Dealing with guilt

[myway]

HI,

As most of you know I am in the process of investigating the Church. An issue has come up that I am having a real hard time with. In the past I have committed horrible sins. Many from childhood thru my younger adult years. I did not worry to much about it back then. I hardly believed in God then.

Now I am older, 45 now. Looking back thru my life I am repulsed by who and what I used to be. I am not perfect now, that is not what I am saying. But in the past I have been a horrid wretched man, vile. A big problem was sexual sin. I don't want to go to heavy into it, but it was so wrong. Now I look back and I feel such guilt and remorse. I have prayed and asked God to forgive me for my sins. I have asked him to help me deal with the guilt of it.

I have a problem with the guilt of it all. It seems to haunt me at every turn. Popping into my head. Can anyone relate to this? How do you handle it? It is really affecting me.

Thanks

[melissar]

I did not live very righteously before joining the Church. I too felt guilty for things I had done. However, once you enter the waters of baptism, with a contrite spirit, those sins are washed away and Heavenly Father remembers them no more.

[Misshalfway]

Dealing with guilt. I think that title of your post is a really powerful statement.

Dealing with guilt is different than suffering with guilt or marinating in guilt or running away from guilt. It sounds like to me that you are suffering with it rather than truly dealing with it. Dealing means that we do what it takes to lay it down and learning to let it go. We listen to it objectively and take from it what we need to learn, but then we let it go after it has served its purpose. Anything beyond that is unnecessary.

I wonder if shame isn't a huge barrier to you letting go of the guilt because you still feel that somehow what you did was too horrible or perhaps that you don't deserve anything more than punishment. It might help to look at how you are thinking about your past and how harshly you are evaluating yourself with regards to your mistakes. And then if you are being ruthless with yourself, change your thought deliberately to something more kind and compassionate. Repeatedly apply understanding and empathy to the emotions or pain that may have been driving your destructive behavior. Allow yourself to see the person behind the mistakes and love the person as Christ is, right this moment, loving you. Look at what that boy ( your young self) was going through. Was he angry or scared or did someone hurt him? Was there injustice or violation that needs to be heard and validated? Was he alone or abandoned? Did he need a friend? Maybe going back and rewriting your conclusions about your self and the landscape of your experience and giving yourself the kindness you didn't get back then, might help you see things in more balance and then move to a place where you can love instead of condemning your old self. And then you can move forward as you learn more about what it really means to love and what it really means to forgive. It will become less about what you "do" and more about who you really are -- someone worthy of love and mercy and liberation.

You are absolutely no different that any of the rest of us. Remember that all of us need the Savior. I sure do. And Christ loves you independent of what you have done. His only aim is to bring you home. He isn't interested in the kind of torturous condemnation that Satan uses against us and that we sometimes apply to ourselves. Remember that part of being changed by Christ means that we become more loving. The more loving ( merciful, kind, long suffering....in short charitible) we are with ourselves, the more we will be that for others and the more used we will be by the Lord in bringing souls to Him.

It may also help to make extra steps of restitution. If you harmed people, it might (and I emphasize might) be appropriate for you to write letters of apology. It may be a powerful thing even if you never send them. Maybe you could even write a letter to your old self.

It is time to rest. Give yourself permission to finally deal with the past once and for all. Do what you need to do to come to terms with it, and then let it go. Living life is about living in the "now" anyway. And the person you are now, is so much more important than the person you were.

Much love and hope to you, my friend, as you learn more about what mercy and forgiveness and love are really all about.

[Guest tomk]

The guilt and shame are not coming from God. You are obviously repentant, as far as I can tell.

The peace, the "rest" that you seek comes only from Jesus Christ.

Something I have begun doing is writing to the Lord in my journal. And I mean exactly that -- writing to the Lord. And writing what I feel from the Lord as well.

Perhaps that sounds like a simple thing, but it isn't. Anyone who has tried it knows of what I speak. You wonder if you aren't making it all up. But over time, as you grow in the gift, you discover that the Lord is willing to talk to us. Is that not what the feelings we feel from the Holy Ghost are all about? Are they not the words of Christ?

This journal writing practice is what I would encourage you to do. In time you will discover that the Lord is not interested in condemning you, only in helping you and healing you and being your source of comfort and strength. His love is astounding.

[HoosierGuy]

Myway, during the Atonement Jesus took not only your sins upon him but also your guilt and bad feelings. Your sins made his suffering significantly greater. Your guilt made his suffering significantly greater. He did this for you because He loves you. The drops of blood that came out of him in the Garden, you will find your name in that blood. Your Savior, Brother and Friend has taken care of your sins and feelings of guilt. Now it is up to you to repent and give those sins and feelings up. Don't let them burden you after you truly repent.

[Islander]

You should seek diligently to obtain a testimony of the Savior and the restoration. If you gain a testimony of the Atonement then you will realize that baptism is the ONLY way by which you can be cleansed and forgiven of ALL your sins.

I will not trouble you with my history. Suffice to say that on September 15th 1998, the day of my baptism, I felt clean of the sin and blood in my hands. I had a dream that changed my life and the shadows at nightfall have not bothered me since. If the Savior, the Healer and Master pronounces you clean you shall be clean indeed. He will look upon your sins no more and you should not either.

[Starfish]

HI,

As most of you know I am in the process of investigating the Church. An issue has come up that I am having a real hard time with. In the past I have committed horrible sins. Many from childhood thru my younger adult years. I did not worry to much about it back then. I hardly believed in God then.

