HELP! TERRIBLE "two's", but EARLY!

[J-RO]

My little boy is 14 months old and is driving me CRAZY right now. He seems to be very hard headed lately. It also doesn't help that he is HUGE- he's probably half my height and nearly 30 lbs. I have a horrible time with him in church- He just WON'T sit still, and I spend the whole meeting in the hall. But I'm so conflicted about this! While I don't want to enforce his behavior by taking him out all the time, I also don't want to disrupt the meeting as he doesn't have a "mute" button. He is also currently in that squealing/screaming phase. He's also starting to throw fits and use his weight to pull on things that he wants- And he's TOUGH!

So, in short:

1. Any tips/tricks to getting him to sit still at such an age during sacrament meeting? He's been seeming pretty wired during church lately...

2. Any tips/tricks to dealing with tantrums/screaming at this age?

[Honor]

My parents used to take us into an empty classroom and not give us anything interesting. I've been trying it with my now 2 year old and it's worked for the most part. The less emotion I show as a reaction to his tantrums, the better. I know at 14 months he probably doesn't understand what you say much, but we've always tried to talk to our son like we would if he would understand. We say, "when you stop crying/screaming we can go back." I never wanted us taking him out of a meeting to be a reward. Kids do what works so if that's the way to go have fun, they'll do it!

We borrowed the Baby Signing Time videos from a friend of mine. Our son enjoyed them but really, it just taught my husband and I the basic signs that children would use first and he learned them from us using them. I think it helped alleviate the tantrums caused by his frustration with his ability (or lack of) to communicate. Ours is also a pretty strong willed little one, but we saw a difference.

I'm no expert, but hopefully you'll get some ideas from this thread to give you some hope. I'm wishing you the best!

Oh, and by the way - the two's always seem to start early from what I've seen with mine, my friends and family. 14 months is still a little early, but it's bound to happen anyway.... sigh!

[susieSA]

Just a few questions for you....

What kind of things do you take with to church for your little one?

Does he understand what the word NO means?

What is he like at home or when you are at the grocery store?

Does he like to challenge you when you do say no?

I do have a few suggestions for you but depending on your answers to the above.. There is also a heck of alot of resources you can find online.. I just need to have a looksie for those websites for you...

[RainofGold]

ALWAYS AT HOME

By Lisa Sheldon - The Terrific - and terrible - Twos

Whoever called them the terrible twos was right on the money. Who ever called them the terrific twos was right on the money also. Contradictory? Well, that is the year between the second and third birthday of all children.

I had not thought about these statements in many years until some dear friends of our had a toddler land in their lives recently. Watching this once timid toddler become an outgoing and outspoken three year old has been inspiring. And I discovered that those raising the two year old decide if it is terrible or terrific.

"At two kids have the language skills to begin to express themselves and the motor skills to carry out their own ideas," says Claire Lerner, coauthor of Bringing Up Baby. Our attitude decides if these become joy bringing changes or constant challenges.

At two your child can tell you what they’re thinking about, what they want and, as the year progresses, they talk more and more. Take advantage of this and listen. This newly found skill of theirs takes a lot of guess work out of our lives. Now we can have conversations with this amazing little person. These conversations can let us add new words the their vocabulary and help them learn to verbalize new concepts and feelings.

Twos can also move and they love it. Their little bodies and their brains are really working together by this point. Often they are as amazed as we are by what their ability to run, jump, roll, you name it. This is a great time to begin encouraging regular outside play. (And, you will need to be with them, which is not bad for you either.) They are also honing their fine motor skills by coloring, making their own sandwich or just putting water in the dog bowl. These daily activities and many more help twos with motor control and hand-eye coordination.

Making their own sandwich brings up on of the most common statements among twos, "I can do it." And yes, they can. Support their independence whenever possible. They may not be able to cut the grass, even though they say they can, but they can pick up sticks in the yard before you mow.

Making them feel an important part of daily family living gives them confidence and helps them understand everyone within the family is valuable and has responsibilities. Two want to be helpers. As they help they learn. For us this takes time, patience and can be messy from time to time, but it is definitely worth it.

One of the most joyous parts of the second year is that they discover their own imagination. Everything in their environment becomes something else as they play. A pot and a spoon become a marching band, a cardboard box becomes a castle, a stack of scrap wood becomes building material for...well, whatever they can imagine. They become lion tamers, cowboys and mermaids. This is not just a cute phase, Role playing allows twos to think on other levels and helps them learn problem solving skills that will benefit them the rest of their lives. This is the time when a pretend area needs to be established at home. A simple box or trunk with dress up clothes, shoes, hats, etc will make for hours of fun for everyone.

When it is all said and done, twos come down to the simple fact that this is the year when they realize they are their own person. They are a unique individual who can think and feel and do on their own. The clash between their "I can do" attitude and the basic fact of life that "no, you can't always do what you want" brings in the terrible moments. The key is giving them a safe environment to explore with reasonable, set boundaries, both physical and behavioral. They will thrive and you will survive, with new pride and bring joy to both of you.

Do You Enjoy Two-Lane Livin'?

[COcowgirl]

well I can honestly say that u are sooooo not alone in this...I have the same probs with my son and he is two and hes just getting worse and he never listens to me and he always hits me and screams at me but yet when his Daddy is here and always listens to his Daddy but never to me. My son also does his screams and tantrums while in church and in public......most of the time I just walk away from it and let him do it and then when he's done I tell him that the way he acted was not a very good way. Other then that I myself am not sure what to do b/c im in the same boat....lol!!! Hope all goes good :)

[rameumptom]

Try a carrot and stick approach. First explain to him the right way to behave. Have him observe other kids that you know are going to be reverent.

