Going on mission...girlfriend

[ElderJAR]

43 days left 'til I go on my mission. 33 days 'til I go to the temple. I went to the movies with my gf on friday, and watched high school musical 3 (better than I thought it would be...it was actually good in my opinion) things have been really good between us, and I know that she's going to be mad at me today, because she needed some chips for a club meeting at school and I forgot because I was trimming some bushes today and also helped bring food to a member's home. Who else on earth would get mad over a bag of chips? I feel bad for forgetting, but I know she wont care...she's an extremist and will think that I forgot about her etc...and I need to know what to do because I have to pick her up in less than an hour!

[OneEternalSonata]

Sounds like you have some room to grow in the way of communicating, too! (Don't we all. lol)

[ruthiechan]

43 days left 'til I go on my mission. 33 days 'til I go to the temple. I went to the movies with my gf on friday, and watched high school musical 3 (better than I thought it would be...it was actually good in my opinion) things have been really good between us, and I know that she's going to be mad at me today, because she needed some chips for a club meeting at school and I forgot because I was trimming some bushes today and also helped bring food to a member's home. Who else on earth would get mad over a bag of chips? I feel bad for forgetting, but I know she wont care...she's an extremist and will think that I forgot about her etc...and I need to know what to do because I have to pick her up in less than an hour!

Why didn't you just pick them up in this hour time frame you had to post here? Are you testing her? You could leave a few minutes early and go the grocery store and nab some chips and if you're a little late you can say, "Sorry I'm late, I was so busy trimming bushes I forgot to nab the chips earlier but I thought you'd rather have me be sure to have the chips and risk being a bit late picking up than to arrive without them."

[zookeeper]

Congrats on the mission call! Hopefully you are able to leave without this weight hanging over you. I have heard from missionaries that relationships just distracted them on their missions. Not to say that will be your experience. Good luck! Oh, and I think "The best two years" is one of the best LDS movies out there!!!

[rameumptom]

Apologize. If she forgives you, thank her for her generosity. If she remains mad, drop her off, and tell her to give you a call when she cools down.

She has the responsibility to forgive. You do not have to be the pin cushion everytime she gets angry. Give her space to cool down, and she'll learn that if she wants to have a relationship, she has to be willing and able to forgive and move on, as well.

[ElderJAR]

thanks for the advice...she ended up not getting mad over that, lol...but she does get mad over the littlest things.

[Guest DeborahC]

Wait! Did I read this wrong?

In the first paragraph you say you DON"T have much in common.

Then in the third you say you DO?

Am I confused?

Or are YOU?

[Nekat_Eman]

I am late to the party but hope that someone will read this and help me out. I married a girl who waited for me while I was on my mission. She was the girl of my dreams. We recently relocated and in the process of unpacking I found an old journal of hers. My first mistake was reading it. What she was before and after had little to do with what she was while I was gone. She had to see bishops on several occasions during those two years and she just about married the in the more serious relationship. When I saw that I felt like I had been sucker-punched. We have been married for a few years and have had good and bad as any relationship but now I am hurting. Had I known this before we married, well, I don't know what might have turned out. I know I should forgive and forget but the fact that she was someone else for someone else is destroying me. Someone help, please...

[zookeeper]

Just think, after all she went through, YOU are the man of her dreams! The past is the past so just BE the man of her dreams and be glad you two chose each other! So tonight, take her a single rose and let the evening take its course!

[ElderJAR]

Man...I dont know what to say really...it probably was a bad idea to read her journal, but you can't undo that now. She realized what she did was a mistake and she talked to the bishop and things straightened out, I assume...so if she's past it I wouldn't see why to dwell on it...but its a fact that it did happen, and that may hurt, but she's human and is entitled to making mistakes.

Just to update the people of this thread...my girlfriend and I did break-up this week, and it is for the best. We argued way too much, and didn't understand eachother. We're still friends, so I'm glad that things worked out for us...it'll be interesting how things turn out when I return from my mission.

