people that know came to us since as I said earlier, she married hubby's (former) best friend of 12 years and both are from a tiny town. There has been much talk among the locals as to why hubby was the best man at BF's first wedding yet not even invited to this one. BF's parents who are like second parents to hubby came straight out and asked us what was going on between us and BF. We told them as nicely as we could what was going on and they told us they would rather continue their relationship with us then start one with her. This leads into part of why my feelings in this are so confusing to me. For two years before all of this started I cared deeply for her and honestly wanted the best for her. I trusted her completely, not even alone with hubby but alone with my son as well. She would often babysit for us so hubby and I could go on dates since we very seldom saw each other at this time since I worked days and Hubby worked nights. (Now does that sound like someone who is trying to destroy a marriage?) I feel completely violated and betrayed by her as she used a LOT of innocent situations, including the birth of my son, as ammunition against my husband. I can't even begin to tell you how she did it because I have no idea. She somehow turned every little thing in our lives as evidence that hubby would rather be with her than me. Very often my feelings of anger towards her turn to pity. I pity whatever part of her felt like she had to sink so low to try to tear us apart. I pity that she destroyed any chance of having a relationship with BF's parents and friends even before they knew about this situation because of her own actions. I pity the fact that she walked into that temple unworthily (admittedly as far as I know). However I will be completely honest and I am actually embarrassed to admit this but at times the completely un Christlike angry side of me actually hopes entering the temple the way she did leads to her condemnation. How horrible am I? Someone mentioned jealousy in an earlier post. I never viewed it from that point but after thinking about it, you are absolutely right. I decided I feel a lot like the prodigal son's brother when it seems that his father is favoring the returning son over the tried and true son. My husband (who is a convert of 8 years) jokingly compared the church to a cell phone company. He said it seems like they give lots of attention and perks to the new members while shoving the longterm customers aside. I do feel like the leadership was able to overlook a lot from both her and BF because the two of them were both former members who returned to the church for whatever reason and we never left. Bottom line is I do need to forgive her. Perhaps I should try to focus more on my feelings of pity for her other than my feelings of anger and start from there. She has to be such a miserable person to be able to do something like this and not feel badly. At times through this whole thing I felt I did forgive her. Once was during the April conference and that wonderful talk on forgiveness. There is always that one talk you feel is directed completely at you and that was the one for me. Those times I feel I did forgive seem to not last very long so obviously, I haven't completely yet. Something will remind me of what happened or someone in the circle will come up with their assumption of what went on and the horrible feelings will come rushng back. Maybe I should start with forgiving myself and realizing I did not let this happen. Seems I have a lot of repenting to do.

I honestly have no idea how the whole process works. This is the first time I have ever even heard excommunication mentioned firsthand. They said it rather definitively so I assumed they had the authority. Perhaps they just figured that would be the way it would go. Luckily it didn't get that far.

(((Palerider))) Our bishop told us straight out if her accusations turned out to be true or they didn't have any reason to doubt that they were, hubby would be excommunicated. I am not sure he has the authority to make that decision or not but that's what he said. The stake president said the same thing the first time we met him, that hubby was facing excommunication with what she said had happened.

((((xhenli))) you and wiley snuck in while I was blathering on. :) I know I am far from the first person that has been disappointed in the way the church handled a situation. I can't say I blame the leadership for their confusion on how to deal with this situation. The stake president said it straight out...he had never been faced with a situation like this before. Normally when there was an accusation, there was an affair. In this case there wasn't. I can't imagine the position they were put in. However, I do not think they handled the outcome very well at all. If there had been an affair my husband would have been excommunicated, no ifs ands or buts about it. If they had believed her the same would have happened whether he had been innocent or not. It would have been years that my husband and I would be able to enjoy the blessings of the temple together. I am beyond grateful that they saw through her obvious lies but had she gotten what she wanted there would have been enternal consequences for me and my family. Any children we had after this would not have been sealed to their father. I can only hope she realizes the implications of her actions now that she has been through the temple herself. But considering her prior behaviors, I doubt it. (((Wiley))) I cannot even begin to tell you how blessed I feel to have a husband that stood by me while I worked through deciding whether I believed the accusations or not. He knew he didn't do it and he had faith in the Lord that I would realize that as well. Unfortunately I didn't have to be the only one that had to decide whether it happened or not. You hit the nail on the head when you said you would be hard pressed to forgive someone that came after your family. That is where all the trouble lies. I am normally a very easy going trusting person but you mess with my family, even more than that, you mess with the eternal nature of my family, and I become a wolverine. That is just not acceptable. I surprised the stake president during our first meeting with him. He said I seemed like such a small fragile person he was not expecting me to defend my husband so passionately when I was asked whether I believed it happened or not. She made a huge mistake when she came after my family when she assumed I would walk out the door without a fight. ((((CrimsonKairos)))) That paper analogy is great!

