lokimaq00

Thank you all for your comments.

I was recently in a discussion with a friend who has stumbled in her faith. She had been dating someone who was apparently also struggling in his faith and it seems to me that he was dragging her down. It's been several months since they broke up and she's at this odd place where she wants desperately to marry and go to the temple, but she's not even sure about her testimony. Of course, that's only one problem. As we talked, she revealed that while they haven't slept together, oral sex has occurred and since she is endowed, though never married, she's scared to death to speak to her bishop. I can understand her fear, but I don't know (who does except leadership) what that means for her. She's afraid she will be taken before a disciplinary council. I mean, she legit broke down at the idea of it and I cannot blame her. I fear that if she had to go in front of a bunch of men... she may never come back to church. Does anyone have guidance one what might possibly happen in her situation?

It is funny, isn't it? It's amazing when you think about how you used to dream/imagine interactions with bio fam and then with an adult mind - you realize that was fantasy and childhood imagination. I'd always been so curious, but after watching my sister deal with her bio fam, I realized how blessed I already was and I didn't need it! But curiosity killed the cat. lol

My initial reaction of anger and such is over and now I can see where she might be coming from. I replied kindly, but distantly, apologizing for the poor interaction in the past, but thanking her again for what she did and that I'm happy with my life and wished her the best. It's what's right for me.

I admitted that it was conflicting. You even said earlier it was okay. It’s happened in the past 24 hours and I’m dealing with it. It’s not living rent free in my head and this sort of reply doesn’t help. Thanks all the same.

Thank you all for your replies. It is a conflicting and difficult thing. It’s natural to want to know where I biologically come from and @estradling75 when the opportunity presented itself to ask questions, I did. I didn’t like how it all happened and I wasn’t entirely prepared to deal with it but I tried. I didn’t handle it well at all but I feel I am solid in where I stand. I think this new email is just upsetting because it’s very presumptive of my bio mom to think that I would want to get to know her parents. If I don’t want to get to know her, why would I get to know them? I already have grandparents that mean the world to me. I just feel like she’s extremely selfish and putting her own wants above mine. That sounds very harsh to me but I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling this way. Many many thanks to you all.

I was adopted at one month through LDS Social Services and raised in the church. I always knew I was adopted and as I grew up, I found myself curious. When I was in my mid-20s, I filled out the state registry to get matched with my bio fam. I did not, but my sister did. I watched her go through meeting her bio fam and I quickly realized I was glad I had never been matched with my own. My family is my family. I am wholly blessed that the Lord saw fit to place me with them and to be sealed to them. About 3-4 years ago, I took the Ancestry DNA test and stumbled across my maternal grandfather. It caught me completely off guard and while I admit, I messaged him and asked questions and confirmed who he was, he took the rest of out my hands by giving his daughter, my bio mom, my email address. She contacted me right away. It was a very short back and forth in email and I admit I was not prepared for interaction. All I really wanted to know was if I was a product of rape and if I had siblings. It was awkward and ultimately, I just thanked her for what she did and told her I was happy and said I didn't want to talk further. It's been about 3 years and I haven't regretted cutting off contact. The family I was sealed to is my family. In all consideration, that's the family I will be with in eternity - we're sealed. They ARE my family. My bio mom gave me life, but I do not feel any familial ties. I've considered more than once writing to apologize for handling it poorly and giving her my gratitude again, but I don't want to open communication. I have received a couple of odd e-cards on my birthday since and she sent one message a year or so ago saying that her oldest son, who knows about me, was considering emailing me and I said that was fine. Then, out of the blue, yesterday, I received an email from my bio mom in a snarky tone (her communication style was a problem before) telling me that even if I didn't want to get to know her, I should get to know her parents, specifically my "grandfather." Before it's too late and all that. While I appreciate where she is coming from, I feel like she's only thinking about herself - which is how I felt during the first communication volley. Granted, I'm 36, I'm not a child, but she writes to me as if I'm a wayward teenager. She made the choice to put me up for adoption, which essentially severed all ties. Anything that happens now should be her caring about me, right? I feel like everything is about her wants and needs, not mine. Am I wrong in feeling this way? I am truly trying to be open to where she might be coming from, but I just feel like she doesn't actually care about me and I don't really want to reply to her. Thank you for any thoughts and guidance.