My Dear Young Freand

[Winnie G]

I have had the worst couple of days.

My weekend was like any other weekend.

We had missionary correlation at our home on Saturday so it was a blast feeding all those elders Mexican food then packing up a load of frozen meals setting them by the front door so they could grab them on the way out, witch was a surprise for them none had ever done that for them in the passed.

So I was very up bet till Sunday night.

I had been trying to reach my friend / Co-worker and who lives like five houses down from me.

I had been trying to reach her to invite her to family home evening that we were having for a few friends’ non-members and inactive members who live on the base.

So the phone rings Sunday night and it is my friend, I start babbling away how I had been trying to reach her since Saturday. Yad Yad Yad…….

She says Winnie have you not seen my house?

I asked why? “It’s taped off with police tape you did not notice?”

I always back out of my driveway and go the other direction so I don’t drive down passed her home.

I thought “Oh my lord are the children all right” ?

I had to play 20 questions because she could not say the words and because the MP’s said for her not to talk to anyone just yet.

My friend is a young mother who thinks of us as her parents away from home.

This bonding came from her needing a shoulder to lean on when her husband was deployed in Aphganastan. He is what we nick name an INT, army intelligence (oxymoron). He has been away on a course for about a month this time around.

After being out with some friends Friday night, they all took a cab home because they live with in stones throw from each other. To make a long story short she was attacked in her home.

The MP’s put her and the children in a safe house till her husband arrived home Sunday night. They finely turned the house back over to them yesterday but they have not returned home yet.

The roomers that are circling the base are horrific.

She is a wonderful monther and people are saying awful things and I am so passed P..... About this.

I would like to know why.

1 Why is it women who are army spouses are put under such a looking glass when our husbands are away?

2 Why is the fact she had been out and drinking come in to play? (Were talking about girls night out dinner at Applebee’s)

3 Are spouses suppose to live like hermits when our spouses are gone? You can’t go out with your girlfriends?

I can tell any one who is spreading roomers that she is a kind young mother who is the type who would be a friend to every one its in her makeup. She is naïve at times as fare how bad people can be.

People are so wrong and she needs prayers not gossip.

[pushka]

Winnie, I feel so sorry for your friend and send her my best wishes that she will get over this event and that soon the rumours will just fade away like all rumours eventually do...at least she knows that you are a good friend who will be there to support her whatever the outcome...I hope you feel better soon.

[Winnie G]

Just an up date,

Work has been nuts since the weekend.

My roll as the move support coordinator came in handy for my friend and co-worker.

I spent time with housing and arranged for them to receive a new home on base and all the cleaning of the old home and any damages are going to be handled by housing so it is just a pack and move.

The children were told that their house cannot be repaired and they are moving, in the mean time they are staying in a emergency housing.

I have made arrangements for meals and along with the help of the rest of our co-workers a healing quilt is being made for her.

Some of the investigation has resulted in an arrest of a soldier on the run finely apprehended yesterday.

This is not the first time he has been charged the charges were what’s called stayed two weeks ago from the other charge (lack of evidence). He drugged all the women in the group that night and fallowed them home she was the one he know her husband was away. She went home paid her sitter started to feel ill, locked her front door let her dogs out the back door when she went to let them back in he was there and just walked in. she said he grabbed her and by this time the drug had made it imposable for her to call out or fight back. The hospital found the drug in the blood of all three women.

My husband and my self have spent time with them over the last few days.

Just being there. Work has given me the freedom to do what ever needs to be done.

There are funds for them for food and any other needs they might have.

I am happy to say the roomers took a grinding halt when word of what really happened got out.

[Traveler]

Winnie: I saw something similar when I served in the army to a good friend of mine – LDS not active. His wife had a very hard time getting over the attack and would not talk to anyone about it, even her husband. About a year later their marriage ended in divorce. Not because they did not like each other, but they no longer had a husband wife relationship. My friend has since move on in life remarried and has had a family. His former wife went to work for the CIA and has never remarried or had any relationships. I know her family quite well. She still never talks about what happened.

I think it is important for your friend to have an outlet where she can open up, if and when she is ready. I am sorry and wish you both well.

The Traveler

[begood2]

Winnie, your friend is in my prayers. No one should be hurt that way. May God grant her the strength to heal and put this nightmare behind her. Any creep who would do such a thing should face the full extent of the law!

[Jenda]

Winnie, I am so terribly sad to read your story, but I know you are a good friend for her. God works through us in situations like this. I hope she puts her trust in Him, and I hope you and she will continue to be good friends, she will need one for quite a while.