[Hemidakota]

Hey, this is kind of a loaded issue...if I can even call it an issue. I have a dear girlfriend whom I love, and I am leaving on my mission in less than 2 months. I know that she will wait for me...we have been dating for about 1 and a half years. We love eachother...but I dont really think that we have much in common and neither does she...and she gets upset with me a lot over so many little things.

She has gone through a lot emotionally, and I want to always be there for her. Her family moved away to Kentucky, but she wanted to stay here to finish high school and keep her scholarship, and her parents asked if she could stay with my family, so she's also been living under the same roof as me for a couple of months...which proabably wouldn't be recommendable, but she is paying rent and we have rules that we have to follow when were both in the house. I know what relationships need to work right...you need proper communication, and when she's upset she doesn't communicate...its always the silent treatment which gets us nowhere. No communication leads to no understanding. My patience has been tried very much, and I hoped that perhaps I would grow from this...but I always have President Hinckley's voice in my head saying that in the over 60 years that he was married to his wife, he does not recall ever quarreling with her. We're very happy a lot of the time, we like to joke around and have fun and we just enjoy being in eachother's company, I'm just afraid if there's no substance, and there's already quarrelling...how far will it go...or are we just leading ourselves on?

We have the church in common, and we love being together, have shared a LOT of nice experiences together, both love eachother...that's pretty much what we have in common...

I know that she loves me so much...in her mind there is no one else in the world for her but me...I'm just afraid I guess...because I know that I love her, but I want our relationship to have more substance. I dont think that if you love someone that you get upset with them over every little thing. I look for reasons to NOT get upset with her, and for her it seems to be the other way around. She just confuses me because she's very fragile and very emotional...I know what's inside of her but a lot of times she doesn't show it.

When I get married, I want to be happy for eternity...I dont want quarreling...if there's no substance, the relationship will be very unstable. So yeah any suggestions????

I pretty much just vomitted my thoughts out onto the computer, sorry for rambling.

Elder, does it matter? Do not allow to fester your thoughts while serving the Master. If she is the one for you, she will wait or the Lord will make it happen.

[Hemidakota]

I am late to the party but hope that someone will read this and help me out. I married a girl who waited for me while I was on my mission. She was the girl of my dreams. We recently relocated and in the process of unpacking I found an old journal of hers. My first mistake was reading it. What she was before and after had little to do with what she was while I was gone. She had to see bishops on several occasions during those two years and she just about married the in the more serious relationship. When I saw that I felt like I had been sucker-punched. We have been married for a few years and have had good and bad as any relationship but now I am hurting. Had I known this before we married, well, I don't know what might have turned out. I know I should forgive and forget but the fact that she was someone else for someone else is destroying me. Someone help, please...

Why did you open her journal? That was the mistake.

[desert_fox]

Man...I dont know what to say really...it probably was a bad idea to read her journal, but you can't undo that now. She realized what she did was a mistake and she talked to the bishop and things straightened out, I assume...so if she's past it I wouldn't see why to dwell on it...but its a fact that it did happen, and that may hurt, but she's human and is entitled to making mistakes.

Just to update the people of this thread...my girlfriend and I did break-up this week, and it is for the best. We argued way too much, and didn't understand eachother. We're still friends, so I'm glad that things worked out for us...it'll be interesting how things turn out when I return from my mission.

I hope things work out for both of you. You mentioned having nothing in common with her and also the fact that you argue often...I found myself asking "what's the point? :huh:" I wouldn't want to be with someone that I couldn't relate to on more than just a few levels.

Also, as others have said, your outlook on life may be completely different when you are done with your mission. Just trust in the Lord, and things will work out fine in the end...

[Nekat_Eman]

My wife waited for me while I was gone. She went on her first date with a new boyfriend the weekend after I left (I found this out after we were married). In hindsight I wish I we would have broken things off a few weeks ahead, not made a commitment, and seen if our paths converged again. It would have made my experience as a missionary less fraught with worry and hurt. You cannot have a relationship with the people and the Lord and still try to maintain a relationshop at home. It's not that she waited that was the issue, I just we we had never made a commitment.

