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Everything posted by dddd

  1. That's honestly surprising they're not divorced or subject to Church discipline . As someone who considers herself worthwhile i would never permit a man to do that. It's honestly one of the most selfish things I've heard. And not much better in my mind than the Mormon "megadate" where couples go get civilly married for a day or a week just to have sex then divorce. If they wanted to be financially dependant on their parents, it was straight up dishonest not to tell them. And that IS NOT enjoying all the privileges of matrimony FYI!!! I have a lot more to offer as a marriage partner than just sex. Hopefully they do too. Sick some people think that's all there is too it. Trying to find a loophole around sin is sin itself. To me I would compare that scenario to someone who doesn't wanna confess to smoking but decides to hotbox with their friends. Still sin. Wow. Just wow. I dearly hope you weren't intending to proffer that story as a SUGGESTION to ME because that's offensive. Any man I marry is gonna man up and be a man and act like one.
  2. You're literally the "RUDE" song. If you were my man I would have dropped you like you're as hot as you think you are
  3. I highly doubt these attractive and scantily clad women went and all decided to send friend requests to your fiance all at once. I guarantee he was purposefully friending attractive women, if only to look at their pictures. Maybe suggest getting a combined Facebook page? If he doesn't care about making you secure in the relationship he is probs hiding something.
  4. I found myself the same way before my mission. I would NOT recommend dating non-LDS guys. Friends, sure. But from how painful my experiences were, no. First of all, I was surprised that there were LDS guys that were willing to keep the law of chastity. Men are attracted to women with self confidence and standards, and the laws of God tend to do that for a person, so I never had a guy give me a hard time about that. One thing that helped were my friends. They were all over the guy saying, "You KNOW she's not gonna do anything right?" so that helped. However, because they were ok with me keeping the law of chastity it made me not feel so bad about dating them. {However...you are not equally yoked already with this person in that regard. If you do slip up and have chastity issues, you are going to feel guilty while they won't feel as guilty and as big of a need to correct the problem as you do. Also, if you break the law of chastity, the blame is on you. You would have been a poor example to them and it could hinder their desire to feel the Spirit and learn more.} Second, I also found that (sorry LDS guys!!) but non-member guys will tend to treat you better. I think there is just a lack of quality women in the world so when they find one, they make sure to treat her right rather than just like another date. They want to hold on. Third, I felt like non-members would not be marriage hungry like LDS guys. I always knew I was going to serve a mission, so I think I dated non-members as a way to avoid marriage. WRONGO. I think as a result of the first and second point I made, all three of the boyfriends I had before my mission became very preoccupied with marriage, in spite of since the onset of the relationship telling them that I would never marry outside of the temple and didn't see our relationship going that way. Fourth, Elder Costa did not give that talk intending to tell our girls to go snare a boyfriend to baptize. Anytime you enter into a relationship and place an expectation on them to change, you are essentially being mentally/emotionally abusive. It's also very unwise for you to date someone hoping they will change as they can put on a good face at first and then reveal their true colors later on when it's too late. Along that line, the more pressure you put on him to change, or to investigate the Church (which CANNOT come without repentance and change) the more the man you are dating will feel that pressure and tend to go the other way. I may sound harsh but I gave my personal experiences. I dated an athiest guy while i was preparing for my mission Good guy.. From the beginning I told him verbatim "I would not marry you" and he told me what he was looking for in a marriage partner and it was so clear we weren't a fit and he wasn't looking to get married ANYTIME SOON. But it was clear we liked each other and wanted to spend time with each other. So we started dating and soon we were boyfriend and girlfriend. And then he started pushing marriage on me a lot. He told me (after three weeks!!) that if I didn't have my papers in to serve a mission by December we would get married. And I was in lala land and stupidly agreed and then freaked out. But I felt like I couldn't break up with him because he was investigating the church...he started to. I had never pushed him to learn at all, I just was myself and he expressed interest. And I justified things as well and told myself that at least while he was with me he wasn't breaking the law of chastity or drinking, so he was better off with me. I did turn in my papers around the same time he set a baptism date. I went to the MTC and waited that first PDay for a letter from him telling me how his baptism went, only to find out he had dropped his date and was no longer speaking to missionaries. I was the most heartbreaking thing in my life. He never joined the church, started drinking again, and later moved in with a girlfriend. That tore me apart. I've since dated and broken up with LDS guys, and have been shocked at how much less painful and how much more quickly I can recover from heartache compared to non-LDS guys. I mean, you may ignore everyone's advice. I just say it because I was in so much pain and I had a comp towards the end of my mission go thru the same thing and it broke my heart to see her struggle. Just be careful. When I met one of the guys I dated I thought, "I would be friends with him, but I don't think he would ever like me." and then there was mutual interest. And I thought, "I like him, flirting with him, but I'd never go out with him." And then he asked me out. And I thought, "Ok, I'd go on a date with him, but I'd never be his girlfriend." And then he started calling me his girlfriend. "Ok, so I'm his girlfriend, but I'll never marry him." And it came to the point where I had a one way ticket booked to go back to him and we were gonna get married. He turned out to be very abusive emotionally and mentally, but I fed into that when I said I wanted to marry him but only if he joined the Church. He was one of the people that put on a good face but was not a person I would have dated had I known.
