I have a dilemma / not for weak stomachs

[Losttribe04]

I would just like to start by saying this topic is not for the squeamish. It’s nothing dirty or vulgar it has to do with my job as a firefighter and a little girl. If your stomach can’t handle it there is no shame in knowing your limits and turning back to the main board.

In the past 3 months I have had to do CPR and use a defibrillator like 6 times. Each time the patient died. I will explain the last call chronologically to spare you the trouble of having to put the story together.

On a Friday afternoon a little girl decided to have a sleep over at her house for her birthday. She was turning seven. I would imagine when the sugar crash hit they decided to go to bed some time around 9:00pm.

At 11:30pm this little girl got out of bed and went to the kitchen for a drink. To get to the kitchen she walked all the way down the hall where the bedrooms are through the entryway / living room and collapsed.

At around 1:58am, Saturday morning one of the party guests went to look for the birthday girl and found her. She told the mommy and daddy that live there and they called 911 after going to investigate.

I arrived on scene around 2:06am with a firefighter who is also a paramedic. (If you are wondering why the fire department was dispatched is because most of my county is made up of volunteer ambulance squads that may take up to 30 minutes to respond based on availability of manpower. So when there is an advanced life support issues all the kings horses and all the kings men are sent.)

We followed the Sheriff’s deputy in he went for the parents we went for the child.

To spare you the details she now lives with G-d.

Eventually several members of my department made it to the scene, they are all depressed over the issue.

Here is my dilemma it bothers me that it doesn’t bother me. When I am in situations like that I just do what I got to do. It almost feels like I am in a TV show and every thing will be fine again in 30 minutes.

Is this disassociation ok? Should I feel more then I do?

LT

[BenRaines]

LT, my mom was 66 when she died of cancer after being sick for six weeks. I think of her from time to time. At a wedding, birth of a new grandchild, her great grandchildren, etc. I remember her on her birthday and special days like Mother's Day.

I don't go around with a long face, let everyone know how much she is missed every time I talk to other family members. The comfort that the gospel gives me makes it so that I look forward to the day we will be reunited. I believe with all my heart that she is with her brother, mother and father whom she loves very much.

I think that emergency professionals have to put away their feelings often, I was a police officer for ten years. Some very gory auto crashes. Fatalities, self inflicted gunshot wounds, etc. We had a job to do and that is what needed to be done.

Good luck. It is not an easy job.

Ben Raines

[checkerboy]

I am glad that you don't feel more then you do. Because it takes someone that can be cool and collected to handle these situations. I would probably fall to pieces and be of no help whatsoever. So yeah it may be disconcerting but I commend you for being able to do it.

[Elgama]

I think the emergency service needs more like you my uncle was a police officer and amongst many cases he was involved in the Moors Murders, a man and woman that kidnapped and tortured at least 5 children between the ages of 10 and 17 - it was part of his job to listen to the tapes they made.

Did it effect him am sure it did but to him it was part of his job, he was a good man but of the ilk he avoided the emotions of a situation it was he needed to do to do a job that somebody has to do. It extended to him not being able to stay with his wife whilst she was dying however he had also been a good husband and they had. had fun together

-Charley

[NeuroTypical]

Here is my dilemma it bothers me that it doesn’t bother me. When I am in situations like that I just do what I got to do. It almost feels like I am in a TV show and every thing will be fine again in 30 minutes.

Is this disassociation ok? Should I feel more then I do?

People react in different ways to incredibly horrible situations like the one you describe. It is not abnormal to spend some time 'numbbed' (for lack of a better word). You are not crazy, and you are not a monster.

My own unprofessional opinion, is that when the brain encounteres something so horrible, sometimes it doesn't really have any way to make the realities "fit" into the normal memory process and feeling process. Sometimes it bounces around and causes PTSD-like problems (waking nightmares and such), sometimes it just floats around and doesn't touch anything for a while.