((((mamacat)))) Thank you for your kind words. That was an excellent point....why didn't he discuss his concerns with you before you were baptised? I always believed the quote "the church is perfect, the people are not" and I believe that both of our cases definitely demonstrate this point sufficiently. :) As a mother to a beautiful little boy myself I can understand your frustration at the way he was treated in primary. You would think people would understand little kids would have issues with something new...but then again...sometimes common sense aint so common. ((((blessed))) I am afraid I didn't word that statement very well. I think CrimsonKairos explained it nicely. A lot of what goes in to getting a temple recommend is just obedience...at least I always figured it that way. ((((BenRaines))) Hubby and I went to the bishop ourselves to explain why our tithing suddenly dropped. Our temple recommend interviews were coming up in the next few months so he suspended them until our interviews with the understanding we would be able to get back up to full tithes by that time. Luckily we were. ((((CrimsonKairos))) I will admit I have had a hard time coming up with a response to you. In my heart I completely agree with what you are saying about leaving things to the Lord and putting my energies back into the things that matter aka my husband my family and in the church, but in my head I am still so angry and having such a hard time forgiving her for what she did. It was just so blatantly malicious and there was no reason for it, at least not that I can figure out. Hubby and I honestly thought she was our friend and were trying to help her in what we assumed was a genuine desire to repent. I agree there are two sides to every story but my account is completely accurate from where I stood in this entire mess. We went through six months of hearing her accusations, then I would have to soak them in, go back to the day that she claimed things happened in my mind and decide whether her accusations had merit or not. Let me tell you, not once did her claims have merit. I can only assume that our bishop, her bishop and the stake president were relaying what she said accurately. I have not spoken with her since the claims were made. I offered a sit down meeting with just her, me and both of our bishops but she refused. Whether it was because she knew I could discredit all of her accusations or that she was afraid I would pull a Tanya Harding on her for "messing with my husband" I couldn't say but I can't see how she would mistake having relations with someone and confusing that person with my husband unless she is completely psychotic...which I guess is always a possibility. So back to the original point of my response...I logically know what I should do but getting past the hurt and betrayal I feel not only from her but from the leadership has been extremely difficult. I fully agree with our bishop at the times decision to suspend our temple recommend until we could return to full tithe payment. What I do not agree with is that there was no delay in her receiving her temple recommend for not only lying (because they obviously did not believe that it actually happened or my husband would not still have his temple recommend) but for trying to destroy an eternal family. I figured there should be something done but perhaps that is just still my need for vindication poking through. Like I said, I know in my heart I need to trust in the Lord and understand that He knows what He is doing but when it is all so fresh....it is hard to let go and just rely on trust when you feel so abandoned.

