happy medium

[Vanilla]

Jennifer, I hope you haven't been put off by the comments here. From what I saw it seems you are a beautiful girl. But what some people don't realize is that men, especially young, less mature men, want to possess beautiful things, not because they love the beautiful thing, but so they can go tell all their friends how well they did. It's a game of conquest for some of them. They don't really care about you, they just want to be able to tell others that they had you. Unfortunately, when girls show a little more skin than others, then it sends sumbiminal signals to the boys that those girls actually want to be conquered, that they are easy and have low standards. I'm not saying you actually are that way, but sometimes it is easy to inadvertently give off signals that you don't mean to give off.

I admire you in the fact that you have drawn a line that you won't allow others to cross. I encourage you to continue doing that. But I also think your struggles help remind all of us to remember what kinds of signals we are sending to others in the way we act and dress in public. If I don't want to be taken as a slob, then I should probably not wear greasy, ratty old t-shirts that don't fit anymore and jeans that ride low and show my plumber's crack. If I want to look like a professional businessman, then I should buy clothes that look like a respectable businessman would wear.

Well said John, well said!

Touche. I appricate everyone's comments and patience with me. I have changed my picture and I encourage everyone to check it out. I guess I'm concieted in the sense that I wouldn't have ever thought it was my fault...but I'm begining to realize that if I want respect then I better start demanding it in more then just words, but also how I dress and present myself!

I've only lived in the world for seventeen years and in those seventeen years i've managed to not only be in the world, but of the world and fall into the worldly ways that have effected me and will continue to effect me and my outlook on love and realationships, and I sincerely apologize for the negitivity that I may have put off in my thread.

I honeslty and truely appriciate all your patience and look to you all as examples and good role-models as I look past this tackle and pressforward and charge into the next inning.

Thank you!

Jennifer

Great picture Jennifer! Hang in there! As Siouxz said, there are a lot of fun girls your age here. And now that you have put all of us on notice that you are looking to us as good role models, the rest of us older girls will try to remember that, however, forgive us if we slp and forget, because forgetting is what happens when you get old, right Pam? :-)

Edited January 13, 2009 by Vanilla

[Moksha]

Not to worry Jennifer, those teenage boys will have all mellowed out by the time they are seventy.

[sensibility]

I missed the picture (and because I missed it, I couldn't make the least bit of sense of Gwen's post until I read on. I must've read it three or four times), but it's definitely a valid point. Most communication is non-verbal, and meticulous modesty is a very clear signal that our bodies are not public domain. Immodest dress, on the other hand, shows that you don't mind if they look, so you might not mind if they touch, either.

And, ironically, the sorts of boys you're (rightfully!) looking for will be put off by immodest dress. Again, most comminication is non-verbal. Boys with high standards look for the girls who seem most likely to share their standards. Modesty is one of the things that demonstrates that, and arguably the most visible demonstration.

I like your new picture. :)

Edited January 13, 2009 by sensibility
typo

[Wingnut]

Jennifer, I hope you haven't been put off by the comments here. From what I saw it seems you are a beautiful girl. But what some people don't realize is that men, especially young, less mature men, want to possess beautiful things, not because they love the beautiful thing, but so they can go tell all their friends how well they did. It's a game of conquest for some of them. They don't really care about you, they just want to be able to tell others that they had you. Unfortunately, when girls show a little more skin than others, then it sends sumbiminal signals to the boys that those girls actually want to be conquered, that they are easy and have low standards. I'm not saying you actually are that way, but sometimes it is easy to inadvertently give off signals that you don't mean to give off.

I admire you in the fact that you have drawn a line that you won't allow others to cross. I encourage you to continue doing that. But I also think your struggles help remind all of us to remember what kinds of signals we are sending to others in the way we act and dress in public. If I don't want to be taken as a slob, then I should probably not wear greasy, ratty old t-shirts that don't fit anymore and jeans that ride low and show my plumber's crack. If I want to look like a professional businessman, then I should buy clothes that look like a respectable businessman would wear.

I couldn't have (and didn't) say it better. Thank you so much for taking the guy's point of view on this, JD. It's great to hear it, and to have it spelled out that way.

[rameumptom]

Rame? You really need to take things a little less personally. Pam was being funny, that's it.

I realized that. And I was attempting to be funny back.

[rameumptom]

In an evolutionary sense, our brains are made up of three parts for emotions: the stem, amygdala, and the neocortex. The brain stem is known for our reptilian, basic instincts of fight or flight. The Amygdala stores emotional memories (which is why you can never forget your emotional past, good or bad). The neocortex is where we have control, in which we can make decisions to bridle our passions so that we may be filled with Christ-like love.

With most teens, and especially the boys, the neocortex does not fully develop until in their early to mid twenties. This explains why they do not think before doing - they tend to follow their instincts: ready, shoot, aim! So, Jennifer, the reality is, you are going to be dating a bunch of Neanderthals for a few years. Once they are done with their missions, many of them have a fully functioning (or nearly functioning) neocortex, and can manage things better. Others, though, do not develop their frontal lobes and so the reptilian emotions (particularly fear and animal lust) of the brain stem seem to lead them around.

Patience is required. Ask your friends which boys are more mature and righteous. Then still keep a wary eye out, because many people are double-natured as they fight between the brain stem's desires and neocortex' higher guidance.

[Gwen]

I missed the picture (and because I missed it, I couldn't make the least bit of sense of Gwen's post until I read on. I must've read it three or four times),.....

I like your new picture. :)

don't you hate it when ppl do that? i've been confused more than once over long conversations or references and they make no since cause someone changed their pic.

jennifer, i like the new pic. i was very pleased to see your response. that kind of take on life and willingness to hear and consider the validity of another's point of view is a true sign of character. keep strong and maintain your integrity. between the two you'll be fine.