Now - I know that in the military, our soldiers and airmen basically are ordered into a counseling session after every time they experience combat - whether they want to do it or not. I would really suggest you sit down with a licenses, professional therapist (a clinical social worker, or psycologist - not really a full-fledged psychyatrist shrink person). This is me following the Golden Rule here. If I experienced something like you did, I would force myself to have a session or two, no matter how 'well' I was dealing with it.

God bless you! Keep us updated.

LM

[Guest GhostRider]

as a former EMT FF i know what u are going through. ben is correct. As EMS we get to se the downside of humanity. Have seen some really bad stuff. But you are right. you have to do what you have to do. For me the grieving came later. A word of adivice. In ohio we had a team of ppl called the Blue Bonnets. they would come and talk to you about issues like this one. Ask your superious if you do. They are there to help you. I have had to call them one or twice. As LM said..you will be glad you did.

[hordak]

Being able to unplug from your emotions is one of the most important aspects in any emergency especially if it's your job.

[Guest tomk]

I don't know how you do what you do ... but I am grateful you can stomach it. Somebody needs to do it ... I just don't know if it could be me. I think it would really really get to me after a while.

Thanks for admitting it bothers you. I think it should, and I think it would bother anyone after a while. Maybe you can see a psychologist and talk about it ... get it out and perhaps get some ideas on how to deal with things like this.

I hope coming here and talking about has helped. I have found that talking about my problems has really helped me to heal. It's very therapeutic.

The worst thing you could do is bottle it.

Also remember all the lives you DO save. Mother and Fathers have their daughters and sons BECAUSE of your courage! You can't save everyone.

Heavenly Father needs to call his sons and daughters back home to Him in some fashion. One day we'll be healed from our hurts ... we just don't have the full picture right now.

Good luck.

[georgia2]

also knowing the Gospel and that each of these people are in a much better place and don't want to come back any way.

[Truegrits]

I worked a busy trauma E.R.; you see some of the most horrible things, right after they have happened, that to be effective at your job, you have to put your emotions aside. That does not mean I did not feel; I just had to put the feelings aside, so I could concentrate on the job of helping the patient.

Some would say that they became immune to the horror, the death; that was the only way they could cope with it, day after day, and continue to do it.

I coped by knowing that I was doing all that I could, in any given situation; rejoicing in the "good" outcomes and not dwelling on the losses. It is the ones that you have helped, the successes, that keep you doing the job.

And, hopefully, there are more happy endings, than not.

[Aloren]

I think it shows that you are a feeling, caring and dedicated person for even pondering upon whether you have an issue or not. I can also distance myself from feelings easily and it is part of the reason i am choosing to continue in law enforcement as a police officer. (I was a correctional officer before)

[Wingnut]

Being able to unplug from your emotions is one of the most important aspects in any emergency especially if it's your job.

I definitely agree with this statement. When you became a firefighter, you must have known that you would encounter such situations. You probably were already of the temperament to be able to compartmentalize things, and possibly took some preparatory time on a personal level for the things you wouldn't deal with as well. I imagine that after many consecutive incidents, you'll have a crash down moment at some point, but I could be wrong.

[RainofGold]

Thank goodness for people like you.

I freak out in emergency situations and don't know what to do. One time my daughter was choking on a hard candy and I panicked, fortunately my sister was there, she did the stomach thing and she spit the candy out. My first reaction is always to call 911, but sometimes you have to act at the moment because if you wait for the paramedics to arrive it might be too late.

I am thankful that there are people that are trained to stay calm and take control of the situation.

Take care of yourself,

Rain

[livy111us]

I work as a full-time Firefighter as well as a part-time Firefighter at another station, and know what you are talking about. To tell you the truth, I think it is a gift not to dwell on bad situations. Some of them can haunt you. But one thing that I've learned is to separate FF life with home life. What you are doing, in my opinion, is the way it should be done. We need to keep our cool on scene, learn what we need to from the situation, and then forget about it. Otherwise, it can eat you up.

Also, when I see some bad stuff, it doesn't bother me for a while, but eventually catches up with me. If you have a wife, you need to talk about it, or be debriefed at work. Just don't keep it in.