Now I am older, 45 now. Looking back thru my life I am repulsed by who and what I used to be. I am not perfect now, that is not what I am saying. But in the past I have been a horrid wretched man, vile. A big problem was sexual sin. I don't want to go to heavy into it, but it was so wrong. Now I look back and I feel such guilt and remorse. I have prayed and asked God to forgive me for my sins. I have asked him to help me deal with the guilt of it.

I have a problem with the guilt of it all. It seems to haunt me at every turn. Popping into my head. Can anyone relate to this? How do you handle it? It is really affecting me.

Thanks

Oh Myway, the answer is two words: The Atonement. Christ has taken your sins upon Himself and payed for them. Through repentence, this great gift is yours. Focus your study on the Atonement. Pray to understand it. It is the answer to your unhappiness.

[tree]

the fact that you feel guilt is an awesome sign of true repentance. now just keep praying for the peace that true repentance and forgivness gives. seek HEAVENLY FATHER with all your heart and what he expects of each of his children, read the Bible and the book of MORMON . seek GODS face because your life depends on it as well as your families lives! satan will try to hit you with feelings of guilt and unworthiness, tell him to take a hike!! your changing for the better and blessed life of CHRIST and while we are not perfect we are striving , and growing and the closer we get to GOD, the more power we have to protect us from sin, satan, and the desires of the carnal world. so pray, get you your scriptures and POWER UP!! p.s. i was in your same boat before as well as others, some may have sinned less , some more. but sin is sin GIVE IT TO GOD AND FORSAKE IT!! aim high my brother!!

[bytor2112]

HI,

As most of you know I am in the process of investigating the Church. An issue has come up that I am having a real hard time with. In the past I have committed horrible sins. Many from childhood thru my younger adult years. I did not worry to much about it back then. I hardly believed in God then.

Now I am older, 45 now. Looking back thru my life I am repulsed by who and what I used to be. I am not perfect now, that is not what I am saying. But in the past I have been a horrid wretched man, vile. A big problem was sexual sin. I don't want to go to heavy into it, but it was so wrong. Now I look back and I feel such guilt and remorse. I have prayed and asked God to forgive me for my sins. I have asked him to help me deal with the guilt of it.

I have a problem with the guilt of it all. It seems to haunt me at every turn. Popping into my head. Can anyone relate to this? How do you handle it? It is really affecting me.

Thanks

I too suffered from a great deal of guilt and some self loathing.......I had 21 years of serious sins to repent for and with the help of my Bishop and Stake President, all was made right. I dredge it up from time to time.....but I know it is the adversary, he wants me back and making me continue to feel bad is at least a way to keep me miserable like he is.......he wants you to my friend....don't give him the satisfaction!

From Isaiah:

18 Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

From Alma:

16 And now, for three days and for three nights was I racked, even with the pains of a damned soul.

17 And it came to pass that as I was thus aracked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.

18 Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.

19 And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.

20 And oh, what ajoy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!

21 Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.

Edited November 9, 2008 by bytor2112

[skalenfehl]

A man by the name of Alma in the Book of Mormon was sharing his conversion story with his son Helaman and he related the power of the atonement in his life.

Alma 36:12-31

12 But I was racked with eternal torment, for my soul was harrowed up to the greatest degree and racked with all my sins.

13 Yea, I did remember all my sins and iniquities, for which I was tormented with the pains of hell; yea, I saw that I had rebelled against my God, and that I had not kept his holy commandments.

14 Yea, and I had murdered many of his children, or rather led them away unto destruction; yea, and in fine so great had been my iniquities, that the very thought of coming into the presence of my God did rack my soul with inexpressible horror.

15 Oh, thought I, that I could be banished and become extinct both soul and body, that I might not be brought to stand in the presence of my God, to be judged of my deeds.

16 And now, for three days and for three nights was I racked, even with the pains of a damned soul.

17 And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.

18 Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.

19 And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.

20 And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!

21 Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.

Guilt is a built in mechanism that causes us godly sorrow, but is also the catalyst for the repentance process, the most wonderful principle of forgiveness. Christ knew that we were going to sin. He knew that some of us would do horrible things and feel equally horrible for them. He allowed his blood to be shed to take upon Himself our pain, our remorse, and all our guilt so that He could free us from the bondage of our own bitter cups. It is when we acknowledge him as Alma did, and receive Him into our hearts and stake a claim on His atoning power that we can be released from the burden of guilt.

Alma 5 is an excellent chapter to read, if you can get through it while reflecting on your life, and with it's poignant principles we can feel the joys of forgiveness as Alma the High Priest relates:

Alma 5:14,26

14 And now behold, I ask of you, my brethren of the church, have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts?

26 And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?

This comes when you unload your burden and you will have this chance as your testimony grows and you are ready to take Christ's name upon you in the waters of baptism. You will have the opportunity to speak with an authority of the church who has the keys to interview you and prepare you for waters of baptism and your new life in Christ. It is the most sweet feeling to be blessed with the sanctifying gift of the Holy Ghost, that baptism of fire.

Best wishes.

[Palerider]

the Apostle Peter was told by the Savior that he would deny him 3 times and peter said....you know me...I couold never do that....well we all know that he did deny Christ. What I am getting at is...he to had to Repent for that and was forgiven.