My wife just left...

[jay720]

I am about 6 months ahead of you on this roller coaster. I went to visit my mother last may for Mother's day and I took my son. It was my wife's idea. While I was there, my wife told me that she wanted me to stay there and she needed space...

I have four children and three of them were at home. My take on this was, if my wife wants to leave "the family" that was fine but it was her leaving us, not me leaving them. I flew home immediately just to find a male family friend living at my house. I reasserted my love for my wife and even though she was P***d that I came home things were okay for a time, a month later I came home one day and she had left, but she left the children.

I thought that I was going to die at first, I would have panic attacks and times when I would forget that she left me only to remember or wake up in the morning and feel horrible.

I realized eventually that I did not want to have my wife back, early in our marriage she committed adultery and I forgave her, however this time when she did the same thing, I couldn't do it. I still miss her, but I think that I miss "someone" in my life.

I know it is a cliche but "you will feel better in time". As others have said, use this time to develop your personal relationship with Heavenly Father. Pay attention to little details, set up a scripture reading schedule, fast weekly, force yourself to serve others somehow.

Acknowledge to yourself that you are somewhat the "walking wounded" and give yourself permission to feel hurt and sad and mad and any other feelings. Take it easy on your self.

Realize that the end of a marriage takes two. If your wife really does not want to continue the marriage there is not much you can or should do. You can not convince her nor should you try. IMHO

Talk to other male friends who are sympathetic to you and try some guys nights out.

God bless you.

[blusun7]

Be you!! Do things you like!! but dont put total blame yourself..

One thing that helps is reading the scriptures. Just remember that all problems will seem as a brief breeze..

[Hemidakota]

This past week my wife of almost 8 years made the decision to move out, and she moved out this past weekend. Like all couples, we have had our ups and our downs, but this past year has been really difficult. The emotional roller coaster I have been on, has been difficult to say the least, and I am sure it has been for her as well. What makes this most difficult is that we have an amazing little girl that is caught in the middle.

There's plenty of blame to go around, and I wouldn't even know where to start to explain that. The last 6 months have been especially tough, since we have been "separated" but have been living in the same house.

For the past year I have been asking my wife what I can do to fix things. She has been giving me the same answer - "give me space." The problem is that I just don't know how to accomodate. I have been going to Family Services and talking to a divorced relative, and they both tell me the same thing - give her space. All I manage to do is change my behavior to what I think she wants to see, and then I ask her if things are getting better. Obviously that action didn't work.

As a result I am now living alone in my empty house, trying to get through each day. I have trouble talking to my wife now, let alone see my wife now, because all I want to do is cry. I really feel like we had a great life, and now it seems like everything has been taken away.

I have moments where I feel like I should just let her go and move on. Then there are moments where I can't living my life without her in it every day. Every day is so difficult, and I just don't know what to do.

Is there anyone out there who has been through this? Is my wife gone for good? Any words of advice?

Two things, are your temple married or sealed? And have you spoken to your Bishop?

Next, what was the true cause of this breakup that is not being told here?

[Art_in_Heaven]

I'm very sad for you, but I have to say that the first time your wife told you "I need space", it was already over.

The whole needing space thing is a complete cop out. It's a cowards way of saying "I no longer need you". It's a phrase used to make you feel that you're at fault and to make you feel defensive and that it's you that needs to work on things. From what you say your wife let you dangle on a rope of blame for a year before doing what she should have done in the first place, LEFT!

It IS a cliche, but time does heal and life really is a lesson we have to learn, and sometimes it's a harsh one, believe me, I know just how harsh it can be.

It's obvious that you have friends here on this forum, and you have your church. Talk to people, you will be surprised how many of them are willing to listen.

[snowball]

Sorry about the pain this has caused you. I've been married for 38 years; unhappily for the last 20. I decided to stay because the children were still at home and thought that as soon as they were all on their own I could move on. I still haven't because of the guilt that others place on you for not hanging in there. It's quite the dilemma for me! Nevertheless, I'm sorry she didn't figure it all out before children came along.