I'm In A Hole I Can't Get Out Of

[mark44]

30 years of age, earning 18,000 a year, never had a girlfriend, am gay, nobody knows, few male friends, go to a boring family ward where no other singles aged 25-35. want to marry, have a family, be able to support them

i hate this life, hate it. don't understand because i am such a conservative person. vote republican, voted for bush, oppose gay marriage, am very family values, and i love the gospel. have read book mormon like ever year, have read old testament repeatedly, and am really into all that. i went to see the passion by gibson like ten times.

not perfect. what am i doing wrong. have been drinking because i feel empty inside, and lonely. it's not like i lack social skills. served a fantastic mission in chile, was zone leader for 18 months, and i have two degrees, undergrad in physics and joint MBA/law degree.

what the f*&$ is going on. i get so angry. sometimes sit down to pray and end up flipping the bird with my finger up at god. then feel like i'm a son of perdition, but i know i'm not and that he probably really cares and maybe even laughs a bit at how stupid i am.

i told all the people in my ward that my wife is in chile and we are waiting for her visa to come here. it's all a big lie. but i don't what anybody wondering why i am this way. i think it's okay to lie to protect my reputation.

all these ###### lds girls here driving about and speeding in their volkswagon beetles. i hate them, all they want is sex.

and most of all i hate and detest liberals and gay activists. i hate them because i defend the church and vote for bush, and yet i know so many leftists and liberals who actually have families, wives with kids, and who have responsible well paid jobs, even here in utah. how can lds business people hire such scum and not me.

maybe it's time to move on to the next world.

[DisRuptive1]

Do you really want to get married or do you just want sex? In my opinion, you're not lonely, you're horny. If you had to choose would you choose to have someone to just hang out with or someone to only be physical with? If you know what you want, then you know what you'll need to do to achieve it.

[mark44]

Originally posted by DisRuptive1@Jan 22 2005, 02:41 PM

Do you really want to get married or do you just want sex?  In my opinion, you're not lonely, you're horny.  If you had to choose would you choose to have someone to just hang out with or someone to only be physical with?  If you know what you want, then you know what you'll need to do to achieve it.

i don't want sex. in fact, i want to marry a woman who's okay with maybe once a month. what i want is to love and be loved. how do you achieve that, how do all thse liberals even achieve it without fasting and faith in god ?

[DisRuptive1]

What woman wants to be with a guy who doesn't want sex? Gold diggers. 18,000 a month ain't gonna get you a woman. If you're really desperate try single mothers. They are always looking. That way you get a kid(s) who likes you too.

And most women don't dig guys who sulk about their lives. They dig guys who go out and a do something with their lives. If you want more money get another job. Work 2 jobs if you have to. Move up within your current company. USA women aren't really worth it. Look to other countries. That whole mail order bride thing ain't as bad as it used to be.

[mark44]

thanks for editing my post jenda and not throwing me off the site. i will keep my language religious and family oriented from now on. though i don' t think cussing is immoral really.

i don't tell women my salary. i usually lie about it, but then again, i shouldn't be trying to date women to whom money is a big factor when choosing a man, so i guess i may have my priorities wrong.

gosh i lie about everything. i tell some people i'm married, others i tell i have a fiance. i lie about my age, my income, everything. i have too so that i can fit into the mainstream image of a good latterday saint.

at the end of the day i have lied to almost everyone including my parents who live back in florida who think i've been dating the same girl for a year. they even know her name and mailed me a christmas gift to give to her!

what am i really? a 30 yr old loner who is gay and secretly drinks alcohol in private to forget this.

i hate gay people and liberal and democrats. i wish i could be in charge of a nazi style concentration camp, take them, strip them down, gas them, and then throw their bodies in to the ovens. oh well, jesus will do that at the last day, for "they shall be as stubble".