[eternalpromise516]

jar,

it sounds like you've made a very wise decision. good luck with everything :)

[ElderJAR]

well, if I did, it's one of my rare moments, haha, but thank you :)

[eternalpromise516]

lol, i really meant what i said. this is coming from a person who used to act somewhat like her. i finally realized one day how miserable it made people i was close to and how stupid it was....and i stopped. i still go through brief moments of that, but it's much more under control. i think your mission will give her more than ample time to reflect on things and hopefully change herself for the better :)

did you say where you got called to?

[ElderJAR]

Thank you so much for the complement. I am actually headed over to Oakland, California...where the homosexual people are protesting against the church...hah, so it'll be a fun time :)

[ElderJAR]

My heart is beginning to hurt...I miss being with my GF...it didn't hurt like this at first. Any advice? I think that I'd be pretty dumb to get back together just for me to leave soon. I'm going to have to live by faith I guess...I cant look into the future, which is probably why I keep trying to hold on to the past. I bet Heavenly Father knows something that I dont that's great about my future...he loves me...and I guess I'll have to live by faith. "and the just shall live by faith"...I guess no one said it would be easy.

[desert_fox]

My heart is beginning to hurt...I miss being with my GF...it didn't hurt like this at first. Any advice? I think that I'd be pretty dumb to get back together just for me to leave soon. I'm going to have to live by faith I guess...I cant look into the future, which is probably why I keep trying to hold on to the past. I bet Heavenly Father knows something that I dont that's great about my future...he loves me...and I guess I'll have to live by faith. "and the just shall live by faith"...I guess no one said it would be easy.

That's exactly it. The Lord knows what's best for you, and remember that you can always turn to Him and the scriptures when you are having a hard time...

[Hemidakota]

I noticed when I allow something to fester more than a second; it is a 'foot hold' at that point and is hard to shake loose. Same goes when you begin to think about her, just replace those thoughts with gratitude to your Savior and GOD at the moment when those thoughts come. Yes! It is hard and by knows means, I am any further along in perfection than most but I do strive. Controlling thoughts, it is something I have come to grip in my latter age; we must never allow any thought to fester but to keep moving forward with progression. Now, if I can go back and replace those lost years, this would be great!

Now, the greatest blessing to receive in this life ElderJar, if you keep the faith, focus, live and practice what is taught, and allow the will of the FATHER be centric in your life, I promise you, those faith level experiences will eventually be replace with first-hand knowledge from the Godhead. This is the goal we should strive as Joseph Smith try to teach the early members of the church.

[eternalpromise516]

elderJAR, how are things going now?

[ElderJAR]

things are good. We're still not together, and it's kind of pointless im my mind since I'm leaving in like 2 weeks, plus it would just bring me more drama. We're still friends tho, like we went out for lunch and skipped some stones in the lake at the park, but like it said in my letter when I got my mission call, I have to leave all of my "personal affairs" behind. I baptized someone yesterday...it was my 1st time, and it was in spanish...and she had a really long weird name...and the water was kind of cold, but it was great, it only took one try, I was so happy for her.

[eternalpromise516]

that's awesome that things are going so well :) and congrats on your first baptism! good luck while you're gone, we'll miss you here!

[bert10]

ElderJAR;274015....Hi.

The problems with relationships can all be attributed to 'Conditional Love'. You are going on a mission and if you have not "Unconditional Love" what shall become of your mission?

You are afraid...this sounds familiar and with fear is also torment. First let me put this verse down. Read it slowly as many times as it is required until it is absorbed into your heart and mind.

1 John 4:18 - There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

Once you leave behind Conditional Love which is also called darkness and move into "Unconditional Love." You will be less affected by what your girlfriend does. In fact this love passes on knowledge. It will free you from even the world.

This love is not dependent on what your girlfriend does nor how many things you have in common with her. It is given to her simply because; as your girl friend it is her right for her to receive it.

With this love... You will be patient, nor shall you bring pressure or force upon to do according to what you think is right. In this type of Love you will accept her just as she is ...warts and all.

Learning to "Love Unconditionally" and to give it out is what gets it flowing into your heart. It is limitless...the more you give the more the Lord will replenish your heart with it. Until eventually you will learn that true happiness and joy comes from the Kingdom of GOD and the Kingdom of GOD we are taught in the NT is "Within".

