Guest coping Posted February 12, 2009 Report Share Posted February 12, 2009 My husband and I have been married for 10 years. These 10 years haven't been easy as we have struggled with infertility. I am certain that most reading this would say, "just adopt!" I would love too, here is where I am having the hardest time. About eight years ago we started the process, didn't get far when the road blocks started to appear. At the time you needed $1000 to "go live" where your profile would be shown to birthmothers. I was willing and eager, however my husband was not, he was afraid that what "if" we couldn't come up with the other amount and "lose" the baby. I could not get him to budge on this. Needless to say that is where the adoption process ended. In a nut shell, I will blame myself till my dying day for not being able to conceive however, I blame my husband for not adopting. Yes he does know I feel this way. I am so scared because that feeling is beginning to fester and it angers me to no end. I don't know what I can do! I have lost all hope! All I have ever wanted was to be a mother and that is not going to happen! He is happy and content with things just how they are and I am so not. Please help, I simply don't know what to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted February 12, 2009 Report Share Posted February 12, 2009 I'm guessing that you've probably done extensive fertility testing. Have you ever used the Fertility Awareness Method? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest missingsomething Posted February 12, 2009 Report Share Posted February 12, 2009 I really dont think any of us are going to be able to fix this. Have you been to a doctor to discuss your prblems? Getting pregnant really isnt as easy as it seems... myself, it too 5 yrs to get pregnant. I have friends who have adopted and it is an expense. Have you gone through lds services? Have you considered being a foster parent? I believe however that this will fester if you feel unsatisfied and feel as though your partner is. You may want to go to the bishop and as uncalled for as some may think... get some counsel from him.. or should I say counseling. Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maureen Posted February 12, 2009 Report Share Posted February 12, 2009 At the time you needed $1000 to "go live" where your profile would be shown to birthmothers. I was willing and eager, however my husband was not, he was afraid that what "if" we couldn't come up with the other amount and "lose" the baby. I could not get him to budge on this. Needless to say that is where the adoption process ended.I'm not sure I understand but if this was the process 8 years ago, there's a good chance that that process may have changed. I would start looking into it again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest coping Posted February 12, 2009 Report Share Posted February 12, 2009 I am certain that things have changed. We had the money and I believed we could of received the rest if we needed to. I feel, that I am willing to give up all that we have to be able to be a parent I just don't feel that he could/would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winterstar Posted February 12, 2009 Report Share Posted February 12, 2009 I'm sorry you feel the way that you do. It's certainly not easy when you feel one way, and your spouse the other. Resentment does build up. I had a resentment problem, and even started to make little comments . I got to where I was getting migraines around the time I knew my husband would be home. I did lots of soul searching, praying and even scripture study. Study the scriptures. One that hit me was, I was coveting what I did not have. (In my case, a temple sealing, a husband that was more willing to help with baby duties.) I still have trouble, and I still somethings think the grass is greener in someone else's family. Pray. Even ask Heavenly Father for you to feel his love for your husband. That'll help. (I used this when I was starting to hate certain family members.) As well as, pray for peace on your not being able to conceive, and that so you don't hate yourself. Best wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted February 12, 2009 Report Share Posted February 12, 2009 On the one hand, yeah, you don't want to have a grudge festering--but there's still the question of why your husband stalled on the issue when he knew it was so important to you. The answer, of course, is none of my business--my point is that a bit of marriage counseling might be in order. Maybe a visit to your bishop would make a good starting point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest coping Posted February 12, 2009 Report Share Posted February 12, 2009 We have been inactive for over 2 years. In the last 4 monthes I have started to go back, due to my work schedule I can't always attend. My husband started a new schedule and he will be at work on Sundays the rest of the year. Not sure if going to the Bishop is even an option at this point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mightynancy Posted February 12, 2009 Report Share Posted February 12, 2009 Regular health insurance usually covers counseling. Also, one of you may have an EAP, or other employee assistance program that provides counseling on a sliding fee schedule or at no cost. When you're at odds over something this important, you need the intervention of a third party to help you come to a solution you both can embrace. Also, why would you blame yourself for being unable to conceive? Infertility is nobody's fault. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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