Tell him that good kids get rewards, while those who are disobedent have consequences to face. Determine what the rewards will be and the consequences.

If during church you have to pull him out of Sacrament, find an empty room and sit him in the corner until he tells you he is ready to return to Sacrament, where he can eat Cheerios, draw with crayons, etc. Let him know that you are sad that he has chosen this direction. It isn't your problem, it is his; so you must tell him, "Oh, that is so sad for you that you are not ready to be in Sacrament meeting. Here's the consequence." Have him own up to it. When he is ready to calm down, help him say a prayer, asking God to help him be reverent, then with a happy face tell him, "I'm so happy that you are now ready to go with me to Sacrament!"

Another thing you can do, so you can still see Sacrament, is get a trusty friend to take him out for you. Warn him before hand that if he throws a tantrum, someone will be there to take him into another room to timeout. When that's occurred a couple times, he will begin to believe you on it. (Also works in stores, when they are taken out by a friend to sit quietly in the car).

[mightynancy]

I know at 14 months he probably doesn't understand what you say much, but we've always tried to talk to our son like we would if he would understand.

Barring a language disorder, your 14-month old probably understands way more than you think!

I think it's unreasonable to expect a tot to be quiet and relatively still for 70+ minutes. When mine were that age, we spent a lot of time in the foyer. I saved the most attractive toys for the chapel, and the kids knew that one must be quiet in there. That way they associated being quiet in the chapel with the payoff of interesting things to do. That said, they had an out if they needed it.

You'll blink your eyes and he'll be in Deacons. Seriously.

[Flyonthewall]

I can certainly understand where you are coming from...after my kids left the terrible twos, they entered the "tyrannical threes" and "frightful fours", one is now in the terrifying teens.

[mightynancy]

I know you're joking, Fly, but a lot of parenting is in how you look at it. My daughter has her, er, moments, but rather than view her as a trial I view myself as the one who will help her channel her drive in the right direction. Besides, sometimes you just gotta sit back and admire the skills.

[Elgama]

he sounds normal to me lol -- like a very experienced Mum in my branch told me children find their mute button at different times and 14 months is a rough time as nursery isn't until 18 months and he has to be good for 3 hours personally at 32 I find sitting still for 3 hours tough.

I started out doing the traditional take child out and give them nothing, sit quietly but to be honest with both of my children I found it made their resistence to church worse, both of mine are pig headed - do you have a quiet room? my branch presidents advice was for me to take my children out when fractious, let them play but sit myself reverently and set the example - read my scriptures, look at hymn books, I found doing this within 2 weeks both my kids have chosen to go back into sacrament - my daughter has been almost no bother since, and my son still needs to go out sometimes if he is tired but can now do about 25 minutes fairly well - he has no nursery at 22 months and has 2 hours before sacrament behaving in Relief Society and Gospel Doctrine.... so I think he is doing well. Plus he is a boy they are not designed to sit still for an hour:)

My daughters tantrums started at 9 months she threw herself on her back in the library and started kicking and screaming - we just ignore them, don't give in, and if out strap her into a buggy - it can hurt ignoring a tantrum I have bruises:) lol - it must be effective as we went from 4 or 5 a day to at 5 one or two a year - she is sort of person who I think will always throw the odd wobbly. I find best way is to avoid the tantrum - taking bribery with me, giving her pocket money at 2.5 was remarkably effective she had to pay for her own sweets and toys. and soon understood the phrase you can't afford it, Just watching what starts them and giving her words to say how she feels - and finding ways for her to take out her anger such as screwing up paper or scribbling furiously - I was recommended a book how to talk so kids willl listen and its great for ideas

-Charley

[tomdozier]

My parents used to take us into an empty classroom and not give us anything interesting. I've been trying it with my now 2 year old and it's worked for the most part. The less emotion I show as a reaction to his tantrums, the better. I know at 14 months he probably doesn't understand what you say much, but we've always tried to talk to our son like we would if he would understand. We say, "when you stop crying/screaming we can go back." I never wanted us taking him out of a meeting to be a reward. Kids do what works so if that's the way to go have fun, they'll do it!

Nothing will work all the time, but the general rule is that being in Sacrament meeting needs to be more fun that being outside. When you are in the meeting, use touch, treats, toys, etc to make that a better place. When you are outside, be completely unemotional, and make it boring.

Good luck, this too (or two) shall pass.

>tom<... Tom Dozier

[zookeeper]

With a 5 and 7 year old I feel like that stage is mostly over with them...and here I am pregnant! It's nice to remember that most every one in the chapel is empathetic, not annoyed. One thing we liked to do was take the kids to church having not eaten recently...cheerios don't have to be that messy!

[Guest Alana]

With my first I spent so much time in the foyer! He was just a restless young man. What I ended up doing that worked was making going out of the chapel VERY un-fun. We'd go into an empty class room, tell him that 'if we leave because you're too loud/don't stay in the pew/don't listen it's no fun' Then I'd set him on my lap, not facing me, wrap my arms around him, make sure his head can't hit me in the face/throat and just sit there, no talking and not letting him move. He'd squirm and scream and want me to let go and go run around. It wasn't very fun. Soon, he'd give up and we'd go back.

Hmm, typing it out it sounds harsh, but it didn't take long for him to know that if we had to leave the chapel early it was going to be no fun. Oh and I bring lots of food, crayons and toys that they don't usually play with.

Best of luck. They'll be big soon and we'll miss it so much:)

[fish4kitty]

You know reading this thread makes me so happy to be in a different faze with our children. That faze just was not fun at all. My wife having to pull me out for entertaining the kids was embarressing for her.LOL. She truely is a saint.