I am a lifelong member to the LDS church. I have been happily married for 6 years and have a beautiful 18 month old son. I never in my life thought I would go through something that would shake my faith to the very core but I just did and I need some advice. My husband and I befriended a young woman from his work who had fallen away from the church and was wanting to come back to the fold. We are active average members. I wouldn't say we are overtly spiritual but have a strong faith in the church's teachings and felt we could help this young woman. Her major problem was, as she put it, and inability to keep her hands off men. She would come to church every Sunday after spending Saturdays at bars and different gentlemen's homes then cry to us that she really wanted to change and we believed her. For a good two years we worked with her on talking to her bishop and repenting and we believed she was honestly trying. This year changed everything. Starting last March things got strange. She would think up reasons as to why she had to drop by our house when I was away at work. At their work, she would come crying to hubby for every reason and started saying things like "I wish you hadn't gotten married so young, then you could be free to date me" and so on. I began to get uncomfortable at the way she would act when I would come home from work when she was there and I asked my husband to stop letting her in when she dropped by when I wasn't home, even if she claimed she was having a crisis which he did. The final straw came when one day at work she told my husband that she had told the bishop that she had messed around with a married man and that her bishop was pressuring her to name names. She asked hubby what I would do if I thought he had been cheating on me and he said that I would leave him. He said she seemed to get excited about that so he told her they could no longer be friends which made her extremely upset and she yelled and screamed at him and stormed out of the office. Luckily, that was her last day there and we thought things would be fine. Then came General Conference in October. My husband was called into a meeting with the bishop on General Conference which we thought was a little strange but whatever. He comes home and informs me she has pointed the finger at him as the person she had an affair with. She supposedly has "proof" of the affair and hubby is facing the possibility of excommunication. I of course am devistated. For one I have to decide whether or not I believe the affair really happened since she and hubby did spend time alone together and definitely had the opportunity and for another, I felt she and I were friends. Little did I know she was using me and my trust to get closer to my husband. So I go in to talk to the bishop myself. He presents me with the "evidence" which consists of some emails from her address supposedly from hubby which did not sound anything like him at all and the fact that hubby had some stratigically placed mole that did not really exsist. She made them up. He gave me dates and times that they had supposedly been together and I thought about them then realized that those times he had in fact either been with her but on the phone with me or not with her at all. Hubby was allowed to keep his temple recommend based on my defense and she was called in to talk with her bishop again. This went on for SIX MONTHS. She would come up with some new claim and we would be called in to defend hubby. The longer it went on the more obviously untrue her claims were. Like I said before, she made up moles that didn't exsist, claimed to be with him times when I was and so on and so on. We move out of the ward at this time but our records were not transferred until this was "cleared up" which happened in January. So we figure all is well. Hubby was off the hook and even her bishop told us he felt she had made it all up to try to get me to leave him so hubby would be with her. Here's where it really gets juicy. So in October, after she implicates my husband, our favorite friend looks up my husband's best friend of 12 years who just went through a divorce and is emotionally friagile and easy to manipulate and the two of them start dating. Keep in mind we had tried to set the two of them up months before this because we felt they would be good together and she was not interested claiming he was "wierd" and "smelled funny." Her exact words. But then, suddenly he is desirable as a link to my hubby. Best friend starts getting mad that we are backing out of spending time with the two of them and the whole thing comes out. Best Friend sides with her, age old story, long and short of it, we don't talk to him anymore...his choice, not ours. But here's where the lack of faith thing comes into play. Best Friend and I Dont' Even Know What To Call Her Without Sounding Bitter decide to get married and are planning a temple marriage. Hubby comes from an extremely small town and there is a lot of chat not to mention his little group of friends to thissmall so everyone knows everything about everyone else, which I feel is part of her plan in all of this. Anywhoo, we question our bishop about this considering she was claiming she and my hubby knew each other in the biblical sense up until July which is still less than a year away not to mention best friend was with another girl up until September and the two of them were quite definitely...you know. And of course then there is the fact that Best friend and I Don't Know spent the night at each other's houses which all his friends knew but we didn't have pictures so apparently, didn't come into play. Our bishop, the stake president and even a member of the stake counsel tell us there is no way they can think of that the two of them can get temple recommends. Apparently they were wrong because the two of them got married two weeks ago in the same temple hubby and I were married in. To say I am furious would be an understatement. This woman tried to tear our family apart, admittedly was trying to take my place as mother of my child and lied to every member of the stake high council and she gets to walk through those sacred temple doors like nothing ever happened. Three years ago hubby and I had our temple recommends suspended because we were unable to pay a full tithing because of extreme medical bills due to a surgery I had. And we were only behind two months because every spare penny that wasn't going to the hospital was going to tithing and we still had it suspended until we could catch up yet she nearly succeeds in getting an innocent man excommunicated and tearing apart an eternal family and there is no punishment? Not only that but she is a known liar and in the temple sense unworthy so I am baffled as to how this happened. She is obviously an accomplished liar so I figure she lied about her worthiness but wouldn't her bishop even if she changed bishops be aware of the battle we had to go through because of her? Hubby and I have been through a lot of faith shaking experiences including the death of his mother a mere month after we got married and nothing has me so shaken as this does. I feel that local church leadership views lack of a full tithing payment as more important than the near destruction of an eternal family. My mother told me it was because we told the truth about not being able to pay a full tithing and she must have lied to get her temple recommend but all that sounds to me is that we were punished for doing the right thing. The temple has lost it's sacredness (if that's a word) to me because in my mind they will obviously let anyone in even with plenty of proof as to their unworthiness. Hubby and I worked our whole lives to walk through those doors and viewed it as the greatest thing we could ever do and now it has lost all meaning when it is so easy to get there without all the hard work. Why bother being good and worthy people when all you have to do is lie and the doors will open to you. I am uncomfortable at church because I am just so angry with the whole thing and feel so betrayed by the local leaders of the church that I can't even stand looking my bishop in the eye. Hubby wants to have a meeting with him and tell him how we are feeling but I feel that if I am given the opportunity to spew the venom I have been swooshing around in my mouth I may make a few enemies in the church and cause problems for myself and my family. So after all that rambling I guess my question is...where do I go from here? Am I just being a complete idiot about my feelings towards the local leadership? Do I have a right to feel betrayed by what happened and how it was handled? What now?