[mark44]

Originally posted by mark44@Jan 22 2005, 05:53 PM

thanks for editing my post jenda and not throwing me off the site. i will keep my language religious and family oriented from now on. though i don' t think cussing is immoral really.

i don't tell women my salary. i usually lie about it, but then again, i shouldn't be trying to date women to whom money is a big factor when choosing a man, so i guess i may have my priorities wrong.

gosh i lie about everything. i tell some people i'm married, others i tell i have a fiance. i lie about my age, my income, everything. i have too so that i can fit into the mainstream image of a good latterday saint.

at the end of the day i have lied to almost everyone including my parents who live back in florida who think i've been dating the same girl for a year. they even know her name and mailed me a christmas gift to give to her!

what am i really? a 30 yr old loner who is gay and secretly drinks alcohol in private to forget this.

i hate gay people and liberal and democrats. i wish i could be in charge of a nazi style concentration camp, take them, strip them down, gas them, and then throw their bodies in to the ovens. oh well, jesus will do that at the last day, for "they shall be as stubble".

i suppose that wasn't really a christlike thing to say. but when you think about it, malachi doesn't seem very christlike either if you take his words as they are.

i just blame these people for everything that is wrong with this world. if it wasn't for their pernicious influences then i don't think i would have grown up with faggot feelings. i felt those from the age of about 8 or 9 yrs old, actually, i can remember being attracted and feeling a buzz towards other guys, usually older male cousins, when i was about 6 or 7. how is that possible before the age of accountability?

gordon hinkly and the prophets have taught that feeling homo feelings is a choice. i know that thinking sexually about men is a choice, and homo behavior obviuosly is, but i control all that, but still feel the buzz around manly goodlooking guys, not those femmy skinny creatures you say walking about town, they just make me want to vomit or beat them up.

i don't understand all this. lds shrinks say that it's starts early when a kid, something to do with parents bonds with kids. yeh, so it's my parents fault. if it is, i hope so much they suffer in the spirit prison before being allowed to the lowest level of the lowest kingdom. as for me, i don't know if i even want outer darkness. sometimes i wish god would take the intelligence that formed my spirit and destroy it so that i am sentient no more. an end to being.

[Snow]

Mark,

The Church has professional counseling services (affordable) that I myself have access and I found them non-judgemental and helpful.

At one point not too long ago my life was in shambles, truly bad, about as bad as bad can get. My Bishop gave me this very sage advice:

"True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel." (Boyd K. Packer)

My life is now completely different.

Good luck.

[pushka]

Mark44...I feel so sorry for you...to me, you appear to be one of the casualties of the Lds teachings on homosexuality...I am so shocked however, at the anger in your posts against not only other gays, but at liberals/democrats...what makes you think that they made you what you are?

I disagree with Gordon Hinckley and the other prophets teachings re homosexual feelings...feelings just exist, sure you can try to alter your feelings, however the ones I would be trying to alter/eliminate in your case would be those in which you feel you want to be the leader of a Nazi concentration camp in which you would destroy all gays and liberals!!! I'm afraid that statement you made caused me to feel that you might be suffering from some severe mental illness...at the very least confusion caused by the teachings of your church.

You have so much hate in your post...hate for liberals, other gays, gay marriage, lds girls who you say want sex...why can you not accept the way you have been born? Is your faith in the LDS church so strong that you will not question their beliefs on homosexuality?

I feel that you think there is much pressure on you to conform within the church, settle down with a wife and have children. Many homosexual couples successfully bring up children too. I am sorry that you have lied about your situation regarding girlfriends/wives/fiances, this is so sad. It is also sad that you have used drink as an escape, although if you are depressed (which you sound) then alcohol will only enhance these feelings and anger.

Feel free to visit the Church Counsellors as recommended by Snow, however I would suggest that you also consult counsellors that are not attached to your church, where you can feel free to air any difficulties you have about the church and its stance on homosexuality...as you may not (subconsiously) agree with those teachings but just feel that you have to conform. The easiest way to deny that you have homosexual feelings is to say you hate all homosexuals...but you know that you are not telling the truth when you say this.

Please get help immediately and don't think about taking your life. I must add one more thing too...I do not think that being homosexual has anything to do with the bonding between you and your parents at an early age...this is such a negative message to give to those church members who are suffering from the conflict of their church beliefs and their homosexuality...I hope that the comment you made regarding sending them to the spirit prison and the lowest level was not really what you would like to happen to them.

[john doe]

Mark, you are living a lie. You will never be happy as long as you do that. Your story sounds similar to another Mark in the Salt Lake news scene recently. Do you happen to know him?

I also suggest you seek professional help before you do something really stupid.

[Setheus]

While your story is vastly different than my own I believe you might be in the same "test" that I was subjected to. What I mean is "choose whom ye will serve, God or mammon. " You can't serve both. Heavenly Father wants you to choose Him. Read the words of Christ. No matter what the topic, just read the New Testement and read the pariables and such where Christ Himself was speaking. You'll find a powerful comfort just reading the words uttered by the Savior.