[MBASS]

It is a sad story! In fact I used ot volunteer with the rape crisis network and sistercare(domestic violence) in SC, the things people do to others is revolting. Sadly enough 6 years ago the statistic was 1 in every 4 women will be raped by the time they are 23 years old. I cant imaging what the statistic is now!

[john doe]

Originally posted by MBASS@Mar 21 2005, 01:10 PM

It is a sad story! In fact I used ot volunteer with the rape crisis network and sistercare(domestic violence) in SC, the things people do to others is revolting. Sadly enough 6 years ago the statistic was 1 in every 4 women will be raped by the time they are 23 years old. I cant imaging what the statistic is now!

1 in 4? Are you sure? While rape is indeed a serious crime, and does seem to be on the rise, that number seems quite high, incredibly high. Can you cite the source for that statistic? Are you really saying that 1/4 of all women are raped by the age of 23?

[MBASS]

Yes I am sure 1 in 4! I will have to find the research again. That includes molestation, and attempted assaults. I wasnt very thourough in my explanation.

[Winnie G]

In Canada any sexual crime is called sexual assault, that can be from a inappropriate grab to rape all carry the same weight under the law.

1in 4 is about right for sexual assault, it covers a wide range from rape to inappropriate unsolicited sexual behaviour.

By doing this, the law has removed the victim’s pasted sexual history. Period.

It is no longer called rape under the law.

So the 1-4 covers all unsolicited sexual acts.

For me personally I can say I have been assaulted more then a few times and become wise because of it. Sexual assault is one of the hardest crimes to prove in a court of law its not like the person waits for a audience.

I kicked bite and punched my way out of a few tight spots.

Age has little to do with it, older women are just at risk. They are less likely to report the crime to the police, they will seek medical aid.

Any ways 1 in 4 is right.

[john doe]

I'm sorry, but I just don't see it. Talking lewdly in front of someone who may not be comfortable with the conversation just doesn't pass the rape test for me. Rape, and even sexual assault are much worse, and I just don't see how you can lump the lighter shades of even sexual harrassment in with them.

Could you please cite the source for your contention that 1 in 4 women are raped by age 23? I have never heard numbers that come close to that.

BTW, as a man, I was recently the subject of an off-color remark made by my immediate supervisor-female. It wasn't pleasant, but I handled it, and I don't think she even realized that she had crossed the line. But I don't think the remark she made comes even close to calling the situation a rape.

[Winnie G]

If you mall someone on a date and never get to the intercourse part it is deemed sexual assault.

The rate of 1 in 4 was the rate in the 80’s when I worked as an emergency intake worker in the Yukon.

That was the stats gathered by the government in the Alaska & Yukon Territory.

The stats are general across Canada. I cannot swear there the same in the United States.

But the population is much bigger.

The lumping of all unsolicited sexual acts is a deterrent would you not say?

This is not chancing your co-worker around your desk, but if you cop a feel, that is a unsolicited sexual act.

It makes you keep your hands to your self Id say.

[john doe]

If you mall someone on a date and never get to the intercourse part it is deemed sexual assault.

I rarely took my dates to the mall, so I guess I am safe on that count.

The rate of 1 in 4 was the rate in the 80’s when I worked as an emergency intake worker in the Yukon.

That was the stats gathered by the government in the Alaska & Yukon Territory.

The stats are general across Canada. I cannot swear there the same in the United States.

But the population is much bigger.

You're right, the U.S. does have a larger population than Canada. No argument from me on that point. Can you please point me to a reference for the stats?

The lumping of all unsolicited sexual acts is a deterrent would you not say?

A deterrent to what? Inflated numbers? I would guess that the average rapist couldn't care less if you lumped his crime together with sexual harrassment or inappropriate behavior. He's not going to be deterred at all from his crime, since, as far as I know, most people agree that rape is about control, not numbers.

This is not chancing your co-worker around your desk, but if you cop a feel, that is a unsolicited sexual act.

Yes, I agree that "copping a feel" is an unsolicited act, but I also think it is short of rape in most instances that I have heard of.

[Winnie G]

Inflated numbers

No it does not give Inflated numbers, the rape is reported by numbers, other sexual assaults in their numbers.

The law only sees it as a sexual assault. It is a way for the law to protect the victims right to not have their history dragged throw the courts.

The specific act it self is part of the hearing to determine the sentencing.

These stats I related to were reported to the agency I worked for when I lived in the Yukon. I was a emergency intake worker.