  5. Hi Persona. I had a Bishop tell us in 2012/2013 that if you've had 3-4 sexual partners (or more) or if you have had a long term sexual relationship with someone (like 6 months, give or take) that they would not permit that individual to serve a traditional mission. They have since raised the bar even more. My advice would be to not try to find ways around what your Bishop says. He knows what you've been through, after all. And it would be heartbreaking to you to be brought to temptation while on a mission. If a traditional mission isn't an option, there are other types of missions you can do. Any mission you serve, no matter the type, will be the best investment you can ever make. Ask about those. They are just as much designed to spread the Gospel and help you develop spiritually. Anyone who says otherwise is talking out their butt. I know a friend of mine had multiple sexual partners and really wanted to serve but ended up not going. She is one of the best missionaries I know because of her friendliness, her non-judging persona, and her ability to reach those that no one else can. She does more good than some missionaries in the field.
  6. I have negatives experiences with men saying they would make changes for me and in my experience they don't hence my choice to not progress the relationship.
  7. Did they end up getting married in the temple after all? And what happened when their fam and friends found out?
  8. Thank you! I've been inspired by your story about your wife. Do you mind if I share some of your words/story (not using names or details obviously) to a Facebook group I'm part of about empowering women?
  9. That's a very sweet dream. If you haven't already you should definitely tell her! I bet it would warm her heart! And she wounds like a beautiful woman inside and out. I love hearing stories like that.
  10. No, it wasn't offense. Just everyone on this thread seems to assume I need a decision made for me; which is really not my intentions at all. I had already made the decision I was not going to marry this person at least so soon. But I felt that if I spoke to him about my trepidation to further the relationship he should know why. We have a lot of differences so I worried that he would interpret it as something shallow (age difference, culture difference, race difference, parents wanting us to marry someone else, etc.) when it comes down to the fact he is not prepared for marriage. But I also wanted to let him know what the repentance process would look like. I found another similar post on this site (the URL has since eluded me) where a guy said he and his current gf had intercourse and wanted to know how long it would be til they could get married and 100% of respondents answered it would be at least a year. So it puzzled me that with this post and about the same amount of detail, if not more, people would be so indirect. I want to encourage him to repent regardless of me, and I want to help him know what to expect and ease his fears about it since he didn't even have a Christian background to begin with and knows next to nothing about the organization of the Church. And you're right, it hasn't sunk in. It's hard to feel judged; and I want to make it clear that I would never judge someone for not being a virgin and neither would any other good woman (as you learned from your wife) but that's a really really big deal and I guess maybe in spite of what the Church handbook says I should have been straight up with him from the beginning and said that I wouldn't marry someone who had fornicated with someone for at least a year, as my own personal boundary. I think God is telling me to stand up and set my own boundaries because lately I have dated a lot of LDS guys that are active and have recommends but not Worthy...or at least not equally yoked.
  11. And I lol'd your post because it really didn't answer my concern at all, which I wasn't sure if was your attempt or not, but was rather a personal anecdote...which after your last 'm glad you shared nonetheless (: Lovely story.
  12. That's a very unique compliment to receive about your wife especially second hand. What is it about her specifically that you think attracts that attention?
  13. That's so true! I prayed for an out actually so I was relieved. It became clear to me shortly before, and he broke it off because he was intimidated by my dad. The clarity was there; I just wanted to know what to tell him. But when it comes down to it the Spirit communicates spiritual mattes, not me!
  14. Well guys he broke it off with me last night so either he's working on it or he gave up so there's that. Thanks for the advice!
  15. Not really asking what to do...just wondering if I should tell him to stop bringing up marriage because he brings it up a lot and I don't want to start progressing toward marriage if his Bishop would tell him wait a year. Just not emotionally or physically wise imho.
  16. Ok that makes sense because I do not know a lot of the details and it does make sense the details would determine it.
  17. So there's nothing in the Bishop's handbook that says if someone has intercourse they have to wait a year before being endowed/sealed? Because by that same logic then the year in between baptism and endowment being at least a year would also be individualized.
  18. I'm aware of all the logistics surrounding baptism, but not discipline regarding having sex. And that's all good and fine, I get that. I just don't want to start planning to get engaged now only to learn it will be a year before I can do that, or however long ago it was that happened.
  19. Great but what is the protocol? I can't control what he did in the past. Or even what he does now. But it would help to be able to give him some expectations before he confesses, because he said he thinks he will be ex'ed.
  20. Great but I can't control what he did, or what he does.
  21. My boyfriend slipped up and had sex with someone a few months before we started our relationship. He really wants to get married but hasn't talked to his bishop about it. I know he's ashamed and maybe doesn't understand the full role of confession, as he's a fairly recent convert. I'm hesitant to progress our relationship because I don't know how long it would be before he could get his endowments and then get married, and he seems really eager to get to that point. Don't you have to wait a year? (Note: he had the Aaronic priesthood at the time he broke the law of chastity.)