I will remember u in my prayer and ask that u find peace.

[Cal]

Originally posted by DisRuptive1@Jan 22 2005, 03:56 PM

What woman wants to be with a guy who doesn't want sex?  Gold diggers.  18,000 a month ain't gonna get you a woman.  If you're really desperate try single mothers.  They are always looking.  That way you get a kid(s) who likes you too.

And most women don't dig guys who sulk about their lives.  They dig guys who go out and a do something with their lives.  If you want more money get another job.  Work 2 jobs if you have to.  Move up within your current company.  USA women aren't really worth it.  Look to other countries.  That whole mail order bride thing ain't as bad as it used to be.

That way you get a kid(s) who likes you too.

Take it from one who knows--the kid is just as likely to hate you as like you. Be very, very careful of taking the kids of some unwed or single mother. Get to know her situation AND her kids extremely well before committing to anything---a lot of those single mothers are DESPERATE to get some schmuck to start paying the bills and will say and do anything to "hook" you. Go with them a LONG time before you commit to marriage---that way you can see who they really are. Remember, no matter how compatible you are with the girl, if her kids are psycho cases, your life will be hell, no matter how much you like the girl.

[Cal]

Originally posted by mark44@Jan 22 2005, 01:35 PM

30 years of age, earning 18,000 a year, never had a girlfriend, am gay, nobody knows, few male friends, go to a boring family ward where no other singles aged 25-35. want to marry, have a family, be able to support them

i hate this life, hate it. don't understand because i am such a conservative person. vote republican, voted for bush, oppose gay marriage, am very family values, and i love the gospel. have read book mormon like ever year, have read old testament repeatedly, and am really into all that. i went to see the passion by gibson like ten times.

not perfect. what am i doing wrong. have been drinking because i feel empty inside, and lonely. it's not like i lack social skills. served a fantastic mission in chile, was zone leader for 18 months, and i have two degrees, undergrad in physics and joint MBA/law degree.

what the f*&$ is going on. i get so angry. sometimes sit down to pray and end up flipping the bird with my finger up at god. then feel like i'm a son of perdition, but i know i'm not and that he probably really cares and maybe even laughs a bit at how stupid i am.

i told all the people in my ward that my wife is in chile and we are waiting for her visa to come here. it's all a big lie. but i don't what anybody wondering why i am this way. i think it's okay to lie to protect my reputation.

all these ###### lds girls here driving about and speeding in their volkswagon beetles. i hate them, all they want is sex.

and most of all i hate and detest liberals and gay activists. i hate them because i defend the church and vote for bush, and yet i know so many leftists and liberals who actually have families, wives with kids, and who have responsible well paid jobs, even here in utah. how can lds business people hire such scum and not me.

maybe it's time to move on to the next world.

Mark---I'm 57 years old and have had plenty of life experience in dealing with people in pain. One thing I have not had is the experience of being gay. But I have known several gay people and heard their stories, and have read extensively the scientific literature about gayness.

The first thing you MUST do is start accepting WHO you are. Gayness is not a condition you CHOSE or need to feel guilty about. It is how God created you, if God created genes, and God cannot reject what HE, HIMSELF, created. It is not reasonable for anyone to expect you to live the life of a heterosexual if you don't FEEL it. Unfortunately, the LDS people, in general, are not very good at dealing with your problems. As long as you have to deny who you really are, you will continue to suffer from the depression you describe. You MUST get professional help in dealing with your conflicts. Blaming people with views different than yours (liberals etc) is not the solution--you are simply avoiding the issues. Liberal believe they are good people too. There are lots of opposing political and social views that have merit. None have a monopoly on truth.

Find a good "gay issues" counselor--you may have to look around quite a bit until you find someone who "hears" you and can ease your pain, and get you going in the right direction. Until you do that, you will continue to have depression and internal conflict.