Once you learn how this works...teach it to your girlfriend. There is no greater power in heaven or on the earth. For it is written that Charity [Pure love of Christ/Unconditional Love] is greater than faith and hope.

For example....This type of Love can in a very short while.... bind two perfect strangers with nothing in common into the happiest of earthly marriages.

Romans 8:35 - Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? [shall] tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

John 17:26 - And I have declared unto them thy name, and will declare it: that the love wherewith thou hast loved me may be in them, and I in them.

I hope this helps...With unconditional love you shall learn that true happiness and joy comes from within. It shall make you free and banish fears.

Now if you and your girlfriend learn to praise and thank God for each blessings and bumps in the road you will begin to overcome all things.

For example...If a spouse use the silent treatment anger comes into it, and it is used to show displeasure of our spouse and is for controlling or punishing. Yet this shall not affect "Unconditional Love" of the Spouse who has it. And the happiness and joy of a person who has "Unconditional Love" is not diminished by the silent treatment. And if a person has "Unconditional Love" he does not get angry neither will he do any type of retaliation except to give more Love..... so the circle is broken. It is hard to fight when the other person will not cooperate or fall for it.

To help fight this...say "Thank you Lord for permitting my girl friend/wife/husband for giving me the silent treatment." - "I know this somehow will turn to my good." Do it as often as it is required. It will prevent your mind from focusing on the negative aspect [evil] and praise and thanking does transform it into a positive. For if one's eye is centered on darkness then our soul shall be filled with darkness.

There is also no harm in expressing to the Lord the desire of one's heart first and then proceeding to praise and Thank GOD being meek and humble which mean...that we will wait and accept the decision of the Lord.

As I have often said...prayers with power are answered. However the outcome that we wish may not be the Lord Highest will for us. The law states that it is done unto according to our faith. And if we pray and receive an imperfect solution it will be to our hurt later on. Solving our problems by prayers according to what we think is good..according to our wisdom we may be creating two or three very serious problems down the road.

Peace be unto you

bert10

Hey, this is kind of a loaded issue...if I can even call it an issue. I have a dear girlfriend whom I love, and I am leaving on my mission in less than 2 months. I know that she will wait for me...we have been dating for about 1 and a half years. We love eachother...but I dont really think that we have much in common and neither does she...and she gets upset with me a lot over so many little things.

She has gone through a lot emotionally, and I want to always be there for her. Her family moved away to Kentucky, but she wanted to stay here to finish high school and keep her scholarship, and her parents asked if she could stay with my family, so she's also been living under the same roof as me for a couple of months...which proabably wouldn't be recommendable, but she is paying rent and we have rules that we have to follow when were both in the house. I know what relationships need to work right...you need proper communication, and when she's upset she doesn't communicate...its always the silent treatment which gets us nowhere. No communication leads to no understanding. My patience has been tried very much, and I hoped that perhaps I would grow from this...but I always have President Hinckley's voice in my head saying that in the over 60 years that he was married to his wife, he does not recall ever quarreling with her. We're very happy a lot of the time, we like to joke around and have fun and we just enjoy being in eachother's company, I'm just afraid if there's no substance, and there's already quarrelling...how far will it go...or are we just leading ourselves on?

We have the church in common, and we love being together, have shared a LOT of nice experiences together, both love eachother...that's pretty much what we have in common...

I know that she loves me so much...in her mind there is no one else in the world for her but me...I'm just afraid I guess...because I know that I love her, but I want our relationship to have more substance. I dont think that if you love someone that you get upset with them over every little thing. I look for reasons to NOT get upset with her, and for her it seems to be the other way around. She just confuses me because she's very fragile and very emotional...I know what's inside of her but a lot of times she doesn't show it.

When I get married, I want to be happy for eternity...I dont want quarreling...if there's no substance, the relationship will be very unstable. So yeah any suggestions????

I pretty much just vomitted my thoughts out onto the computer, sorry for rambling.

Edited November 28, 2008 by bert10