One thing is sure, the LDS church is not going to cure you of being gay. It's not a disease, nor is it a sin. It is who you are inside--accept, give your self permission to love yourself---and then take joy in your fine accademic achievements, and use them to enrich the lives of others--then you will find joy---the joy of knowning that you are using your energy to develop your talents in the direction of serving others. If you can find a woman who can accept you AS YOU ARE, and doesn't expect a lot of hetero sex, great. But, that could be very difficult--especially in LDS circles. It would need to be a girl who has a pretty LIBERAL view of life and people. She would have to be accepting of the fact that people can be "different" and still be acceptable to God. She would have to accept that God created you that way, and doesn't want you to change---but just wants you to be productive, develop and appreciate yourself for the talents he has given you.

and..... for God's sake, stop worrying about what you AREN'T and what you don't have---we all fall short of the "glory". The focus should be..."Who am I? what talents do I have? How can I best use my talents to make the most of myself and make those talents work for others? Once you accept yourself, just as you are, you will have place the burden on Jesus to carry your "yoke"--that's what he said he would do---he wants us to "unload" the burden of our imperfections on HIM. That was his WHOLE message. When we don't do it, and continue to condemn ourselves for what we AREN'T and don't have, then HIS mission is thwarted. He wants us to accept ourselves in all our imperfections because he knows 1) we can't completely overcome them and 2) he wants us to be happy INSPITE of them. We can only do that if we accept ourselves just as we are....stop worrying about falling short, and focus on acheivement and service to others, and THEN the falling short stuff will take care of itself.

If I have a testimony of anything, it is of what I just told you.

[mark44]

i don't mean the things i say, the words are an expression of hatred not for liberals, gays etc, but for myself. my inner thoughts and feelings are black darkness.

affordable legal services? i guess than means if i can't afford more than $5 per hour, which honestly is all i could afford to meet with some professional once a week, than the church won't be able to help me. i did get set up to see one counselor and he wanted $70/hr. after first 2 sessions he kept calling me and asking why i wasn't coming in, well, i can't afford this i told him, so he just said nothing!! and he was a church counselor. so much for tithing and consecration and service and all that stuff. if i need help is my salvation depending on whether i can afford help. i gave 2 years of life willingly and pay a full tithe!

the only peope who are lds and gay who i know who are not as angry and bitter as me are those who have accepted themselves as gay. i will never do that. i will drive myself in my car off a cliff in the canyon to prove to god that my allegiance is with him.

there's no genetics, only satan and his host always for some reason trying to make me believe i'm gay.

[Franken]

Maybe the best thing that you could do for yourself right now, is to, in a way 'start over'. What I mean by that is, Change your entire personality, I mean do you find yourself thinking to yourself, "I wish I was that kind of person..." Well, just all of a sudden one day, do your best to forget everything you know about your personality and be that person you want to be, at first it probably isn't exactly convincing, but after time it really will end up molding yourself into that kind of person.

If I could make an analogy, I'd say for me it was like in school for my AP History class, we were supposed to read the whole textbook throughout the whole year, but for a term I read nothing, I was so behind and it just felt soo overwhelming I didn't have any drive to want to pick up the book. Instead, the next term, I just forgot about catching up, left the chapters I missed behind, and started with everyone else trying to keep up.

Well if that makes any sense as to applying it... think I might have confused myself a bit there.

[Amillia]

Honesty is the way to mental, physical, and spiritual health.

Confessing all to those to whom you have been lying, would be the first step to becoming a free man, a happy man, a fullfilled man.

You say women are not coming to you, maybe they know when you are lying. I know people are lying to me. Even the good liers can't get past me.

Be honest. It will maybe seem messy at first, but after the smoke clears you will have a real life, good or bad, it will be real.

[pushka]

I think you need some serious, urgent help from a doctor and psychiatrist before you do some harm to yourself...Please, you must STOP believing that it is Satan making you gay...get help now!

[mark44]

Originally posted by Franken@Jan 23 2005, 04:33 PM

Maybe the best thing that you could do for yourself right now, is to, in a way 'start over'. What I mean by that is, Change your entire personality, I mean do you find yourself thinking to yourself, "I wish I was that kind of person..." Well, just all of a sudden one day, do your best to forget everything you know about your personality and be that person you want to be, at first it probably isn't exactly convincing, but after time it really will end up molding yourself into that kind of person.

If I could make an analogy, I'd say for me it was like in school for my AP History class, we were supposed to read the whole textbook throughout the whole year, but for a term I read nothing, I was so behind and it just felt soo overwhelming I didn't have any drive to want to pick up the book. Instead, the next term, I just forgot about catching up, left the chapters I missed behind, and started with everyone else trying to keep up.

Well if that makes any sense as to applying it... think I might have confused myself a bit there.

no, that was reallt insightful. like acting i suppose. good actors take on a new personality, become the person they want to be. the more you act the part, eventually it stops being an act, a lie, and you become that. no that was not confusing but very helpful, i hope. i think c s lewis wrote about losing your personality and becoming christ's personality. right now i am takimg on the personality of satan, miserable, selfish. sensual and so, and must replace it with the one of jesus.

[Cal]

Originally posted by mark44@Jan 23 2005, 02:59 PM

i don't mean the things i say, the words are an expression of hatred not for liberals, gays etc, but for myself. my inner thoughts and feelings are black darkness.

affordable legal services? i guess than means if i can't afford more than $5 per hour, which honestly is all i could afford to meet with some professional once a week, than the church won't be able to help me. i did get set up to see one counselor and he wanted $70/hr. after first 2 sessions he kept calling me and asking why i wasn't coming in, well, i can't afford this i told him, so he just said nothing!! and he was a church counselor. so much for tithing and consecration and service and all that stuff. if i need help is my salvation depending on whether i can afford help. i gave 2 years of life willingly and pay a full tithe!

the only peope who are lds and gay who i know who are not as angry and bitter as me are those who have accepted themselves as gay. i will never do that. i will drive myself in my car off a cliff in the canyon to prove to god that my allegiance is with him.

there's no genetics, only satan and his host always for some reason trying to make me believe i'm gay.

Mark---ditto to what pushka said. You MUST clear up your thinking on this subject. Can you honestly say that you CHOSE to be gay? Don't you feel you were pretty much born that way? If so, what control did you have over your own birth circumstances? Don't you see what a malicious God it would be for Him to blame you for your gayness or to condemn you for it? Is the God you worship really that cold and cruel? The one Joseph Smith preached said man is to have joy. What joy could you possibly have if God created you gay, and then condemned you for it? It would be a contradiction. NO God like that exists. Take my word for it.

You can get FREE help from county health services if your income is low. But GET HELP, you don't deserve to be so despondent over who you are. Again, you can't love anyone else until you love yourself--and that means as you ARE, because you can't change your basic self, no matter how much the self-rightous religious know-it-alls preach it. If you are going to change anything, only God can change it, and he's not going to change your sexual preferences, those are inborn. Science has already settled that issue.

[StrawberryFields]

Originally posted by mark44@Jan 23 2005, 03:59 PM

i don't mean the things i say, the words are an expression of hatred not for liberals, gays etc, but for myself. my inner thoughts and feelings are black darkness.

affordable legal services? i guess than means if i can't afford more than $5 per hour, which honestly is all i could afford to meet with some professional once a week, than the church won't be able to help me. i did get set up to see one counselor and he wanted $70/hr. after first 2 sessions he kept calling me and asking why i wasn't coming in, well, i can't afford this i told him, so he just said nothing!! and he was a church counselor. so much for tithing and consecration and service and all that stuff. if i need help is my salvation depending on whether i can afford help. i gave 2 years of life willingly and pay a full tithe!

the only peope who are lds and gay who i know who are not as angry and bitter as me are those who have accepted themselves as gay. i will never do that. i will drive myself in my car off a cliff in the canyon to prove to god that my allegiance is with him.

there's no genetics, only satan and his host always for some reason trying to make me believe i'm gay.

Guys, I am very touched from your sincere posts... Great Job!

Mark,

My heart goes out to you. How difficult it must be to keep up with all of your different stories. I agree you do need to seek out professional help. You shouldn't have to go through this alone and a professional would be a great asset to you. Do you have health insurance? Many times their will be counceling services available with just your co-pay.

[Amillia]

Originally posted by pushka@Jan 23 2005, 07:52 PM

I think you need some serious, urgent help from a doctor and psychiatrist before you do some harm to yourself...Please, you must STOP believing that it is Satan making you gay...get help now!

I disagree. Satan does make people gay. Everything that is good comes from Christ. Everything that is evil comes from Satan. That is scriptural.

Have you considered fasting and praying and have the demons cast out?

[Amillia]

there's no genetics, only satan and his host always for some reason trying to make me believe i'm gay.

Absolutely correct. So few know this. It is very significant that someone who has this spiritual disease~ recognises it. Kuddos sir!

[mark44]

Originally posted by Strawberry Fields+Jan 23 2005, 09:24 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Strawberry Fields @ Jan 23 2005, 09:24 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--mark44@Jan 23 2005, 03:59 PM

i don't mean the things i say, the words are an expression of hatred not for liberals, gays etc, but for myself. my inner thoughts and feelings are black darkness.

affordable legal services? i guess than means if i can't afford more than $5 per hour, which honestly is all i could afford to meet with some professional once a week, than the church won't be able to help me. i did get set up to see one counselor and he wanted $70/hr. after first 2 sessions he kept calling me and asking why i wasn't coming in, well, i can't afford this i told him, so he just said nothing!! and he was a church counselor. so much for tithing and consecration and service and all that stuff. if i need help is my salvation depending on whether i can afford help. i gave 2 years of life willingly and pay a full tithe!

the only peope who are lds and gay who i know who are not as angry and bitter as me are those who have accepted themselves as gay. i will never do that. i will drive myself in my car off a cliff in the canyon to prove to god that my allegiance is with him.

there's no genetics, only satan and his host always for some reason trying to make me believe i'm gay.

Guys, I am very touched from your sincere posts... Great Job!

Mark,

My heart goes out to you. How difficult it must be to keep up with all of your different stories. I agree you do need to seek out professional help. You shouldn't have to go through this alone and a professional would be a great asset to you. Do you have health insurance? Many times their will be counceling services available with just your co-pay.

unfortunately i had to quit my health insurance because it was provong just too expensive. anyhows, it never covered mental health services (i checked into it), but that's no surpise coming from that money-grabbing institution they call IHC.

my only hope now is the god will actually make a miraculous intervention somehow. i read in the bible that jesus actually healed people and stuff and that after he died his apostles did the same. never quite understand why the lds i've encountered in my life have issues with this. their outlook on disease, ill fortune, poverty etc seems much more hinduistic than traditional protestant or evangelical christianity. i don't think we are supposed to endure trials as a test, but that we have trials so we can call on god and then through faith witness his awsome power when he heals us totally.

i also read a book about the shrink who wrote 'the Road less traveled" , i think he's popular among LDS professionals, and he is a christian who firmly believes in satan and the power of satan, and that satan can do 4 things to people - which is in order 1. to tempt them, 2. to attack them 3. to oppress them and 4. possess them.

i think satan is tempting, attacking and oppressing me with thoughts of darkness, inferiority, nihilism, homosexuality and so on. i believe that there are evil spirits who want to get inside of me and experience sex and stuff like that. and i am thinking about whether is should ask my bishop whether a excorcism can be performed (i don't know the word for it in the church) to get the devils out of me or at least so they don't hover around me anymore.

when i was a missionary in chile i encounterd many possessed individuals. it's not myth. it happens plenty. one man woild hang about the cemetary just like the guy in the bible, no joke, and when we did gospel street demonstrations he would walk up to the picture of jesus and screetch and blaspheme and just scream and scream all the time sweating and hitting himself.

[pushka]

I feel so sorry for you, that you are living in a country in which you have to pay for medical care, because if you were here in the UK you would be able to seek help from your doctor who would be able to either prescribe you some medication to ease your depressed state, or send you to a psychiatrist who could assess whether or not you were suffering from some sort of psychosis, and treat you accordingly.

I'm not saying this to be cruel to you, or to poke fun...I am very concerned about your state of mind, you must seek help from your physician. Please listen to what I and other posters on here are saying to you...I know you are religious and wish to pray for help, do so if that makes you feel better, seek any guidance from your Bishop and others, but please see your doctor too...

[StrawberryFields]

Pushka is right you really need to seek help. How about your family, that is the first place I would start. Maybe the help could come from your bishop. I can see that you really want to get help by how open you are in your posts.

Continue to read and pray, but please also see a good doctor.

[mark44]

Originally posted by Strawberry Fields@Jan 24 2005, 11:46 PM

Pushka is right you really need to seek help. How about your family, that is the first place I would start. Maybe the help could come from your bishop. I can see that you really want to get help by how open you are in your posts.

Continue to read and pray, but please also see a good doctor.

I have no choice. i don't have the money too use professionals whether they are doctors or pyschiatrists. I always taught to do all that you can do and after that god will help.